The Parable of the Two Sons

Opening Line

I have a friend who did me wrong… and on my birthday!

Introduction

I was 24 years old. I had just had a year that honestly was the hardest year of my life at that point. Okay, i’ll spare you the details, but after all of the loss and sadness in my year, I just wanted to have a fun birthday party with some friends and eat good food.

Well, I had a best friend at the time, and when I told her about the party she said, “Yay! Can’t wait to celebrate with you!”

So then it’s my birthday party and we’re about an hour in, and she isn’t there yet, so I text her and was like, “Hey! You still coming?”

…and she. said. to me. on my birthday.

“Haha I said maybe I’d come.”

How many of you think maybe she’s not so great a friend after all?

Me too! I was so hurt! I was like, Why would you say you’re coming if you never intended to come?

It HURTS when people say one thing and do another.

That’s MEAN. That’s HURTFUL. Because when she implied she would be there, it created an expectation that I could count on her, and it made me feel like I mattered to her, and then when she no call, no showed, it told me how little I actually meant to her.

You prove who you are by what you DO, not what you SAY. And even though she said the right thing, her actions proved the kind of friend she was.

Have you ever been hurt like that? Because someone said one thing and did another?

Transition

[tender, soft] I am going to guess that each and every one of us…

[hard, serious] has been the bad friend. The one who said the right things but then didn’t follow through.

We don’t think of ourselves as the bad guy when we act this way, though. Only when other people act this way toward us. And we come by it honestly, I think. Raise your hand if you hate disappointing people.

Yeah, me too! So it feels like the nicer thing to say that you’ll be there even when you know you don’t intend to go.

Because to just say outright, “I’m not coming” would feel like we’re disappointing that person!

Here’s the problem with that scenario:

I would have so much rather her said, “I probably won’t be able to make it. I’m sorry. I love you. Let’s celebrate another time.”

And then if she did happen to be able to show up, I would’ve been thrilled! Because I wouldn’t have expected her to be there!

But for the opposite to happen, to expect her to come and then she doesn’t show? That hurts me and it makes her look like a terrible friend.

We all know we feel the same way, and yet you are giving yourself credit for doing the right thing when all you’re actually doing is saying the right thing.

You SAY you’ll show up to the party even when you have no intention of being there, [slow and whisper] and it makes you the bad friend in this story.

You feel good about yourself for “saying” the right thing… when actually all this makes you is a REBEL.

Because a REBEL says one thing and does another.

Teaching

Jesus tells a story much like mine, actually. It’s very short, and what you’ll see is that we have TWO rebels in this story.

So Jesus starts his story by asking “What do you think?” He’s talking to Pharisees and teachers and lawyers and he’s trying to get them to engage with him in solving this problem.

So I want to ask you too as we start… What do you think? I want you to pay close attention to what Jesus is saying.

Matthew 21:28–32

28 “What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work today in the vineyard.’

29 “‘I will not,’ he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.

30 “Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, ‘I will, sir,’ but he did not go.

31 “Which of the two did what his father wanted?”

“The first,” they answered.

Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you. 32 For John came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes did. And even after you saw this, you did not repent and believe him.

Two Sons. Two Responses. Two Results.

So we have son number one who says, “Nah I’m not gonna do that.”

He is openly rebellious. He intentionally denies what his father has asked. “Hey, it’s a new day, Go work in my vineyard today.”

But then he changes his mind. He realizes that it’s actually his responsibility to work the family business and help his family succeed. He REPENTS from his rebellion and goes to do what his father has asked of him.

Son One is the repentant Rebel: He has Bad words, Good actions.

Then we have the second son. He seems at first like the goodie two shoes of the siblings. But we see he’s not. His rebellion is hidden.

He even addressed the father as “sir,” which makes it sound like he’s being respectful, like he knows his dad has authority. 

But then he doesn’t go. He said he would and then didn’t. And unlike the first brother who it said “changed his mind,” this brother just didn’t go —no change of mind which means that even though he said the right thing, he never had an intention to obey his father.

Son Two: the real Rebel: He has good words, bad actions.

And remember what we said earlier: that you prove who you are by what you DO, not what you SAY.

Both sons had an opportunity to obey. Both were rebels. But ONE repented.

Which one did what the Father wanted? [the first one]

When we hear a story like this with such a clear answer of who did the right thing, we like to paint ourselves as the good guy—yeah I’m the obedient one. So let me ask you this:

Have you ever told your parents that you would do something and then didn’t?

ME: Here’s the thing—I don’t like to think of myself as a rebel. I am the goodie two shoes older sister. But what I’ve learned in my adulthood so far is that I can have the intentions of an obedient daughter and still end up committing the same ACTIONS as someone who is openly rebellious.

Here’s an example of what I mean:

My mom did our laundry, and she would fold it all in the living room and then tell everyone to come get what was theirs and put it away in their rooms.

Well, I would sit on the couch for an hour watching tv and then walk past my laundry to my room. I would say, “Yes maam I’ll get it put away tonight!” And then leave it FOR ACTUAL DAYS. And then my mom would get mad enough after a couple of days to take my clothes and put them on the floor by my bedroom door. And for several more days, I would walk right past that pile until she disciplined me for not putting it away.

I might as well have just said, “No mom, I won’t put it away.”

Even if I really did intend to obey her at first…

saying that I would and then failing to do so made me a rebel.

Here’s what I want you to know tonight: You prove who you are by what you DO, not what you SAY.

And when you say one thing and do another, you prove to people that you are a rebel who cannot be trusted.

Jesus is telling this story to a group of people who were REALLY good at sounding good. They were teachers and lawyers and religious professionals.

But all these people who sounded great never admitted their sinfulness, their need for the Savior—Jesus.

And Jesus wanted them to see in this story that their words count for nothing when they aren’t willing to admit that they are wrong and change their behavior.

And this seems like a pretty straightforward idea, but we have one big issue that really gets in the way of us living it out:

PRIDE. That’s what Jesus tells them in those last couple of verses.

Transition

They saw Jesus prove He was sent from God. They saw the miracles. They heard His teaching.

But their pride won out over humility. They could see they were wrong and didn’t repent.

And we think we would never do that with something so obvious, but we do.

Because when we are adamant about something, it can feel really embarrassing to later change our mind or realize we were wrong and have to admit that. And we would rather fight for the wrong position then face the embarrassment of admitting we were wrong because we are PRIDEFUL.

Application

Jesus’ parable leaves us with a huge problem: We talk like we love God, we talk like we want to follow Him, we talk like we’re ‘good kids’—but pride keeps us from actually doing what He says.”

We don’t want people to look at us weird for praying before lunch at school.

We don’t want to be rejected when we invite someone to youth group with us.

We don’t want to give our allowance to support world missions—we want to buy earrings or shoes or a video game.

Here’s the issue we have to deal with: We all have something in our life where we SAY one thing… but our ACTIONS tell a different story.

We all think we’re the obedient one… when really we’re the rebel.

It might be something simple — like saying you’ll put your laundry away and then never doing it. It might be spiritual — like saying you love Jesus but never reading your Bible because you don’t want to or you don’t feel like it. It might be like my story — where you say you’re a good friend, but then you don’t show up for people.

And the root of this problem? It’s our pride.

We would rather get grounded than say sorry to our mom.

We would rather say yes to our friend to avoid an awkward moment even though it will hurt them in the long run.

Why? Because we have a pride problem. We will do a lot to avoid admitting we are wrong and feeling embarrassed.

But the real danger in this parable isn’t being wrong. It’s staying wrong because of pride.

So tonight in small groups, I want you to talk honestly about the gaps between what you say… and what you actually do.

And I want you to ask yourself: Are you willing to admit where you have been wrong, lay down your pride, and change your behavior like the first son? The one with bad words but good actions?

Closing Line

There were two rebels in this story. One repented. Will you repent, too?

Pray and dismiss as well.