When Consciences Collide

Capture

The dinner ended two hours ago, but the tension hasn't.

One couple ordered wine. The other didn't—and now both sides are dissecting the evening.

"Did you see the look they gave us? So judgmental."

Meanwhile, across town: "I can't believe they ordered alcohol. Do they even care about their witness?"

Both couples follow Christ. Both feel misunderstood. Both are certain the other is the problem.

Significance

Last week in Romans 14:1-12, we learned there are hills worth dying on—and hills where it's sin to start a war.

The resurrection, the deity of Christ, Scripture's authority, God's moral law—these are foundations that must never be surrendered.

But this text addresses the valleys in between the hills that are worth dying on.

The Reformers called these matters adiaphora—"no difference."

These are matters where Scripture gives principles, not prescriptions; matters not inherently sinful, but they can become flashpoints for division in the church.

Context

In Paul's day, it was eating certain foods and observing special days.

For us, it might be alcohol, worship styles, schooling, or entertainment standards.

The church in Rome was divided between the "strong"—whose consciences were confident—and the "weak"—whose faith was not yet settled on these matters—they were cautious.

As Douglas Moo explains, they couldn't "existentially grasp such truth—particularly when it runs so counter to a long and strongly held tradition basic to their own identity as God's people."

The strong despised the weak as legalistic.

The weak judged the strong as worldly.

Paul said: stop it, both of you.

Into this gridlock, Paul answers the defining question:

The Question

How should we behave when two consciences collide?

Bible Verse

Romans 14:13 CSB

13 Therefore, let us no longer judge one another. Instead decide never to put a stumbling block or pitfall in the way of your brother or sister.

Exposition

How should we behave when two consciences collide?

Paul's answer is a four-part strategy.

1. Stop Condemning One Another—Start Evaluating Your Impact (vv. 13-15)

Paul begins with wordplay.

He says, "stop judging one another," then immediately: "Instead, judge this..."

The same Greek verb krinō means to condemn in the first phrase and to discern in the second.

Stop acting as judicial critic of your brother; start discerning your own impact.

Your job is not to audit their conscience but to evaluate your influence.

Then Paul says to avoid putting a stumbling block (proskomma—an obstacle that trips) or pitfall (skandalon—a trap that ensnares) in their path.

You can be technically right about your freedom and simultaneously responsible for your brother's fall.

Then, nn verse 14, Paul plants his flag with the strong.

Romans 14:14 CSB

14 I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself. Still, to someone who considers a thing to be unclean, to that one it is unclean.

Paul shares theological certainty rooted in Jesus' teaching in Mark 7:18-19.

Mark 7:18–19 CSB

18 He said to them, “Are you also as lacking in understanding? Don’t you realize that nothing going into a person from the outside can defile him? 19 For it doesn’t go into his heart but into the stomach and is eliminated” (thus he declared all foods clean).

Jesus declared all foods clean. Wine, meat, these cultural practices—morally neutral. Nothing is unclean in itself.

But here's the critical qualifier: "to someone who considers a thing to be unclean, to that one it is unclean."

If a believer's conscience tells them something is sin, it is sin for them to do it. Why?

Because they're intentionally violating their sense of obligation to God.

Matthew Henry said, "If we really think it a sin to do it, it is to us a sin, because we act against our consciences, though mistaken."

Our conscience is not infallible, but it is important.

You cannot violate your conscience without sinning—even when your conscience is wrong.

This leads to the devastating equation in verse 15:

Romans 14:15 CSB

15 For if your brother or sister is hurt by what you eat, you are no longer walking according to love. Do not destroy, by what you eat, someone for whom Christ died.

This verse should stop us cold.

You cannot damn a redeemed soul, but you can damage it.

This text exposes a dangerous inconsistency in all of us.

We claim to prize souls, yet we casually bruise them.

Douglas Moo explains: "Paul is thinking of the possibility that the 'strong' believers' exercise of liberty might create pressure on the 'weak' to do what their consciences were telling them not to do and so fall into sin and potential spiritual ruin."

Misused liberty can crush fellowship, cripple faith, and disillusion believers.

You can be doctrinally right and spiritually ruinous.

Then Paul lands the crushing blow: "someone for whom Christ died."

Chrysostom exasperated: "Christ did not refuse to become a servant and even to die for him, but you will not even give up your food?"

Christ loved that weak believer enough to become a servant, endure the cross, pay the infinite price with His blood. And you... you will not give up meat or a drink?

Calvin concludes: "When the weak conscience is wounded, the price of Christ's blood is wasted."

You may be right about the disputable matter, but when being right destroys your brother, you've become wrong in a way that matters infinitely more.

2. Remember What the Kingdom Really Is (vv. 16-18)

Romans 14:16 CSB

16 Therefore, do not let your good be slandered,

Christian liberty is good, but paraded without love it becomes scandal.

When you use freedom selfishly, what message do you send?

To the weak: Christianity is about asserting rights.

To the world: the gospel produces self-centered consumers, not Christ-reflecting servants.

The watching world sees our infighting. Then your "good" is blasphemed because you had to prove a point.

Paul then lifts our eyes to the King Himself:

Romans 14:17 CSB

17 for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit.

The kingdom isn't about what's on your plate or in your cup. It’s about what’s on your mind and in your heart.

It's about righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit—the divine triad of the Kingdom.

Righteousness: right standing with God and right living before Him.

Peace: reconciliation and harmony with others.

Joy: internal delight in God transcending circumstances.

Matthew Henry summarized: "Righteousness toward God, peace toward others, joy in ourselves."

These define kingdom citizenship.

Paul isn't saying personal convictions don't matter—he's saying people matter more.

The tragedy isn't when we have convictions about secondary things—it's when we make them the primary things.

When believers elevate secondary issues to tests of orthodoxy, they invert the kingdom's values.

They major on minors and minor on majors.

When disputable matters consume your zeal, you've demoted the Kingdom to a club of preferences.

God cares infinitely more about your righteousness, peace with your brother, and joy in the Holy Spirit than your position on a controversy.

Romans 14:18 CSB

18 Whoever serves Christ in this way is acceptable to God and receives human approval.

God's approval isn't found in winning arguments over adiaphora. It's found in serving Christ by prioritizing what He prioritizes.

When righteousness, peace, and joy govern the conscience, God smiles and men respect what they see.

But both are forfeited when trivialities eclipse the gospel.

Holiness and harmony, not controversy, commend the gospel.

Every public quarrel over non-essentials is an evangelistic failure.

The world isn't impressed by your theological "mic-drop" on disputable matters.

Let the world wonder not at our "freedom" to offend, but at our love that defers.

3. Pursue Peace. (vv. 19-21)

Romans 14:19 CSB

19 So then, let us pursue what promotes peace and what builds up one another.

The word "pursue" (diōkō) means to chase with determination—the same word for persecute.

Hunt down peace. Chase after building up your brother.

Every action must pass this filter: Does this make for peace? Does this build up?

Chrysostom gives the key: "Without peace it is impossible to edify anyone."

You cannot build up a person you're at war bombing.

Romans 14:20 CSB

20 Do not tear down God’s work because of food. Everything is clean, but it is wrong to make someone fall by what he eats.

The "work of God" is your brother's faith—constructed by grace, endangered by your carelessness.

Calvin comments, "Wherever there is even a spark of godliness, there the work of God is to be seen; which they demolish who by their unfeeling conduct disturb the conscience of the weak."

Everything is clean. But the moment your clean food wounds, you've sinned.

Christ shed His blood to build this brother up—how dare you tear him down to prove a point?

Each believer is God's construction project.

To hurt a conscience is to bulldoze divine work.

So then:

Romans 14:21 CSB

21 It is a good thing not to eat meat, or drink wine, or do anything that makes your brother or sister stumble.

This isn't legalism—it's love.

This is what real spiritual strength looks like.

So, you're strong enough to eat and drink with a clear conscience. The question is: are you strong enough to give it up?

Maturity is measured not by what you can do, but by what you're willing not to do when a weaker brother is watching.

Chrysostom understood: "If you yield to him, he will love you, and afterward you will discover you have gained the power of sowing in him the right views."

Yielding now purchases influence later; forcing now closes the doors permanently.

4. Protect Yours and Their Conscience (vv. 22-23)

Romans 14:22 CSB

22 Whatever you believe about these things, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves.

Paul isn't chaining the strong to the whims of the weak.

Your freedom is real—don't surrender it.

But, don’t parade it either: “keep between yourself and God.”

Liberty is not for display.

The mature believer knows when to exercise freedom privately and when to withhold it publicly.

This isn’t a call to secrecy—it’s a call to discernment.

In 1 Corinthians 10:27-28, note what Paul allows:

1 Corinthians 10:27–28 CSB

27 If any of the unbelievers invites you over and you want to go, eat everything that is set before you, without raising questions for the sake of conscience. 28 But if someone says to you, “This is food from a sacrifice,” do not eat it, out of consideration for the one who told you, and for the sake of conscience.

The meat didn't become sinful; the situation changed.

Love for another's conscience governed the expression of that freedom.

There is another parallel in 1 Corinthians 14:28, where if a believer had the good gift of tongues but no interpreter:

1 Corinthians 14:28 CSB

28 But if there is no interpreter, that person is to keep silent in the church and speak to himself and God.

The gift was good, but love demanded its expression be moved from the public sphere to the private, so the church is built up, not torn down.

In every case, Paul’s ethic is not shame but situational awareness.

For example, imagine we’re sitting in the Church of Rome right after this letter is read.

You’ve got a Jewish believer with a cautious conscience and a Gentile believer with a confident conscience.

The Gentile’s been saying for years, “Brother, you’ve got to try this bacon—it’ll change your life!”

And the Jewish believer keeps replying, “No way. My mama told me bacon’s of the devil!”

The Gentile laughs and says, “That’s just because your mama never had any!”

This has gone on for months.

Then they hear Paul’s words—“keep between yourself and God.”

The Gentile turns and says, “Brother, I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to pressure you. I just really enjoy this.”

And the Jewish believer says, “No offense taken.”

So the next Saturday, the Gentile wakes up, smells the eggs sizzling, sees his wife buttering the toast, and thinks, “Man, I sure would like some bacon.”

What does he do?

According to Romans 14, the Gentile can go out, buy some bacon, and enjoy it at his home—before God, not as a boast of liberty, but as an act of love that knows when to stay private.

Keep it private when its display would wound another.

One more word about discernment—especially online.

You wouldn't bring bacon to a fellowship meal, but if you post it on Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok, you might as well have.

Remember: that “www” still means World Wide Web.

What you share isn’t private.

I’m not personally offended, but I hear from cautious believers who are.

So, to the strong—please be aware and show some loving restraint.

And to the cautious—don't message me when you're offended.

Your biblical step is Matthew 18 and Luke 17: go directly to your brother and tell your side of the story.

Remember, by their very definition, these disputable matters rarely have a single, clear-cut proof text, because if they did, they wouldn't be disputable.

So, when it comes to disputable matters, the most compelling argument is often not another scripture, but a story.

In sum, when you order that drink, post that picture—are you thinking about your freedom or your church family?

Romans 14:23 CSB

23 But whoever doubts stands condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith, and everything that is not from faith is sin.

"Faith" here means settled persuasion, a conviction, a conscience aligned with one's understanding of Christ.

To act against your conscience, even a misinformed one, is to sin. Why?

Because you deliberately do what you believe is wrong.

If you cannot do something with an assured, clear conscience before God, do not do it.

So we must guard each other's consciences as sacred.

The weak must never pressure the strong to hold their convictions.

The strong must never parade their liberty.

When disagreements on disputable matters arise, pursue peace before proving your point.

Strength is not the absence of caution but the presence of consideration.

Take-Home Truth

Love limits liberty.

You are free in Christ—that freedom is glorious and non-negotiable.

At the same time, the strong believer doesn't flaunt freedom—he sacrifices it.

Martin Luther captured the tension:

"A Christian is a most free lord of all, subject to none.

A Christian is a most dutiful servant of all, subject to all."

How can we be both? Because of Christ.

In Himself, by His blood, He has made us utterly free.

But in Him, by His Spirit, He has made us servants, bound by love to every soul He purchased.

This is the way of the cross.

Free, yet serving.

Liberated, yet limiting liberty for love.

This is not contradiction—this is Christlikeness.

Summons: Freedom That Serves

To the unbeliever:

You've been watching Christians fight, and perhaps you've been disgusted. You're right to be. We've failed.

But the Kingdom I preach is not rules—it's a Person. He is King Jesus.

Your conscience already condemns you—not over food but over sin itself.

You cannot cleanse your conscience by works; you can only have it sprinkled clean by His blood.

He offers true righteousness, peace with God, and joy in the Holy Spirit.

Come to Him.

Repent of your sin and trust in Him.

To the "Strong" Believer:

Have you been wounding the "weak" with your liberty?

Have you valued your right to a drink or worship style more than a brother's spiritual health?

You are called to use your strength to carry the weak, not trip them.

Let the strong resolve: "I will restrict my liberty when its exercise would harm my brother."

To the "Cautious" Believer:

Will you trust that the strong believer is not sinning simply because he has liberty you don't possess?

Be careful that your caution doesn't become a weapon of judgment, a moral tyranny over the church.

Let the weak resolve: "I will not impose my conscience on others."

To all believers:

Let all resolve: "I will pursue peace. I will build up. I will live for the kingdom."

Repent, Believe, Be Baptized

If you've never received the freedom Christ offers, you're enslaved—not to food, but to sin and death. Christ died to set you free. He died for your sin and rose to give you His righteousness. He offers forgiveness, new life, and power to love sacrificially.

Spurgeon said: "Ungodly man, if thou art ever to be saved, thou must draw nigh to God in prayer. Go to him at this moment, just where thou art sitting, and confess all thy sin to him."

"Dear Jesus, I confess I'm a sinner deserving judgment. I've lived in rebellion. I cannot save myself. But I believe You died for my sins and rose to give me eternal life. Forgive me, come into my life, grant everlasting life. Help me live for You. Amen."

Baptism is the visible side of faith and public confession of your commitment to follow Christ. To sign up, text BELIEVE to 706-525-5351 or visit www.mtcarmeldemorest.com/baptism.

A Prayer of Response

Heavenly Father, teach us not to judge not one another, but to decide this: never to place a stumbling block in our brother's path. Forgive us for flaunting liberty without love. Give us humility to sacrifice our rights and wisdom to know when to abstain. Help us treasure the unity of Your church more than expression of our freedom. Strengthen our consciences by Your Word, yet soften them by Your Spirit. In the name of Jesus, who laid down every right for our sake, Amen.