Matthew 5:31-32
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Would you stand for the reading of God’s word? This morning we are in Matthew 5:31-32
“It was also said, Whoever divorces his wife must give her a written notice of divorce. But I tell you, everyone who divorces his wife, except in a case of sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
slide pray with me. Please be seated
When Ariana and I got married, we ended up delaying our honeymoon a few months and then spent several weeks in Germany to visit Ariana’s family. Her mom was born and raised in Germany, and almost every other year there is a family reunion.
And I got to tell you - honeymooning in Germany was pretty awesome. We hiked to castles, ate great food, and did so many cool things.
But what I remember most about that trip is laying in bed with Ariana and processing through tears whether getting married was worth it.
You see while celebrating our honeymoon we found out that Ariana’s father was leaving her mother (who was with us in Germany). And as some of you may have experienced, when divorce strikes that close to home it can be extremely disorienting.
So for nights we wrestled through why marriage knowing divorce is a very real possibility with like really devastating consequences.
Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage, are incredibly tricky to navigate. And I know that many of us are directly affected. And most of us have heard different opinions on divorce.
We’ve now been studying the Sermon on The mount for two months, and as I study, I have several commentaries and resources that find valuable in my preparation for preaching. What’s fascinating - is even some of my favorite resources and commentaries have little or nothing to say about these two verses. Two of them didn’t mention it at all, and another barely covered it.
Why? Because talking about divorce is unbelievable difficult, and painful for many in the room. And the opinions on marriage, divorce and remarriage throughout Christians in Church History have been varied and strongly opinionated.
One of the more common phrases that get’s thrown around is: “God Hates divorce.” God hates divorce, anyone hear that? Perhaps if you’ve suffered through a divorce you’ve had people text you that. The problem with phrases like that, well is typically people end up hearing: “God hates divorce, and I am divorced, so God hates me.”
Friend - I just want to say at the start - God is near to the broken hearted. We are going to study this passage, and while it won’t be a complete study on all there is to say on marriage, divorce, and the like - I pray that it is able to help us love and follow Jeus better.
This work is Tricky! The scholarly work that it takes to have a nuanced and biblical view on this is immense - and because of the real world effects - meaning how it impacts people on the ground - some feel it’s best just to make over simplifications.
Pair that with a genuine desire to not allow or promote anything sinful - and with standing on the traditions that we heard from our elders - this is a minefield.
And yet, much like last week on the topic of lust - we cannot ignore this scripture, these words of Christ! To do so would be to allow Satan and the World to have the first and last word and lead many to deep pain.
We see the effects of this in our society. We have some thinkers and pastors speaking so confidently and harshly that they are bullies, and others who are so nervous to offend anyone they don’t speak at all. And the effects of both are wounded and lost sheep.
Can we not relate with Christ? Matthew 9:36
When he saw the crowds, he felt compassion for them, because they were distressed and dejected, like sheep without a shepherd.
One would be hard-pressed to find someone not affected by divorce. Either themselves, their parents, or a close friend or relative. It seems to be much too normal.
So we wade into this passage - we do it in submission to God and in the fear of the Lord. Would we heed HIS word, and allow His Spirit to transform us.
Before we start getting into the weeds, let’s set the ground work again.
Remember - there is a context to this passage and these verses. There is broader historical Jewish context, immediate context of The Sermon on the Mount, and other current cultural contexts. Jesus didn’t speak these two verses isolated, and it wasn’t into the void.
Remember, there were three different groups of people listening to the SErmon on the Mount when Jesus preached it: The Crowd, The Disciples, and the Religious Leaders.
Jesus is teaching his disciples, the followers of Jesus, while critiquing the religious leaders, all while the crowd is listening in. And throughout this specific section, the antitheses, That’s matthew 5:21—30 - Jesus is taking 6 theses, 6 teachings of the religious leaders of the day, and correcting them.
So in order to really understand what Jesus is saying, we need to understand what the Old Testament says, then we need to understand what the religious leaders were saying, and then we can ask what JEsus is saying. At the very end of doing all that work - we will ask our so what does that mean for us today.
While do work through these - we need to remember principles rather than particulars. Jesus is giving us demonstrations of what it looks like to live a good life that is pleasing to God and others. It’s not a complete list, nor is it meant to be a check list - it’s examples, principles.
We get this confused, because it’s often times easier to just have a list of rules. But Christ is inviting us to much more than just abiding by a certain set of rules - he’s demonstrating the reality of a new kind of humanity that he is instituting through his life death and resurrection.
I know that’s a lot to keep in mind, but this matters as we read passages like this - and it has real world consequences.
Let’s look at the two verses again - let me read them for us, Matthew 5:31-32
“It was also said, Whoever divorces his wife must give her a written notice of divorce. But I tell you, everyone who divorces his wife, except in a case of sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
As we begin our study - let’s start with this question:
What does the Old Testament teach about divorce? slide
There are several passages that we should look at in the Old Testament, the one Jesus is quoting here is from Deuteronomy 24:1-4, let me read that for us:
“If a man marries a woman, but she becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, he may write her a divorce certificate, hand it to her, and send her away from his house. If after leaving his house she goes and becomes another man’s wife, and the second man hates her, writes her a divorce certificate, hands it to her, and sends her away from his house or if he dies, the first husband who sent her away may not marry her again after she has been defiled, because that would be detestable to the Lord. You must not bring guilt on the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.”
This is the passage Jesus is directly quoting - and comes up again in MAtthew 19 where the religious leaders try and trap him again. But look this over with me.
Notice first - in this passage we don’t see adultery as a cause for divorce, why? Because in the Old Testament Adultery was punishable by death. So in that case, yes the marriage was over, but no through divorce - but through death.
In this passage, it’s saying If there is a marriage, and the husband finds something indecent about her. the Hebrew for indecent here is unbelievably tricky to interpret. It likely meant some kind of disability or physical reason the woman was unable to have children.
Now in our 21st century brain we have warning lights going off - but we have to think about this with the audience in mind. When the Old Testament was written - not just then throughout most of human history - a woman’s autonomy in life was unbelievably limited. So for a woman, they were able to be abused, hated, killed, and throne out for any reason. And in Deuteronomy, we see that there are to be exceptionally limited cases for divorce - in order to protect the woman, and the society.
For most women - if they were divorced, they really had three options - none good - they could go back home to their fathers house, and hope to live as a disgraced servant. They could hope to find some other man to take them in, but likely as damaged goods, or they could live on the streets likely pursuing some form of prostitution.
In Deuteronomy, the woman is given a divorce certificate, and as Dr. Joel Muddamelle writes - the whole purpose of such a document was so that the woman had the oppurtunity to survive and perhaps remarry in a patriarchal society.
The passage then goes on - saying that should the second man divorce her - the first man may not remarry her - why? - to control the chaos of Divorce! To give men a moment to pause and consider - this is a human being - and what’s done is done - do I really want to throw her out?
As we will talk about later - women were being divorced, without legal protection, for literally any reason causing such pain! So in Deuteronomy 24, we see a process made to protect women and society.
What’s interesting is in this Old Testament passage - divorce is allowed beyond adultery (again because adultery was punishable by death). There are other passages we need to consider, in which divorce is apparently permitted beyond just the man kicking her out for “indecency.”
Let’s look at Exodus 21:10-11
If he takes an additional wife, he must not reduce the food, clothing, or marital rights of the first wife. And if he does not do these three things for her, she may leave free of charge, without any payment.
In this passage in Exodus, it’s saying that the man - should they take a second wife (again not encouraged, every time polygamy is described in the bible, it goes VERY poorly), but the husband is responsible to care for them in three ways - Food, clothing, marital rights. And if not, she is allowed to leave the marriage!
Old Testament Scholars both jewish and Christian have summarized these three areas as Material Neglect (like withholding food, shelter clothing) , Emotional Neglect (withholding conjugal rights, and other kinds of cruelty and humiliation) and physical neglect (unfaithfulness, physical abuse, adultery).
Again - this is noteworthy - in the Old Testament, there was an expectation for men to care for their wives - and to view marriage as sacred - and should something happen - the woman was to be protected. Again - in the old testament!
There is more in the old testament we can say (and we will look at one more later) but suffice it to day - the Mosaic law made allowance for divorce - in order to bring some amount of order to chaos - to protect the least of these - and proclaims marriage is not to be something that one can walk into or out of.
Remember the Old Testament wasn’t God’s ideal - this was the Law to shepherd them ultimately to Christ - it was making order out of Chaos.
Let’s now look at
What were the Pharisees and Scribes teaching about divorce? Slide
We actually get a sneak peak in another conversation on divorce between the pharisees and Jesus in Matthew 19. Again in context - JEsus has crowds around him after healing them. And now they approach. Matthew 19:3
Some Pharisees approached him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife on any grounds?”
What a bold question - right. And there is historical context here - the Pharisees are trying to get Jesus to take sides in an ongoing debate going on in Judaism between Rabbi Hillel and Rabbi Shammai. The debate was what did “indecency” mean in Deuteronomy 24.
Rabbi Hillel took a very liberal side on this - arguing that a man could divorce his wife for any matter of indecency. We have one historical extreme example where a husband divorced his wife for spoiling a meal!
Rabbi Shammai was much more conservative and argued it was only for adultery.
Now they were wanting to get Jesus to take a side - and we will get to his answer here in a minute - he doesn’t play their game how they expected - but they pharisees respond - Matthew 19:7
“Why then,” they asked him, “did Moses command us to give divorce papers and to send her away?”
Notice this - COMMAND! They were arguing that divorce was commanded by Moses. They were saying that should the wife cease to please the husband - that husband must, ought to, divorce the wife.
Now they were insistent that they also gave the divorce paper - and therefore they argued - because they gave the divorce certificate that they were righteous. They were in the right. They were pleasing to God.
They missed the plot!
You were not made righteous simply by sending your wife away with papers! They missed the point of marriage, they missed the points of the Law. They missed.
This is the kind of thing Jesus is directly addressing in MAtthew 5 - that as long as you give the papers, youre in the right.
Now we are at the point we can ask:
What did the Lord teach about divorce? Slide
Well that question kind of betrays the point. Let’s look back at Matthew 19:3
Some Pharisees approached him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife on any grounds?”
Again the Pharisees are trying to trap Jesus into their game on divorce - but notice how he responds.
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that he who created them in the beginning made them male and female, and he also said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Now wait a minute - he’s not debating Deuteronomy here… He’s gone all the way back to Genesis. In fact - he’s not even really answering them about divorce - he’s talking about the glory of marriage!
Marriage, according to God, isn’t just a societal contract - its a covenant, yes, between two people, that makes them one! and it is inheritely spiritual , as they make the covenant before God as the judge. A marriage done Biblically reflects the Trinity - as the man, the woman, and the Lord are all to be in union together.
Jesus isn’t interested in talking about divorce - without first establishing the beauty and mystery of marriage. That in a very real way - it’s two becoming one!
So the Pharisees get all upset again - Matthew 19:7
“Why then,” they asked him, “did Moses command us to give divorce papers and to send her away?”
We talked about that - now notice Jesus response in verses 8-9
He told them, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because of the hardness of your hearts, but it was not like that from the beginning. I tell you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery.”
Jesus says that the moasic law again - wasn’t the ideal - but a concession to meet humans where they were. The ideal from Eden was for man and woman together as one. And unless someone violates that covenant through sexual immorality - that is porneia - or fornication - then to marry another would be to commit adultery. Because God views the couple as one!
And there are consequences for violating God’s natural established order.
I appreciate Dallas Willard’s commentary on this where he says that: “Perhaps one of the hardest things for the contemporary mind to accept is that life runs in natural cycles that cannot be disrupted without indelible damage to the individuals involved.”
There are real consequences. Lysa Terkeurst in her recent book on Surviving and unwanted divorce, talks about the image of a house. When a couple is married - they make a house together. And when they are divorced - it’s not like they just each move into their own house - the house is torn in two. And the pipes get disconnected and leak, and rooms now lead nowhere and chaos is left behind.
Divorce disrupts one of the most important and holy parts of life. And Jesus takes it very seriously.
But that doesn’t mean a brutal-marriage is a good thing either! Some men and women have subjected themselves to abuse, and torment - all because they don’t want to get divorced - because God hates divorce, and they don’t want God to hate them.
But, as we look back at Matthew 5:31-32 (slide but don’t read)
“It was also said, Whoever divorces his wife must give her a written notice of divorce. But I tell you, everyone who divorces his wife, except in a case of sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
We must remember perhaps the main point of this section - just because a man gives a woman a notice of divorce and done things legally - doesn’t mean they have done the right thing or been a good person in the relationship!
Divorce was allowed, according to Matthew 19 - because of the hardness of their hearts - And in context - he’s telling the pharisees - it’s THEIR hardend hearts. Meaning - divorce is a result of human meanness and wickedness.
It’s worth remembering again this passage comes after talking about anger and lust. It’s worth asking - how many divorces would still take place if there was no anger, we settled our differences, and there was no lust. Let’s be real - very little!
What does it mean that by divorcing a woman causes her to commit adultery?
Well remember - women in those days really HAD to be married, be a burden to family, or be a prostitute to live. so if they chose to NOT marry again meant that they would likely be ostracized from their community!
Jesus is setting down a firm principle here - casual divorce - even if done “legally” cannot be done lightly, without drastic consequences.
This is intense stuff, right?
And do you know how the disciples responded? Matthew 19:10
His disciples said to him, “If the relationship of a man with his wife is like this, it’s better not to marry.”
But here’s the thing - in the words of Dallas willard here: the resources of the Kingdom of Heaven are sufficient to resolve difficulties between the husband and wife, provided of course, both are prepared to seek and find these resources.
In Summary - I like how John Stott draws these conclusions Slide
The Pharisees were preoccupied with ground for divorce; but Jesus was concerned with the institution of marriage. Slide
The Pharisees called Moses’ provision for divorce a command; Jesus called it a concession due to the hardness of human hearts. Slide
The Pharisees regarded divorce lightly; Jesus took it very serious, and it has significant consequences. Slide
The kind of righteousness that is of the Kingdom is to be the kind of person in which marriage is held sacredly.
So the Old Testament did allow divorce - in specific circumstances - and with protections for the women.
The Pharisees were divorcing like a hobby, leaving wrecks in their wake - but felt justified because they gave certificates of divorce.
And Jesus is saying the fact that divorce is a thing at all betrays our need for salvation. Marriage is to be a visible representation of God and his people and that covenant love. IT’s to be a union that makes 2 one. Righteousness of the kingdom will be manifest in the husband and wife loving God and each other well. Kingdom hearts are not to be hard - but for the other.
However - before we get to our so what - we do need to ask some pastoral questions. Because this is a live issue in the room. What how does this view of marriage and divorce impact us in this room with all of our baggage and lives?
First question - is divorce ever justifiable according to Jesus? Well, justifiable, I think the answer is clearly yes. Because of the hardness of human hearts, and because of sexual immorality and the like - yes.
But we need to take real care with this. Willard suggest looking at it perhaps like triage in medical care. Meaning - there are times where hard decisions must be made because under the circumstances they can’t be helped. At the same time - we must be clear - it is never right to divorce as divorce was done then, and sadly is often done now.
People were getting divorced over small issues that lead to catastrophic consequences. They were unwilling to submit to one another and the Lord.
Much the same today. Divorce is all too common in our world.
A natural follow question would be: so what are the justifiable reasons for divorce and thus remarriage - and friend - this is a really difficult question. And trickier than it may appear - for JEsus was clearly addressing some specific sins of the Pharisees. And the Old Testament also, in Exodus 21, talked about women being free to leave due to the husband not caring for her materially, physically, and emotionally. And in 1 Corinthians, Paul says that should a non-believing spouse abandon a believer, that the believer is then free.
And by our focusing just on divorce - we can be in danger of the same trap of the pharisees! They were preoccupied with feeling justified in their divorce practice - where JEsus time again says: no! Time and time again Jesus talks about the permanence and sacredness of marriage.
But the meanness and hardness of human hearts - in and out of the church will have these issues continue to bubble to the surface.
So very soberly, I want to wade in here - but friend I don’t want to permit or lead anyone to sin.
But we have to ask the questions: what about abuse? If a spouse is abusive to their spouse, is divorce justified? What if the divorce happened before following Jesus?
What do we do if we have been married, divorced, and remarried - and perhaps not for adultery? What do we do now?
These are the rubber meets the road questions that are so difficult to summarize in a sermon. I encourage each of us to not go through life alone without others who are following Christ to help us. If you are going through a tough season, I’m happy to meet with you and we can work this out over a longer season.
What are the justifiable reasons for divorce? I would hold to the Old Testament Deut 24, Exodus 21, Matthew 5 & 19, and 1 Corinthians 6, and summarizes with the principle of hard hearts.
We need to recognizes that our hearts should always be for reconciliation. In fact - even in cases of adultery - divorce is permitted, not required. I know many stories, where a couple has experienced infidelity, but through grace, now enjoy a restored and beautiful marriage.
Joel Muddamalle would summarize it like this: Marriage is a covenant between man and woman before God. MEaning God is the judge and arbiter of the MArriage. But the members of the covenant are the husband and wife - and both are able to violate the marriage - through infidelity, through abuse, through gross neglect. And therefore, because the covenant is broken - divorce is a possible and justifiable outcome.
NOT that this is the desire of God. The desire of God is righteous people in righteous marriages! But God is near to the broken hearted! he protects the least of these!
What can often get thrown around again is the phrase “God hates divorce.” Where does that come from? Well it comes from the King James Version of Malachi 2:16
For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: For one covereth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of hosts:Therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.
“He hateth putting away.” God hates divorce - but again, this section in the hebrews is notoriously hard to translate. And the pronouns “he” before hates, isn’t clear if it is for God or for a husband. Which leads many other translations to translate it like this:
“If he hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord God of Israel, “he covers his garment with injustice,” says the Lord of Armies. Therefore, watch yourselves carefully, and do not act treacherously.
The Lord is displeased at the man who divorces his wife in this one!
I say that - because divorce, marriage, remarriage - is one of those things that people often speak more dogmatically then perhaps they should be.
God wants humans to take care of each other. He wants men and women protected, loved, cared for, and saved.
Is divorce always wrong? No.
Is there even times where divorce is justifiable and the “best case scenario”? Yes.
Is divorce always a sign of the fall? Yes.
Is there salvation? Yes in JEsus Christ.
Can I answer all of our questions on this subject here and now, or perhaps ever - Good heavens no.
Let’s pause and ask our question:
So What?
The Pharisees were trying to say they were righteous because they followed the letter of the law - while they were marrying and divorcing women - but they went through legal channels.
But time and time again - Jesus is saying that we need a new heart. a heart that isn’t looking for a leagal way to get through divorce justified - but a heart that is for reconcillation and rightesousness and love. That is broken and cries out to God for salvation.
Friend - if you are in a tough situtaion, please come talk to me so you don’t have to go through it alone.
God is near to the broken hearted. We need to be humble. And we need help.
We aren’t justified by our actions - we are justified through Jesus Christ’s grace. So let us humble ourselves and throw ourselves at the grace of Christ.
Let me end this morning with a reading from Luke 18:9-14
He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and looked down on everyone else: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee was standing and praying like this about himself: ‘God, I thank you that I’m not like other people—greedy, unrighteous, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give a tenth of everything I get.’
“But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even raise his eyes to heaven but kept striking his chest and saying, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this one went down to his house justified rather than the other, because everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”
