This Mystery of Marriage #5: Living Single- The Gift of Singleness, 1 Corinthians 7:7-9

Introduction: Those of you have Facebook, probably know that in your bio, you can choose (or change) your relationship status. There are several options, a few of them are: Married, Engaged, Divorced, Widowed, or Single (& there’s more).

We’re in a series of messages about marriage, & singleness is a part of that dynamic. As a general rule, people do not like receiving unsolicited advice from others, especially from those who are not in the same situation. E.g., parents, doesn’t it just burn your biscuits when someone who does not have any children tells you how to raise your kids?

I think the same thing could be true for someone who is unmarried (single, widowed, or divorced), whenever a person who is happily married tries to tell them- you just need to work on yourself, love yourself, find happiness within yourself, get a pet, or a hobby. If you are unmarried & a Christian, that advice is not only unhelpful; it’s ungodly.

It would be much better to hear from someone in your own shoes, particularly someone who is Christian & rocked being single, who made a difference that changed the world- a Christian missionary, disciple-maker, & church planter. His name is Paul.

Paul was an Apostle of Jesus who was single & wrote about singleness in 1 Corinthians 7. We’re just going to read 3 verses right now & then survey the rest of the chapter for what Paul said about Living Single.

1 Corinthians 7:7-9, For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. 8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

In context, these verses follow Paul’s teaching in vss. 1-6 in which he talked about the gift of marriage, specifically physical intimacy. Like marriage is a gift from God, so is singleness, & in this chapter Paul shares some advantages of being single. 3 advantages of living single:

1. It is a TRAINING Ground for SELF-CONTROL. Vss. 7-9.

In these verses Paul is talking about the gift of singleness (or celibacy). It seems clear that Paul was unmarried, & that he considered this state of being unwed as a gift from God. Gift (charisma)- same word that is used for spiritual gifts in 1 Corinthians 12, free gifts of God’s grace (charis), e.g., teaching, leading, serving, etc...

The circumstances of Paul’s singleness are not revealed, but he does allude to it in other places.For anyone who thinks Paul wasn’t married because he was an apostle, that is cleared up in 1 Corinthians 9:5, where he defends his rights as an apostle, & one of those rights is to have a wife- 5 Do we have no right to take along a believing wife, as do also the other apostles, the brothers of the Lord, and Cephas?

Paul is clearly an unmarried man, speaking to people who have never been married or whose spouse has passed (i.e., widows or widowers). Surprisingly, he is saying that the state of being unmarried is more than a gift from God, it would also be good for them to stay like him, continuing in the state of being unmarried. God has given singles a GIFT to do something GOOD for His GLORY. Paul is a great example.

The reason Paul says that singleness is good is conveyed in the negative, stating that if a person cannot remain like him- single & celibate through a lack of self-control, then that person should marry. But the positive side is this- if they can remain single & celibate then it is both a gift from God and a good thing to do.

Self-control is one of the Fruit of the Spirit- along with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, & self-control(Galatians 5:22-23). Self-control is the ability to control one’s own desires, especially sensual desires, & the Holy Spirit is who makes it possible. The word in our text is the exercise of that ability, i.e., the Holy Spirit produces self-control in us, & then we practice it as a Christian.

It’s too bad that there is often a stigma associated with Christians who remain unmarried their whole life.There is sometimes a tendency to look at them like there must be something wrong with them, but we need to flip that- there must be something rightwith them. Now if an unmarried or widowed Christian is self-aware enough to know that they don’t have the self-control to remain single & celibate, then Paul says to get married rather than burn with the fires of passion. It’s not a sin.

But if they can remain single, then it’s clear that God is both doing a work in them (a gift) & through them (something good) for His glory, e.g., Paul. Living Single is a training ground for exercising self-control.

2. Living Single is a TRADE-OFF for added PAIN. Vss 25-28

1 Corinthians 7:25-28, Now concerning virgins: I have no commandment from the Lord; yet I give judgment as one whom the Lord in His mercy has made trustworthy. 26I suppose therefore that this is good because of the present distress—that it is good for a man to remain as he is: 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you.

The word “concerning” takes us back to verse 1- “concerning the things of which you wrote to me.” Paul has already said a couple things to married people, then to unmarried & widows, & now to virgins- a young woman who has never had physical relations with a man, or is engaged to be married. The word is feminine, so it's apparent he is talking to ladies. But in the next 2 verses (26 & 27), he also addresses men. The main point here is that a person should remain as they are- single, stay single; married, stay married. This ideal is the thrust of vss. 17-24.

Now what about this phrase “I have no command from the Lord”. It means that Christ didn’t teach on this & Paul had no further revelation; but it doesn’t mean that Paul couldn’t speak to it. He did give a “judgment”- view, opinion; as one who had been shown mercy to be trustworthy.  1 Timothy 1:12, And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord who has enabled me, because He counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry. Paul could speak on behalf of the Lord because of God’s mercy & the ministry God gave Him, but he could also speak to it from personal experience, & under the divine inspiration of the Holy Spirit.

Paul’s advice to them, which is now canon for us, is that they should remain as they are, for 2 reasons: Present Distress, 26. Distress- necessity, pressure, a distressing state that arises out of matters of necessity. E.g., food, shelter, clothing.The reference could have been to a current famine or persecution or suffering that would arrive soon.

Marvin Vincent’s Word Studies (NT)- The distress is that which should precede Christ’s second coming, and which was predicted by the Lord himself. Luke 21:23, But woe to those who are pregnant and to those who are nursing babies in those days! For there will be great distress in the land and wrath upon this people.

2nd reason- Earthly (fleshly) Trouble, 28. Flesh- course of life, physical earthly existence. Trouble- affliction or adversity, e.g., physical, mental, social, or economic. Life is hard, whether you are single or married, life is just hard. When you are single, you only have to worry about you. When you are married, you multiply that pressure 2-fold; or when you have a family, like in my case, you multiply it 5-fold.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade the gift of my wife & family for the single life,but there are aspects of marriage & family life that add pressure & pain. Living single lets you skip that added pressure and pain & allows you to do more for the LORD.

3. It lets you FOCUS on PLEASINGGod. Vss. 32-35.

1 Corinthians 7:32-35, But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife. 34 There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. 35 And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.

In the verses just prior to these, Paul talks about the shortness of time & the passing away of this world (1 Corinthians 7:29-31).In light of those two truths, he expresses his desire for the unmarried to live unhindered by & unfettered to the things of this world, because it is passing away, & marriage is one of those things.

Marriage is not eternal, or the ultimate, it doesn’t last forever, but when you are married & you have a family, your whole life gets wrapped up in those relationships.

Paul draws a sharp contrast between the cares of those who are unmarried vs. the cares of those who are married. Cares- be anxious, care for, worry about, i.e., concerns. The married person cares about the things of the world- a married man has to be concerned with how he pleases his wife (33). A married woman has to be concerned with how she pleases her husband (34). An unmarried person cares for the things of the Lord- how to please the Lord. Please-to delight or be pleasing to.

Single or not, pleasing God should be the goal of all believers. How do we please God? (1) Seek Him by faith (Hebrews 11:6), (2) Live by faith (Hebrews 10:38); (3) Let go of the flesh & walk in the Spirit (Romans 8:8-9), (4) Follow the commands of Jesus (John 14:15); (5) Submit to the will of God- 1 Thessalonians 4:1-2, Finally then, brethren, we urge and exhort in the Lord Jesus that you should abound more and more, just as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God; 2 for you know what commandments we gave you through the Lord Jesus.

Paul is saying that when your goal is to please God, it’s to your advantage (profit, benefit) to do so as a single person. He’s not saying it to restrict or restrain us (leash), but so that we will live a life that is proper (of high regard), consistent(serve), & unhindered (without distraction). Living Single allows you to focus on the things of God.

Matthew 19:11-12, But He said to them, “All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given: 12 For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.”

Some of the best servants in our church are single- some have never been married, some are widowed, & some are divorced, but they remain single and they serve the Lord with gladness. By God’s providence, He puts us into two families- 1st, we’re born into our biological family, 2nd, we’re born again & placed into a church family. Living single doesn’t mean you have to do life alone.

If you are looking for a loving, welcoming, & encouraging church family, you’ve found it- this is it.