This Mystery of Marriage #7: Married... with Children, Colossians 3:18-21

Introduction: Those of you who have met my wife can tell that we were just babies when we got married, 27 years ago this year. I was 21 & Becky was only 19, but we got older real fast. We share a birthday that is 1 day after our anniversary, so the day after we got married, we both got a year older.

Our birthday is not the only reason we got older faster. As soon as the wedding ended the clock started ticking. Becky got the baby bug fast, but we were both still in college. She had just finished her sophomore year and I was headed into my senior year. We lived in the town where I was a part-time youth pastor, & my daily commute to college was 45 minutes one way. I’d go to school, stay after as a teacher’s aid, drive back to Russellville, go shovel gravel at the gravel pit, & serve at the church as a youth pastor. We had little extra time & no extra money, but my darling new wife wanted to have a baby!

I went back to school that fall after we were married & told my buddy- I said she wants to have a baby! He said you better give her one. I said I’m not ready to have a baby, & he said that’s what happens when you get married. I was able to push it off 10 months before I finally agreed that we wouldn’t try to prevent it. I only agreed because I didn’t think it would happen, but as soon as we made that decision, she got pregnant. We were only married a year and a half when Will was born. At only 23 & 21 years old, we were married… and having children.

Throughout this series we’ve talked about several complications of married life, it can get really messy sometimes, but nothing raises the stakes of complexity like adding children to the mix. Today we’re going to look at being married with children.

Colossians 3:18-21, 18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. 20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

There are a lot of directions we could go with this text, but I think the first thing we should do is look at the people involved in this family dynamic, their roles and responsibilities.

1, God’s DESIGN for PEOPLE- their Roles & Responsibilities: Wives, Husbands, Children, & Parents.

The best way to talk about these roles is to revisit God’s design for marriage and family. Remember Genesis 1:26-28, Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” 27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

God made man & woman in His image to represent Him on the earth. He created them male & female so that together their complementary relationship would reveal His image to the world. Through their physical, intimate relationship, they would spread God’s influence over the world by having little image-bearers.

Genesis 2 tells us that when God made Adam, it wasn’t good, because Adam was alone. Every other creature had a counterpart, a mate that was like them, except for Adam. So God put Adam to sleep & from a part of his own body made him a companion (i.e., a helper). Adam was put in the garden to tend & keep it, and God gave him Eve to be a partner in his work.

From the start, God made Adam to take the LEAD and gave him EVE to be his helper. Their marriage vows went something like this- Genesis 2:23-25, And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. God’s design for marriage and family is for a man to leave his family of origin and start a new family with his wife.

As they become one flesh, they begin a new family. The husband is the lead, the wife is his partner, & together they raise children who are both the products & propagators of God’s image in the world. You probably already know this, but we have deviated a long way from God’s design, sin is now our default.

2, We DEFAULT to the PROBLEM- we’re all sinners.

God made Adam & Eve to be His representatives on earth. At the same time, they were also representing all of us. When they sinned against God, disobeying Him by eating the forbidden fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, they became sinners, and by default, all of us are born into this world as sinners. Romans 5:12, Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all sinned.” Romans 3:23, all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. We’re all born under the curse of sin, so what does that do to us?

When Adam & Eve sinned there were consequences attached to it. Genesis 3:16-19, To the woman He said: “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you.” 17 Then to Adam He said, “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat of it’: “Cursed is the ground for your sake; In toil you shall eat of it All the days of your life. 18 Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you, And you shall eat the herb of the field. 19 In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread Till you return to the ground, For out of it you were taken; For dust you are, And to dust you shall return.” How do these consequences show up in our marriages and families?

When we look at our main text for today, why does it instruct wives to submit? Because couples often wrestle for control.

WRESTLING for Control. One of the consequences of Eve’s sin is that she wouldn’t be happy in the role of being a helper, she would want to be the leader. Desire- longing, craving. Rule- dominion, reign. In marriage, both are equals but someone has to take the lead. God designed the husband to take the lead but if he abdicates the role or his wife won’t let him, they will wrestle for control. That wrestling will lead to resentment.

RESENTING one Another. The fallout of Adam’s sin was because he listened to his wife instead of to the Lord. All of his hard work just to put food on the table would be because he elevated her word over God’s word. In our text, husbands are to love their wives & not be bitter toward them. Bitter- to be marked by strong resentment or cynicism. Here’s what happens- when wives take the lead & husbands do the listening, when it doesn’t work out, the husband will be angry with himself but he will resent her.

Now, throw kids into the mix. Why address the children & tell them to obey their parents in everything? Their default is rebellion.

REBELLING against Authority. When Adam & Eve had children, 2 sons- Cain & Abel; both of them brought their offerings to God (Genesis 4:1-15). God accepted Abel’s offering but not Cain’s, & Cain was angry about it. God warned him, Genesis 4:7, If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.” Instead of obeying God, Cain gave into sin & killed his brother. The repercussions of Cain’s rebellion haunted his family for generations.

Whenever you have a domineering wife & mother, a resentful husband & father, & children who are rebellious- you have the very definition of family disfunction. So what do we do about that?

3, We need to REDIRECT to a Greater PURPOSE.

Ephesians 5:22-33 gives us the bigger picture of what’s happening behind the scenes. It is the cosmic view of Christ and the church displayed in the metaphor of marriage- of husbands who love their wives & of wives who respect their husbands. Ephesians 5:22-24, Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:25, 28-29, Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her… So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

The earthly metaphor of marriage points us to the heavenly reality of Christ & the church. Marriage isn’t the ultimate, Christ is. ILL: The Moon- the moon has no light of its own, it merely reflects the light of the sun. In the same way, marriage exists to reflect the light of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. How does it do that? LOVE AND RESPECT

Percy Sledge knew what he was talking about- When a man loves a woman like Christ loves the church, he "can't keep his mind on nothin' else, He'd change the world for the good thing he's found…” He’ll give her everything he has. Jesus gave Himself for the church, & that’s what a husband has to do for his wife.

Aretha Franklin sang- RESPECT find out what it means to me, she was wrong. Ladies, you need to find out what it means to him. Respect means following the lead of your husband, just like the church follows the lead of Christ. Love and respect are like two knobs on a telescope, when they get turned just right, they bring into focus the majesty of Jesus Christ & the glory of the church.

When our marriages are REFLECTIONS of Christ and the church, our families become places of REDEMPTION. Wives ACT in ways that are fitting (or proper) in the Lord, & husbands REACT in ways that reveal great affection in the Lord. Children RESPOND to their parents in obedience, & parents take an active ROLE in leading their children to Jesus.

God gives us parents as authority figures in place of Himself to lead us back to Him. They are to function like God to us, display His image for us, & lead us to Him. Provoke- to stir up, challenge; that leads to discouragement (lose heart, spirit). Leading our kids to Jesus doesn’t happen by provocation but by proclamation. Ephesians 6:4, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. It doesn’t happen by accident, it happens on purpose.

Dads, do you want your kids to know Jesus? Then show them how he loves them by how you love their mom. Moms, do you want your kids to follow Jesus? Then show them how to follow Him by how you follow their dad. When our marriages reflect the Gospel, then our families become little displays of God’s glory on earth, which is how this whole thing started (Genesis 1:26-28).