Forgiveness
Notes
Transcript
Intro
In this life, you will experience hurt from other people. In this life, you will cause hurt in the lives of other people. The question isn’t, will we be hurt or cause hurt, even unintentionally. The question is, will we forgive?
12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Today, we come to what, for many of us, is the most challenging article in the wardrobe to wear, forgiveness. However, if we are going to truly put on love, which is the tie that binds everything together, we must put on forgiveness. But what does that mean?
God talks often about forgiveness in the Bible. In just a moment, we are going to focus on a specific story Jesus told to help us understand true, biblical forgiveness. But, before we do, I want to clarify a few things right away. First, I want to talk about what forgives is not.
Forgiveness Is Not:
Excusing
When we forgive, we are not excusing what someone did. Forgiveness is not saying that what happened was okay, nor is it saying we weren’t hurt or aren’t still hurting. When someone wrongs us, what they did was wrong. Forgiveness isn’t saying what they did was okay.
Enabling
Forgiveness is also not a license to support or allow that person to do the same thing again. There are still consequences for actions and we can forgive someone while still seeking justice and ensuring they aren’t able to continue to cause harm to us or others in the future.
Feeling
We don’t need to wait to feel forgiveness towards a person before forgiving them. In fact, we likely won’t feel like forgiving them when we forgive someone. Forgiveness is a choice we make, not a feeling we experience.
Forgetting
To forgive does not mean we forgot the thing never happened or we are required to pretend like something never happened. Again, there are consequence to sin and to harm; just because we forgive doesn’t mean we forget what was done.
Reconciliation
Forgiveness is not the same thing as reconciliation. When we reconcile with someone we come back into agreement or restore the relationship. When you forgive someone, there may not be a reconciled relationship. Recently, a young window named Erika, whose husband was murdered, publicly forgave the man who shot and killed her husband. She forgave him, and forgave him because of her faith in Jesus. But, justice is still being served to the killer and she is not obligated to have a relationship with the killer. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation.
So what is forgiveness?
Forgiveness = Releasing someone from what they owe you.
Forgiveness = Releasing someone from what they owe you.
To help us understand what this actually looks like, Jesus gives us a story. Please open to Matthew 18:21, on page 1499 of the Bible in the pew back.
As you are turning there, Jesus has been teaching His followers about dealing with sin. Which He clearly tells us when someone is in the wrong, we are not to go to other people about it, we aren’t to gossip about it, we aren’t to ask other people for advice on how to deal with someone, we are to go directly to them. This causes Peter, one of Jesus’ followers to ask a relevant question about the extent of forgiveness. If we are called to work out issues among each other, then how much forgiveness are we to give to others?
The Prompt: Matthew 18:21-22
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
The question Peter asked comes from the context of the culture in which he lived. Many people in that day, and still in our day, ask questions like these. “How many times do I need to forgive? Do I need to forgive if a person never asks for forgiveness? Does someone need to repent before I am required to forgive them?” Some of the teachers in this day were saying you should forgive a person three times for the same offense. Peter, in asking the question, ramps up the amount of forgiveness, possibly from three, to seven. When you see seven in the Bible, it can often be a clue.
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
In Hebrew thinking, seven was the number that represents completion. God created in six days and on the seventh day He rested from His work, it was complete. Jesus in responding says, not seven times, but seventy-seven. Or, if you read the old King James English translation it says seventy times seven, which is 490. Either way, Jesus is not literally saying, count to 77 but on 78 (or 491 for you King James people) you don’t need to forgive. His point is, if you are counting you aren’t forgiving. If 7 is completion, then take completion (7) times ten, the number of times God spoke in the commandments (70) and multiple that by completion (7).
The term 77 times is even more layered. The first murder in human history took place when Cain killed his brother Abel, recorded in Genesis 4 of the Bible. God confronts Cain and tells him he will wander the earth because of his crime. Cain says that others will kill him if he does that and God says he will protect Cain, which is a sign of massive grace, and if anyone kills Cain they will face vengeance 7 times over. Cain is protected and several generations later on of Cain’s decedents, a guy named Lamech says, “I have killed a man for wounding me, a young man for injuring me. If Cain is avenged seven times, then Lamech seventy-seven times.” Genesis 4:23b-24 (NIV)
In the face of God’s grace comes our human tendency for vengeance. To which Jesus challenges, and says to forgive completely. To which, we naturally want to ask, “Why?” Why should I forgive someone else to this degree? And Jesus tells us this story.
Is your forgiveness perfect & complete?
Often times we forgive in part.
The Payment: Matthew 18:23-25
23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
A bag of gold was a talent and it was about 20 years’ wages for a laborer. To keep the math easy, let’s assume you make $50,000 a year.
One Talent = $1,000,000
He owes 10,000 of these. In 4 B.C. the entire region of Galilee paid 200 talents in taxes to Rome. One talent, or bag of gold, times 10,000 equals out, for our purposes, to $10 billion.
Debt = $10 Billion
This is an unimaginable amount of debt to owe.
Spiritually speaking, this is us. This is the amount we owe God. Even more. To which, our initial response is, “Sure, I might owe God something, but not that much. I’ve done a few things wrong, but I haven’t been that bad or done that many things wrong, and certainly not in comparison to others.” This is where our problem starts. We don’t realize how much we have wronged God. If you are a parent, how much are your kids worth to you? Can you even put a monetary amount on it? Priceless.
We can’t pay God back.
The Pardon: Matthew 18:26-27
26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
Jesus didn’t
Enable
Excuse
Feel
Forget
Reconcile - but He did make reconcilation possible by forgiveness
13 When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14 having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. 15 And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.
Notice, he didn’t lower the debt. He canceled it. Done. Gone. All of it. Totally forgiven. Then set free. How would that feel? How would we react to this incredible act of generosity?
The Payback: Matthew 18:28-34
28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. 29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ 30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened. 32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
100 silver coins or 100 denarii is not an insignificant amount of money. This would be several months of work, so using our same income from before, this is about $20,000. If someone owes you $20 grand, that’s some money. Not life-changing, but significant. However, in comparison, it is a rounding error.
This is the point. The hurt someone has caused you is real. It is significant. Jesus is not saying it is nothing.
When we sin against someone, we take something from them that we do not repay — whether it’s trust, dignity, peace, or justice. That’s what makes it like a debt.
Think of it this way:
Sin creates a loss.
When you wrong someone, something valuable is lost — maybe their peace of mind, their reputation, or the fairness they were owed. In economic terms, a loss means there’s now a “deficit” in the relationship.
A moral debt is formed.
Just like when you borrow money, wrongdoing creates an obligation — something now “owed.” You might owe an apology, restitution, or a change of behavior. Until that’s addressed, the debt remains outstanding.
Forgiveness is the cancellation of that debt.
This is why Scripture uses financial language for forgiveness. Jesus teaches us to pray, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). To forgive someone isn’t to say the debt didn’t exist — it’s to release them from repayment, to absorb the cost yourself.
Justice or grace “balances the books.”
Either the debt is repaid through justice (restitution, apology, consequence) or it’s released through grace (forgiveness). But it can’t just disappear — someone always bears the cost.
In short:
Sin incurs a relational and moral debt because it creates a deficit in what is owed to another person — love, honesty, respect, or justice. Forgiveness, then, is the act of absorbing that cost instead of demanding repayment.
IN FRIENDSHIPS:
Let’s say you share something personal with a close friend — maybe a struggle or a secret — and they gossip about it to others.
In that moment, they’ve taken something from you:
Your trust
Your sense of safety in the relationship
Maybe even your reputation
That creates a debt.
They now owe you something they can’t easily repay — the trust they broke. They might apologize, and that’s good, but they can’t simply “give back” what they took.
So one of two things has to happen:
They work to repay the debt — rebuilding trust slowly through honesty, humility, and consistency.
You choose to forgive — releasing them from the debt they owe you, even though it cost you something to do it.
Either way, there’s a moral economy at play — a sense that wrong creates an outstanding balance in the relationship that must be addressed through repentance or forgiveness.
IN PARENT-CHILD
A father loses his temper and yells at his daughter, saying things he later regrets.
In that moment, he’s taken something from her — her sense of safety and confidence in his love. That’s the moral debt his sin creates.
He can’t just undo his words; the damage is real. So he humbles himself and apologizes, maybe adds, “I was wrong. You didn’t deserve that. Will you forgive me?”
If she chooses to forgive, she’s releasing him from repayment — not because it didn’t matter, but because she loves him more than she wants revenge.
And if he’s wise, he’ll work to rebuild what was lost through gentleness and consistency — slowly repaying what he can.
IN MARRIAGE
Imagine a husband who consistently puts work, hobbies, or his phone ahead of his wife. Over time, she feels unseen and unvalued.
Each time he chooses something else over her, he’s withholding something that is owed in marriage — attention, affection, and partnership.
That creates a relational debt.
Now, he can say, “I’m sorry,” and he should. But words alone don’t automatically restore what was lost — the sense of closeness and safety. He has to repay the debt by showing consistent care and prioritizing her again.
If she forgives him, she’s essentially saying,
“You do owe me something — but I’m releasing you from that debt. I’ll absorb the hurt instead of holding it over you.”
Someone once said failing to forgive someone is like drinking poison, hoping it will hurt the other person. All it does is cause further damage to me. Which leads to the principle of the story.
The Principle: Matthew 18:35
35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
Again, this is not Jesus teaching us we are saved by works. He is not saying that if you faithful forgive everyone else, then God will forgive you because you have earned your forgiveness or shown to God your worthiness of forgiveness. It is the other way around. Forgiven people forgive people. We forgive others because of how much we have been forgiven.
God knows you and I can never pay Him back for what we owe Him. He doesn’t demand from us what we could never give Him. So why should we fail to forgive other people who have hurt us? They can never pay back what they took from us. They can’t give us back our dignity, our innocence, the years they stole, the pain the caused, the insecurity and trauma we carry with us. That is all real and true, but they can’t do anything to actually fix it. If we wait for them to say they are sorry, or to actually be sorry, it won’t lessen our pain. And if we wait for them to apologize, we are just allowing them to continue to hurt us. The best way to get rid of the pain and hurt is to release them from paying you back. They can’t anyway, and when you release them from the debt they can’t pay, you are the one who goes free. Even if they haven’t apologized or can’t apologize. This is why you can actually forgive someone who is no longer living.
There are two ways for us to respond to this message.
First, I want to ask that each of us would bow our heads. Every one of us have someone in our life who has hurt us, wounded us or mistreated us. Even this week. I want to give just a little bit of time and space in this service to allow the Holy Spirit to bring to mind someone we need to forgive. A little activity might help, physically close your fists and think about the person who harmed you. Then, with the help of God’s Spirit, open your hands as if you are releasing that person from your control. You are giving them and the situation to God. You aren’t excusing what they did, you aren’t saying it doesn’t matter, but you are saying they don’t owe you anymore. You are releasing them for paying you back.
Second, if you are here today and you have never asked God to forgive you of your sins, I want to give you an opportunity to do that right now. The reason God forgives is He knows you can’t pay Him back, but actually, someone did pay for your sins. Himself. God took the punishment that was due to you and He took it on Himself. Jesus is God, Jesus as the Son of God but also Son of Man, He took the punishment for the sins of each of us on Himself and when He died on the cross, the punishment He paid for was credited to us, if we accept His payment on our behalf. Saying yes to Jesus is accepting the free gift of salvation and receiving God’s forgiveness of your sins.
I Said Yes
