A God Sized View of Marriage

Introduction

Good morning, church! The gospel of Mark has begged the question “who is Jesus?” But since Peter’s declaration that Jesus is the Messiah, the trajectory of the book has since moved from the miraculous works of Jesus to the road to Jerusalem. As he has emphasized what the Kingdom looks like and who has authority in the Kingdom - he now begins to teach the disciples on the road to Jerusalem, how someone receives entry into the Kingdom of God and how his Kingdom people live.

The lessons and teachings that Jesus gives in this section, before they arrive in Jerusalem at the beginning of chapter of 11 are focused on the upside down nature of the kingdom highlighting humility, what true greatness looks like, to lifting people up who were normally looked down on. But chapter 10 brings what feels like miniature lessons within the greater theme of the Kingdom of God, specifically surrounding 3 of life’s biggest discipleship topics in marriage, children, and our possessions but today we are going to zone in on marriage.

As we step into this passage this morning I think we can all feel the weight of the conversation that Jesus had with the Pharisees, but we can also feel the weight of the conversation we’re about to have together. I want to make sure I give some clarity before we get into the explanation and application of this all:

I have been praying for all of you in the room all week, thinking about singles, marriages, divorces, separations, and just been begging the Spirit of God to strengthen, encourage, comfort, and be at work in all these situations and circumstances in regards to this passage.

I unfortunately don’t have sufficient time to answer all of the questions you might have about this in this one sermon. If you’d like to discuss something from the text or sermon today, you’re more than welcome to shoot me an email and let’s get time together to talk about it.

As a limited human cannot speak to every situation, circumstance, and cover every caveat that may be needed - but just know I see you and care about you whatever situation you’re in.

If you’re single, don’t check out. This sermon is for you, too.

If your marriage needs help - please ask for it. I have gotten to step into and see some amazing things happen when God’s people invite their brothers and sisters in to help, pray with, and walk with them in tough marriage situations in this church. God’s power has been on display, and He will continue to display his power.

Now, as we step into this passage, we have one big idea that I hope we can come together to see: Your view of Marriage has everything to do with your view of God

Setting (v. 1)

As the disciples follow Jesus, they’ve just come off this intense lesson on humility, pride, and sin. They leave Capernaum and arrive across the Jordan, crowds continue to ask Jesus to teach them. The tension has continued to rise between Jesus and his interactions with the religious elite and here once again in verse 2, as the crowds are upon Jesus the Pharisees see if they can pull one over on him so they begin the conversation on divorce.

Point 1: Man’s Perspective of Marriage (v. 1-5)

Explain:

Jewish View of Divorce/Context

Notice right away what the Pharisees are doing here, v. 2, they came to test Jesus. So right away before we even get to the question, we understand their motives - getting Jesus to make a mistake so that his influence will cease and they can carry on with their own power and influence among the people.

They ask “is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” and in Jesus' response, he doesn’t answer the question, but he makes them answer their own question by going to scripture. Jesus essentially says “what does the law say about this?” Of course being the religious elite, they know Deuteronomy 24 where Moses teaches on divorce. Everyone turns to Deuteronomy 24:1-4 with me so we can see this together.

““If a man marries a woman, but she becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, he may write her a divorce certificate, hand it to her, and send her away from his house. If after leaving his house she goes and becomes another man’s wife, and the second man hates her, writes her a divorce certificate, hands it to her, and sends her away from his house or if he dies, the first husband who sent her away may not marry her again after she has been defiled, because that would be detestable to the Lord. You must not bring guilt on the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.”

There are a couple reasons why the Pharisees come to Jesus with these questions specifically. In the jewish community there were two schools of thought on what Moses meant with this passage.

The people who followed the Hillel school of thought behind this passage, viewed and interpreted “displeasing & indecent” about the woman to be incredibly lenient. They would argue that divorce was permissible for any reason, even something as trial as burning dinner.

The other teaching was the Shammai teaching which interpreted “displeasing & indecent” to be more strict and argue grounds for divorce was in case of situations with adultery.

Here’s why they thought this question would get Jesus in trouble - If Jesus agreed with the lenient teaching, he doesn’t care about the sanctity of marriage and doesn’t uphold Moses’ law. If Jesus were to agree with the more strict view, it would give them the opportunity to jump on Jesus to bring him to King Herod and have him deal with Jesus just like he did John the Baptist. Because if you remember, John rebuked Herod for his unlawful marriage and their hope was to hand him over and get Jesus put in jail or worse, executed.

Argument: They want it easy

But Jesus doesn’t fall for this for a second. He knows exactly what they’re trying to do and so once again, Jesus goes to the heart of the matter. While the Pharisees were trying to get Jesus to answer loaded a question - Jesus takes the time to get to their heart. They have a small view of marriage and their sinful hearts have corrupted something beautiful that God made.

In verse 5 Jesus gets to the heart of why Moses even gave what was written in Deuteronomy 24 - divorce was permissible to them because people have hard hearts and because sin destroys what was meant for good, God grants mercy. The purpose behind Moses’ teaching discouraged hasty divorces because it required a man to stipulate a reason for divorce in writing and also prohibited him from remarrying his divorced wife. The certificate of divorce guaranteed the divorcee a path to dignity and the right to remarry another man if she chose. It safeguarded the rights of the woman as much as possible. Deut. 24 did not encourage divorce but attempted to preserve an equitable ruling in the unfortunate event of divorce. The bible never condones divorce, it does recognize the reality of divorce. The allowance of a divorce certificate provides regulations and is a concession for the protection and welfare of an innocent victim. Nowhere does God command to divorce.

The Pharisees wanted to keep divorce as easy as they could. They want to keep their status quo and not upset the way things are. They have a low view of marriage where it’s not a union between two equal people and only for the purpose of making sure the family line was passed on where women were just a means to making sure that happens. But God has a different standard.

Point 2: God’s View of Marriage (v. 6-9)

Explain

As Jesus goes on in his teaching and instruction he doesn’t just give them his interpretation of Deuteronomy 24. He actually brings up two other verses and says, “you want to talk about marriage? Okay, let’s go back to the beginning then” and quotes from Genesis 1:27 and 2:24 and gives his own teaching to double down on God’s view of Marriage. In these 3 verses, Jesus gives us 4 things to learn about a God’s sized view of marriage.

God Made Marriage

First, God Made Marriage. As Jesus goes back to the beginning of creation, he emphasizes who came up with this whole thing. It’s not a government creation, it’s not a nice idea that humans made, no, this was given to us by God himself. He is the one who initiated and created marriage for man's good and for us to be able to see and understand His relationship to us. Marriage is the number one illustration that God uses in the scriptures when explaining his relationship with his people. He is the bridegroom and the church is his bride. From his creation, we listen and learn about what marriage should look like because he authored it. From his illustration and explanation, we learn how we can follow his example in living out our marriages.

God brought them together, God gave them to one another. While the government participates and the people witness marriages, God is the one who is uniting the husband and wife. It is a divine union, not just one that is earthly and bonded by paperwork, but one that is brought together in a covenant.

Marriage between Male/Female

Second, God created humanity male and female. He made marriage to be between a man and a woman. God’s design for humanity and marriage is clearly given to us in the scriptures, not social constructs that we create and make, but something that he himself has declared. Our biology is designed by God and romantic relationships to be under God’s design. It’s such an important conversation that it continues to this day to be a conversation in the supreme courts. We as God’s people must remember that this is not man made, but God’s design. Jesus clearly defines marriage to be between a man and a woman under his authority and blessing.

Even as Jesus brings up in verse 8 that the two are one flesh as he quotes from Genesis 2 reminding us that the sexual relationship is a gift from God meant for marriage. Jesus isn’t just helping us evaluate cultural issues with people we disagree with, but he’s informing us that sex is a gift from God that brings two people together in intimacy. Because of its design and how it even affects us hormonally as we were created, it’s meant to be kept in the marriage relationship. God’s design for marriage is bigger than our own view.

New Family Unit/United Not Separate

Third, Marriage unites a husband and a wife! They leave their father and their mother. They become their own new family. This is one of the hardest things that we wrestle with in the midwest. Family is close and that is a beautiful thing. But if you’re a parent in the room with adult children who are married - they are their own family unit now. I recently heard one pastor even illustrate this to communicate the picture, when your kids get married, we typically say something like "I've gained a daugher/son” but the truth we need to wrap our brains around is that we are letting go of our son’s/daughters to begin their own united family unit. Speaking as a father of two daughters, this is hard to think about, but God’s design is for parents to teach, encourage, help them know what to look for in a spouse, then when they get married - GET OUT OF THE WAY. Love them, support them, but they are their own. Husbands and wives - your spouse should come before your parents and siblings, they are your number one priority as a family.

As a married couple, you are united together. You are not two separate people with some legal document who share a home, but you’re one flesh brought together with every part of your lives. You make decisions together, you financially support and trust each other, you pray and grow together in Christ. You are one unit and if you’re two separate people or as the world puts it “your own person” that’s not what God has for you in marriage. In Corinthians it’s as bonded together to say that your own body belongs to one another. As Jesus even brings up Genesis 1 he emphasizes that marriage is not simply something to benefit the man in the relationship, but he brings up how God also created women in his image. They are both equally made in God’s image and a relationship where each is valued. A united team under God’s design.

God made it, we can’t separate it

Fourth, in verse 9 God made marriage, God brought you together in marriage, no one, no person should get in the way of your marriage. In this passage, the Pharisees were trying to make marriage their own and keep their ability to make divorce as easy as possible. But under Jesus' teaching and instruction here, he reinforces the God sized view of marriage to remember that this isn’t just a simple agreement you have for a period of time, but marriage is a covenant relationship that God has brought together. To intervene would be man destroying what God made and united. We too are reminded by Jesus to not just have a small view of marriage that is about our happiness, pleasure, but a union orchestrated by God as a gift and worthy to fight for.

Point 3: God’s Restoration for Remarriage (v. 10-12)

Explain

After the conversation among the crowd and with the Pharisees, Jesus enters into the home they’re staying in with his disciples as they want more information about marriage and divorce. It’s clearly something that they continue to want to understand further, so they keep asking for more insights. In doing so, Jesus doesn’t just give them a lesson on how to have a great marriage, but his teaching actually explains his view of marriage all the more. What Jesus is doing in verses 11 & 12 is highlighting the reality of divorce, but teaching and emphasizing what even qualifies as remarriage.

Here’s the thing with these verses, they’re incredibly debated, they’re manipulated, they’re used in Pharisaical ways, like the Pharisees used Deuteronomy 24, people in our modern time use these verses to have a man-centered view on divorce and remarriage.

Divorced in Man’s Eyes, not God’s

As we discussed, God is the one who declares and unites marriages. God is the one who decides and gives clarity to when someone is actually divorced and free to remarry. What Jesus is saying in verse 11 is that if a man divorces his wife and it’s not a legitimate divorce, then the two are still married in God’s eyes. But because the government, irs, family, friends or even the person themselves says their divorced and they go and get remarried and have sexual relations with another woman - they have committed adultery against their “first” wife. Because God is the one who has given us a clear picture of marriage and divorce. In God’s eyes, you’re not divorced if it’s not for a valid reason. Marriage is a promise to God, not just the government. In God’s eyes, it’s sin and adultery if you remarry after being divorced legally, but not biblically.

God’s view of Women/Equal Responsibility

Jesus once again wants his disciples to understand the emphasis that he is making in verse 12. He does not just speak to the men, but he says the same exact thing to women. God’s view of marriage is between a husband & a wife. While the jews of their day would take Deuteronomy 24 and their low view of women to show that the husband was the arbiter of divorce, here Jesus emphasizes that while marriage is between the two and a union where they are both in God’s image together, the wife then also bears equal responsibility if she is the one to unlawfully divorce or commit adultery.

What is a permission for Divorce?

So what is then a valid divorce? Before we unpack some of this - I just want to speak to those in the room who have been divorced, who are going through divorce, are separated right now, or have been impacted by divorce in some way. God’s grace, forgiveness and mercy is upon all who would come to him. It was once even more taboo, but it still carries some of that today where you feel less than because of your marital status - if you are in Christ, Jesus has raised you up and seated you right with him in Christ. His compassion, love, forgiveness, and hope is upon you just as it is the one who has the greatest marriage that we may see. Jesus’ love for you is not far or gone, but available each and every day. As a body of believers, we come together to weep with those who weep and point you to Christ more and more.

Now if you’re asking the question about divorce and what the grounds for divorce are - I’m curious what your motive is? Are you in a marriage that you’re just itching to get out of? Are you just trying to punk your spouse and hold this over them that you “can” get a divorce so you want to manipulate and bully them with the answer to this? If that’s you, I’d just ask and invite you to receive the same message Jesus gave to the Pharisees. What’s a God sized view of marriage? The bible may give us permission to divorce under specific circumstances, but it never commands or directs us to get divorced. Pray for your hardness of heart to be softened and to fight for your marriage with a God sized view of marriage and a God sized view of his power of forgiveness, grace, mercy, and healing.

Again - I cannot speak to every situation, caveat, and nuanced situation here. The bible does give a few valid permissions for divorce. First, is adultery. From Deut. 24, to Jesus teaching here we see that permission for divorce is adultery. Second, in 1 Cor. is if a Christian is married to a non Christian and the unbeliever is/has abandoned your marriage. Unwilling to work on it, wants to leave, refusing to participate in marriage - then the believer is given permission to walk through divorce. Third, cases of abusive patterns. There is so much more in this conversation and this is what is just clear, but it’s true also to say that every situation is different, nuanced, and rather than being caught up in “should you divorce” we can ask the question of “how can I help” or “what can we do to fight for this.”

Gospel Hook

Church, Jesus is not just the lawgiver and teacher here who tells us things and we’re just expected to follow them. But Jesus is our great example in marriage. While he was never married on earth, the Bible gives us the blessing and hope that we all are desperately hoping for a marriage that is perfect. A relationship that actually can carry the weight and burden of all we have. The perfect spouse who does not hurt us, harm us, lie to us, manipulate us, or wrong us. The perfect spouse that we long for is provided in Jesus himself as the bridegroom of the church who is given to him as his bride.

While we as a sinful people have walked away from God, even given the image of committing adultery against him as we pursue other gods, idols, passions and have abandoned him - He is the one who relentlessly pursues us. He is the one who continues to fight for us. He is the one who continues to be present. He is the one who carries all of our burdens. Jesus is the great bridegroom that we actually need and when we come to Jesus, believe in him as Lord and Savior, repent of our sin and trust in him we can actually not just be witnesses at the marriage supper of the Lamb when he returns, but we’re the bride being lifted up who’s groom has died for her.

Application

A goal of your marriage should be to actually put God’s glory on display because when a marriage imitates Christ’s it actually becomes a beacon of light to everyone who sees and notices it. So here’s a few applications for us if we have a God Sized View of Marriage.

God’s Love for you Drives you to Love like him

First, we love our spouses, just as Jesus has loved us. Husbands, die for your wives. Love them, pursue them, ask them what are some of the best ways that you show up for them and remember those. Create space for them, plan date nights, don't make her plan them unless that’s her favorite thing to do. Do things she wants to do, not just things you want to do. Wives, support him, build him up, talk him up in front of your families, don’t mock him or ridicule him. Love like Jesus loves you and continues to be a student of your spouse. Pay attention when they say they like something or what makes them laugh. Pay attention to what fuels them and put gas on that fire.

My wife knows that I am filled up with words of affirmation so she’ll sometimes sneak notes into my backpack or on my desk. She knows I like being able to just be productive around the house so some days she just takes the kids and let’s me go ham on cleaning, laundry, and resetting our house. She knows I love the lawn so she encourages me to get out and mow. Do you think about ways you can bless your spouse more than how you’re frustrated with them? Do you encourage them more than your critique them? Fire them up and build them up, not tear them down!

Have a God Sized view of Marriage

Second, see your marriage the way God sees it. You have been united together by the living God. He has joyfully been the one in your marriage and wants you to flourish. Do you value your marriage and see it as a covenant relationship he brought together and that you made with one another or do you see your relationship as someone who you were attracted to and was nice to you for a time so you pulled the trigger? Take a step back and see how amazing it is that God gave us this relationship to be a picture and gift that we get to have. See your marriage as a covenant relationship you fight for.

Be humble when things are brought up. Fight for your marriage, don't just let it pass you by. Make it a priority over the mundane places of life. Elevate it over your kids and family. Make it primary. And if you’re struggling, ask for help. Don’t be afraid to let Godly counsel into your marriage. You may not like everything they say, but if they’re trustworthy and they have a great marriage and they love Jesus, invite them in and actually take counsel. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

This is why we put on the marriage conference every year. Because we believe investing in marriages matters and want to step in and create space for you to make it a priority regardless if you think it’s in a great spot or in a rough spot. Make the time to invest in your marriage to help it flourish for years. Side note, if you think you’re marriage is okay and your spouse doesn’t - that means it’s not okay. Move towards one another and fight for your marriage with a God’s sized view of the covenant relationship.

Singles

Third, if you’re single this is a great time for you to actually be investing in your relationship with Jesus. Because he’s the only one who will never let you down. The perfect spouse, knight in shining armor, girl next door, does not exist apart from him! Ask him to grow you to maturity so that you would be a great spouse. Ask questions from married couples that you know about how they serve one another so that you would be practicing and prepared for marriage. Pray that God would give you that good gift and pray for your future spouse to be growing in Christ! When you’re looking for a spouse, don’t just settle. Look for someone who is living out their walk with Jesus. Watch them in how they serve Christ and his people. Don’t just look for someone who is attractive, they’re going to get old and wrinkly anyway. Don’t just look for someone who makes you happy, but someone who you can serve, love, and pursue the kingdom of God with together.

Some of you may end up being called to a life of singleness. I know that may be difficult if you desire a spouse, but God actually can use that as a gift for you and to bless others around you. You have more opportunity to care for a love your church family through this calling and live out the gospel in ways that others can’t.

Fight for one another's marriages

Fourth, fight for each other's marriages. Man, I have been so blessed by so many of you. Some of you have been so kind to bless us and just tell us to pick a date on the calendar for us to go on a date and you watched our kids because we mentioned not having a date night in a while. I’ve had people tell me I put my kids before my wife before and I need to evaluate that in my heart. I’ve had some of you call me up to serve my wife joyfully. I’ve watched men serve their wives and be convicted at how you serve her and so I follow your example.

In the Church we all have an opportunity to actually support each other in marriage. If you hear someone in your city group mentioned they’re struggling, take them to coffee and ask how you can support them. Also, don’t assume everyone’s marriage is going well just because they are silent in expressing issues. Pray for them regularly and check in on their marriage. If they say they haven’t had a date night, offer to watch their kids if you can or have them pull out their calendar and tell them to schedule a date night and hold them accountable to it. Don’t be afraid to ask your city group to see if someone can help you with child care. Serve each other, we get to do this together as Christ has given us brothers and sisters we can actually be the body to lift up the marriages in our church to be a reflection of his relationship to us.

Conclusion

Imagine with me, if everyone in our church bought into a God Sized View of Marriage. Lives would be transformed. Marriages would be restored and healthy. Kids would have examples to look up to. And not just homes would be changed, but I firmly believe that our marriages would be a beacon of light that would help us be a picture on display for the neighbors, coworkers, families that we interact with regularly that would point people back to Jesus. A God sized view of marriage looks to Jesus the perfect bridegroom who sacrificed himself for his bride, then follows his example, and changes the world. May God grant us that gift of seeing his redemption in our very own homes.