Family Roles: The Christian Duties of a Godly Wife
Notes
Transcript
Introduction:
Storybook weddings vs. the real thing
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
30 because we are members of his body.
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
There is probably no greater way to get in hot water with the culture we live in than to promote biblical gender roles in marriage.
Our culture is against any distinctions period these days and would say that we should not even define a person as male or female, much less should there be any roles given to the different genders in marriage since that might limit us or put some restrictions on what we can and cannot do.
At the crux of the argument, the world does not really do not want for anyone to say that anything that they engage in is wrong or could possibly be a sin.
Anything that might limit the person of the world is wrong and is judgmental and not of the god that they worship, which is not a true god and in many cases is the god of self.
But, marriage is given BY God and is FROM God and so is our gender. This goes all the way back to creation. God made them male and female, and God joined man and woman together in the marital union making them one flesh.
So whatever God says about the institution of marriage, whether we agree with it or not, is what is true and what governs His institution. In other words, God made marriage and so God gets to make the rules and how you feel about it is not relevant.
If we are really followers of Christ, we will submit to the teachings of the Bible and follow God’s commands.
Now, remember a few things before we get into the roles of marriage that God has ordained.
God is good and is infinitely good
God’s commands are always His best for our lives
God does not do anything by accident (His plans are always infinitely wise)
There is a union that happens between man and woman in marriage making them one flesh, so what is best for the wife and what is best for the husband is best for both
Keep this in mind as we consider the roles that God has given in the church and the roles that God has given in the marriage relationship and even the roles God has for the different Persons in the Godhead.
Keep in mind also before we proceed what the immediate context of the following verses we are going to look at is.
15 Look carefully then how you walk....
21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
The next several verses in chapter 5-6 are going to lay out the different household relationships in which submission to one another occurs.
Now, remember we’ve already discussed the ways we submit in the church to leaders and to one another as we walk together in a new spiritual man that Christ has made from Jews and Gentiles being grafted in together by faith in what Christ has done. We share a common salvation and are one new body.
Now Paul is going to talk about the roles of submission within the family unit.
1. The Responsibility of a Christian Wife (vv.22-24)
1. The Responsibility of a Christian Wife (vv.22-24)
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
A. Submit
A. Submit
Three key words qualify what Paul is instructing wives to do here.
Three Key Words:
Submit
To Their Own Husbands
As to the Lord
What do we mean by submission?
Some wives are fine submitting to their husbands as long as their husbands agree with them on what should be done.
Andreas Köstenberger says,
Exalting Jesus in Ephesians Spirit-Filled Wives (5:22–24)
While some may view submitting to one’s husband’s authority as something negative, a more accurate way of looking at marital roles is to understand that wives are called to follow their husband’s loving leadership. (God, Marriage, and Family, 73, emphasis in original)
Consider whether the modern stereotype of the home is in alignment with the Bible. “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”
We often see TV shows that depict a bumbling idiot for a husband and the wife is basically having to be the mother to a grown up child.
Now, to some extent this is an indictment on the men, because God has called us to be the leaders of our families. If we aren’t doing it, then someone is going to step into that vacuum.
However with the rise of the feminist movement, there has been a huge swing to independence and equality on an unhealthy level. I’m not speaking of voting rights or equal pay for equal work.
I’m speaking of an all out abandonment of gender roles and leadership roles in marriage.
If I were to ask you the question, “Do you think that everyone can be the chief an no one should be the Indians?” would you agree or disagree?
Most of us would disagree, right? We know that someone has to be in charge and the buck stops with somebody. That’s why we have a head coach of a football team, or a manager for a baseball team, or a principal of a school. There has to be someone in charge at the top.
But in marriage, many people either reverse who is given that role or make everyone equal. This probably comes from our American heritage for democracy. Everyone should have a vote and we should be fair.
But God is not concerned with our feelings. He wants what is best for us.
This command to submit does not go back to a flaw in the woman. There are women who are more gifted, smarter, and more able to lead than their husbands. In fact, there are some women who are better teachers of the Bible than the men in their churches.
I would say that the vast majority of our churches would not function were it not for the women, and that is a blessing but an indictment on the church at the same time.
Passivity is killing men and it’s causing the women to feel the need to cross the line and not submit to their husbands or to the leadership of the church.
God gave Eve the role of submission before the Fall, not after. He put Adam in charge of Eve and created Adam first. Eve was made to be his help mate.
Now word of advice to us men: if we are smart, we will listen to our wives and consider their wisdom, even though God has commanded us to make the decisions on behalf of our families and be the spiritual leaders.
However, after the fall, one of the curses was that their would be marital strife over the role of submission of wives to their husbands.
Look at Gen. 3:15-16
15 I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel.”
16 To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”
Satan has been fighting against God to erase or to mutilate the image of God on man since the beginning. The war on gender roles is from Satan. The fight against submission in the home is from Satan. It is a result of sin and the curse.
Satan hates God’s design and wants to plant the seed of distrust in our minds to say that what God has commanded is not really for our own good, but to limit us.
So back to submission.
B. Submit to Your Own Husbands
B. Submit to Your Own Husbands
Wives are told to submit not to anybody’s husband, but to their own husbands. There is no command that says that any man can tell any woman what they are supposed to do. It is only within the authority structures that God has set up.
Submission is hard when you are having to give up what you want and follow your husband in a direction that you don’t feel is best. If you are already walking down the same street, it may be easy to follow your husband and submit, but what if he wants to go down a different path? That’s when it gets tough and you have to determine whether you really believe God’s Word or not.
Caveat
I do want to give a few caveats to this command.
No one is to submit when doing so would lead to sin.
Submission is not domestic servitude or abuse
Husbands, I’m going to get to us next week, but if you verbally abuse your wife and yell at her, or if you lay a hand on her, you are going to answer to your Master in heaven.
In fact, if this sort of thing is happening, it is grounds for the church to get involved and it very well may be that that husband is not saved in the first place.
In the case of abuse, it should be reported immediately and then everything else can be sorted out in counseling.
The Scripture is never to be used to justify abuse. Husbands are going to be told to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her. That is not an abusive Master, but a loving one.
The more like Christ a husband is, the easier it will be for a wife to submit.
However, submission is not dependent on a husband being a Christian either.
1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,
2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
Notice that Peter says that you may win your husband over by your conduct.
At the same time, Paul also addressed wives with unbelieving husbands in 1 Cor. 7 when he instructed that if a woman is married to an unbeliever and he will not consent to live with her, then she is no longer bound to him if he leaves. Some men don’t want a Christian wife.
Before we get into Paul’s explanation for why this is important to submit, it should also be pointed out that if this is the Bible’s position on women’s roles in marriage, is it not that much more important to marry a godly man than a handsome man?
Ladies, I know most of you in here are probably already married, but we need to plead with the ones who are not and the young ladies coming up that a godly character that is proven is an essential before they accept a ring on their finger.
Instead of doing what the feminist movement has sought to do and bringing men down, we ought to see them elevated and pushed towards godliness and maturity in Christlikeness to raise the whole family up!
Tony Merida comments on this passage,
Exalting Jesus in Ephesians Spirit-Filled Wives (5:22–24)
The wife should see the responsibility her husband has and respect him, love him, pray for him, and respect his needs.
The last thing Paul instructed before we get into the why is:
C. Submit as to the Lord
C. Submit as to the Lord
Even if your husband is a doofus of a man, submit as if you are submitting to Christ.
You are not obeying your husband’s instructions as much as you are demonstrating your obedience to Christ.
Bondservants are going to be called to do the same in Ephesians 6:5 in just a moment.
This is where we have to take up our cross and follow Christ. It isn’t easy being a Christian. Sometimes what God calls us to do is difficult.
However, if the marriage relationship is functioning correctly and is healthy, the wife will have no problem submitting to her husband because she will know:
He loves her more than his own self
He loves the Lord more than her and wants to please the Lord
She is safely in the Lord’s hands
This is why Peter said in 1 Peter 3:6
6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
So let’s end by looking at why this is such a big deal.
2. The Headship Issue in Marriage (v.23-24)
2. The Headship Issue in Marriage (v.23-24)
23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
God has given roles within the marriage.
The husband is to lead the family. He is the shepherd of the family responsible for it’s spiritual growth, at least as far as leading the family in Bible study and devotion to God.
The wife is responsible for managing the home and children. This doesn’t mean the husband is not to help with household chores or parenting. He is ultimately responsible for parenting as well, but women have a home-first priority.
This is why Paul wrote Timothy that women were not to teach or have authority over a man in the church. It is an issue of roles that God has given and not abilities.
Women are instrumental in the training up of children as we see in the example of Timothy by his mother and his grandmother. The Scripture seems to indicate that his Greek father was not a believer.
But notice the comparison to Christ and the Church.
Is the Church important? Yes!
Does the Church have an important role to fill? Yes!
But the church cannot fulfill the role of Christ. Christ is the head of the Church.
Look again in v. 24
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
In fact, we are going to see next week that marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church and the roles in marriage in some ways can even portray the roles or function within the Godhead.
You see, man and woman are co-equal in worth and value before God. Unlike the godless cultures of the world, and even the practices of some countries in the world today, God values women just as much as men. He uses both for His kingdom purposes, but in different ways.
Within the Godhead, we have one God in three Persons. Each Person of the Godhead is equal in essence and shares all of the divine attributes of Godness. However, there is also a distinction in the Persons of the Godhead. This distinction is manifested in the roles and functions of each member of the Godhead.
For example, the Son submits to the Father. The Spirit proceeds from the Father and the Son.
There is a difference in what each Person of the Godhead does, without their being less God-ness to the Son or the Spirit.
In the same way in marriage, God has given equal value and worth to each member of the marital relationship, but He has also given a different function as well.
Conclusion
As we close, let me ask you a question. Are we happier today with the modern version of marriage than we would be under God’s instructions?
We have a divorce rate that is sky high in the Church and outside of the Church.
We have people not even wanting to enter marriage because of the problems they’ve seen and in their attempt to escape these problems, they’ve discovered a whole new set of their own that comes from children out of wedlock and trying to live with no rules or boundaries.
The boundaries that God has placed on marriage are to protect us. Instead of seeing them as four sides of a fence to limit us, we should see them as the four walls of a home to protect us and keep us safe.
No marriage is perfect, but following God’s ways is far better than following our own foolish wisdom.
