Christ-Centered Relationships

If I asked you to describe a “super spiritual Christian,” what would you picture?

Someone who reads their Bible a lot? Someone who loves worship music? Someone who knows a ton of theology?

Those are good things—really good things. But according to Paul, the real test of being filled with the Spirit (Eph. 5:18) is not found in the “big” spiritual moments… …it’s found in the ordinary places:

Your home. Your family. Your everyday relationships. How you respond to your parents. How you treat your siblings. How you act in class, or at work, or on your team.

back in v.18 of chapter 5, we looked at last week Paul’s instruction to be filled by the Spirit. Well now, he transitions to speaking of husbands, wives, children, parents.

Paul is making a bold point: The Spirit-filled life looks most visible not on Sunday, but on Monday-Saturday.

What you believe about Jesus transforms every aspect of our life.

The Gospel is the good news of how we can be saved

but it also impacts your relationships.

How you treat your parents, how you view authority at school, these things cannot be separated from what you believe about Jesus.

In Ephesians 5:22–6:9, Paul shows us how Jesus transforms the most basic relationships we have

Today, we’re going to follow his flow, and we’ll see this big idea:

Big Idea: When Jesus is Lord of your life, He becomes Lord over all your relationships.

And specifically, he demonstrates that the Christian life is a life of submission to authority

We often have the wrong view of authority and structure.

We think it is oppressive or harmful.

But authority is good and God-given.

Submission to authority leads to flourishing.

Just because authority can be misused does not means we reject it altogether.

medicine can be misused—wrong dosage, addiction, over reliance, but that doesn’t mean medicine is bad. When used rightly it heals.

The same is true of authority. It can be misused. Sinful people wielding authority wrongly is the problem

but authority is not the problem

the solution ito bad authority js not no authority it’s good authority. to submit to authorities God has placed in our lives as an act of trust in Him.

We’re going to see that as we walk through each relationship Paul highlights.

Ephesians 5:22–6:9 ESV

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free. Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.

You can see from the flow of the passage 3 main relationships

Husbands and wives

children and parents

bondservants and masters

Let’s look at each of these in turn and try to draw out some application

1) Wives and Husbands

The Gospel transforms marriage.

Now you may be wondering, why are we talking about marriage in youth group....you may say, I’m not married....

I would say a couple things to this

Paul is not just teaching married people how marriage works, he’s about to address children in a second, so the children were hearing this too.

He’s teaching all Christians what marriage is and what it pictures.

What’s more, marriage is under attack in our society.

As a whole, our culture has rejected the Biblical standards for marriage.

people enter into and out of marriage flippantly

the lost world has tried to redefine marriage to be something that it isn’t

most marriages struggle significantly

many people think marriage is oppressive

If ever there was a time to understand the true meaning of marriage, and learn healthy patterns of married life it is now.

And sooner than you realize, many of you may be married.

It is important to understand what a godly husband and wife looks like so you can actually get married.

So, big picture here, what we need to keep in mind before we jump into the nitty gritty:

Marriage is designed to show the relationship between Jesus and the church

Think of marriage like a movie trailer.

A trailer isn’t the full movie, but it gives you a glimpse, a picture of what the movies is like.

God designed marriage to be a trailer that shows the world something about Him.

And it shows the relationship between Christ and the Church.

Between Jesus and his followers.

This means something really important for us.

Marriage is not mainly and primarily about

finding your soul mate, finding personal happiness, being compatible or having some hallmark romance.

Now, in God’s kindness, marriage does usually bring these things....but...those are not the main purpose of marriage.

Marriage is primarily about displaying Jesus to the lost world.

First, Paul addresses wives.

Ephesians 5:22–24 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”

So, what does the Spirit-filled life look like as a godly wife?

It looks like submission to her husband.

Now let’s expand this a little bit, because we can easily get the wrong idea with submission—-

some ignore this word altogether because it seems harsh and in doing so the undermine God’s design for marriage

On the other hand, some husbands will demand submission from their wife and abuse their authority.

This also undermines God’s design for marriage.

So what does submission mean.....well let’s start with what it doesn’t mean.

Submission does not mean....

you agree on everything

you leave your brain at the altar

you don’t try to influence your husband to change for godliness

Putting the will of the husband before Christ—if he’s leading you into sin, you need to say no.

Living or acting in fear

it doesn’t mean you submit to every man. Notice, the command is to submit to your own husbands....

Rather, Submission is a Christ-dependent disposition to follow the husbands lead in every situation

it’s an overall attitude, a heart posture toward authority.

The word for submit emphasizes the voluntary nature of the task.

A wife is not coerced into submitting. She does so willingly and joyfully. Why?

The text gives a couple reasons.

First, the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.

Remember marriage pictures Christ and the church.

God has designed marriage in such a way that the husband is the head.

The husband’s authority is put there by God.

Don’t believe cultural lies that claim the husband’s headship is just a cultural, societal structure of oppression.

No, this is a God-appointed leadership role.

But listen carefully, this does not mean the wife is inferior.

Submission does not mean the wife is less valuable.

Man and woman are equals—1 Peter says we are co-heirs, man and woman both inherit the kingdom of God

Women are equal in value and worth, since both are created in God’s image.

Christ is equal in status to the Father. He is truly God, but he willingly submits himself to his Father’s will.

So, this submission and structure is based on God’s good design.

This leads to a flourishing marriage, as husbands and wives assumer their different roles.

And this is all compared to the church.

Just as the church voluntarily submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands.

So that’s the instruction to wives, now see the instruction to husbands

Ephesians 5:25“Husbands, love your wives,

So, here the husband is commanded to love his wife.

Now that’s sounds easy and gushy.....until he finishes the sentence.....as Christ loved the church

How are husbands to love their wives....as Christ loved the church.

How did Christ love the church, he gave himself up for her.

Think about what Christ did for his people.....

He was beaten to the edge of death with leather straps embedded with bone and metal that tore flesh from his back, shoulders and legs

he carried his own cross after that beating, collapsing under the weight because of his blood loss

he was nailed through wrists and feet, hoisted up to suffocate slowly

he wore a crown of thorns embedded in his head

And in the moment of deepest abandonment, he experienced the full wrath of God so that his bride, the church could be forgiven, cleansed, and made new.

So when Paul says the call of a husband is to love like that he is literally saying

the call to be a husband is a call to die—daily, willingly, gladly.

The hardest part of marriage is not one moment of dramatic sacrifice, but the thousand small deaths made out of love.

It’s a leadership of self-sacrificial love.

In verses 28-32, you see Paul calls husbands to love their wives as their own bodies.

Just as it is natural to nourish your body with food and protect yourself from harm, the husband is called to nurture and protect his wife.

Look at verse 33, in summary paul says, “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

There are no conditions placed on these commands.

The husband is to love his wife regardless of whether she willingly submits to his leadership. The wife is to submit to and respect her husband whether or not he loves her perfectly as Christ loved the church.

But notice, how Paul quotes Genesis and says that this mystery of marriage is profound and he says it refers to Christ and the church.

this isn’t all about husband/wife relationship

Marriage is ultimately about Christ’s relationship with the church

Christian marriage reproduces in miniature the beauty shared between the Bridegroom and the Bride in the divine marriage between Christ and his people

God created human marriage so that his people would have a category for understanding the relationship between Christ and his church

So, some of you are sitting there thinking, “Okay pastor… that sounds intense, but I’m 15. I’m not married. What does any of this have to do with me right now?”

Everything.

Because the habits and heart attitudes you are building today are preparing you for tomorrow.

Guys — start practicing dying to yourself right now.

When your mom asks you to take out the trash and you’d rather be on the game — die to yourself and serve cheerfully.

When your little sister is annoying you — choose patience and kindness instead of snapping.

When you’re dating someday (or even in a group project at school), practice leading by serving, listening, protecting, and putting her good above your comfort. That’s training ground for the day you stand at an altar and say “I do.”

Girls — start practicing a gentle, joyful, respectful spirit right now.

When your dad makes a decision you don’t love, choose to honor him anyway.

Practice submitting to their standards of how you dress, who you date and more.

When a guy friend or boyfriend is pushing boundaries, have the courage to say “no” out of reverence for Christ, not out of fear of man.

Practice encouraging and building others up with your words instead of tearing them down — that’s the heart of biblical submission and respect.

Single or married, young or old, the call is the same: let the gospel shape how you relate to authority and how you lead.

Guys, you will never be a good and godly authority if you don’t first submit to authority placed over you now. Even when you are married, you are not this kingly authority. You give an account to God for how you lead your future wife.

and girls, how will you ever submit to loving leadership if you haven't learned to submit to the leadership of your parents in the home.

So, marriage is the first relationship Paul tackles, because it’s the foundational picture of Christ and the church. But he doesn’t stop there. The same gospel that transforms a husband and wife now ripples out into the home.

Look down at chapter 6, verse 1: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”

If the gospel reshapes marriage, it absolutely reshapes the parent-child relationship too

2) Children and Parents

Paul now zooms the camera into the home and speaks directly to kids – yes, to you. Notice he doesn’t say “little children” or “toddlers.” In the original setting, everyone from small kids to grown teens still living at home is sitting there in the congregation hearing this letter read out loud. So if you’re under your parents’ roof and you know Jesus, this is for you – today.

First word to kids: Obey your parents in the Lord.

Circle those two little words “in the Lord” – they’re everything. You’re not obeying Mom and Dad because they’re perfect (news flash: they’re not). You’re obeying them because you’re obeying Jesus. When you obey your parents, you’re obeying the Lord who put them over you. That turns obedience from “ugh, whatever” into an act of worship.

And Paul says this is right – it’s fitting, it’s proper in God’s universe. In fact, he reaches all the way back to Mount Sinai and pulls out the fifth commandment: Honor your father and your mother. Honor is bigger than obedience. Obedience is about actions; honor is about attitude. You can obey on the outside while dishonoring on the inside with eye-rolling, muttering under your breath, slamming doors, or that killer sarcastic tone. God wants both: obedient actions and an honoring heart.

And this is the only commandment that comes with a built-in promise: that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Does that mean if you obey your parents you’ll never get sick and you’ll live to 105? No. The Bible is full of obedient believers who died young. This is a general principle, not an ironclad guarantee. Generally speaking, kids who learn to submit to God-given authority early learn how to submit to teachers, bosses, laws, and ultimately to God Himself – and that path tends to lead to a life that “goes well” and lasts long.

Now – quick flip side. Verse 4 is for dads (and really for moms too, but Paul puts the weight on fathers as the spiritual head of the home).

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger…

The word “provoke” means don’t exasperate, don’t crush their spirit. Don’t be the dad who’s never satisfied, who only points out what’s wrong, who disciplines unfairly or too harshly, who mocks or belittles or explodes in anger. That kind of parenting produces angry, bitter, broken kids who can’t wait to get out of the house – and often away from God too.

Instead, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

So here’s the application, right where you’re sitting:

T– obeying and honoring your parents is ground zero for what it means to be filled with the Spirit this week.

When Mom says put the phone down at dinner – obey, first time, cheerfully.

When Dad says lights out at 10:30 and you want to stay up gaming – honor him.

When they say no to that party, no to that movie, no to that relationship – trust that God is speaking through them, even if they explain it badly.

hiw you relate to the authority of your parents is a reflection of your heart to God

3) Bondservants and Masters

Paul turns to the final relationship- bondservants and masters

Before we read, let me clear something up really quick.

When we hear the word slaves, most of us picture American slavery: ethnic based, lifelong, brutal.

That’s not what Paul is talking about here.

In the Roman world, millions of people were in it-doctors, teachers, even managers.

Many were more educated than their masters.

you could become a bondservant through war, debt, or being born into it, but race/ethnicity had nothing to do with it and most could buy their way to freedom by age 30.

It was still unjust and fallen, and the Bible never celebrates it.

God tells us to love our neighbor, not own them.

But Paul is writing to real Christians sitting in real house churches where some owned slaves and some were slaves and they took communion together as brothers and sisters.

Do you see how revolutionary the Gospel is? These seeds are what led to slavery being abolished.

Ephesians 6:5–9 “Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free. Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.”

Paul tells slaves to work with excellence and then turned right around and told masters, do the same to them.

Same attitude, same heart, same sincerity—because both of them ultimately have the same Boss in heaven.

Notice, Christ is mentioned in every single verse. Six times in 5 verses

Your relationship to Jesus is to impact every other relationship you have.

So here’s what this means for us today—because none of us (I hope) have slaves, but all of us have a boss, a coach, a teacher, or a manager.

If you are a student or employee— do your work as unto Jesus

Show up on time, phone away, give 100% even when the boss isn’t looking.

No eye-service, no people-pleasing, no half-hearted homework because the teacher never checks.

Why? Because your real Boss is watching,

One day God is going to reward every paper you wrote, every bathroom you cleaned, every bit of work you did as if you were doing it unto Him.

So do your homework as if God is the grader

And if you find yourself in a position of leadership as a boss, coach, or any other place—treat people the way Jesus treats you

No threatening, no manipulating, no exploding when they mess up

Instead, encourage, correct gently, pay fairly, remember: the janitor and the CEO will stand on perfectly level ground before King Jesus one day.

This is how the gospel killed slavery and how it still kills pride and laziness today.

In the church there are no second-class citizens.

The slave and master called each other brother.

So whatever you do—do it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men

Jesus is Lord of your bedroom, your classroom, your job, your future marriage, your everything. He’s the Lord of heaven and earth. And when he’s truly Lord, He transforms every relationship from the inside out.