Traits of a Godly Woman

//INTRO

Honor Merinda

They say men are like waffles and women are like spaghetti.

Men think in boxes — one at a time — and when we’re in our ‘nothing’ box, that’s really where we are!

Women, on the other hand, think like spaghetti — every noodle touches another. Everything’s connected!

That’s why she can remember what you said on August 17, 2012, at 3:42 p.m. — because it’s still connected to today!

But that’s not a flaw — that’s design.

God didn’t create woman as a complication, but as a completion.

‘Eve was taken not from Adam’s head to rule over him, nor from his feet to be trampled on, but from his side — close to his heart, under his arm to be protected — to be loved and cherished.’

-Matthew Henry

Today, we’re going to celebrate that divine design — the beauty, the strength, and the sacred calling of godly women.

Proverbs 31:10 ESV

10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.

Pray

Explain that each characteristic will have a working definition, scripture, an application, and God connection.

<< slide with all the C’s >>

Companion - Partner & Friend

Definition

A companion is a partner in purpose — walking side by side, not behind or ahead. A complementary woman brings balance, not competition.

The Word

Genesis 2:18 ESV

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

“helper fit for”

The same Hebrew nuance for “fit for” (ezer kenegdo) can mean toward or against. A woman’s presence can bring alignment or opposition — harmony or disunity.

Her strength is a choice of direction.

Genesis 2:24 ESV

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Application

A godly woman complements, not competes. She strengthens the mission of the home through unity and shared vision.

God Connection

The Holy Spirit is the divine Helper (John 14:26) — empowering, not overpowering.

God describes himself as “ezer” the Strong Ally and Helper and placed this specific characteristic on display through a woman.

John 14:26 ESV

26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.

Psalm 124:8 ESV

8 Our help is in the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth.

Comforter - Secure & Safe Haven

Definition

The comforter provides rest and refuge. Her presence brings healing, her words bring peace, and her home becomes a sanctuary.

The Word

Proverbs 31:10–12 ESV

10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. 11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.

Proverbs 12:4 ESV

4 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.

Isaiah 66:13 ESV

13 As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you; you shall be comforted in Jerusalem.

God uses the example of a comforting mother to express how he comforts his children.

Genesis 24:67 ESV

67 Then Isaac brought her into the tent of Sarah his mother and took Rebekah, and she became his wife, and he loved her. So Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.

Practical

In our home dad is sometimes the comforter, but mom is usually the go to. Something about mom just makes everything better!

Application

A godly woman’s tone sets the temperature of the home. Her peace becomes the family’s covering.

God Connection

God is the “God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3–4). She reflects His heart by being a refuge in her relationships.

2 Corinthians 1:3–4 ESV

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

In the Upper Room, Jesus tells his disciples that he is going away but when he goes away he is going to send the Helper and Comforter.

John 14:26 ESV

26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.

Counselor (Consultant) - Wise & Steadfast

Definition

The counselor carries wisdom, discernment, and steadiness. She listens before she speaks and offers insight rooted in truth.

The Word

Prov 4.5-9 - Wisdom is portrayed as a female.

Proverbs 4:5–9 ESV

5 Get wisdom; get insight; do not forget, and do not turn away from the words of my mouth. 6 Do not forsake her, and she will keep you; love her, and she will guard you. 7 The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight. 8 Prize her highly, and she will exalt you; she will honor you if you embrace her. 9 She will place on your head a graceful garland; she will bestow on you a beautiful crown.”

Proverbs 1:8 ESV

8 Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching,

Proverbs 31:26 ESV

26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

Practical

I’ve lost track at this point how many thoughts, ideas, passions I have brought to Merinda and solicited her advice, perspective, wisdom.

Many times she has helped me learn how to communicate with our children in a loving and tender tone (not so militant).

Many times I will draft a response to someone and ask her to review it for tone and clarity.

When I have dreams too sacred to share with the world, she is my safe haven and sounding board.

Application

A godly woman’s words carry weight because they’re rooted in the Word. She becomes a trusted voice of reason and revelation.

God Connection

The Spirit of Wisdom and Counsel (Isaiah 11:2) — she reflects God’s insight through her guidance and grace.

Isaiah 11:2 ESV

2 And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him, the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord.

Illustration

Sometimes the presence (love) of a wife can bring the confidence that a man needs to conquer his task at hand.

Caretaker - Nurture & Preserve

Definition

A caretaker watches over, protects, and preserves what God has entrusted. She tends the garden of her home and relationships with grace and diligence.

The Word

Proverbs 14:1 ESV

1 The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.

Proverbs 31:11 ESV

11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.

Love-made meals from Merinda.

Titus 2:5 ESV

5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

A woman’s priority is her home. This doesn’t mean that she cannot work in the marketplace (Prov 31 shows us a hard and successful working woman).

Application

The caretaker nurtures stability through consistency and love. She builds peace, not pressure.

God Connection

God is our Shepherd (Is 40.11) and Keeper (Psalm 121:5–8) — the One who faithfully watches over us.

Isaiah 40:11 ESV

11 He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.

Psalm 121:5–8 ESV

5 The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. 6 The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. 7 The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. 8 The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.

Contender - Defender & Fighter

Definition

A contender stands firm for faith, family, and truth. She intercedes, advocates, defends, and refuses to surrender what God has promised.

The Word

Deborah (Judges 4-5)

was a prophetess of Israel and summoned Barak to gather the troops because God was going to hand over their enemies.

Hannah (1 Sam 2)

contended for the life of a child and for legacy.

Esther (Esther 4)

contended for her people who were facing prejudice and injustice. She risked her own life to see the salvation of her people.

Persistent Widow (Luke 18)

in this parable, the persistent widow is contending for justice from an unjust judge. In her persistence, even an unrighteous judge grants her justice.

Legacy Contenders (2 Timothy 1.5)

2 Timothy 1:5 ESV

5 I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.

These examples show us what godly contenders do— but contending in the flesh will often lead to contention.

Tension in Relationships

Proverbs 27 gives us a concentrated lesson in negative and positive tension in relationships.

Proverbs 27:14–19 ESV

14 Whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, will be counted as cursing. 15 A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; 16 to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one’s right hand. 17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. 18 Whoever tends a fig tree will eat its fruit, and he who guards his master will be honored. 19 As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man.

Relational friction is inevitable!

noisy neighbors (co-workers) are a curse

nagging wife is irritation

“dripping water” is unchecked conflict; it will corrode a household!

The response to the tension shouldn’t be to control. Oil & wind (Prov 27.16) cant be controlled.

(Prov 27.17) shows us intentional friction, there are sparks but the product is something that was hard and unuseful to something that is hardened and useful!

Illustration- Overcoming Contention with Contending

Many times early on in our marriage I was hard headed, stubborn, and strong-willed. Merinda told me many times, “I can’t argue with you. You talk to fast and will outwit me.” She would stop arguing and go to the Lord. Shortly thereafter God would speak to me and bring correction.

1 Peter 3:1–2 ESV

1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

Quarrelsome Wife

Proverbs 21:9 ESV

9 It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

Proverbs 21:19 ESV

19 It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.

Application

The contender is not contentious — she is courageous. She stands in the gap through prayer and perseverance.

God Connection

God is our Defender (Psalm 18:2, Ps 23.1, Ps 27.1). Her strength mirrors His steadfast love in battle.

Psalm 23:1 ESV

1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

Psalm 27:1 ESV

1 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

…continuing to the end…

Psalm 27:13–14 ESV

13 I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! 14 Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!

Jesus our Intercessor!

Hebrews 7:25 ESV

Consequently, he is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them.

Cultivator - Grow & Multiply

Definition

A cultivator receives, refines, and releases growth. She takes what’s given — an idea, a house, a seed — and multiplies it with care. She brings forth life.

The Word

Proverbs 31:16 ESV

16 She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

Illustration

A woman takes the seed from her husband and cultivates it — physically, emotionally, and spiritually — turning potential into reality.

A man builds the house, but she makes it a home. She nurtures the walls with creativity and beauty, creating a safe haven for her family and for others.

Application

A godly woman will bring fruitfulness in every environment. She cultivates life where ever she is planted.

Women of God don’t contend for the sake of fighting, but we contend for the sake of cultivation. For the sake of growth. We hold in our arms and nurse what we've contended for until we see it grown enough to be on its own two feet.

Hannah contended in prayer for Samuel then cultivated her son in the presence of the Lord.

Esther contended for her people, then cultivated safety and restoration for them.

Deborah contended for Israel as a mother, then cultivated the land with order and justice.

God Connection

God is the Vinedresser (John 15:1–2). He prunes, nurtures, and grows — just as a godly woman cultivates what’s entrusted to her.

John 15:1–2 ESV

1 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.

Consecrated (Chaste) - Pure & Devoted

Definition

To be consecrated is to be set apart — pure in motive, devoted in heart, and faithful in spirit.

The Word

Titus 2:3–5 ESV

3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Matthew 5:8 ESV

8 “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Application

Purity is not just restraint — it’s focus. A consecrated woman fixes her gaze on Jesus, filtering her life through holiness and devotion.

God Connection

God is holy and pure (Habakkuk 1:13). Her consecration mirrors His character and keeps her heart anchored in Him.

Habakkuk 1:13 ESV

13 You who are of purer eyes than to see evil and cannot look at wrong, …

Closing Thoughts

Men reflect the Father’s strength, but women reveal His spirit.

Both are needed for the Family of Honor to flourish.

Proverbs 31:30–31 ESV

30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

Prayer over the Women

nameless > identified

sorrow > joy

barren > fruitful

lost > found

striving > spirit-led

contentious > contender

you are a woman that has been consecrated for and by God!