COVENANT & COVERING

The Silent Killers of Covenant: Subtle Behaviors That Destroy Relationships

COVENANT & COVERING

Session 16 – Wednesday, December 3, 2025

Title: The Silent Killers of Covenant: Subtle Behaviors That Destroy Relationships

Primary Scripture Reading

Song of Solomon 2:15 KJV 1900

15 Take us the foxes, The little foxes, that spoil the vines: For our vines have tender grapes.

AMP: the little foxes that spoil the vineyards of our love, for our vineyards are in blossom.

Introduction

This passage shows a vineyard full of promise. The grapes are tender, meaning early, fragile, and easily damaged. The relationship is blossoming, fruitful, and capable of producing joy and unity. But the foxes represent small, sneaky, subtle forces that quietly destroy the very roots of a relationship. The danger is not always loud sin or open rebellion. The danger is the small, unaddressed patterns that enter through open doors—patterns that seem harmless but eventually spoil the entire vineyard.

Every relationship has doors. Every covenant has gates that must be guarded. Some doors are spiritual, such as prayerlessness or unrepented attitudes. Some doors are emotional, such as insecurity, fear, or past trauma. Some doors are relational, such as poor communication or neglect. Tonight, we explore not only what the foxes look like, but also the doors that let them in.

The Fox of Emotional WithholdingScripture: 1 Corinthians 13:4–7

1 Corinthians 13:4–7 KJV 1900

4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

What it looks like in a relationship:

Emotional withholding slowly starves a relationship. It looks like going cold after an argument, refusing to speak, turning away affection, ignoring texts, staying distant, or only giving attention when absolutely necessary. It is when one person shuts down instead of leaning in. It may also appear as never verbalizing love, never expressing appreciation, or never giving encouragement. Over time, the other person feels invisible, unvalued, and emotionally abandoned.

Doors that allow this fox to enter:

• Pride and fear of vulnerability

• Past rejection not healed

• The belief that emotions are weakness

• A desire to control the relationship by withholding connection

• Avoidance due to upbringing (“my family never expressed affection”)

• Bitterness or unresolved conflict

When emotional withholding enters through these doors, it drains covenant slowly until affection dries up.

The Fox of Subtle DisrespectScripture: Ephesians 5:33

Ephesians 5:33 KJV 1900

33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

What it looks like in a relationship:

Subtle disrespect is not loud yelling. It is small tones, slight sarcasm, dismissive gestures, rolling of the eyes, consistently interrupting, or speaking to others with more honor than your own spouse or partner. It appears in jokes that cut deeply. It shows up by correcting or embarrassing someone in public. It creates an atmosphere where one person feels diminished instead of valued.

Doors that allow this fox to enter:

• Familiarity (“we’ve been together so long I don’t need to watch my tone”)

• Hidden resentment

• Pride that refuses correction

• Comparison with others

• Influence from disrespectful people or environments

• Past wounds that produce defensiveness

When this fox enters, affection becomes strained and unity becomes fragile.

The Fox of Assumptions and Unspoken ExpectationsScripture: Proverbs 18:13

Proverbs 18:13 KJV 1900

13 He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, It is folly and shame unto him.

What it looks like in a relationship:

Assumptions destroy communication. One person assumes the worst and reacts without asking. Another assumes the other should “already know” what they want or need. It looks like expecting someone to read your mind, getting offended because they did not guess your feelings, or reacting harshly before hearing the full matter. Unspoken expectations become invisible landmines. The relationship becomes full of disappointment, not because of sin, but because of silence.

Doors that allow this fox to enter:

• Lack of communication skills

• Fear of conflict

• Pride that refuses to express needs

• Past relationships where expressing needs was punished

• Busyness that replaces conversation

• Emotional immaturity

This fox steals intimacy by creating misunderstandings that never needed to happen.

The Fox of Mismanaged Emotional PainScripture: Hebrews 12:15

Hebrews 12:15 KJV 1900

15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

What it looks like in a relationship:

Mismanaged pain turns small hurts into major strongholds. It appears as short tempers, overreactions, distance, or constant suspicion. It looks like shutting down during conflict, assuming every mistake is intentional, or responding with bitterness to something unrelated. This fox whispers, “Hold on to that hurt. Keep a record of wrongs. Don’t trust them again.” Before long, the entire relationship is filtered through old wounds instead of present truth.

Doors that allow this fox to enter:

• Not healing from childhood trauma

• Past betrayals that were never processed

• Unforgiven offenses

• Unrealistic expectations of perfection

• Isolation instead of open communication

• The belief that emotions should be suppressed rather than addressed

When this fox enters, bitterness becomes a lens that distorts reality.

The Fox of Passive Agreement but Internal RebellionScripture: Amos 3:3

Amos 3:3 KJV 1900

3 Can two walk together, except they be agreed?

What it looks like in a relationship:

This fox brings false peace. One person agrees outwardly to avoid conflict, but inside they disagree. They say “yes” with their mouth but “no” with their heart. They hold silent resentment. They participate externally but withdraw internally. This creates an atmosphere where unity is a façade, and everything eventually collapses under the weight of hidden frustration.

Doors that allow this fox to enter:

• Fear of conflict

• Fear of rejection

• Control by one partner

• Lack of emotional safety

• Conditioning from previous relationships

• The desire to keep temporary peace instead of long-term unity

This fox destroys honest connection because real agreement cannot exist when the heart is silent.

The Fox of Distraction and Divided AttentionScripture: Luke 10:40–42

Luke 10:40–42 KJV 1900

40 But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. 41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: 42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

What it looks like in a relationship:

Distraction is a modern fox that enters unnoticed. It looks like always being on the phone, spending more time on work, hobbies, or social media than with each other, or giving energy to everything except the relationship. One partner becomes an afterthought. Communication becomes surface-level. Time together becomes rare. The heart grows cold not because of sin, but because of neglect.

Doors that allow this fox to enter:

• Overcommitment

• Workaholism

• Escaping into distractions instead of dealing with problems

• Misplaced priorities

• Spiritual dryness

• Lack of intentional time together

Distraction steals intimacy and connection little by little.

Application

Every covenant relationship has doors. These doors must be guarded intentionally. Foxes come through when we stop paying attention, stop pursuing God, stop communicating, or stop tending the vineyard of love, trust, and unity.

What should we do?

Ask God to reveal the open doors in your relationship.

Close the doors by repentance and communication.

Repair the damage by humility and intentional affection.

Create new patterns of honor, respect, and connection.

Tend the vineyard of your covenant daily.

Call to Action

The Lord is restoring vineyards that have been damaged by foxes. What was broken by small, long-term patterns can be healed by the Spirit of truth and humility. God is calling His people to guard the relational gates, shut the open doors, and refuse to let small foxes destroy what He has planted. This is a season of rebuilding, renewing, and restoring covenant connections. If you will address the small things, God will strengthen the foundation. If you will expose the foxes, God will release fresh fruit in your relationships.

Great relationships are not built by grand gestures, but by guarding the small things with great care.—Andrew Murray