Keys to Enjoying the Holidays
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Intro
Talk about families
How many of you shudder at the thought of all the family gatherings during the holidays?
How many of you shudder at the thought of all the family gatherings during the holidays?
During the holiday season we all spend more time than usual with family than we do the rest of the year. Someone said, but I’ll claim it… It’s good to see them come and it’s good to see them go! Most of the time, we feel like a couple of days is enough. right?
So, if you are like me, you are in the right place today. Here’s the thing…
We get to pick our friends, but not our families.
We get to pick our friends, but not our families.
Let me ask you… does anyone here have a crazy relative? angry aunt… bad brother… carnal cousin… sarcastic sister… ugly uncle… mean mother in law? If you don’t, you may be the crazy one.
How many of you have some friends? Some of the best friends I have are right here at RC.
14 Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. 15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
Work at living in peace with your families
Work at living in peace with your families
First we are to “work” at living in peace with everyone, especially our families. We should do our best to get long with non-Christians and Christians alike. In a perfect world, that would work out. But we don’t live in a perfect world so we have to work towards it.
He also says to work at living a holy life. Holiness when applied to God means His moral perfection and the fact that He is totally separate from humanity in his holiness. Holiness when applied to us means devoted to or set apart for His service.
Holiness means two things. We are made holy when we are saved by what Jesus did on the cross. He took our sin and gave us his righteousness. In a practical way our holiness means honoring God in the way we treat others… in the way we run our businesses. Holiness causes the thoughts, beliefs and actions of Christians to be different than non-Christians.
Holy living will lead to peaceful relationships. A right relationship with God leads to right relationships with other people including our families.
How many of you would love to have a great time with family and friends this holiday season? All of us right?
Things we can do to enjoy the holidays with family and friends
Things we can do to enjoy the holidays with family and friends
1. Working for peace in our families will include peaceful conversations.
1. Working for peace in our families will include peaceful conversations.
14 Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord.
Everyone includes all of our family members. Now…
Challenging people can be found everywhere especially in our families.
Challenging people can be found everywhere especially in our families.
We have challenging people all around us: at work, at school, at the Mall, in Restaurants, at home… don’t look to the right or left…
The good news is that we can avoid most of the challenging people we will encounter, or at least minimize the exposure. The bad news it’s harder to avoid family members as we enter the holidays because many will have family staying with them or you will be staying with family.
Here is another thing I have found over the years. Most of the time, it’s our mouths that get us into trouble. Our conversations often cause a lot of conflict in our gatherings.
If we can just learn how to talk to each other it will go a long way towards having a great time during the holidays. Tone means a lot. Learn to watch your tone. Aggression gets aggression back. Anger gets anger back. What goes around comes around. We want to have peaceful conversations.
Peaceful Conversations require truthful words.
Peaceful Conversations require truthful words.
Who likes to be lied to? None of us right? Lying comes from the devil and creates all sorts of conflicts in all relationships … even families.
22 The Lord hates liars, but is pleased with those who keep their word.
It makes God and others happy when we tell the truth so why do we lie? Sometimes people lie because they don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.
Andy Griffith when Aunt Bee and Clara were competing for the best pickles. Aunt Bee’s were terrible but Andy and Barney couldn’t tell her and even lied saying how good they were. She ended up making another batch just for them…
If we want to help someone… if we want to influence someone for good, we should always lovingly tell them the truth about their attitudes, actions, relationships, and word. But our speech should always be loving and kind with the goal to restore someone, not to embarrass them.
15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.
Peaceful conversations require considerate words.
Peaceful conversations require considerate words.
Sometimes we have to tell people we care about things that are uncomfortable so we need to always be considerate in our conversations. Will rogers said,
Be careful of the words you say. Keep them soft and sweet. You never know from day to day, which ones you will have to eat.
Has anyone besides me, ever spoken too fast? or hit send on a FB message too quickly? and then had to apologize for what you said?
19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
If we could just learn to live by this verse. Mama always told me that I had two ears and one mouth for a reason. We need to listen and be very slow to get angry with each other. Family knows how to get under your skin… be slow to anger.
We need to extend this verse past our families to others we come in contact with during the holidays… people at the mall… people at church… people on Manhattan or Barataria… or even worse… slow people on 4th street.
We all need to be slow to get angry…
If we want to get along with our family, we should never use angry, critical, demeaning, gossipy, or prideful words in our conversations.
If we want to get along with our family, we should never use angry, critical, demeaning, gossipy, or prideful words in our conversations.
If those are the only kinds of words you can speak… don’t speak. Mama used to tell me, if you can’t say something good, don’t say anything. Check this out…
28 Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.
We need to all learn to listen and not make a fool out of ourselves.
Peaceful conversations require helpful words.
Peaceful conversations require helpful words.
Our words always need to be helpful for the person we are talking to and not be words that make us feel better. You may think you will feel better just lashing out at someone… it doens’t last and it destroys relationships. Paul said,
29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
Good and helpful words encourage people and build them up.
Helpful words include affirming and appreciative words.
Helpful words include affirming and appreciative words.
Words are powerful, especially words that build people up. We need to affirm, to build up our families especially.
One time PK said,
Find something nice to say to someone in the first 30 seconds of conversation with them.
Affirmation shows them that they are important to you.
Appreciative words show them that you are grateful for them.
When is the last time you told someone you appreciated them? family member, co-worker, employee? My boss Roy who was good at pointing out the good. He said I am going to let you know when yo do something wrong, so it’s only fair and right that I tell you when you are doing it great.
6 When you talk, you should always be kind and pleasant so you will be able to answer everyone in the way you should.
Kind and pleasant. Pleasant expects pleasant back. Kind is without any expectation.
2. We need to be a good witness to our family members.
2. We need to be a good witness to our family members.
Our best witness is our behavior. Look at Hebrews again. Heb 12:14
14 Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord.
Those who are not holy will not see the Lord. Holy here is talking about being saved. In 2 Corinthians 5:21 Pul siad, “For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.” IOW, he took our sin and gave us His righteousness.
He wants us to be good witnesses to our families so that they will come to know Him.
We have all blown it with our families… right? We have used spiteful words and hurtful words instead of helpful words. We have used condemning words instead of words that encourage.
We need to guard our witness. If we want to make a godly impression on our families… to be a good witness to them… How do we do that?
Being a good witness means we practice what we preach.
Being a good witness means we practice what we preach.
21 So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls. 22 But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.
We have to do what God says. Nobody is going to listen to a hypocrite. If you are trying to witness to somebody but they see you drinking, shacking up, acting up, cursing, losing my temper, gambling, looking at porn, telling off color jokes… they will not listen.
I have heard people say, I don’t want to go to church because it’s full of hypocrites. That means the hypocrites are closer to God than they are… so come on to church… one more hypocrite won’t hurt.
James is saying to us, if you claim to be a Christian, act like one. And I would add, act like one with your family. Always be careful and do not let people bait you into a fight.
If you claim to be a Christian, don’t act like you think you are better than the rest of your family… or anyone else for that matter. Nobody responds to a condescending and judgemental person. I’ve seen people try to bully people into acting the way they wanted, and I have also seen people act like they are offended and guilt people into acting the way they want them too. Don’t do either of these. … not if you want to enjoy your holidays.
Be a good witness by practicing what you preach and not trying to manipulate them.
Being a good witness means we control our emotions.
Being a good witness means we control our emotions.
Too often, conflict begins because one or more family members hasn’t matured enough to control their emotions. The emotions that most often cause us problems, especially with our family are anger and offense.
Do you have a family member like this? don’t raise your hands. Maybe you struggle with this. Look what Solomon said in Pro 29:22
22 An angry person starts fights; a hot-tempered person commits all kinds of sin.
Too often we cause serious damage in our relationships with angry words.
Too often we cause serious damage in our relationships with angry words.
The problem probably isn’t the anger. The problem is whether or not we are mature enough to appropriately express it and manage it. Very few people today seem to have learned how to manage their anger. They don’t teach it in any school, unless years ago you were in one of our Campus Life Groups. Our parents didn’t teach us either.
Here are some facts about anger that maybe you didn’t know.
The average woman loses her temper 3/week. Man 6/week
Women are more angry at people… men at things.
Singles express 2x more anger than married people.
Men are more physical in their anger than women.
In 1806 Andrew Jackson in a duel with Charles Dickenson was shot first but his anger caused him to stand upright and kill his opponent.
Most Road Rage is done by men
NBA Player Ron Artest got into a fight with a fan… ended his career.
Coach Bobby Knight of Indiana Hoosiers ended his career by throwing a chair out into the court.
Anger suppresses your immune system for hours making you much more likely to get sick when angry.
People are more likely to express anger at home than anywhere else. Why? the dont’ want anyone else to see how bad they can be.
We need to learn how to manage our anger so we can honor God and improve our family relationships.
How can we manage our Anger?
How can we manage our Anger?
1. We will control our anger when we decide to take responsibility for it and control it.
1. We will control our anger when we decide to take responsibility for it and control it.
Stop saying you can’t control yourself. You can.
2. We will control our anger when we stop making excuses for our anger and blaming others for it.
2. We will control our anger when we stop making excuses for our anger and blaming others for it.
We have to realize that anger is a choice just lke forgiveness and love are choices. When you become angry, you are choosing to become angry. Nobody else is doing that. Nobody else is making you angry. It’s your choice.
3. We will control our anger when we realize anger is a choice and we can choose how we manage it.
3. We will control our anger when we realize anger is a choice and we can choose how we manage it.
Phone illustration
Anger is controllable.
Anger is controllable.
As a Christian, we CAN control our anger. Phil 4:13
13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
In Christ, we can do anything. With Jesus power, we can not let that relative get on our last nerve. With Jesus power we can refuse to be drawn into someone else’s argument.
Look what Solomon said about this… Pro 29:11
11 Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back.
Don’t be a fool. Learn how to control your anger. The opposite of angry words are gentle words. Pro 15:1
1 A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.
If you want to enjoy the holidays, use gentle words instead of harsh words. Start controlling your emotions and practice what you preach.
3. We have to overcome hurt from our family.
3. We have to overcome hurt from our family.
Some of the worst hurt can come from family.
15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
We have to learn to let go of hurt, bitterness and un-forgiveness if we want to live peace filled lives. People who are close to us will hurt us at some point… intentionally or unintentionally. But we have to learn to let it go. How do we do that?
When people close to us hurt us, we need to stop thinking about it.
When people close to us hurt us, we need to stop thinking about it.
Don’t keep thinking about it. The more you think about it the bigger and worse it becomes. It will get bigger and bigger and begin to control your thoughts.
9 If you want people to like you, forgive them when they wrong you. Remembering wrongs can break up a friendship.
Thinking about it over and over causes resentment and that never helps you… it only hurts you. Resentment is slef destructive. It’s like setting yourself on fire and hoping the other person dies from smoke inhalation.
When you hold on to that hurt from the past… hold on to that grudge, it doesn’t hurt the person from the past… It hurts YOU! When you hold onto it, you are allowing them to continue to hurt you in the present. Your past is over and you have to choose to not let it keep hurting you.
Every time you go over it in your mind, you are hurt by it again.
When people close to us hurt us, we should not rehearse it in our minds.
When people close to us hurt us, we should not rehearse it in our minds.
Stop ruminating about it. Stop thinking about it over and over again. Stop thinking about how they offended you and how you want to even.
Change your thoughts. Look what Paul said in Eph 4:26-27
26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.
Staying angry with others gives the devil influence and power in your life. We want to resist the Devil. James 4:7 says, “So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
One way we give the devil a foothold is by thinking about the offense over and over again. You may not have thought about it like this, but when you keep going over something in your mind, you will begin to resemble it. You move towards what you focus on. Past - towards the past… future - towards the futures. If you focus on the promises of God, you move closer to the Lord.
Whatever you think about over and over you will become. How many of you said, I’ll never be like my parents? and you are…
Bringing up the past in family relationships is not helpful to enjoying your holidays.
When people close to us hurt us, we shouldn’t share it with others.
When people close to us hurt us, we shouldn’t share it with others.
We need to not go spreading our business out there on social media. Don’t gossip… or backbite.
9 Whoever forgives someone’s sin makes a friend, but gossiping about the sin breaks up friendships.
28 Gossip is spread by wicked people; they stir up trouble and break up friendships.
When people close to us hurt us, we must forgive them.
When people close to us hurt us, we must forgive them.
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
How many are glad that God has forgiven you? All of us. Then we need to be willing to forgive others. Forgiving someone means that you don’t want to hurt them anymore.
It does not mean that you have to trust them again or let them back into your life. Some people are not trustworthy. It just means that you are not letting them continue to hurt you.
4. Put healthy boundaries between us and those who have verbally, physically, or emotionally abused us.
4. Put healthy boundaries between us and those who have verbally, physically, or emotionally abused us.
Healthy boundaries include saying no.
Healthy boundaries include saying no.
36 After some time Paul said to Barnabas, “Let’s go back and visit each city where we previously preached the word of the Lord, to see how the new believers are doing.” 37 Barnabas agreed and wanted to take along John Mark. 38 But Paul disagreed strongly, since John Mark had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in their work. 39 Their disagreement was so sharp that they separated. Barnabas took John Mark with him and sailed for Cyprus.
Paul and Barnabas disagreed so strongly that they separated for a while. Later, they all three reconciled. If you have someone who is still out there, you have tto forgive them for the hurt they have caused you, but that doesn’t mean you let them back into your family. You don’t have to be mean, but you do have to set healthy boundaries. It might mean supervised visits with children or short visits in neutral places.
Healthy boundaries include praying for the person who hurt us.
Healthy boundaries include praying for the person who hurt us.
We should always pray for people who hurt or offend us.
43 “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.
We always pray. You never know what God might do. God is in the people changing business and he uses us to help in that process. Look at Heb 12:15
15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
IDK about you, but I want all of my family and friends to be in heaven with me. I want them all to experience the grace of God. And they won’t experience that unless they see us as grace filled and peace filled people.
We need to work for peace with our family members by having peaceful conversations, by being a good witness towards them and overcoming hurts by them. We can only do this with God’s help.
If we do these things, we can enjoy the holidays with family and not want to .... well you know.
Prayer -
Salvation prayer
Prayer for strength during the holidays.
