Naked and Unashamed!

Proverbs 18:22 KJV 1900

22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, And obtaineth favour of the Lord.

Title: Naked and Unashamed

Subtitle: The Progression of Intimacy: Guarding the Heart in a Culture Without Boundaries

Talk about marriage, dating and intimacy.

Facts:

Divorce rates are down 20% or more - 33% of couples are choosing not to get married

90% of second marriages will fail

The current expectation is sex on the 3rd date

More than 95% of couples have slept together before marriage

75% of people have sex before that age of 20

46% of evangelical Christians say that sex between unmarried adults in committed relationships is acceptable.

Those that have premarital sex are 2.5 times more likely to be divorced - yet those who save themselves for marriage have less than a 6% divorce rate.

From the Institute for Family Studies blog: “women who wait until they are married to have sex have only a 5 % chance of divorce in the first five years of marriage … whereas women who report two or more sex partners prior to marriage have between a 25–35 % chance of divorce within the same time period.”

Our society have some really wrong ideas on sex, dating and marriage and we HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT!

It will be embarrassing, uncomfortable - but necessary!

If you have questions, ask.

in session

privately

text

type out and slide under door

parents if you want me to cover material, bring it up

Someone give me a verse or bible story about dating?

NOTE: dating is not a biblical principle or idea!

Near as I can find the word dating was first printed in 1896 in a Chicago newspaper and it became urban slang.

Industrialization and urbanization changed everything.

By the 1920’s with cars, movies theaters, diners made dating a reality- now the move was on for young people to spend time alone.

By the 1950’s, dating was considered as part of the process to get married.

Then you have the 60’s and thousands of years of family started to fall apart.

Courting vs dating - hand out

Twelve stages of bonding

Desmond Morris: Intimate Behavior - bonding has twelve stages ending in marriage, which produce strong marriages.

Marriage allows the bond to progress to its final stage - naked and unashamed.

A healthy relationship will observe the following

Take the steps in the order presented

If steps are missed, skipped or ignored the bond is weak and predicts a break

Once sexual arousal begins (step seven) all the previous steps will be neglected if they are not appropriately worked through

1. Eye to body. - The discovery!

First look.

Physical appearance, facial expression, posture - the biological starting point for attraction.

BUT this is tricky… he/she looks good can turn to lust really quick!

KEY: Job 31:1 “1 I made a covenant with mine eyes; Why then should I think upon a maid?”

Where you fix your eyes reveals the posture of your heart!

Purity begins with perception. Lust, envy, or comparison are born through sight before they ever manifest in action.

Respect begins with restraint. Looking upon another person as a soul — not merely a body — honors God’s image in them.

Awareness isn’t sin, but indulgence is. Attraction is natural; obsession or objectification is not.

Matthew 5:28 “28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”

Thus, “Eye to Body” is the moment of choice — whether to guard the gaze or indulge the imagination.

Our world is image saturated - eye to body happens constantly, in person, on line, on screen

Every glance can either reinforce discipline and dignity or feed distraction and desire.

For those cultivating godly relationships, learn to see others with honor — not as visual stimuli — is where true intimacy begins.

THE FIRST STEP TOWARD INTIMACY IS ALSO THE FIRST TEST OF INTEGRITY!

2. Eye to eye. Eyes are the windows to the soul!

This is the moment when two people exchange mutual gaze — not just seeing, but meeting eyes.

The unspoken message.

It’s no longer a one-sided act of looking; it’s reciprocal recognition — a silent exchange that says:

“I see you — and you see me.”

This is the first true social bond in the intimacy sequence.

At this point, connection becomes personal rather than observational.

Scientific and Emotional Meaning

Eye contact builds trust.

Research shows that sustained mutual gaze triggers the release of oxytocin, often called the “bonding hormone.”

It signals openness, interest, and attention.

Eye contact deepens vulnerability.

Looking someone directly in the eyes invites emotional transparency.

It can feel powerful — or even uncomfortable — depending on where ones heart is.

The eyes are emotional mirrors.

Desmond Morris noted that humans are the only primates with whites (sclera) around the iris, making our gaze more expressive and readable.

That design allows others to see your heart/soul — emphasizing honesty and empathy.

In short, the eyes communicate truth, interest, emotion, and intent long before words do.

Emotional Transition

At “Eye to Eye,” something subtle but sacred happens:

Two people move from curiosity to connection.

Emotion begins to engage before any physical touch occurs.

This is the threshold between noticing and knowing.

That’s why it’s so crucial — spiritually and emotionally — to guard what the eyes connect with.

Every deep bond begins with an exchange of sight, which opens the door to spirit.

Matthew 6:22–23 “22 The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. 23 But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!”

The Eye Reveals the Heart

When eyes meet, what flows through them depends on the heart behind them.

A pure heart reflects light and life.

An impure heart reflects lust or deceit.

Jesus’ look changed Peter.

“And the Lord turned, and looked upon Peter… And Peter went out, and wept bitterly.” — Luke 22:61–62

That one look carried truth, conviction, and love all at once — proving that eye contact can reach where words cannot.

God’s Gaze

The Bible often describes God’s “eyes” as symbols of His watchful care and intimate knowledge:

“The eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous.” — Psalm 34:15

He sees us, knows us, and loves us — not superficially, but completely.

Thus, when two people share a pure “Eye to Eye” moment, it echoes the divine pattern of relationship — being fully seen, yet fully loved.

Today’s culture is fleeting and superficial - scrolling, swiping, headline surfing - true eye contact is rate and POWERFUL!

To look someone in eye and give them full attention communicates presence, respect, interest and sincerity.

Builds emotional security, trust and compassion.

Eye to eye is not just about attraction, it’s about authentic presence!

3. Voice to voice. “The Sound of Connection”

What this is NOT: texting

In any relationship, texting should be almost nonexistent. Phone is ok - face to face is best EVERY TIME!

As you will see there is power in the voice.

7% of communication comes from the words you say.

38% of communication comes from tone of voice

45% of communication is words and tone - which makes a phone call a very poor second to a face to face conversation.

55% come from body language - facial expression, gestures and posture.

Video calls completely nonexistent!

Only exceptions for engaged couples under strict rules in company.

Scientific & Behavioral Meaning

“Voice to Voice” as the step where communication transitions from visual to auditory intimacy.

Humans are unique among God’s creation in the depth and emotional range of our voices.

When we speak to someone — especially one-on-one — our voice carries far more than words: it transmits emotion, personality, intent, and presence.

This step marks the shift from seeing someone attractive to speaking with someone significant.

💡 What Happens at This Stage

Vocal Tone Creates Emotional Resonance

A person’s tone, rhythm, and warmth can instantly create comfort or distance.

The human voice can calm, charming, reassure, or agitating, angry, sensual - IT WILL ALWAYS stir emotion AND REVEAL INTENT.

Conversation Builds Connection

Words invite vulnerability: sharing thoughts, laughter, stories, and beliefs.

Communication begins the process of revealing character and compatibility.

Voice Invites Presence

Hearing someone’s voice activates parts of the brain linked to trust and emotional safety. STOP TEXTING!

That’s why people often say, “I just love the sound of their voice.” It’s more than sound — it’s signal.

Intimacy Deepens

Once two people move from silent glances to spoken words, emotional intimacy begins to form.

The voice becomes a bridge between physical and emotional.

Sociological Context

“Voice to Voice” typically follows mutual eye contact and precedes physical touch.

At this stage:

Attraction either grows or fades.

Respect is established or diminished.

Remember: Honor people for who they are, you respect them for what they are.

Why you have to honor elders, parents, those in authority BUT respect is not a given.

Intent becomes clearer through speech. - CAN’T BE DONE THROUGH TEXT

What we say — and how we say it — determines whether a relationship builds trust or breaks down.

📖 Biblical importance

The Bible consistently links the voice with revelation, relationship, and power.

🔹 1. God Speaks — and Relationship Begins

“And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day.” — Genesis 3:8

Before sin, Adam and Eve walked and talked with God.

Relationship was built through voice-to-voice communion.

God’s voice reveals His heart.

Our response reveals ours.

🔹 2. The Voice Reflects the Heart

“Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.” — Matthew 12:34

What we say reveals what we value.

In human intimacy, words can either build up or tear down — they are the outflow of the heart.

🔹 3. Words Create or Destroy

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” — Proverbs 18:21

Every voice carries spiritual weight.

A voice can bless, comfort, inspire — or manipulate, seduce, and wound.

This makes “Voice to Voice” the first true test of intimacy:

Will our words reflect character or desire?

Will my words reveal integrity or ill intention?

❤️ Emotional & Spiritual Significance Review

“Voice to Voice” is sacred because:

It marks the beginning of emotional intimacy — when souls begin to exchange substance.

Words begin to shape imagination, attachment, and expectation.

This is where flirtation, encouragement, confession, and covenant all begin.

It’s where two people stop guessing and start knowing.

🔥 Applications for Relationships & Purity

Guard Your Words Early

Emotional intimacy often precedes physical intimacy.

A heart can be captured by words long before hands ever touch.

Proverbs 4:23 — “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”

Tone Reveals Truth

The way we speak often matters more than what we say.

A gentle voice builds trust; a manipulative or suggestive one erodes it.

Voice Is Covenant Language

In Scripture, covenant is sealed with words — vows, promises, declarations.

“Voice to Voice” sets the pattern for either fleeting flirtation or lasting faithfulness.

🕊️ Spiritual Takeaway

“Eye to Eye” connects the body —

“Voice to Voice” connects the soul.

When the voice honors God, it brings life; when it flatters or deceives, it opens the door to destruction.

The question isn’t just what we say, but why we say it.

Do our words draw others toward truth, or into temptation?

Are we using our voice to edify or to entice?

Ephesians 4:29 “29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”

Step 4 – Hand to Hand

“The First Touch”

After seeing someone (Eye to Body), being seen in return (Eye to Eye), and speaking together (Voice to Voice), the relationship reaches a new threshold: Physical touch.

This is the first moment where two people bridge physical distance and allow their bodies to connect.

This is not: sensual.

Signal to others that there is something happening between the two.

This is public.

What “Hand to Hand” Means (Scientifically & Emotionally)

This is the first intentional physical contact in the sequence of intimacy:

A lingering handshake

A gentle touch on the hand

Fingertips brushing together

Holding hands

Even though this step may seem small, it signals something very significant:

1. Gives Permission

Touch communicates: “I feel safe with you — and I trust you close to me.”

2. Makes you vulnerable

The hands are full of nerve endings, so touch here sends a strong emotional signal:

Calmness

Warmth

Safety

Strength

Comfort

A simple hand-hold can be more intimate than a hug.

3. Bonding

Touch triggers oxytocin, the “bonding hormone,” which deepens emotional attachment.

This is where feelings begin to settle in the heart (emotions), not just the mind.

💞 Why Hands Matter

It is with the hands that:

Give and take

Protect or harm

Guide or mislead

Comfort or take advantage

So when you offer your hand, you are symbolically saying: “You have access to me, and I will treat you gently.”

Hand to Hand is before more intimate forms of touch — Because it is touch with tenderness, not passion.

📖 Biblical Reflection

The Bible speaks often of hands — not romantically, but relationally:

Hands symbolize:

Blessing Mark 10:16 (“He laid His hands on them…”) Touch should encourage & honor.

Healing Luke 4:40 Touch can carry peace, not pressure.

Covenant / Agreement Galatians 2:9 (“gave… the right hand of fellowship”)Holding hands symbolizes unity.

Guidance Isaiah 41:13 (“I will hold thy right hand…”)The one who takes your hand should lead you toward God, not away.

Note: the only place in the bible that hands are tied to romance is in the book of The Song of Solomon… and lets just say that they have progressed well along in the steps of progression!

🔥 Spiritual Significance in Relationships

This is the moment where physical affection begins to build emotional attachment.

Is is only here in step 4 that thoughts of love and romance begins to grow…

And the society wants to talk about love at first sight…

Don’t underestimate this step — but the heart begins to open through touch.

This is why Scripture warns us to guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23).

Once hands intertwine, emotions accelerate and desires awaken.

At this step we ask:

What is the purpose behind this touch?

Where is this relationship going?

If the purpose is unclear — the heart can become confused.

🧠 Practical Insight

Holding hands is like opening a door.

If done with intention and purity, it deepens trust.

If done quickly and casually, it can stir emotional dependence without commitment.

This is the first physical step demands wisdom.

🕊️ Spiritual Takeaway

Touch is powerful — so handle it with purpose.

Touch should:

Honor the other person

Respect boundaries

Reflect Christlike care

Be consistent with the direction of the relationship

A hand taken too soon can mislead the heart.

A hand taken with care can prepare the heart for covenant.

✍️ Godly Perspective

“Hand to Hand” is the moment where trust and touch become one.

It is not merely physical — it is emotional and spiritual.

Therefore, touch should not be rushed or used to awaken desire without direction.

The hand you hold should be the one you are prepared to honor, lead, protect, and treasure before God.

5. Hand to shoulder. This allows more contact, and yet the eyes do not meet. It is a little bit more risky in the relationship because it shows a deeper feeling.

Step 5 – Arm to Shoulder

“Comfort, Safety, and Belonging”

If Hand to Hand is the moment of connection, then Arm to Shoulder is the moment of comfort.

This step usually looks like:

An arm draped around the shoulder

A side hug

Leaning together while sitting

Walking arm-in-arm

This gesture communicates closeness, care, and emotional support — not passion.

🧬 What This Means in Human Bonding

This step is about shared presence — being close enough to touch, but in a relaxed, natural way.

1. It signals emotional safety.

The shoulder is a vulnerable place — near the heart, face, and neck. Choosing to rest against someone says:

“I feel safe with you.”

2. It expresses comfort more than desire.

Unlike romantic touch, this is nurturing, not arousing. It mirrors how:

Parents comfort children,

Friends support friends,

Loved ones reassure the hurting.

3. It deepens trust.

Touch at the shoulder and upper back stimulates parasympathetic calming, lowering stress. It literally tells the nervous system:

“You’re not alone. You’re held.”

💞 Relational Meaning

This step happens when a relationship is beginning to move from interest into emotional bonding. It is often where people begin to sense:

“This is someone I can lean on.”

“This person is safe.”

“I belong here.”

But because this step draws the heart deeper, it also requires intentional guidance.

This is where feelings start to settle — and where boundaries begin to matter more.

📖 Biblical Reflection

God Created Us for Comforting Touch

“Two are better than one… for if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow.” — Ecclesiastes 4:9–10

The shoulder-to-shoulder stance is the posture of:

Companionship

Support

Partnership

Strength in unity

Jesus Used This Type of Touch

Jesus frequently:

Laid hands on shoulders

Placed arms around people

Held and embraced children

His touch communicated:

You belong.

You are accepted.

You are loved.

The Church is Called to Shoulder Each Other

“Bear ye one another’s burdens.” — Galatians 6:2

The shoulder symbolizes shared weight.

So in a relationship, Arm to Shoulder should mean:

“I am here to walk with you — not to use you.”

🔥 Where This Step Can Go Wrong

If touch in this stage is used to:

Create emotional dependence

Replace real communication

Lead someone on

Build false intimacy

…then it becomes manipulation.

This is the stage where intent must be clear:

Is this leading toward commitment and covenant?

Or is it simply playing with someone’s heart?

Touch without direction becomes confusion.

🧠 Practical Wisdom for This Stage

Do not use comforting touch to replace conversation. Talk and touch — don’t let touch become the only intimacy.

Be honest with intentions. If your heart is not moving toward covenant — don’t offer your shoulder.

Check emotional pace. If comfort is moving faster than clarity — slow down and talk.

🕊️ Spiritual Takeaway

This is the stage where the heart becomes involved. Touch has meaning now.

“Arm to Shoulder” is not just contact — it is communion of souls through comfort.

Handled with purity, it nurtures trust and prepares the heart for deeper love.

Handled carelessly, it awakens attachment without commitment — and risks wounding deeply.

✍️ Teaching Summary

Step 5 – Arm to Shoulder Communicates comfort, belonging, and emotional closeness. This stage deepens attachment and requires clarity of heart and purity of intention. Touch here should reflect Christlike gentleness, not manipulation or desire.

6. Hand to waist. This sets apart the casual type of touching that is done even between relatives. This is the last stage of bonding without leaving permanent scars. There is by this time deep feelings for the other, but there is still time to break the relationship without long bouts of depression.

With step six, try a checklist to evaluate the relationship:

1. Does my partner’s vision undergird and strengthen my values, my beliefs, and my lifestyle?

2. Does my life vision fit my partner’s life vision? Do we agree on the ‘role of the woman’ and the ‘role of the man’ or is one locked into a distorted, unrealistic view of the sexes?

3. Are we ‘good’ for each other? Do we bring out the best personal charm and energy?

4. Am I comfortable with my partner’s expectations about me - fulfilling my partner’s vision?

5. Does my partner see me having a legitimate place, other than ‘being there’ for my partner’s use?

If either of the two senses a negative response to any item, it is a good sign to say, ‘You have been good for me. I want to thank you for being a good friend. But you deserve someone who can dream your dreams with you and can give a whole lifetime to helping you fulfill them. I am not that person.”

Step 6 – Arm to Waist

“Closeness, Direction, and Possession”

If Step 5 (Arm to Shoulder) communicates comfort and belonging, then Step 6 (Arm to Waist) communicates closeness and personal claim.

This is typically:

An arm around the waist

A hand placed on the lower back

Walking closely with bodies lightly touching

Pulling someone gently closer

It is subtle — but very significant.

🧬 What This Stage Means (Emotionally & Physically)

The waist and lower back are far more intimate than the shoulder. This area is:

Closer to the center of the body

Near the center of balance

Physically vulnerable

Connected to emotional and sexual awareness

1. This Touch Says “You’re Mine.”

Unlike a side-hug, an arm around the waist asserts closeness and relational identity.

It signals:

“We are together.” “We belong to one another in a special way.”

2. This Touch Increases Emotional Bonding.

Touch near the torso produces:

Higher oxytocin release

Increased warmth

Stronger emotional attachment

Awakening of desire

This is where the heart begins to tie itself to the other person.

3. This Touch Has Direction.

Whoever places their arm around the waist often guides the movement of the other.

This is the first stage where leadership and followership show up physically.

💞 This Step Speaks Symbolically

The shoulders communicate support.

The waist communicates intimacy and influence.

This touch is no longer just:

“I comfort you,” but

“I draw you closer.”

This is where romantic closeness becomes real and felt.

📖 Biblical Reflection

🌿 Boundaries Begin Here

This step is where the Bible’s warning about “not awakening love too early” becomes especially relevant:

Song of Solomon 2:7 “Do not awaken love, until it pleases.”

The closer bodies get, the quicker desires awaken.

🛡️ The Waist in Scripture Symbolizes Strength and Integrity

“Gird up your loins.” — 1 Peter 1:13 “Let your loins be girded about with truth.” — Ephesians 6:14

In the Bible:

The waist is where a warrior’s belt goes.

It symbolizes self-control, readiness, dignity, and honor.

So placing a hand at the waist is symbolically touching a place of strength and purity.

This is why it must be done with wisdom, respect, and purpose.

🔥 The Risk of This Stage

If there is no clarity of relationship direction, this step awakens desire faster than commitment develops.

This leads to:

Emotional dependence without covenant

Blurred boundaries

Confusion about intention

Vulnerability of the heart

In other words:

The waist is where the heart begins to follow the body.

So this step must be aligned with purpose — not impulse.

🧠 Practical Wisdom for This Stage

Be clear about intentions. If you’re not committed to the path of covenant, don’t touch in a way that promises it.

Check pacing. Physical closeness should match relational clarity — not outrun it.

Use this step to nurture — not to stir desire. If this touch is driven by lust instead of love, slow down.

🕊️ Spiritual Takeaway

At the waist, the relationship shifts from “being together” to “moving together.”

This step is not just intimacy — it’s direction.

The question becomes:

Where are we going?

What is this closeness building toward?

Is this connection leading us toward God — or away from Him?

If the relationship is built in honor and truth, Arm to Waist becomes a step toward covenant. If not, it becomes the beginning of compromise.

✍️ Teaching Summary

Step 6 – Arm to Waist signals increasing closeness, influence, and desire. It must be guided by clarity of intention, mutual honor, and a shared commitment to holiness. The closeness of the body should never outpace the commitment of the heart.

7. Face to face. This is what I call, “Swapping spit.” This may be postponed till later because it can get the couple into trouble if uncontrolled. It is kissing that goes beyond the occasional pick on the cheek. For the Christian, this should be kept to a minimum. It can get out of hand quickly. Why? This is an intimate part of bonding. Yet, no ceremony for permission to go farther has been performed.

Step 7 – Mouth to Mouth

“The First Kiss — Where Emotion Becomes Desire”

The kiss is a powerful turning point in the intimacy sequence. Up until now, touch has been comforting and bonding — but not explicitly romantic. The kiss changes that.

This is the moment where:

Affection becomes desire

Emotion begins to attach deeply

Hearts begin to intertwine

Kissing is not casual, even though culture tries to make it so. It is one of the most emotionally powerful forms of touch.

🧬 What Happens in the Body During a Kiss

A kiss releases:

Oxytocin — bonding hormone

Dopamine — pleasure and attachment

Serotonin — mood and emotional focus

This cocktail creates:

Emotional attachment

Romantic attraction

Memory imprinting

Desire for more physical closeness

This is why many people never forget their first kiss with someone they truly cared about.

A kiss doesn’t just touch the lips — it touches the heart.

💞 What a Kiss Communicates

A kiss says things words cannot:

“I choose you.”

“You are special to me.”

“I am opening my heart to you.”

“I give you access to my emotions.”

Which means:

A kiss is a promise of pursuit. Not a casual gesture.

When a kiss is given without commitment, the heart often becomes confused:

“Are we something, or not?”

“Do you care about me, or just the moment?”

“Where is this going?”

This is why Step 7 requires purpose and clarity.

📖 Biblical Reflection

Though the Bible does not forbid kissing itself, it speaks deeply about the heart behind intimacy:

1. True love is covenant-oriented

“Many waters cannot quench love.” — Song of Solomon 8:7 Love is not a rush of emotion — it is commitment.

2. Passion must be governed by self-control

“Do not awaken love before it desires.” — Song of Solomon 2:7; 3:5; 8:4 This warning is repeated three times — which in Hebrew thought means: Take this very seriously.

3. Purity protects the heart

“Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.” — Matthew 5:8 A pure heart sees God clearly — in relationships as well.

Kissing does not have to be sinful, but it can awaken desire faster than spiritual maturity can guide it.

This is where many couples begin sliding from intimacy into temptation.

🔥 Why This Step Must Be Handled Wisely

A kiss:

Strengthens emotional attachment

Increases longing for more physical closeness

Makes it harder to slow things down later

This is why couples who kiss early often find it:

Difficult to maintain sexual boundaries

Hard to untangle emotionally if things go wrong

The closer the bodies get,

the more the heart must lead — or the more the flesh will.

🧠 Practical Wisdom for This Stage

Do not kiss someone you do not intend to pursue toward commitment. Kissing without purpose is emotional theft.

Kissing should match the clarity of the relationship. If intentions are unclear, don’t let intimacy speak louder than truth.

If kissing leads quickly to more physical desire — slow down. Your future marriage deserves protection.

🕊️ Spiritual Takeaway

The kiss is where love begins to take root in the heart — or where deception begins to grow.

The question is not:

“Is kissing allowed?” But:

What is your kiss building toward?

Are you honoring God and each other with your affection?

Is this love guided by the Spirit, or by desire?

Remember:

The kiss was meant to seal covenant — not simulate it.

✍️ Teaching Summary

Step 7 – Mouth to Mouth is the moment where emotional intimacy turns romantic. It bonds hearts deeply and awakens desire. Therefore, the kiss must be guided by clarity, intention, and purity — aligning the heart toward covenant, not confusion.

8. Hand to head. Although seldom thought about, only a few actually touch your head. In this bonding step, hands go to the cheek, kisses to the eyes, or even an occasional nibble on the ear. This is another step toward sexual intimacy for final bonding.

Step 8 – Hand to Head

“Tenderness, Trust, and Emotional Vulnerability”

Up to this point, intimacy has been:

Seen (Eye to Body / Eye to Eye),

Spoken (Voice to Voice),

Connected (Hand to Hand),

Comforted (Arm to Shoulder),

Drawn Close (Arm to Waist),

And Awakened (Mouth to Mouth).

But Step 8 transitions from romantic excitement to emotional tenderness.

This step involves:

Touching someone’s face

Brushing hair behind the ear

Placing a hand on the cheek

Running fingers through hair

Resting a hand gently on the head

This is not a sexual gesture. It is deeply emotional. It expresses care, protection, and connection.

🧬 What This Stage Means in the Human Bonding System

The head is the symbolic center of:

Identity

Thought

Vulnerability

Personhood

Touching someone’s head or face sends a powerful emotional signal:

1. “I see you — the real you.”

This touch is personal. It acknowledges the person, not the body.

2. “I am safe with you.”

The face is where we show:

Joy

Pain

Fear

Tears

Allowing someone to touch your face means trust has been given at a deep level.

3. “I cherish you.”

This is the touch of:

Caregivers to infants

Close friends consoling

Lovers expressing tenderness

This touch says:

“Your heart matters to me.”

💞 Why This Step Is So Intimate

It does not stir passion first — it stirs emotion.

It is the moment where affection becomes personal, not just romantic.

This is often the moment someone realizes:

“I’m in love,” or

“This connection matters.”

Because being touched on the head/face requires emotional openness, not just physical closeness.

📖 Biblical Reflection

In Scripture, the head is holy ground — spiritually and symbolically.

1. The Head Represents Identity and Calling

“You anoint my head with oil.” — Psalm 23:5 The head is where blessing is placed.

2. God Touches the Heart Through the Head

Jesus laid hands on heads to bless. — Mark 10:16 His touch affirmed identity and worth.

3. The Head Is Where Thoughts Are Formed

“Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.” — Philippians 2:5 To touch someone’s head is to draw close to their thought-life, not just their body.

So:

Touching the head should affirm dignity, not awaken lust.

This step belongs in relationships marked by:

Respect

Honor

Emotional safety

Clarity of commitment

🔥 Where Many Couples Struggle Here

If the relationship is not rooted in purpose:

Step 8 can create deep emotional attachment without covenant.

Breakups after this step hurt far more.

This is where soul ties begin to form.

Once someone touches your heart, not just your body — your memories, hopes, and trust become involved.

This is why emotional intimacy must not outrun spiritual discernment.

🧠 Practical Wisdom for This Stage

Do not offer tenderness where you cannot offer commitment. Because tenderness promises emotional presence.

Don’t confuse tenderness with love. Someone can touch gently but not care deeply.

Let affection grow at the pace of covenant — not desire. If the relationship is not moving toward clarity, slow down touch.

🕊️ Spiritual Takeaway

This is the stage where the relationship touches the soul, not just the senses.

At Step 8, we must ask:

Is this love honoring God?

Am I caring for this heart or consuming it?

Does this touch reflect Christlike gentleness?

Tenderness is holy when directed by love. It is dangerous when directed by longing alone.

✍️ Teaching Summary

Step 8 – Hand to Head communicates emotional closeness, tenderness, and trust. It reaches the heart, not just the body. Therefore, this stage must be approached with clarity, respect, and the intention to protect — not to possess.

9. Hand to body. This body touch is not on any sexual parts. It is an exploration of imperfections, things that no one notices but those deeply in love. There is a reason we do not advocate public swimming. Only those that will bond together completely need to know some of the things about the other person. This step may not even come until after marriage.

Up until now, the couple has gone through love (er¶ wç – eroˇs) at the “appreciation stages.” Next, they progress to the (filew÷ - phileoˇ) stage which means they have a “deep affection for one another.” The last three stages of bonding brings them to the (agj ap¿ h - agape) stage. This is an intimate love.

When Jesus spoke to Peter, He said, “. . . lovest [agapaoˇ] thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love [phileoˇ] thee . . . (John 21:15) Jesus had to ask him three times before Jesus changed the word love into phileoˇ. Because of Jesus’ change in words, “Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest [phileoˇ] thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love [phileoˇ] thee. (John 21:17)

Steps ten through twelve complete the bonding process and are only done after marriage. Probably the most common failure of courting today is pre-marital sex. It contributes to breaking of bonds after marriage for some reason. “. . . our high premium on ‘social experience’ before marriage is contributing to both personal and cultural patterns of deterioration. These are most conspicuous in patterns of promiscuity, defective bonding, and low aspiration of life career achievement. Our divorce statistics are likely more related to the amount of careless ‘sowing’ of pre-marital partnering and to the social pressure to prove manhood or womanhood by sexual performance than to any other source.”

The last three stages of bonding (again, after marriage), are the “naked and unashamed” steps:

Step 9 – Hand to Body

“Full Bodily Embrace — The Awakening of Desire”

This step typically includes:

Hugging closely front-to-front

Hands on the back, shoulders, arms, sides

Holding the body while sitting close

Resting against one another for prolonged contact

This is the first step where the bodies fully meet — not just hands, shoulders, or waist.

This step is not just comfort. It is connection with growing desire.

🧬 What This Step Means Physically and Emotionally

The human torso contains:

The heart

The lungs

The core muscles

The center of breath and warmth

Pressing bodies together causes:

Increased oxytocin (bonding)

Increased dopamine (pleasure)

Increased adrenaline (arousal)

Increased heart-rate synchrony (emotional attachment)

This is the step where the body begins to say:

“I want you.”

This is where attraction shifts into desire.

💞 What This Stage Communicates

When someone holds your body close, they are saying:

“I want to be near you.”

“I feel drawn to you.”

“I am opening myself to you physically.”

For the heart: This is the stage where attachment deepens quickly.

For the body: This is the stage where sexual desire begins to activate strongly.

This is why Step 9 cannot be treated casually — it carries emotional and physical power.

📖 Biblical Reflection

The Bible is not afraid to acknowledge attraction — but it warns repeatedly about timing.

“Do not awaken love before it is ready.”

Song of Solomon 2:7 Song of Solomon 3:5 Song of Solomon 8:4

This warning appears three times, which in Scripture means:

This is extremely serious.

Why? Because once the body awakens desire, self-control becomes physically harder. Not impossible — but harder.

The Bible’s Framework:

Physical intimacy belongs to covenant. (Genesis 2:24)

Your body is part of your worship. (Romans 12:1)

Honor one another with purity. (1 Thessalonians 4:3–4)

Love does not take advantage. (1 Corinthians 13:5)

So Step 9 is where we must ask:

Is this affection in alignment with the future we are building? Or is this intimacy outrunning covenant clarity?

🔥 Why This is a Turning Point

From this stage forward:

The body wants more contact.

Desire grows faster than emotional maturity.

Boundaries start to blur easily.

Rational decision-making weakens.

This is the point where many couples say:

“We didn’t mean to go that far… it just happened.”

But it didn’t just happen: It began here.

Intimacy always seeks more of itself.

So wisdom is essential at this stage.

🧠 Practical Wisdom for This Phase

Pause and evaluate the relationship’s direction. If you cannot name the purpose — stop deepening the intimacy.

Don’t use the body to compensate for weak communication. If talking is difficult, touching will feel easier — but that produces false closeness.

Set boundaries before this step — not after. It is much harder to back up than to slow down.

Remember: The closer the bodies get, the harder purity becomes. Not shameful — just biological reality.

🕊️ Spiritual Takeaway

This is the step where love must either deepen with commitment — or desire will lead toward compromise.

“Hand to Body” is not sinful in itself — but it is powerful. So it must be handled with maturity, clarity, and reverence.

This step asks:

Are we building covenant — or just chemistry?

If love is real, it will protect what is sacred until the right time.

✍️ Teaching Summary

Step 9 – Hand to Body represents full embrace and the stirring of desire. It deepens emotional attachment and accelerates physical longing. This is where intention must be clear, boundaries must be firm, and love must choose purity to honor God and one another.

10. Mouth to breast. The human race is the only species seen on earth to practice this bonding ritual.

Step 10 – Mouth to Breast

“The Beginning of Sexual Intimacy and Arousal”

This stage includes:

Kissing or touching the breast

Placing the mouth near the chest

Prolonged physical closeness that stimulates sexual desire

Up to Step 9, contact could still (with difficulty) remain affectionate or romantic.

But Step 10 crosses into sexual territory. This is the moment where the body says:

“I want to unite physically.”

This is no longer:

Comfort (Step 5)

Closeness (Step 6)

Affection (Step 7)

Tenderness (Step 8)

Desire (Step 9)

This is sexual arousal leading toward sexual union.

🧬 What Happens in the Body at Step 10

At this stage:

Oxytocin (bonding) continues to increase

Dopamine spikes (pleasure + anticipation)

Testosterone & estrogen surge (sexual readiness)

The limbic system overrides the rational brain

This makes self-control drastically harder at this stage.

Not impossible — but difficult.

This is the moment where sexual momentum begins.

💞 The Meaning of This Touch

Breasts are:

Sexualized tissue

Linked to nurture (mother/child)

Linked to bonding (lover/lover)

Highly sensitive

So this touch carries deep emotional and sexual weight.

It says:

“I desire you sexually.”

“I want to move further.”

“I am prepared to cross into sexual intimacy.”

This touch is not casual — even if culture says otherwise. It is the doorway to intercourse.

📖 Biblical Reflection

The Bible does not shy away from acknowledging sexual intimacy — but it places it inside covenant:

“Rejoice with the wife of thy youth… let her breasts satisfy thee at all times.” — Proverbs 5:18–19

This is beautiful — inside marriage. Sacred. Joyful. Designed by God.

But outside of marriage:

“Flee fornication.” — 1 Corinthians 6:18 This command is not just moral — it is protective.

Because sexual intimacy forms spiritual, emotional, and neurological bonds. The Bible calls this becoming “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).

Step 10 is the beginning of the one flesh process.

So engaging this step without covenant creates:

Emotional confusion

Soul ties

Heart fragmentation

Spiritual and relational wounds

Not because God is harsh — but because He designed intimacy to protect the heart, not break it.

🔥 This Step Is a Threshold

Before Step 10 Affection can still be guided by wisdom.

At Step 10 The body shifts into sexual readiness. It becomes very difficult to “slow down.”

This is why many couples say:

“We didn’t mean to go that far…”

But biologically:

This is where the body stops asking permission and starts moving forward.

So at Step 10, the heart must lead — or the hormones will.

🧠 Practical Wisdom for This Stage

If the relationship is not committed toward marriage — stop here. Because your heart is preparing for covenant, whether your mind is or not.

If you cannot stop at Step 10 — step back to Step 8. This is wisdom, not weakness.

Do not treat sexual readiness as affection. Desire ≠ love. Love chooses the good of the other, not just the pleasure of the moment.

Protect what you want to enjoy without shame later. Purity is not about restriction — it’s about keeping intimacy beautiful when the time is right.

🕊️ Spiritual Takeaway

Step 10 is where love must choose holiness over heat.

This step asks:

Who is leading this relationship — the Spirit or the flesh?

Is this intimacy preparing us for marriage or pushing us toward sin?

Are we honoring God and each other with our bodies?

If marriage is the destination, then waiting protects joy. If marriage is not the destination, then this closeness becomes deception.

This is where love proves itself.

✍️ Teaching Summary

Step 10 – Mouth to Breast begins sexual intimacy. It activates the body’s desire for full union and makes boundaries harder to maintain. This step is sacred inside covenant and destructive outside it. Purity here protects love, the heart, and the future marriage bed.

11. Hand to genital. Not until after marriage should the couple explore the other’s body. Prudish you say? Ask the many failed marriages about it; ask the marriages that last. Rarely does the marriage last if pre-marital sex is involved. If it is too late to change things now, work on the relationship and go back and establish some of the previous steps of bonding.

Step 11 – Hand to Genitals

“The Point of No Return”

This stage involves:

Touching of sexual organs

Stimulating one another sexually by hand or direct contact

This is not affection. This is sexual activity.

At this point, the body is moving rapidly toward full sexual union (Step 12).

This is where desire is no longer just awakened — it is acted upon.

🧬 What Happens in the Body at This Stage

At Step 11:

Dopamine surges (reward + craving)

Oxytocin locks in bonding

Adrenaline intensifies arousal

Blood flow increases to sexual organs

This combination:

Overpowers rational thinking

Dramatically weakens restraint

Directly prepares the body for intercourse

This is why self-control here is extremely difficult. It doesn’t mean someone is weak or sinful — it means they are human.

This is the biological design God placed in us — to bond in marriage.

💞 Emotional Meaning of This Touch

Unlike earlier steps:

This is not about comfort (Step 5)

Nor closeness (Step 6)

Nor affection (Step 7)

Nor tenderness (Step 8)

Nor desire (Step 9)

Nor sexual spark (Step 10)

This is sexual participation.

This touch says:

“My body is now entering union with yours.”

It is the doorway to one-flesh bonding.

This is why breakups after Step 11 are devastating — because the heart has already given itself.

📖 Biblical Reflection

Scripture teaches that sexual intimacy is covenant glue:

“The two shall become one flesh.” — Genesis 2:24

Paul explains that sexual touch creates a soul-level bond, even without intercourse:

“He who joins himself to a woman becomes one body with her.” — 1 Corinthians 6:16

This means:

Your body cannot be sexually involved without your soul being affected.

Sexual intimacy is never just physical.

This is why Paul warns with urgency:

“Flee fornication.” — 1 Corinthians 6:18

Not resist. Not manage. Not negotiate.

Flee. Because God knows something:

Once the body crosses into Step 11, decisions become hormonal, not spiritual.

This command is protective, not punitive.

🔥 Why Step 11 Is the Line Most People Don’t Realize Exists

Many couples believe:

“As long as we don’t have intercourse, we’re okay.”

But Step 11 is sex — without completion. The bonding effects are the same. The spiritual consequences are the same. The emotional vulnerability is the same.

This is why so many relationships:

Feel “married” emotionally before they ever make the covenant

Fall apart with divorce-level heartbreak

Carry guilt, confusion, or regret

They formed a one-flesh bond without a one-flesh covenant.

🧠 Practical Wisdom for This Stage

Never go here without covenant. If you are not married, your soul is not protected for that level of intimacy.

If Step 11 has happened, don’t panic — don’t hide — don’t run. There is grace, cleansing, restoration, and renewal in Christ. Nothing is beyond His redemption.

If you want a relationship built to last — step back to Step 7 or 8. This protects:

Future intimacy

Emotional clarity

Spiritual integrity

Covenant joy

🕊️ Spiritual Takeaway

At Step 11, the body begins the one-flesh union. Outside of covenant, this creates attachment without protection and bonding without belonging.

This is where love must be strong enough to say:

“I choose your heart over my desire.”

“I want my future with you to be clean, joyful, and blessed.”

“I will wait because you are worth waiting for.”

This is love that honors. This is desire under discipline. This is worship through restraint.

This is Christ-centered love.

✍️ Teaching Summary

Step 11 – Hand to Genitals is the beginning of sexual union. It binds the heart, body, and soul at a level only marriage can sustain without damage. This is not a boundary of shame — but a boundary of protection and honor. Purity here preserves joy later.

12. Genital to genital. “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: . . .” (Hebrews 13:4) Adam consummated the “twain shall be one flesh” when he “And Adam knew his wife. . . .” (Genesis 4:25) This stage is where God wants a healthy courtship to bloom; this is the one flesh Jesus spoke of in Matthew 19:5.

💍 Step 12 – Genitals to Genitals

“The One-Flesh Union”

This step refers to:

Sexual intercourse

Physical joining

Complete bodily union

At this stage, intimacy is no longer about:

Affection

Desire

Attachment

Attraction

It is about union. The body, mind, and spirit enter into oneness.

🧬 What Happens in the Body at Step 12

Sexual union is the most complete form of physical intimacy the human body can experience.

It triggers:

Oxytocin (bonding)

Dopamine (reward & attachment)

Vasopressin (protectiveness & loyalty — especially in men)

Endorphins (emotional connection & pleasure memory)

This makes sexual union neurologically and emotionally binding. Your brain literally glues you to the one you unite with.

This is not symbolic. It is biological design.

❤️ What This Act Means

Sexual union says:

“I give you my whole self — body, mind, and heart.”

It is the most vulnerable, revealing, and uniting act two human beings can share.

It is not just:

Physical pleasure

A physical act

A moment of passion

It is the covenant seal of love.

Which is why:

Sexual intimacy forms soul ties

Breakups after sex feel like divorce

Wounds here cut deeper than words can express

This act touches the soul, not just the senses.

📖 Biblical Reflection — The One Flesh Reality

Scripture is clear and consistent on this truth:

“The two shall become one flesh.” — Genesis 2:24 (Quoted by Jesus in Matthew 19 and by Paul in Ephesians 5)

Sex is not just something two bodies do. It is something two people become.

This means:

Sex is covenant-making

Sex is spirit-binding

Sex is identity-sharing

Paul emphasizes this with striking clarity:

“He who is joined to a woman becomes one body with her.” — 1 Corinthians 6:16

Even if the relationship isn’t committed. Even if it’s “just physical.” Even if feelings are unclear.

The one-flesh bond still forms.

Which is why God protects sexual intimacy so fiercely.

🔥 Why Sex Outside of Marriage Hurts So Deeply

Because the body experiences union without the security of:

Commitment

Covenant

Loyalty

Relational permanence

The result is:

Emotional tearing

Trust damage

Shame and confusion

Long-term attachment wounds

Not because God is punishing — but because the soul was not designed to be joined and separated repeatedly.

🌹 Why Sex Within Marriage is Beautiful

Inside covenant, sexual union becomes:

Worship (Romans 12:1 — offering of the body)

Celebration of love

Renewal of commitment

Deep emotional bonding

Healing and joy

In marriage, sex strengthens unity. It is safe, whole, protected, and holy.

God is not anti-sex. God is pro-covenant.

Sex is not shameful. It is sacred.

🧠 Practical Truth

Sex is not the peak of intimacy — it is the expression of a covenant that already exists.

If the covenant is absent:

Sex becomes confusion.

If the covenant is present:

Sex becomes communion.

🕊️ Spiritual Takeaway

Step 12 is not where intimacy begins. It is where covenant is sealed.

So the question is never:

“How far can we go?”

The real question is:

What are we building?

Are we preparing for covenant — or simulating it?

Are we honoring God with our bodies?

Scripture says:

“Glorify God in your body.” — 1 Corinthians 6:20

This is not about:

Shame

Fear

Restriction

It is about:

Honor

Holiness

Wholeness

Sacred joy

God protects sex because He protects hearts.

✍️ Teaching Summary

Step 12 – Genitals to Genitals is the one-flesh union. It is holy, covenantal, binding, and sacred. It belongs inside marriage not because God withholds pleasure, but because He protects the wholeness and joy of the union He designed.

D. The bond of Adam and Eve

1. The bible only records the bonding of Adam and Eve when they produce offspring. This is not the same as saying it was the first time Adam and Eve came together in a sexual relationship. “And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD.” (Genesis 4:1)

a. The third child’s conception is recorded as follows: “And Adam knew his wife again; and she bare a son, and called his name Seth: For God, said she, hath appointed me another seed instead of Abel, whom Cain slew.” (Genesis 4:25) The LXX records this as, “And Adam again (de)« knew (eg¶ nw - egnoˇ from the root word ginw¿skw - ginoˇskoˇ)13 Eve, his wife, and she became pregnant (sullabouvsa - sullabousa), and birthed a son, and called his name Seth . . .” (Author’s translation) The bond relationship for them was the coming together to conceive a child.

b. Hamilton records, “We have chosen to translate the common Hebrew word yada, ‘to know,’ as was intimate with. The same idiom appears again in this chapter in vv. 17 and 25. It is not without significance that often the sexual relationship described in the Bible is one in which the partners fully know each other. One partner does not exploit the other. Rather than being an end in itself, cohabitation is a means to an end, and that end is a deeper, more intimate knowledge of each other. In other words, expressing oneself sexually is not just a glandular function.”

2. United by God. When I perform a marriage ceremony, I usually conclude it with the following words, “Now by the power that is invested in me by God, and by the Commonwealth of Kentucky, I now pronounce you man and wife.” What does this do?

a. It brings the couple together in both a lawful and religious ceremony. They make their vows to God and to each other; they do not make their vows to me. It causes them to recognize God is bringing together, “twain as one flesh.”

b. It allows them to proceed to steps 10 through 12 in the bonding process. I do not bond the couple - they bond themselves with God’s blessing.