God’s Design for Dating

November 9th 2025

Series: Designed by God

Sermon Title: God’s Design for Dating

Topic: Building strong families

Key Passages: 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Topic: Dating, Love, Relationships

Sermon Blurb: In today’s message, we will look at what it means to become a person worth pursuing. To become the person you're looking for is looking for.

***1st week ODD months add communion & target message at 15 pages.

***1st week EVEN months add space for dedication, baptism, or ministry highlight & target message at 15 pages.

***Green in sermons means illustration, something we are looking for a response from, and/or a picture that goes on the screens.

***Yellow means what is yellow will be on the screens and in the handout.

Dedication, Baptism, or Ministry Highlight (1st Sunday, every even month):

Sermon:

Hello, Family Church!

        Welcome, whether you are here in person or online.

Family Moment –

Start with something personal from your family life recently to help people get to know you.

Celebrate salvation / rededications / baptisms last week.

Celebrate new disciples and disciple-makers.

PAUSE

If you are new to Family Church, you are SO happy you are here today!

Today, we are launching into a month-long journey looking at relationships…

We are going to spend 4 weeks talking about relationships and looking at what culture says, and contrasting that to what God says.

Let me lay out the month for you.

Last week, in week 1, we looked at our culture's view of men and women and contrasted it with God’s design.

If you missed that sermon, let me suggest you go listen to it on our website or app.

This week, in week 2, we will talk about how our culture says we should approach relationships & dating and contrast that to God’s view.

Come back next week because in week 3, we will talk about all the things we should work on BEFORE we say “I do.”

We will talk about how we should be preparing for marriage.

Then in week 4, we will talk about what a God Centered Marriage looks like.

And then in week 5, we are going to talk about something that is VERY rarely talked about in church…

        And it is something that is probably not talked about a lot in your home…

        Anyone want to guess the topic for week 5?

        Sex…

        We are going to talk about the culture's view vs God’s…

        And parents, if you have a teen or a young adult, you NEED to make sure they are here with you!!!!

PAUSE

Parents, you need to make sure you and your kids are here every week.

Teens & young adults…you need to make sure you are here every week to learn what God’s design for your life pre-dating looks like.

        What your dating life should look like.

        What your engaged life should look like.

        And what your future marriage should look like.

PAUSE

I highly doubt I am the only person here today who has noticed how the definition of marriage and sexuality has changed drastically.

The definition of family has changed.

The rules of dating have changed.

We are doing this series because our desire here at Family Church is that all of you have GREAT relationships!

        I want you to have a healthy dating life.

I want those of you who have given up on the idea of marriage to get excited about it again! 

I want those of you dreaming about marriage to have an extraordinary marriage!

I want those of you who are married to have a great marriage!

PAUSE

The problem is that a lot of us have a jaded picture of relationships & marriage because of what we see on TV, Movies, in magazines, or even some of the families we grew up in.

If you are a teen in the room and you are thinking about dating, you need to be here for this whole series!

Parents, if your teen is not here today, you need to sit and watch this message with them later today.

If you are an adult who is in the dating scene, you need to take really good notes today.

If you’re living with a person today and you are thinking you really want this living together thing to become a marriage…

You need to come to this whole series!

If today, you just have a desire to learn how to have a one-on-one relationship with another person that actually works…

You need to be here for this whole series!

PAUSE

Let me share one thing that is SUPER important…in fact, write this down.

Everything in life is connected. 

        (Repeat)

Did you know that everywhere you go, you carry your past with you?

Your past will show up in your future.

Your past will impact your future.

Even if settling down might not even be in your vocabulary…

What you're doing right now will impact that point in time when you do decide to settle down.

PAUSE

So why does that matter? 

Why does what you’re doing today matter for your future…  

How could your dating life affect your marriage…

Well…

Let me explain something…

As a pastor, I get to do premarital counseling…which is talking with couples before they get married.

I get to talk with couples living together who are NOT married.

I get to talk with married couples having a rough time.

I get to talk with couples just trying to figure out how not to get divorced.

Singles hear me in this.

        Lean in…

        This is going to shock some of you…

I have never met with a couple that had marriage problems. 

(Repeat)

I have met with people who had problems IN their marriages.

But I have never talked to people who have ever had a marriage problem.

PAUSE

What I have discovered is this…

Individuals with problems get married. Let me say that again…

I know this might sound confusing…

Individuals with problems…

Problems that began when they were single.

These people with problems get married.

And then they think when we get married, this is going to fix everything! 

It is going to be all sunshine and rainbows!

Every bride and groom thinks at the moment standing at the altar…I LOVE THIS PERSON SO MUCH…

        This is going to be AMAZING!!!

But then after the honeymoon…

Or sometimes during the honeymoon…

Suddenly, these problems creep up. Then the couple says, “We have marriage problems!”

TO which I say no…

You had problems you brought into the marriage. 

What almost every person who has ever gotten married thought was, “When I say I DO, my past, our past, is wiped away!

It will never show up again in our lives.” 

But guess what, it doesn’t work that way! 

Your past still shows up and makes a mess in your future.

        EVERYTHING in life is connected!

Singles, listen to me, this is going to help you….

You want to know why married people do this?

Because most of the married people you are sitting around, they bought into this myth...

And it is a myth that you are possibly buying into right now as well. It is a myth that you hear all the time. 

You will learn it from books. 

From movies.  

From TV. 

From the media.

This myth is called the right personmyth.

This myth says this…if I marry the right person, everything will be ok.

When I meet the right person, everything will fall into place.

Maybe you have thought…you know, the reason my past relationships have not worked…is because I was just not with the right person.

Or the reason my last marriage failed…is because I was not with the right person.

PAUSE

But what the married people around you didn’t know…

Is that when they met the right person, that person was thinking the same thing!

So, both of these people with all kinds of problems think…

“Once I meet Prince Charming, everything will just work out! 

Once I meet Princess Layya, everything will just work out!

We will be fixed!”

See, here is the problem….

Let’s say a guy named Frank meets this wonderful girl named Angel.

Her name is even heavenly. 

He thinks YES! 

I have found her! 

She thinks, well, maybe this is as good as it gets.

Just kidding, she is excited as well!

And single people….you know how married people know they met the right person.

Chemistry! 

It is like OHHHHHHH I just can’t stop thinking about him or her. 

I get all these butterflies inside me when I see him or her!

And what SO many people say to their parents is… (SAY IN A RIDICULOUS VOICE)

Mom / Dad you don’t understand!

When we talk on the phone, neither of us can hang up. 

He is like, “You hand up.” 

And I am like, “No, you hang up.”  See all the laughter in the room….that is because everyone laughing is thinking, “How does Pastor know I did that?” 

PAUSE

We all think our love is unique! So here is what happens.

We start a relationship based on chemistry.  

It is amazing because we can sit and talk for hours! 

Like we didn’t even have to talk; we just got lost looking into each other’s eyes!

And because we realized we had met the right person, we began allowing their affection.

That leads to romance…

That leads to other things….

That we will talk about in the weeks ahead…..

And single people here are what married people thought at that moment….

They thought…what we have is unique!!!!!

No one else has ever loved this deeply!  Certainly not our parents.

Not our brothers or sisters! 

What we have is so unique!

And OOHHHHH the chemistry is electric!!!!

PAUSE

Hear me, single people…

Sometimes the people who have SO much chemistry have nothing else that keeps them connected once they are married and the chemistry fades….

Because NEWS FLASH Chemistry always fades.

Those butterflies will NOT always be there!

You, Prince Charming, will fart around you one day!

Your Prince Vespa will one day have a better mustache than you…                 NO, I AM JUST KIDDING!!!!

        But I PROMISE you…chemistry ALWAYS fades….

And because of that, sometimes people get divorced because the fun feelings are gone.

OR what a LOT of people do…

And trust me, I know…I hear about this all the time.

The chemistry is gone…so a LOT of people think… usually the woman, and she says, “I know how to fix this! Let’s have a WHAT?”

A baby!

Oh, that is brilliant. 

Let’s bring a new person into a broken relationship and hope that somehow that will make the relationship better!

But the guys are thinking…...Well, I know what comes with that, so let’s go full steam ahead!!!!

PAUSE

Then this relationship that is already rocky…brings in another life…to fix the problems…and just like I said, marriages don’t fix our problems…babies REALLY don’t fix our problems!

PAUSE

And Single people, let me tell you why there is so much nervous laughing today…

Because this is the story of a bunch of people in the room.

And there are a bunch of people in the room nervously laughing because they are thinking, “How does he know!”

And they are thinking that because they think their relationship is so unique!

And guess what. 

It is NOT.

I have had people say to me so many times this year, “Pastor, your sermon today was like you know exactly what is going on in my life.”

See, we all think our lives are SO unique, but we have common struggles. 

PAUSE

Single people.

There is good news for you!!

And the good news is you don’t have to go through this same stuff! 

But the only way to avoid these common struggles is to decide NOW not to buy into the right person myth.

So, as we begin our discussion, I want to try to guide us, maybe in a new direction.

Here is what I want us to understand today. 

And this is the foundation of this whole series.

Life is not about finding the right person; life is about becoming the right person.

(Repeat)

Let’s all actually read that out loud…come on help me church…

Here is the TENSION between the following culture vs the Bible…

Everything in culture says JUST find them and everything will be alright.

There is NO research that supports that theory; go try to find it because you won't!

See church.

If you don’t know, we were designed by God. 

God designed us for relationships, just not the kind of relationships popularized by our culture.

Let me tell you a true story about a girl who will help shape where we are going today, and then we will dive into scripture.

There was this girl who grew up in a moderately religious home.

She was taught all the right things.

She grew up going to church.

Then, after college, she moved into a big city and kind of decided to get into the dating scene.

Dating the way culture says to date. 

It was not the she quit believing in God. 

Singles you understand this.

It was not like she decided what she learned in church and at home was wrong.  She just decided that it didn’t matter at this stage in her life. 

That at this stage in life she was going to live the life she wanted to. 

And hopefully she would find the right person.

She said she was deep into the whole modern dating scene and all that goes with that. Then one evening, she was with a group of people and she saw this guy who was different. 

She started talking to him and she said she feel helplessly in love. 

He was the total package. 

Looks, job, car, personality, just the whole thing, and he was a Christian. 

He was living out his faith. 

And he had these great standards, and it was so refreshing and brought back some of her own past that she believed and put on hold.

Here is this great guy living out these values, and she was in love!

So a few days later, she was back home, talking to her mother and going on and on about this guy….

How he was the whole package….

And then, without warning her mom, turned to her and said, “Honey, the problem is a guy like that is not looking for a girl like you.”

And she said instantly fell to the floor into a puddle of tears. 

Because she knew her mom was right.

She said that it was a defining moment in her life. 

That was the moment she decided to change her life. 

She decided no matter how long it took. 

She was going to become the woman a guy like that was looking for. It was a total game-changer. Singles.

I am hoping on a day like today. 

A series like this one. 

You would get your mind wrapped around this concept. 

That you would make this new stance in your heart to agree with this idea that from now on…

As you continue to date and meet new people.

That your focus won’t be hunting and seeking.

But it will be becoming…

Here is the goal I hope you will ALL strive for today…

        You will see this in your notes:

My goal: become the person God needs you to be for your future spouse.

(Repeat)

Now…

Future spouse is NOT a mistake! You should not date just to date!

You should ONLY date to get married!

We talk about this ALL the time with our kids…       

You do not date to date.

You do not date someone whom you could NEVER picture yourself marrying.

You can hang out with anyone…

But you are dating to marry.

PAUSE

Here is the question I want you to wrestle with today.

Are you becoming the person you’re looking for would desire?

(Repeat)

If you want to find a Christian man, the bar is probably the best place to look.

If you want to find a wife who loves to nurture, you probably don’t want to look at WWF matches.

Single people listen to me. 

While you're single. 

As you're recovering from a divorce.

This is the time of your life to become the person God designed you to be.

You can do this! 

PAUSE

Now, when you open the Bible, you find very little on dating or how to hunt for people.

HOWEVER…

If you ask the question, “God, do you have anything to say in terms of what I should become?”

The pages of the Bible are filled with advice!

The Bible has so much to say about how to become a person worth pursuing. How to become a person setup for a great marriage! 

And don’t miss this….

The reason the Bible has much to say about becoming the right person is because God created relationships, and he created you for relationships!

But the key to great relationships is not finding the right person…

It is becoming the right person.

And this is probably the LONGEST wind-up to Scripture I have ever had…

        So, let’s dive into the Bible today.

If you have your Bible with you, and I hope you do, open it up to

1 Corinthians 13

New Person Bible Connection:

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Just go to ADD YOUR CAMPUS PLACE and get one for FREE!!!

Or you can always download the Family Church app and follow along on your phone as well.

Simply download the app and click "Sermon Notes" on the main page.

PAUSE

We are going to spend the rest of our time today unpacking four verses.

Here is what the Bible says about love and what we should become. 

Single people. 

Married People. 

I want you to think of this as the guide to your relationships and dating life.

We are going to walk through this slowly.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 4 Love is patient,

Hold up right there….

        And just leave this verse on the screen because we are going to be bouncing in and out of it….

That means love is NEVER ever pushy.

It means when you go on a date, you create enough space so that the other person never feels pressured by you for anything. Let me tell you what married people thought. 

They thought that when I married the right person…I won’t ever have to be patient! 

Because I married someone who just gets me. And the person they married thought the same thing!

And then they got married, and neither one of them worked on this, and suddenly.

You think she is so impatient. 

And she thinks you are so pushy! Because they never practiced being patient!

Everyone, whether married or single, needs to start practicing now!

        Be patient…

Next….

love is kind.

You know what kindness means? 

It means considerate. 

Love takes consideration of what the other person feels and desires.

Love is KIND. 

Love is considerate.

Listen, guys…when you have a bad date…what does culture say?

Do NOT call her ever again! 

If she calls, do not pick up!

If you see her, turn and walk the other way.

No, that is not being kind. 

That is not being considerate. 

You need to be kind enough, man enough, to say she is a great girl, but this is not going to work out.

And you don’t do it because I say it, you do it because you are becoming someone…who is KIND…

Next……

LOVE

It does not envy,

Here is one everyone needs to hear because this one destroys marriages!

You know what envy does to us? 

Envy makes you think things like, “If I am not happy, I am not going to let you be happy!” 

I am telling you, I see this so much in bad marriages.

The guy or gal is insecure, so they can’t let their spouse around other people without getting crazy jealous. 

It is just terrible. 

And some of you are carrying this around in you right now.

And the only way to get over it is to decide now, “I will not be envious!” 

I am going to let the other person win. 

I am not going to have to be right every time. I am not always going to one-up their story. 

Men….if a woman tells you a story about how she shot a 1-point buck, you just say, “WOW, that is incredible!!!!” 

You’re not going to tell her how you are Rambo, and one time you were falling from a tree stand that was being attacked by a wild boar and kept your faculties just as a 16-point buck dashed through the field 1,000 yards away, and you threw your hunting knife and killed it!  As simultaneously snapped the neck of the boar…..

NO! 

Men, just say, “WOW! You are amazing.”

Trust me, if you just learn that today, you will have infinitely better relationships.

Starting today, you’re going to learn not to be envious! 

Maybe even use this as an opportunity to test that chemistry and say, “You must be strong to hold steady enough to kill a 1-point buck; can I feel your muscles!”

        KIDDING!!!!!

Learn to let others win. 

Learn to enjoy someone else’s victory.

Next…

it does not boast, it is not proud.

Now, single people…you’re thinking this sounds like the most boring date ever! 

I mean, are you kidding me! I mean, he or she is going to pick me up, and we are going to drive around being patient. 

And then I am going to be kind.

Then I am going to let him or her win.

I am not going to boast?

I mean, are you kidding me?

You're thinking I feel sorry for Jenny, you think Jenny and my dating life must have been awful! 

And hey, we started dating in the 8th grade, so we never knew any different!

We would just go to Chucky Cheese and read our Bibles….it was great….I am kidding…

Let’s keep reading our Bibles. Verse 5…Love

5 It does not dishonor others,

Love does not dishonor others. 

Or to say it another way. 

Love never does something you would be ashamed if your parents found out about.

Love never does something that causes regret for the other person EVER.

Love never does anything to create regret for the other person. 

You might want to write that one down…I know it isn’t in your notes but it is SOOO good…

Love will NEVER do ANYTHING to create a REGRET for another person..

Love decides I will not be anyone’s regret.

Ladies, wouldn’t it be great to go on a date and never have to worry about how the night is going to end? 

Because you look at this guy and KNOW he would NEVER do anything to create a regret for you?

Wouldn’t it be great to know, “I can TRUST this person.” Men, I can tell you, if you just got this one right, you would be in such a small group of men out there, and you would be highly desired! 

That is a decision you make. 

That is a virtue you embrace. 

It is a habit you refine.

And it goes on to say…Love…

it is not self-seeking,

To which some of you think dating is LITERALLY seeking someone for me.

Pastor, this doesn’t make sense.

That is because you are looking at dating from the culture's point of view! 

        Culture is all about what is in it for YOU!

        God’s view is that you are dating this person to lead them closer to Jesus!

Ask my kids…

        I tell them all the same thing….

        Parents, you might want to write this down for your kids…

        The BEST way to even CONSIDER if you want to date someone is to start a Bible study with them.

        Start with Bible study and see if God leads it anywhere!

PAUSE

This passage goes on to say: Love

it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Here is another place where SO MANY marriages get derailed. 

Since we never learned how not to be envious, we keep a mental score in our relationships. So that when someone messes up, we can remind them about that later when it is convenient for us. 

NO!!!!

Start learning now how not to keep a record of wrongs!

It goes on to say…

6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Love never fails….those words spoken at so many marriages. 

Yet today, well over 50% of marriages end in a bitter divorce. Now, divorced people are in the room. 

Understand that no matter the reason for your divorce, you can find forgiveness through Jesus.

But we all have to admit….divorced or not….the day we stood at the altar getting married, we never wanted to get divorced.

Probably everyone in the room knows someone who has been divorced.

Or maybe even your parents divorced at one point.

So, let me ask you a question. 

Do you think it would have made a difference if that marriage had been more patient? 

Do you think it would have made a difference if they had been super considerate of each other’s feelings and needs?

Do you think things may have turned out differently if they hadn’t boasted about themselves but enjoyed their spouse’s victories?

Do you think your marriage would be different if they never dishonored their spouse?

Do you think your marriage could be what you have always dreamed if both of you were never self-seeking or quick to anger?

Or probably one of the hardest one…..

Do you think things might have played out differently if neither person kept a record of wrongs, but instead kept a record of what the other did right?

------ PAUSE -----

What do you think?

Let me end with where we are going to pick up next week….

11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.

When I became an adult, I put the ways of childhood behind me. How does every childhood romance end? 

What is the closing line? And they WHAT?

And they lived happily ever after.

In childhood…as a kid….we think if the prince and princess get together and then get rid of the mean people around them, then everything just works out!

Because they were destined to be together. 

If we can just get rid of the mean stepmother.

If we can just get rid of the overbearing father.

If we can just get rid of the mean step sisters!

If we can ever just get them together then ahhhhhhh we will live happily ever after.

That is how the children’s stories end. And new flash……

That is how some of you date. 

You’re thinking like a child. 

You’re thinking like a culture that leverages stories to make money.

In real relationships, happily ever after has nothing to do with finding the right person. 

It has everything to do with becoming the right person.

That begins with shifting your time,

shifting your thinking,

shifting your affection,

shifting your habits,

Seeing every relationship as an opportunity to practice becoming the person God designed you to be.

God loves you and creates you to be in relationships, and this is how we begin to get to where God designed us to be.

Life Application: Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, and as you read, begin a list under each part how you are going to live out those virtues in your relationships. As a result of today’s message, I will….

Prayer:

        Make sure to do a salvation call!

Offering:

Thank you all for being here today!

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Have a great week!