This Mystery of Marriage #6: How to Save your Marriage (and maybe your spouse too), 1 Corinthians 7:10-16

Introduction: I imagine that if we took a poll around this room & asked every person here, has divorce ever impacted your life, that we would get close to a 100% result.Even if divorce is not something that we have personally experienced, there is a high probability that it has affected a family member or friend, someone that we are close to. I have to tell you; divorce has impacted my family more than once.

Thankfully, divorce rates have been slowly declining over the last few years, but they are still high.As of 2024, the U.S. divorce rate remained between 40% to 50% for first-time marriages, that’s still close to 1 out of every 2 first-time marriages that end in divorce. On average, these marriages last about 8 years, so usually there are children involved. Approximately 40% of children in the U.S. experience parental divorce by the age of 18. Census information says that single-parent households are on the rise, nearly 19 million children are living with a single parent.

Many people think that living together first would help solve the divorce crisis, but it doesn’t. Couples who cohabitate before getting engaged are 39% more likely to divorce compared to those who do not live together before marriage. So, what makes the biggest difference?

There are always exceptions, but people who regularly attend religious services are 14% less likely to divorce when compared to those who don’t. In other words, if you want to stay married one of the best places you can be in is CHURCH. So, if you are struggling in your marriage and you want to save it, there is help for you.

1 Corinthians 7:10-16,Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. 12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.

15But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

Research suggests that at any given time, 20% of married couples are experiencing some kind of marital distress, for a number of potential factors- infidelity, financial problems, communication breakdown, addiction; but the number one most common reason cited by couples getting a divorce (2024 national survey) was a lack of commitment. Oddly enough (or maybe not), commitment is the first thing we come to in this passage. If you want to save your marriage, & maybe your spouse too, the first thing you need is commitment to your marriage.

1. A COMMITMENT to Marriage, 10-11

Paul’s counsel to the Corinthians begins with a command (to give orders or instructions, to direct with authority). Paul’s authority in this matter is Jesus (Matthew 5:32; 19:9; Mark 10:11; Luke 16:18). Jesus taught that the Law of Moses only permitted divorce in the first place because of the hardness of peoples’ hearts, but that God never intended it to be that way. The Lord intended marriage to be 1 man + 1 woman for life.

Jesus said the only permissible reason for divorce is adultery. He went even further to say that whoever divorced his wife except for sexual immorality & married another person was committing adultery, & whoever married the woman who had been divorced was committing adultery. That is pretty strict when compared to our culture’s willy-nilly notions about love & marriage & divorce- if you feel like it today good, but if you don’t tomorrow that’s good too. That’s not what God wants for our marriages. What God wants is for us to work it out.

Reconciled- to be restored to favorable or friendly relations. It’s the same word used in Romans 5:10, For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. Before salvation, we are the enemies of God, hostile towards Him, hating Him, but through Jesus Christ we who were once enemies of God are restored to Him.

In marriage, reconciliation means a willingness to stay & work it out.

It means one of you has to decide not to depart & the other has to decide not to divorce. It requires both people to have a commitment to the marriage, & I think it requires both people to be committed to Christ.

Let’s call it the 1+1+1 rule. If 2 people are going to become 1, they don’t just need to be committed to one another, they must be committed to the Lord being a part of their marriage.

2. A CONSECRATION to Christ, 12-14

What if one of the marriage partners isn’t a Christian? What if the husband is a believer but the wife isn’t? What if the wife is a believer but the husband isn’t? Does that scenario allow for a divorce? Paul addresses that in the next few verses.

It seems there was a problem in Corinth with believers divorcing unbelievers so that they could marry a believer. The most likely scenario is that one of them came to Christ after they were married, not that one was a believer & the other an unbeliever when they got married. Paul addresses that scenario in a different place & says don’t do it. 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? 15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?

Yoke- a wooden bar connecting two animals, like oxen, to pull a plow or load together.To be unequally yoked would mean that 2 animals of different kinds or sizes are hitched together, but it is a pairing that won’t work well, there will be an imbalance, one will be pulling harder, or in a different direction, than the other.

When 2 people get married, they are by necessity connected to one another, & both are pulling. When a believer marries an unbeliever, one is undoubtedly carrying more of the load than the other, and the other most likely is pulling in a different direction. You can imagine the kind of friction this causes - a lack of connection & lack of commitment. It’s better to not marry than to marry an unbeliever & get pulled away.

A different scenario could happen- 2 people get married when both are unbelievers & one of them gets saved after marriage. Paul’s counsel is that if the unbeliever is committed to staying married to the believer, then the married believer should not divorce the unbeliever but hold onto the commitment they made in the marriage covenant. The reason he gives this advice is attached to the believer’s consecration to Christ.

Sanctified- to make holy, to be dedicated to God in distinction, devotion, & moral purity. It’s a really weird statement that Paul makes in vs. 14)- that the unbelieving spouse is sanctified by the believing spouse, & if they have children together, then their children are holy (set apart, separated). The question Paul is most likely addressing is probably related to how this chapter starts - sexual relations with a spouse, particularly with an unbeliever. The likely concern was that being physically intimate with a nonbelieving spouse would defile the believer.

Paul is saying the exact opposite, that because the believer is consecrated to Christ & committed to their spouse then their physical relationship is sanctified- holy to God, & so are their children. Hebrews 13:4, Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

There’s only 1 relationship that can save people- Jesus. The sanctification of the nonbelieving spouse doesn’t mean they are saved, or that children born of their physical relationship are saved. It does mean that having at least one believing parent, or having a believing spouse, puts them in the right setting to be saved. So, if you want to save your marriage, & maybe your spouse too, be consecrated to Christ.

3. A CONCENTRATION on their Spouse, 15-16

Paul continues with the marriage between a believer & unbeliever. He’s already made the case that if a man is married to an unbelieving woman & she is willing to stay then he should not divorce her, and vice-versa; if a believing woman is married to an unbelieving man & he is willing to stay then she should not divorce him. But what if they don’t stay?

What if the believer does everything right- they’re committed to the marriage, but their partner isn’t, they are consecrated to Christ, but their partner isn’t, & the unbelieving spouse departs, they leave, what is the believer to do? In that case, the believing spouse is FREE.

The believing spouse is not under bondage, i.e., they are no longer obligated to their spouse to remain married.

1 Corinthians 7:39, A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

The bonds of matrimony are supposed to last until death does us part, but if the unbelieving spouse leaves before that happens, let them go in PEACE.God has called us to peace, which means to have harmonious relationships & freedom from disputes. This word peace is about the absence of war, & many marriages feel more like war rather than peace.

There is a famous line in Leo Tolstoy’s epic historical novel War and Peace- Someone dear to one can be loved with human love; but an enemy can only be loved with divine love. When enemies are married to one another, the answer is the love of God. Romans 5:7-8, For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. 8But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

God concentrated His saving love on people who didn’t deserve saving. You may be married to a nonbelieving spouse who doesn’t deserve your saving effort, but what if your concentrated effort might lead to them being saved?

Ladies, what if your way of life leads to your husband’s conversion? 1 Peter 3:1-2, Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.

Men, what if the way you treat your wife leads to her conversion? 1 Peter 3:7, Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

Spending quality time concentrating on your partner is the best way to save your marriage (and maybe your spouse too!). Pray for them, serve them, & spend time with them. How do you know whether your concentrated efforts might lead to their salvation?