A Parking Lot In Pennsylvania

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Introduction

The Expectation

James K.A. Smith wrote a book called “You are what you Love”. I read it my last year at seminary and it changed everything. It made so much make sense in the ache I knew for over 3 decades. It didn’t heal it but it made the ache and root of the mess clear. In the book Smith references a painting called “The Boyhood of Raleigh”. It is an 1870 painting by John Everett Millais in the collection of the Tate Gallery. In the painting, Millais depicts famed Elizabethan-era explorer Walter Raleigh and his brother on the Devonshire coast listening to a Genoese sailor pointing out to sea and telling the pair of "tales of wonder on sea and land". What made Raleigh one of the most tenacious explorers in history? It was not the promise of riches or fame. In Millais’ mind it was the captivation of a young boy’s heart. It was casting a child’s life in an epic. It was the captivation of tales of what lies on the other side of the wide open ocean and a wide open life. The ocean was as much of a blank canvas waiting to have greatness written on it, as young Raleigh’s life was.
We are all that way. We are all people in a story. The story has main characters, good, evil, and a script. Raleigh’s life was shaped by that script. All of ours are shaped by a script. Good longings we feel are captivated by some version of a script to make us free and whole and happy. Adverstizers know this. They know our hearts need captivated by a story. The bible knows this too. That is why we are warned in Proverbs 4:23 “Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.”
Competing voices are trying to captivate your heart with a story of where the good life is found.
In my Raleigh moment though sin tapped into that primal urge. It was like a parasyte that needed a healthy longing to tap into to grow.

good and evil grow together, intertwine around each other, and grow out of each other in remarkable and complicated ways

The story that was shaping me was the place where good and evil began to grow together. I had the voices like Raleigh had on the beach. What I never had in those formative moments was a voice of wisdom decifering and filtering the evil that could grow out of the good. It was the 1990’s in the midwest. It could not have been more textbook American dream. But it was empty of the wisdom i needed in the world that was lurking and the story I was beginning to have captivate my heart. I needed the voice of wisdom crying out in the street of Proverbs shouting for my heart. I was never told she existed. I was never warned I would need her. I was never told that she was what I would long for. Wisdom should have captivated my heart but instead it was a milk ad.
Before almond and oat we simply had milk. It came from a cow. We had whole, 2%, and if you were lied to by someone you had a nightmare called skim. One time my mom bought powdered milk from Aldi to save some money. It was a vandalism of God’s good design. Cow milk was all anyone knew. Still they had marketing as if they were sitting on barrels of it, like oil producers, that had to get it sold. Milk had ad campaigns and they were a staple in the early 1990’s. One ad captivated me though. It was captivating because at the time I remember it alot was happening. I was at the age where heroes were beginning to show up as posters on my wall. Baseball players and their baseball cards were all I looked at. I remember being at a Saint Louis Cardinals game walking with my mom. I saw a player in a suit and asked my mom if he had to go to work? She told me baseball was his work. I was captivated. The midwestern American dream was captivating me. The ad is etched in my mind as foundational in setting the expectations of my story, of what life owed me if I followed the script, and what the God I knew was supposed to bring about.
The boy-in-the-mirror ad, titled "Benchwarmer," was part of the "Milk—It Does a Body Good" campaign, a predecessor to the famous "Got Milk?" ads. The commercial explains that drinking milk will help a young boy's confidence and physique improve as he grows older. While looking in the mirror, Tom complains, "What girl is gonna go for me with a body like this? I'm just a benchwarmer".  He drinks some milk. His reflection transforms into his older, confident, and muscular senior-year self. The older Tom tells his younger self to "hang in there" and assures him that milk is at work inside his body. He drinks some milk. The ad ends with the appearance of the older Tom's girlfriend, a beautiful blonde, who reaffirms that he is worth waiting for, connecting the confidence and future success to the habit of drinking milk.
My dad was an all state football player at a small Illinois farm town high school. His grandpa was a local sports legend. I would look through his recruitment letters from Division 1 programs as a little kid and dream of the milk ad life that awaited me if I got letters like my dad got. We were staples at the local high schools football and basketball games. I wanted to be those guys. They had the cheeleaders under their arm after the game and had a crowd cheering for them. The whole city shut down when the basketball team went to state. Schools closed. Offices closed. A city worshipped these guys. The milk ad narrative was mine If I followed the script.
PLantinga’s words though were never told to me. “good and evil grow together, intertwine around each other, and grow out of each other in remarkable and complicated ways”
Wisdom was never shouting in the streets warning me of the dangers that would come with a life with those expectations. Expectations of what I had to do to be happy. Expectations on the script to pay up if I followed it. Expectations of the God I knew to deliver on the script He seemingly had made me for. In those formative years those expectations were set. I never knew there was a different narrative. I didn’t know what was promised in Genesis was not happily ever after from hard work but instead the harvest would be thorns and thistles.
Life owed me. I owed me. God owed me. That was the script. Those were the expectations. My mind was set. That was the story. Good and evil were planted

Looking for Mom

Longing to make my mom happy

The First Brick Through The Window

The Other Bricks

The Parking Lot:

20 years ago addiction became part of my life like an unwanted phone call bringing tragedy that forever changes your life.
The Vaccum was being created over the last few years leading up to the phone call. One day it came. I got the call no player in professional baseball wants to see. It was the GM calling to have you come in on an off day. I knew what it meant. I had just left the team doctor and stopped at the pharmacy to get my pain meds. I took 5 and sat in my car and waited for it to numb me. I went in and I heard the same old thing they tell everyone before they gut someone. “We will probably rergret this but….here is your release”. In Independent ball there is no one to help. There is no where else to go. Honestly in that moment the road had beat me up so much I didn’t have it in me to try and get picked up somewhere else. I walked out into a sunny parking lot in Slippery Rock Pennsylvania. Sun on my face and a heart that had no other pieces to be ripped out.
It was in that moment what had been lurking for 20 years finally had it’s chance. The last blockage of a horrid vaccum , of unmet expectations and raging longings, was removed and the war for my life began. We think the enemy comes and goes in a moment but he is playing the long game. I remember in DARE class in grade-school there was the famous line that we should “avoid gateway drugs”. I don’t know if there are gateway drugs. I do know there are gateway choices. I had been making them for 5 years and the time was right. Genesis 4:7 says “sin is crouching at your door and its desire is to have you”. That was me in a parking lot. The vaccum in my heart was now wide open. In his book “Not The Way It’s Supposed to be Cornelius Plantinga says addiction is

a demon that rushes to fill vacuums

The vaccums It was tenacious. The vaxuum in my soul was tenacious. My unmet longings were never going to be met. I had failed that little 8 year old me, The thought of him looking at me made me want to end my life. It was tenacious.

What drives addiction is longing—a longing not just of brain, belly, or loins but finally of the heart.

Because they are human beings, addicts long for wholeness, for fulfillment, and for the final good that believers call God. Like all idolatries, addiction taps this vital spiritual force and draws off its energies to objects and processes that drain the addict instead of filling him.

I had failed to meet those longings. The story I was living had failed. It was the only story I knew that could. The God i believed in was at best a co-conspirator in the pain. At worst he was soverign and had done it himslef. The “Gospel” i had prayed a prayer of to get out of hell seemed to be prayed to a God who had sent me to one in this life. THe demons had their chance and rushed to fill the vaccum.
Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be: A Breviary of Sin Chapter 8: The Tragedy of Addiction

As Goethe, in The Sorcerer’s Apprentice said “

Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be: A Breviary of Sin Chapter 8: The Tragedy of Addiction

“Master, I am in great distress! The spirits that I conjured up I cannot now get rid of.”

I have learned something 20 years later. Someone else was there that day too. Someone with something more tenacious then hell itslef that has tormented me. Someone more tenacious then the spirits I have conjured up that I cannot now get rid of”. A Jesus my gospel never told me about. He is not simply a rememdy for guilt. He is the one who has promised ultimate return from our exile. He is all of the great redpemtive themes the Bible tells us He is. Biblical Theology has taught me that. There was someone else there that day in a sunny Parking Lot in Pennsylvania.
Plantinga says:

Human sin is stubborn, but not as stubborn as the grace of God and not half so persistent, not half so ready to suffer to win its way

My addiction is persistent. It would stop at almost nothing to kill me. But at almost nothing is as far as it will go. There was someone else in the parking lot that day. One who was ready to stop at nothing to have me. My addiction is not willing to suffer for me but Jesus was. It will only go to a borderline of the wilderness it lures the addict too. But Jesus goes further. He conquers by going farther to have you then your sin will go. He was there that day not as a weak lamb but as the lion. Rolling up his sleeves to go to war for that kid I was.
Part of the epic of that war was to combat a lie that kept me in addiction. In that moment I had failed to meet those deep longings. The story I was living had failed. It was the only story I knew that could. He has been with me to tell me I am in a better story. The story I was living had failed because it was the wrong one. The girl from the got milk ad was as good as the world could offer. He offers an even better happily ever after.
The tenacity of opiate addiction is immeasurable. It is a burden of pain and torment only an addict can know. I won’t be rid of it crouching at my door. Until one day comes. My adultery against the True Lover of my Soul will be healed. The promise came in Hosea 2

14 Therefore, I am going to persuade her,

lead her to the wilderness,

and speak tenderly to her.

15 There I will give her vineyards back to her

and make the Valley of Achor,

into a gateway of hope.

There she will respond as she did

in the days of her youth,

as in the day she came out of the land of Egypt.

16 In that day—

this is the LORD’s declaration—

you will call me, “My husband,”

and no longer call me, “My Baal.”

17 For I will remove the names of the Baals

from her mouth;

they will no longer be remembered by their names.

The unbeatable won’t even be remembered anymore. He will remove the name of opiates from my mouth and I won’t even remember their name anymore.
Eschatology gives hope to the addict. Biblical Theology tells all of the redemtive themes an addict like me needs. The great redemptive epic the bible is tells me a better story. I am not a success story because I never picked up using again after my first trip to rehab. I am not a story of someone living Hosea 2 now. That is not God’s plan for me. It has been a very Pauline road.
I have pleaded like Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:7-9

Therefore, so that I would not exalt myself, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to torment me so that I would not exalt myself. 8 Concerning this, I pleaded with the Lord three times that it would leave me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.”

I repeat the words of Paul in Romans 7:18-25

For the desire to do what is good is with me, but there is no ability to do it. 19 For I do not do the good that I want to do, but I practice the evil that I do not want to do. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, I am no longer the one that does it, but it is the sin that lives in me. 21 So I discover this law:, When I want to do what is good, evil is present with me. 22 For in my inner self I delight in God’s law, 23 but I see a different law in the parts of my body,, waging war against the law of my mind and taking me prisoner to the law of sin in the parts of my body. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord

He has not removed the names of my addiction from my mouth yet. But He has promised it is coming soon. He has promised me He has gone further to have me then sin ever will. He continues too everyday. He has given me a new story. It isn’t what that 8 year old boy thought it would be. It is what that 8 year old needed it to be. I write every week with a picture of that little kid I was next to me. It of my grandpa holding me as I held a baseball bat. Cancer took my grandpa. Addiction would come for that little boy. It is the reminder of the story that both of us needed. It is a reminder to preach the power of the one more tenacious then sin and addiction. It is a reminder to never move on from the Gospel but mine it for every facet of the diamond it is . It is the reminder that Hosea 2 is coming. My grandpa has already forgot the name of cancer in glory with His king. I am getting closer to running to him to have my sin wiped from my mouth. Soon I will hold my savior and my grandpa again. I know he will be holding a glove and a ball. We will pick up right where we left off.

Philippians and Rehab

Biblical Theology

the story of meaning in the mundane
Everyone who has ever done a read the bible in a year plan knows the agony of hitting Leviticus or Judges or Chronicals and just wonders what the heck
We want to know God better
We want to see our walk with Christ grow deeper
And there we are reading Leviticus 11:9–12 ““This is what you may eat from all that is in the water: You may eat everything in the water that has fins and scales, whether in the seas or streams. But these are to be abhorrent to you: everything in the seas or streams that does not have fins and scales among all the swarming things and other living creatures in the water. They are to remain abhorrent to you; you must not eat any of their meat, and you must abhor their carcasses. Everything in the water that does not have fins and scales will be abhorrent to you.”
You should detest lobster and shrimp?
How does that help me in the face of suffering or confusion or anxiety?
How does that point to Jesus? and the hope i need today from Him?
Or there is my personal favorite 2 Kings 2:23–25 “From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking up the path, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, chanting, “Go up, baldy! Go up, baldy!” He turned around, looked at them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. Then two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the children. From there Elisha went to Mount Carmel, and then he returned to Samaria.”
Besides the eternal word of God telling us male pattern baldness is hard for some of us and we need shown compassion and affirmation instead of ridicule….im not sure how this makes much about Jesus
Let alone how it gives me hope that this life doesn’t get the last word
In studying the Holy Sprit the last 2 weeks we learned the Holy Spirits role is to remind us of Jesus
And we saw the man way he does that is by reminding us of Jesus in all of the bible
What so many seek in fake expressions of the spirit in the goosebumps and feels we are actually told the true way to find it
It is in seeing Jesus in all of scripture where it happens
But where is He in the Old Testament?
To begin to find Him we have to unlearn what we were told the bible was
We saw last week we are people of story
We believe living according to some script will get us to the life we long for
We believe something will save us from the ache and regret and suffering and make us whole
The bible is the better story but we need first : a better story from the church
I was told that the bible stood for Basic Instruction Before Leaving Earth in church when I came to faith
That is an awful thing to say and even Jesus would disagree
If that is the case then the bible is simply a rule book and life hack manual where I AM the master of my destiny
Follow the handbook
Apply the life hacks
Make every page about me
That is the story from the church becasue the Jesus the church sells is simply a remedy for our guilt to get us out of hell
I hear is blasting from a loud speaker at every Georgia game we go too
A man with a mic is yelling that we are all sinners under God’s wrath going to hell and we need to repent as if anyone knows what the heck repent even means
I wonder what his advice would be if someone said I am in
It would no doubt be read the basic instruction before leaving earth
The broken story of the bible the church has sold is a sad reduction of the story of reality it is
You are a sinner and should feel guilt
You need to tell Jesus sorry so he saves you from going to hell
Jesus is nothing more then the alleviator of your guilt
If that is the gospel it misses the ache we have from following broken scripts
That is what “the gospel” has become
The gospel isn’t everything as Tim Keller says
Passing by that man at the Georgia games are broken kids who have given in to hook up culture given their bodies away and are just as alone as they were before …but only now more broken
There are young men 18, 19 addicted to porn
Kids taking their first drink that day that will lead to the destuction of being an alcoholic to numb the pain
There are parents with wayward kids who just want 3 hours of football to escape the tears
There are people like me walking by him
Carrying more crosses then I can bear with the pain of unmet expectaions of what i thought life would be
All of the masses longing for a better story
Longing for a better me not a second chance
Longing for our hearts to burn with hope
I don’t need David and Goliath moralized to say I am David and i have Goliath’s in my life and if i have enough faith i can slay the giants in my life
I need a better David who fights and kills the demons I can’t that I can rest behind
I need my heart to burn with hope, with comfort, with peace, with the promise that even my own failings don’t get the last word
Those college kids need to know that the gospel that man is shouting isn’t everything
The bible is the great unfolding of history and hope for what is coming
It is the epic we long for and the ever after everything this world offers pales in comparison too
We need our hearts to burn with that when hook up culture fails, when the pride and control fail, when the drink or the drugs fail, when the what if’s keep us up
Where is Jesus
And it is in seeing Jesus in the Old Testament that makes our hearts burn
In Luke 24 we see some disciples who are in the brokenness we know
Failed dreams unmet expectaions and no savior to cling to ….they think
They had read the bible as basic instruction before leaving earth and in the face of their new normal they had nothing
Hope deffered had made their hearts sick, Proverbs 13:12 says
Heart sick men
And here comes Jesus
And what does do
Luke 24:25–27 “He said to them, “How foolish you are, and how slow to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Wasn’t it necessary for the Messiah to suffer these things and enter into his glory?” Then beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he interpreted for them the things concerning himself in all the Scriptures.”
Heart sick men seeing Jesus in the Old Testament and what was the impact of it
Verse 32-

32 They said to each other, “Weren’t our hearts burning within us while he was talking with us on the road and explaining the Scriptures to us?”

we need the story that can make our hearts burn within us not in some la la land life
We need the story that can make our hearts burn within us in the trenches of the human experience
We need the story that Jesus is better
A better lover of your soul then the one night stand or hook up culture
A better hope then temporary escape in a bottle
A better peace then control and pride
We need the themes of return from exile, a better sacrafice, a better happily ever after that is coming
All of the Old Testament is about that Jesus and those themes that point to the real Gospel
But we need to learn how to see it
The most beautiful realization I have come to is that Jesus is my second Adam not simply a second chance
Adam failed at a tree when he believed the lies from the enemy
At a tree he fell in disobedience and was a slave to sin and his own funeral one day
It cost him even his son Abel when he was mudered
WIth the wild animals in perfectionof Eden he fell through disobedience
All of that simply pointed to the second Adam who would come and kill the dragon and get us home
God promised it that day Genesis 3:15
A child would come to do what we could never do
There is Jesus in Mark 1:12–13 “Immediately the Spirit drove him into the wilderness. He was in the wilderness forty days, being tempted by Satan. He was with the wild animals, and the angels were serving him.”
The same Satan with the same lies
But a different result
Obedience to the Father
And what was the result?
For a moment Eden was restored in a middle eastern desert
Don’t miss this….He was with the wild animals
Just like Adam was …
Everything sad will come untrue because Jesus is the second Adam not simply a second chance
And where did he crush the serpents head?
Adam faile at the foot of a tree
The second Adam won your future with His death on a tree
Seeing that should make our hearts burn within us
And in seeing Jesus in Genesis changes everything
We are taught to think God flexes through the plagues in Exodus because Pharoh wouldn’t let the people go
That isn’t the root of it
The response from God was an answer to his question
Who is god that I should answer Him?
Haven’t we all asked that in our ubelief?
What should i do it God’s way
who is He?
Philippians 2:6–11 “who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God as something to be exploited. Instead he emptied himself by assuming the form of a servant, taking on the likeness of humanity. And when he had come as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death— even to death on a cross. For this reason God highly exalted him and gave him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow— in heaven and on earth and under the earth— and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”
God has revealed who He is and why we should love Him in Jesus
he has revealed the scandal of his saving
He has revealed His ultimate plan to end our exile in a world that isn’t how its supposed to be
He has revelealed in Isaiah that He would be the suffering servant to end our wandering

The gospel is good news announcing that we have been rescued

And turn to Jude 5 “Now I want to remind you, although you came to know all these things once and for all, that Jesus saved a people out of Egypt and later destroyed those who did not believe;”
Who led the exodus in the Old Testament?
He was saying this is just a taste of what I am going to do
Jesus is not merely patterned and promised in the Old Testament; he is present.
The return to home from life as exiles is on it’s way to an end
That is the story you are in
And as miraculous as the splitting of sea was in Israels saving was ….it only pointed to a greater exodus
The greatest Jail break the universe will ever know
When Jesus kicked down the doors of the one who took us captive …bound him up…and plundered his house
Colossians 1:11–14 “being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, so that you may have great endurance and patience, joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has enabled you to share in the saints’ inheritance in the light. He has rescued us from the domain of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom of the Son he loves. In him we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”
Let the better exodus of the Gospel make your heart burn within you so that you have endurance as a exile
Exodus points to Jesus
When you see Him in it your heart will burn
Ok those are cool but surely Jesus can’t be in Leviticus
Hearing how we are sinners if we eat a fried shrimp Po Boy
Part of the law is about God’s people being seperate from the lost people around them and thats a different topic for another day
Jesus is reflected  , not as a literal figure, but as the fulfillment of the sacrificial system, priesthood, and laws that the book describes
Leviticus 16:20–23 ““When he has finished making atonement for the most holy place, the tent of meeting, and the altar, he is to present the live male goat. Aaron will lay both his hands on the head of the live goat and confess over it all the Israelites’ iniquities and rebellious acts—all their sins. He is to put them on the goat’s head and send it away into the wilderness by the man appointed for the task. The goat will carry all their iniquities into a desolate land, and the man will release it there. “Then Aaron is to enter the tent of meeting, take off the linen garments he wore when he entered the most holy place, and leave them there.”
The sacrifice all pointed to Jesus
What happens on the day of atonement ?
The priest enters into the presence of God where no one could survive except this one day
The sacrafice is made and the sins of the people are carried away as far as the east is from the west
Then what is Aaron to do?
take off the linen garments he wore when he entered the most holy place, and leave them there.”
Interesting because when John looks into the tomb of Jesus what does he see left behind?
The linen grave close of Jesus
The ultimate sacrafice has been made for you
There is a part to your Old Testament called the Prophets
There are major ones like Jeremiah
And there are minor ones like Hosea
They are speaking to God’s people in the midst of sin and its consequences and suffering
There is a theme in them all
It is the phrase “In Those Days”
It was the promise that the suffering and running to sin doesn’t get the last word
Hosea is a book like that
And there is that Phrase…in those days…
Hosea 2:14–17 “Therefore, I am going to persuade her, lead her to the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her vineyards back to her and make the Valley of Achor into a gateway of hope. There she will respond as she did in the days of her youth, as in the day she came out of the land of Egypt. In that day— this is the Lord’s declaration— you will call me, “My husband,” and no longer call me, “My Baal.” For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth; they will no longer be remembered by their names.”
Not only should leading Israel out into the wilderness make you think of someone else led into the wilderness …hint hint Jesus as the True Israel
But what days is He talking about…
What day could possibly be coming that would show scandalous grace to all of us ?
What kind of husband woos back an adulterous bride?
Hosea points to Jesus through God's promise to allure, redeem, and restore His people from a "wilderness" of sin to a loving, "husband"-like relationship with Him
This is seen in Jesus's work as the ultimate "husband" who woos the Church, takes away her "iniquity," and brings her to a place of rest and renewed love.
Jesus is the fulfillment of the prophecy by acting as the representative who bears the covenant's curse and redeems the church, his bride, from slavery to sin
Ed Welch says “The gospel is the story of God covering his naked enemies, bringing them to the wedding feast, and then marrying them rather than crushing them.”
Exile and return through the ultimate husband dying for His bride
We are broken people desperate for our hearts to burn
And we are not left to ourselves to figure out how to have that happen
It was in showing Christ in all of the Old Testament that those first disciples felt it
And it is the same way for us
Here is a simple framework for how Christ is at the heart of the Scriptures: he is patterned, promised, and present from Genesis onward.
Even as you read your New Testament we should be using a look behind method
Where Have I seen this before ? What was a detail like “and he was with the wild animals” in Mark?
Because it’s all about Jesus
1 Peter 1:11 “They (speaking of the Old Testament authors) inquired into what time or what circumstances the Spirit of Christ within them was indicating when he testified in advance to the sufferings of Christ and the glories that would follow.”
Who even inspired them to write the Old Testament?
Christ
Glenn Schrivner says: The flood and the ark, the Passover and the Red Sea, the wilderness and the Promised Land, exile and return, war and peace, kingdom and kings, prophets and priests, the temple, its sacrifices, and its rituals, wisdom in death and in life, songs of lament and rejoicing, songs of intimate love, husband and bride, the lives of faithful sufferers and the blood of righteous martyrs — the Old Testament is extraordinarily Jesus-shaped.
In our ache of the human experience the Gospel is more then a remedy for guilt
It is the hope that makes our hearts burn with hope at a graveside
I think of the thousands of broken people at a Georgia game being yelled at about hell
I pray there is another voice on that campus and in our lives
Teaching them and us to see Jesus on every page
That is the hope we need
We need the epic of the One who came to free us and make everything sad come untrue

Eschatology

The hope of what I long for - i never lost it i am in the epic of getting me home to it
Leaf by Niggle

Tenacity

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