God's Design for Dating

Review

Last time we discussed why friendship is important in a Christian setting. We want to always remember that:

God designed friendships for building us up, not tearing us down.

Godly friendship is built on love, loyalty, and sacrifice.

We should be careful with the friendships we form because the people closest to us shape who we become.

The greatest friendship we can have is friendship with God Himself.

Godly friendship is marked by forgiveness and grace.

Friendship with unbelievers is not forbidden it’s an opportunity to reflect Jesus.

Jesus treated people with grace and compassion, even when they rejected Him.

As a follower of Christ, we want to always ensure that we are reflecting Him.

Discussion

Why do you think there is so much pressure on your generation to date?

What lies about identity do people tend to believe?

How do you think knowing your identity could change about who, and how you date?

Who You Are Shapes Who You Pursue

Identity —> Purpose —> Boundaries

Dating often goes wrong when we start with emotions and desires rather than identity in Christ.

When we know who we are, we begin to date with purpose and clarity.

As Genesis 1:27 “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” tells us, We bear the image of God.

Your value is not found in who likes you, texts you, or wants to date you.

If your motives are to “feel wanted” then you are already on the wrong foot starting out.

Know your value, know that you belong to Christ, know that no one can take your value from you.

Illustrate: Let’s say that I drop $100 on the ground, and people step on it and it rains and gets wet. Does the money lose it’s value? Or if you pick it up, will it still be worth $100?

It is so vitally important to remember dating doesn’t add value to you, God already gave it to you.

The Purpose of Dating

1 Corinthians 10:31 “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”

2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

Dating is not the ultimate thing — marriage is the ultimate goal.

Dating is the evaluation period for a future spouse.

If your purpose in dating is unclear, the entire relationship becomes unhealthy.

Realize that you must understand and set the purpose at the beginning of the relationship to ensure that you don’t find yourself in an unhealthy relationship.

Being “equally yoked” or being spiritually aligned with someone should be a foundational non-negotiable.

Realize that dating is not marriage rehearsal; it is character discernment.

Guarding Your Heart (Activity)

I want everyone to make a list titled: “Things that must be true about someone before I date them”

Think about some non-negotiable things that have to be true about someone before you date them.

Think deeper than surface level.

What should their spiritual maturity be?

What kind of character do they have?

What is their relationship with their parents?

What is their relationship with God?

What is the purpose and direction in their life?

Are they humble, teachable, and accountable?

Share a couple of things that you wrote down with the group.

Proverbs 4:23 “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”

Song of Solomon 2:7 “I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.”

Philippians 1:9–10 “And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ,”

To guard your heart is not hiding it, it is guiding it.

You NEED to set boundaries for emotions just as much as physical boundaries.

Getting emotionally attached or intimate too quickly it can lead to premature attachment.

Over-texting someone can turn into emotional dependence.

Constant compliments create a false sense of intimacy.

Sharing your deepest secrets too early can bind your hearts before they are ready.

Think about fire. Fire burns. If it is burning in a fireplace it is nice, warm, and is a blessing. When it burns outside of a fireplace, you get nothing but destruction. In dating you have to ensure that your emotions, passions, and thoughts are all in the right place, otherwise they can destroy you.

Challenge & Prayer

This week I want you to think about “What is one boundary that you need to set before dating someone?” and “What part of your identity in Christ needs strengthening?” Take steps to apply the answers to your life.

Father, thank you for tonight. Thank you for each one of these kids here listening to this lesson. With all types of pressure and attacks in the world coming for them, I ask that you provide them wisdom and strength to get through this crazy life with You. In your precious, holy name I pray, Amen.