How to Win an Argument

[Main Scripture]

INTRODUCTION

Most people think “winning an argument” means defeating someone. But in Scripture, winning an argument is not about scoring points—it’s about winning people. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.” In Acts 21–22, Paul is surrounded by an angry mob, misunderstood by the Romans, and falsely accused by his own people. Yet he models a Spirit-filled way of responding.

A married couple had a quarrel and ended up giving each other the silent treatment. Two days into their mute argument, the man realized he needed his wife’s help. In order to catch a flight to Chicago for a business meeting, he had to get up at 5 a.m.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5 a.m.”

The next morning the man woke up only to discover his wife was already out of bed, it was 9 a.m., and his flight had long since departed. He was about to find his wife and demand an answer for her failings when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. He read, “It’s 5 a.m. Wake up.”

John Calvin wrote that Paul “puts on the meekness of Christ, that he might draw those who are violently set against him to the Gospel.” Paul isn’t trying to win an argument—he’s trying to win souls.

In this text, the apostle shows us three essential principles for engaging hostile people, skeptical people, or simply people who disagree.

Point 1 — Be Nice (Acts 21:37–38)

Even when tensions rise, Paul responds with unusual kindness and restraint.

a. “Am I allowed to speak?” (v. 37)

Paul politely requests permission. – He does not assume a right to speak. – He respects authority—even unjust authority. – This softens the Roman commander.

Cultural note: Jewish zealots were known for hostility; Paul’s restraint immediately distinguished him from the assassins and terrorists of the era (the Sicarii).

b. Speak the right language (v. 37)

Paul speaks Greek, shocking the commander. He adapts communicatively—but without compromising truth.

Historical detail: Educated Jews who spoke Greek fluently were rare in Jerusalem. Paul’s Greek revealed he was not a revolutionary but a cultured Roman citizen who had traveled the empire. It de-escalated suspicion.

c. Don’t assume everyone understands you (v. 38)

The commander mistakes Paul for an Egyptian revolutionary who led 4,000 assassins.

Application: People often come with assumptions, biases, or misinformation. Winning people begins with understanding—not lecturing.

Practical & Biblical Steps for Point 1

Start with humility — Ask questions before making statements (Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.” ).

Choose words carefully — “Let your speech be gracious” (Colossians 4:6 “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer each person.” ).

Seek to understand their perspective — “Be quick to listen” (James 1:19 “My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger,” ).

Adapt communication without compromising truth — Paul becomes “all things to all people” (1 Corinthians 9:22 “To the weak I became weak, in order to win the weak. I have become all things to all people, so that I may by every possible means save some.” ).

Point 2 — Point People to Jesus (Acts 22:1–20)

Paul’s real aim is not to defend himself—but to proclaim Christ.

a. He changed his language to reach his audience (22:40; 22:2)

Paul switches from Greek to Aramaic, the heart-language of the Jews. The moment they hear it, they become quiet (v. 2).

Historical note: Aramaic was the common spoken language of Judea. Speaking it signaled honor, cultural loyalty, and humility.

b. He established a relationship with his audience (22:1–5)

Paul begins not with confrontation but connection.

i. He was a Jew (v. 3)

He emphasizes shared identity: “I am a Jew.”

ii. He grew up in Jerusalem under Gamaliel (v. 3)

Paul had the highest rabbinic training available. This established credibility and rapport.

Reformed insight (Stott): “Paul’s testimony begins not with his superiority, but with his solidarity.”

iii. He understood their zeal and hostility (vv. 4–5)

Paul says, “I persecuted this Way…”—showing empathy with their viewpoint. Zealous toward God as you all are today: It’s as if Paul searched for the nicest thing he could say about a mob that had just tried to murder him. “Well, I can say that you are zealous toward God.”

Pastoral insight: Empathy disarms hostility.

c. He shared his story (vv. 6–20)

Paul’s testimony: – His encounter with Christ (vv. 6–11) – His calling (vv. 12–16) – His mission to the Gentiles (vv. 17–20)

Luke told the story of Paul’s conversion in Acts 9. After that, Paul told the story in some way at least four more times in the New Testament, each with its own intention.

· Acts 22: Telling the story to persuade the Jews.

· Acts 26: Telling the story to persuade the Gentiles.

· Philippians 3: Telling the story for theological understanding.

· 1 Timothy 1: Telling the story to give encouragement.

Theological note: Paul emphasizes divine initiative—He was not seeking Christ; Christ sought him (cf. Calvin on Acts 22: “Christ draws us when we are fleeing.”)

Practical & Biblical Steps for Point 2

Speak the gospel in a way people can understand (1 Cor. 9:20–23).

Look for points of connection, not separation (Acts 17:22–23 “Paul stood in the middle of the Areopagus and said, “People of Athens! I see that you are extremely religious in every respect. For as I was passing through and observing the objects of your worship, I even found an altar on which was inscribed, ‘To an Unknown God.’ Therefore, what you worship in ignorance, this I proclaim to you.” ).

Share your testimony — People may argue theology but not your story.

Make Jesus the center — Not politics, not preferences, not personal defense.

Point 3 — Winning May Not Look Like Winning (Acts 22:21–29)

Paul’s goal is not victory—it’s faithfulness.

a. They stopped listening (v. 22)

At the mention of “Gentiles,” the crowd erupts.

Cultural note: First-century Jews had deep nationalistic expectations. The idea that Gentiles could be included without becoming Jews was scandalous.

b. They threw a fit (vv. 22–23)

The mob screams, rips off cloaks, and throws dust—signs of outrage in Jewish culture.

Application: Sometimes obedience to Christ leads to rejection—not acceptance (John 15:18 ““If the world hates you, understand that it hated me before it hated you.” ).

Over 52,250 Nigerian Christian have been murdered from 09-2023 and estimated 7,000 have been murdered in 2025

Nbc. Paul showed love—even to the Roman guard (vv. 24–29)

Paul warns the Roman commander that he is a Roman citizen, saving the man from breaking the law.

Historical insight: A Roman who scourged a citizen without trial could be executed. Paul is protecting him—showing love to an enemy.

Theological note: Paul mirrors Christ’s command to love enemies (Matt. 5:44). As Matthew Henry notes, “Paul cared more for the soul of his oppressor than for his own vindication.”

Practical & Biblical Steps for Point 3

Be faithful even when rejected (2 Timothy 4:5 “But as for you, exercise self-control in everything, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.” ).

Accept that obedience may lead to conflict (Romans 12:18 “If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” ).

Love your opponents—even when you disagree.

Trust God with outcomes — We plant and water; God gives the increase (1 Corinthians 3:6 “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth.” ).

APPLICATION

Ask: Am I trying to win the argument or the person?

Adjust your communication to reduce barriers.

Build bridges before presenting truth.

Use your testimony strategically and biblically.

Expect resistance—but remain faithful.

Show Christlike love under pressure.

Leave the results to God, who alone changes hearts.

CONCLUSION

Paul shows us that the goal of Christian engagement is not to defeat people but to direct them to Christ. He models humility, clarity, cultural awareness, grace, and courage. He adapts his communication, builds rapport, shares his testimony, and trusts God with the outcome.

In a world filled with arguments, outrage, and division, calls us to a better way—a Christlike way.

Winning an argument doesn’t mean proving you’re right. It means pointing people to the One who is the Truth.

May God give us the humility of Paul, the boldness of Paul, and most of all, the heart of Christ as we engage a world desperately in need of the gospel.