The Family First Context of Discipleship

Ephesians 5 Verses 21 to 6 Verse 4, Matthew 12 Verses 46 to 50, November 23, 2025 The Family First Context of Discipleship Lesson 8 Making Disciples Class Presentation Notes AAAA

Background Scriptures:

Deuteronomy 6:1–9 (NASB95) Obey God and Prosper

   1     “Now this is the commandment, the statutes and the judgments which the Lordyour God has commanded me to teach you, that you might do them in the land where you are going over to possess it,

   2     so that you and your son and your grandson might fear the Lord your God, to keep all His statutes and His commandments which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be prolonged.

   3     “O Israel, you should listen and be careful to do it, that it may be well with you and that you may multiply greatly, just as the Lord, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey.

   4     “Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one!

   5     “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.

   6     “These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.

   7     “You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.

   8     “You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.

   9     “You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Galatians 6:10 (NASB95)

10     So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.

1 Peter 5:9 (NASB95)

   9     But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world.

Main Idea:

· Discipleship should begin in the earthly family and continue with a spiritual family.

Study Aim:

· To understand even though flawed, earthly and spiritual families are the primary setting for faith development and spiritual growth.

Create Interest:

· A Christ-centered marriage is essential for effective discipleship, as it demonstrates God’s love and serves as a foundation for spiritual growth and influence in the world.

· Paul emphasizes the importance of godly conduct within the family, detailing the roles of children and parents in a way that reflects obedience to the Lord and promotes a nurturing, discipleship-centered home.

· Just as Jesus submitted to His earthly parents and to God's will, families are called to reflect His love and leadership in their relationships.

· This lesson centers on Jesus' teachings about the significance of family dynamics and their reflection of God's relationship with His people.

Lesson in Historical Context:

· In this first Scripture focus, Paul elaborates on the submission concept he spoke of in 5:21. He will further detail the household relationships in later verses as he discusses the parent-child relationship in 6:1–4 and the master-slave relationship in 6:5–9. His attention in this section, though, is on husbands and wives. This paragraph is much longer than the other two, as Paul also addresses the nature of the church’s relationship with Christ. Jesus’ love and sacrificial work is the model for the husband; the wife’s submission is equated with the church’s faithful obedience to Christ.[1]

· In our Scripture, family is more than just blood relationships; it manifests in the community of believers as brothers and sisters in Christ, emphasizing that Jesus fulfills and redefines family relationships within the context of His Kingdom.

Bible Study:

Ephesians 5:21 (NASB95) Mutual Submission

21     and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

· This verse presents a profound vision of mutual submission that radically challenges traditional power dynamics.

o Mutual submission is a practice where people submit to God’s presence and to one another, subverting worldly “power over” dynamics and creating space for God’s power to work1.

o The Spirit empowers Christians to engage in relationships through mutual self-submission, grounded in “reverence for Christ” – specifically inspired by Christ’s radical self-giving love, culminating in his sacrificial act on the cross2.

o This approach calls each spouse to subordinate their own will and needs to the other, with the ultimate priority being the “best interest of the other” – reflecting the extraordinary way of covenant love3.

o Importantly, scholars note that submission doesn’t mean a uniform application, but varies depending on relationship dynamics and social contexts4. “The radical nature of this approach is that it transforms how we understand power, replacing hierarchical control with mutual care and respect.”

1 David E. Fitch, Reckoning with Power: Why the Church Fails When It’s on the Wrong Side of Power (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press, 2024), 136.

2 Walter C. Kaiser Jr. et al., Hard Sayings of the Bible (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity, 1996), 640.

3Jack O. Balswick and Judith K. Balswick, A Model for Marriage: Covenant, Grace, Empowerment and Intimacy (Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic, 2006), 68.

4 Derek R. Brown, Miles Custis, and Matthew M. Whitehead, Ephesians, ed. Douglas Mangum, Lexham Research Commentaries (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2013). [See here.]

Ephesians 5:22–24 (NASB95) Wives’ Willing Support

22     Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

23     For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

24     But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

· The wife’s role is fundamentally characterized by submission to her husband, but this concept is nuanced and deeply theological.

o This submission is not about inferiority or coercion, but a voluntary, trusting yielding and devotion to another person 1.

o Wives are called to prioritize their lives relative to their husbands’ purposes in God’s kingdom, submitting to their husband’s headship in a manner similar to how the church submits to Christ. The apostle emphasizes that women cannot fulfill their divine purposes without this biblical submission 2.

o Practically, this means voluntarily yielding to her husband’s leadership, supporting and encouraging him, and respecting him sincerely—believing in him, giving him the benefit of the doubt, and praising rather than criticizing 3.

o Importantly, while God has established distinct roles and functions, this does not imply any difference in intrinsic worth or spiritual privilege 4.

§ “Submission” here is a profound spiritual concept that reflects the relationship between Christ and the church, not a diminishment of the wife’s value or capabilities.

1David Platt, “The Gospel and Marriage,” in David Platt Sermon Archive (Birmingham, AL: David Platt, 2008), 1371.

2Bryan Chapell, Ephesians, ed. Richard D. Phillips, Philip Graham Ryken, and Daniel M. Doriani, Reformed Expository Commentary (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2009), 292.

3David G. Moore and Daniel L. Akin, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs, ed. Max Anders (Nashville, TN: Holman Reference, 2003), 14:318.

4John F. MacArthur Jr., Ephesians, MacArthur New Testament Commentary (Chicago: Moody Press, 1986), 280.

Ephesians 5:25–27 (NASB95) Husbands’ Holy Love

25     Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

26     so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

27     that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.

· We are presented with a profound model of Christian husbandry that centers on sacrificial love modeled after Christ’s love for the church.

o The Christian’s model for husbandly conduct is Jesus Christ Himself, with husbands expected to love their wives sacrificially, fully, and unconditionally—even being willing to give everything, including their life-blood, for their wife’s benefit and welfare1.

o This biblical headship is not about authoritarian control, but about leadership characterized by loving service. The husband’s primary responsibility is not decision-making, but “loving as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her”2.

o This means putting his wife’s needs above his own, becoming her servant, nourishing her potential, and cherishing her deeply—caring for her as an extension of his own body2.

o Such love is purifying, seeking to lead his wife toward complete conformity to Christ, with his greatest desire being her spiritual growth and purity3.

o The challenge is immense, which is why a husband can only fulfill this role by submitting to Christ’s strength, relying on the Holy Spirit’s power, and serving his wife out of reverence for Christ1.

1Got Questions Ministries, Got Questions? Bible Questions Answered (Bellingham, WA: Logos Bible Software, 2002–2013). [See here, here.]

2Robert E. Clark et al., Christian Education: Foundations for the Future (Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers, 1991). [See here, here.]

3John F. MacArthur Jr., The MacArthur Bible Commentary (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2005). [See here.]

Ephesians 5:28–30 (NASB95) Unified Under Christ

28     So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;

29     for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

30     because we are members of His body.

· Christ’s love for the church in Ephesians 5 is a profound metaphor that transforms our understanding of marriage from a self-fulfilling relationship to a divine illustration of redemptive love.

o God created marriage not as an end in itself, but as a means to portray the gospel—a living portrait that demonstrates how Christ loves his people. Marriage is designed to reflect Christ and the church, showing the world a picture of sacrificial love1.

o This love is multifaceted: Christ’s love is seen in his saving sacrifice, in tenderly washing the church to make her holy, in feeding and caring for her, and in his ultimate unity with her2.

o Paul uses the word “agapao” – the same word used in John 3:16 – to describe this self-giving, sacrificial love. If husbands were to truly love their wives as Christ loves the church, it would revolutionize homes everywhere3.

o Practically, this means husbands are to reflect Christ’s love in how they relate to their wives, while wives are to reflect the church’s love for Christ in their relationship with their husbands1.

§ The ultimate goal is not personal satisfaction, but a living testimony of divine love.

1David Platt, Counter Culture: Following Christ in an Anti-Christian Age (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale Elevate, 2017), 140–141.

2Mark D. Roberts, Ephesians, ed. Scot McKnight, The Story of God Bible Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2016), 217.

3Robert J. Dean, Bible Studies for Life, Spring 2010, Herschel Hobbs Commentary (WORDsearch, 2010), 4:3:111.

Ephesians 5:31–32 (NASB95) Oneness of Marriage

31     For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

32     This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

· The concept of “one flesh” in Ephesians 5:31 is a profound theological metaphor that encompasses multiple dimensions of marital union.

o It represents an inseparable union between husband and wife that is not only physical, but also emotional, mental, and spiritual1.

o Paul views this “one flesh” union as a prefiguration of the relationship between Christ and the Church—a mystery that could only be fully understood after Christ’s death created the Church as a single, new, and multi-ethnic body2.

o This connection is evident in the metaphorical linkage between “head and body” – parts of the one flesh – which parallels Christ’s relationship with the church3.

o  As one theologian describes it, this union speaks of a “blending, not just of the body, but the soul and the spirit, until they become one”4.

1Martin H. Manser, Dictionary of Bible Themes: The Accessible and Comprehensive Tool for Topical Studies (London: Martin Manser, 2009). [See here.]

2Derek R. Brown, Miles Custis, and Matthew M. Whitehead, Ephesians, ed. Douglas Mangum, Lexham Research Commentaries (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2013). [See here.]

3James V. Brownson, Bible, Gender, Sexuality: Reframing the Church’s Debate on Same-Sex Relationships (Grand Rapids, MI; Cambridge, U.K.: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2013), 97–98.

4Adrian Rogers, “Women Are from Venus, Men Are from Mars, Marriage Is from Heaven,” in Adrian Rogers Sermon Archive (Signal Hill, CA: Rogers Family Trust, 2017). [See here.]

Ephesians 5:33 (NASB95) Foundations of Love

33     Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

· The roles of love and respect in marriage are foundational for a discipleship-oriented household. Understanding these biblical commands ensures that each partner can encourage the other in faith, movement, and purpose.

· It is an unbreakablelove. For the sake of this love a man leaves father and mother and cleaves to his wife. They become one flesh. He is as united to her as the members of the body are united to each other; and would no more think of separating from her than of tearing his own body apart.

o  Here indeed was an ideal in an age when men and women changed partners with as little thought as they changed clothes.

· The whole relationship is in the Lord. In the Christian home Jesus is an ever-remembered, though an unseen, guest In Christian marriage there are not two partners, but three—and the third is Christ.[2]

Application:

In your marriage, each day intentionally set aside time for prayer together. This simple practice can help you reconnect and realign your hearts with God's purpose for your union. You might struggle with stress or busyness, making it easy to overlook the spiritual aspect of your relationship. By dedicating even just 10 minutes a day to pray about your challenges and dreams, you foster a deeper connection with each other and invite God's guidance into your home. This shared experience can transform your family life, showing your children what a Christ-centered partnership looks like.

Ephesians 6:1 (NASB95) Obedience is the First Step

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

· We are provided with a profound biblical instruction about children’s relationship with their parents.

o The passage directly commands, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right,” with the understanding that obedience cannot be separated from honoring them. This honor involves a respectful attitude, not just external compliance1.

o The Greek word for “obey” (hupakouo) is particularly powerful, likened to a soldier listening intently to a commanding officer’s instructions as if his life depends on it. The command calls for children to obey with such intensity that it’s not a casual “yeah, yeah” response2.

o Importantly, this obedience is spiritually motivated—not because parents are more important than children, but as part of a child’s loving obedience to Christ. When a child follows their parents’ instructions, they are creating opportunities to please their Savior3.

o However, children are only required to obey instructions that are “in the Lord” – if a parent’s command contradicts God’s will, the child is not obligated to comply. But this exception should be carefully considered, and generally, children living under their parents’ roof should submit enthusiastically2.

1Got Questions Ministries, Got Questions? Bible Questions Answered (Bellingham, WA: Logos Bible Software, 2002–2013). [See here.]

2Jon Courson, Jon Courson’s Application Commentary (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2003), 1259.

3Richard Coekin, Ephesians for You, ed. Carl Laferton, God’s Word for You (The Good Book Company, 2015), 178–179.

Ephesians 6:2–3 (NASB95) A Lasting Legacy

   2     Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise),

   3     so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.

· In Ephesians 6, “honor your father and mother” is a profound biblical command that extends far beyond simple respect.

o To honor means “to take someone seriously or to treat a person with respect,” which practically involves: Responding to them with love; Listening to them; Spending time with them; Caring for them when they are older and unable to care for themselves1

o Critically, how we treat our parents reveals our true character and our view of authority. Parents represent God’s authority in our lives, and they are the means through which we were brought into the world—similar to how God, our heavenly Father, is the source of our existence.1

o The command comes with a remarkable promise: “If you want to live long” and “prosper,” you should honor your parents. By doing so, you’ll learn character, develop self-control, and receive God’s blessing and protection.2  (See the following note!)

o Note:  The promise carries both immediate and potentially broader implications. “Well with you” suggests a holistic sense of blessing—not material prosperity, but spiritual and relational wholeness. The promise of longevity implies that respecting parental authority is fundamentally connected to personal and communal well-being. This isn’t a magical guarantee of extended years, but a principle suggesting that societies and individuals who maintain intergenerational respect tend to experience greater stability and health. The commandment underscores the profound spiritual significance of familial relationships, positioning parental honor as more than a social nicety—it’s a divine expectation with tangible spiritual and practical consequences.

A quote worthy of note by Dr. Adrian Rogers:

ØBut I want to tell you something: that disobedience is a grave, grave sin in the sight of Almighty God; and if you are a child here today, living at home, I want to tell you, as solemnly as I can tell you, you would be wise to obey your parents. As a matter of fact, perhaps there ought to be a sign put in your bedroom that says, “Warning: Disobedience to your parents could be dangerous to your health.”[3]

1David Bordon and Tom Winters, Life’s Simple Guide to God: Inspirational Insights for Growing Closer to God (New York, NY: FaithWords, 2009). [See here, here.]

2Adrian Rogers, “How to Be the Child of a Happy Mother,” in Adrian Rogers Sermon Archive (Signal Hill, CA: Rogers Family Trust, 2017). [See here, here.]

Ephesians 6:4 (NASB95) Balance: Discipline and Instruction

   4     Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

· The Bible provides clear guidance about fathers’ interactions with their children, emphasizing the critical importance of avoiding provocation.

o  Fathers are instructed not to “provoke,” “enrage,” “irritate,” or “frustrate” their children to the point of resentment, but instead to help them through disciplined training and loving instruction1.

· Fathers have a profound responsibility to raise children “in the Lord” by balancing loving nurture with intentional spiritual guidance.

o God entrusts children to parents with the responsibility to care for them and raise them in His ways, “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord”2.

1 Rand Hummel, Turn Away Wrath: Meditations to Control Anger and Bitterness (Greenville, SC: JourneyForth, 2007). [See here, here, here.

2Joel R. Beeke, Michael P. V. Barrett, and Gerald M. Bilkes, eds., The Reformation Heritage KJV Study Bible (Grand Rapids, MI: Reformation Heritage Books, 2014), 1931.

Applications:

· If you find your family is busy and disconnected, establish a regular family devotion time at the dinner table. Share a meaningful devotional or scripture and discuss its application in your lives. Encourage everyone to express what respect and love look like within your family. By recreating this Christ-centered routine, you nurture a healthier relationship dynamic, mimicking the connection shared between Christ and His Church.

· If conflicts arise with family members, implement a 'grace-in-action' approach. Set aside time to openly discuss disagreements without interruptions. Approach these conversations with an attitude of forgiveness, mirroring how Christ forgives us. Focus on understanding each other’s perspectives. This will help build mutual respect and reinforce the truth that our relationships are a reflection of Christ’s unconditional love for His Church.

Matthew 12:47–50 (NASB95)  The Family is a Reflection of God’s Kingdom.

47     Someone said to Him, “Behold, Your mother and Your brothers are standing outside seeking to speak to You.”

48     But Jesus answered the one who was telling Him and said, “Who is My mother and who are My brothers?”

49     And stretching out His hand toward His disciples, He said, “Behold My mother and My brothers!

50     “For whoever does the will of My Father who is in heaven, he is My brother and sister and mother.”

· Jesus radically redefines family in Matthew 12, shifting the understanding of kinship from biological ties to spiritual commitment.

o While Jesus is in the midst of his teaching, his mother and brothers come to him and desire to speak with him. Jesus uses the opportunity to emphasize the importance of the spiritual family and that devotion to it ought to be a priority[4].

o “Whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother,” Jesus declares, leaving no room for doubt that faith, not flesh, is the basis of true kinship.

§ This statement stresses both the true foundation of family and the critical importance of doing God’s will2.

§ Neither Mark nor Matthew explicitly declares the attitude of Jesus’ mother and brothers, but the response of Jesus implies that they were not sympathetic with what he was doing. The best that could be said for them was that they feared that he would suffer harm from those hostile to him. It seems, however, that the relationship was more strained, and that it was not until after the resurrection that the family of Jesus began to understand and support him. Jesus had to lose his mother and brothers before he regained them on a new and more meaningful basis (cf. John 2:4 f.; 7:5; 1 Cor. 9:5).[5]

o By including “sister” in his description, Matthew also recognizes the place of women in the community of Jesus’ followers3.

o Interestingly, the context suggests Jesus’ biological family was not initially sympathetic to his mission, and it wasn’t until after the resurrection that they began to truly understand and support him2.

§ This passage powerfully illustrates that spiritual alignment trumps biological connection in Jesus’ understanding of family.

1Douglas Mangum, ed., Lexham Context Commentary: New Testament, Lexham Context Commentary (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2020). [See here, here.]

2Frank Stagg, “Matthew,” in Matthew–Mark, ed. Clifton J. Allen, Broadman Bible Commentary (Broadman Press, 1969), 151.

3R. Alan Culpepper, Matthew: A Commentary, The New Testament Library (Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2021), 246.

Applications:

If you’ve walked through a season of loneliness or isolation, remember that family can expand beyond biological ties. This week, invite someone from your church community to share a meal or coffee in your home. Create an atmosphere of inclusion where everyone feels welcome. Take this opportunity to share testimonies of how God has worked in your lives, resulting in connections that reflect the body of Christ, breaking down walls of isolation and fostering genuine relationships.

If you're feeling overwhelmed by the daily stresses of family life, often feeling like you're in conflict rather than community, set aside 15 minutes each day to pray specifically for each family member. Ask God to bless their lives and help you see them through His eyes. Consider sharing daily or weekly insights or encouragements that reveal how God is actively at work. This practice will nurture an environment of love and unity, transforming your home into a place that reflects Kingdom values.

Did Jesus reject his earthly family?

· Jesus did not reject his earthly family in Matthew 12, but rather redefined familial relationships through a spiritual lens. He wasn’t being dismissive or disrespectful, but was practicing what He preached—demonstrating that the kingdom of heaven takes precedence over earthly family relationships, and that there is no deeper relationship than one founded on faith in Christ 1.

· While the passage emphasizes a separation between Jesus and His earthly family—symbolically representing the growing distance between Jesus and Jewish religious leaders—His response was strategic 2.

·  Jesus defined His family in terms of obedience, stating that “Whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” This definition serves as a Kingdom entrance requirement, where obedience to God’s will—rather than legalistic arguments—marks true spiritual kinship2.

· At this moment, His brothers had temporarily cut themselves off from Him through unbelief3, but the story doesn’t end there…see the next sentence.

· Importantly, the original readers of Matthew’s Gospel would have known that Mary and Jesus’ brothers eventually became “charter members” of the church in Jerusalem, joining the disciples after Jesus’ resurrection1.

1 Charles R. Swindoll, Matthew 1–15, Swindoll’s Living Insights New Testament Commentary (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 2020), 1a:261–262.

2 Roger L. Hahn, Matthew: A Commentary for Bible Students (Indianapolis, IN: Wesleyan Publishing House, 2007), 164.

3 Ralph W. Harris, ed., Matthew, The Complete Biblical Library: Study Bible (World Library Press, 1986), 257.

Grace to you and all with whom you share these notes😉

[1]Douglas Mangum, ed., Lexham Context Commentary: New Testament, Lexham Context Commentary (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2020), Eph 5:22–33.

[2]William Barclay, ed., The Letters to the Galatians and Ephesians, The Daily Study Bible Series (Philadelphia, PA: The Westminster John Knox Press, 1976), 174–175.

[3]Adrian Rogers, “How to Be the Child of a Happy Mother,” in Adrian Rogers Sermon Archive (Signal Hill, CA: Rogers Family Trust, 2017), Ex 20:12.

[4]Douglas Mangum, ed., Lexham Context Commentary: New Testament, Lexham Context Commentary (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2020), Mt 12:46–50.

[5]Frank Stagg, “Matthew,”in Matthew–Mark, ed. Clifton J. Allen, Broadman Bible Commentary (Broadman Press, 1969), 151.