Covenant & Covering Series 17

Loving as God Designed for Wives

SERIES 17 Loving as God Designed for Wives

Primary Scripture Reading

Titus 2:4–5

Titus 2:4–5 AMP

4 So that they will wisely train the young women to be sane and sober of mind (temperate, disciplined) and to love their husbands and their children, 5 To be self-controlled, chaste, homemakers, good-natured (kindhearted), adapting and subordinating themselves to their husbands, that the word of God may not be exposed to reproach (blasphemed or discredited).

Proverbs 31:10–12 AMP

10 A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman—who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls. 11 The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil. 12 She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her.

Ephesians 5:22–33 AMP

22 Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior of [His] body. 24 As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 So that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, 27 That He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things [that she might be holy and faultless]. 28 Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. 29 For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, 30 Because we are members (parts) of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is very great, but I speak concerning [the relation of] Christ and the church. 33 However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].

Introduction

Marriage is not an emotional agreement. It is a covenant before God. Most marriage breakdowns are not rooted in a lack of love but in spiritual disorder, emotional wounds, deception, and quiet oppression operating unnoticed in the heart. Scripture makes it clear that loving a husband is not instinctual—it must be learned, taught, and guarded.

Titus 2 reveals that many women sincerely love God yet struggle to love their husbands according to divine order. Emotional pain, disappointment, and trauma often reshape how love is expressed. When love stops flowing through God’s design and begins flowing through wounds, protection replaces surrender, and walls replace intimacy.

This session exposes • How a wife is called to love her husband • What actions build covenant and what actions destroy it • The spiritual oppression behind destructive decisions • The damage caused by emotional unavailability

Main Point 1

What It Means to Love Your Husband According to God

Scripture: Ephesians 5:33 Proverbs 31:11–12 Song of Solomon 8:6–7

To love a husband biblically is to place covenant above emotion. Biblical love is expressed through honor, loyalty, emotional presence, trust, and spiritual alignment. Proverbs 31 states that the heart of her husband safely trusts in her. This speaks of emotional safety, verbal safety, spiritual safety, and covenant loyalty.

A wife who loves according to God: • Honors her husband in public and private • Protects his reputation • Strengthens his confidence • Covers weakness instead of exposing it • Reinforces leadership rather than competing with it • Creates peace instead of pressure • Remains emotionally present

Biblical love does not manipulate. Biblical love does not punish with silence. Biblical love does not withdraw to gain control. Biblical love builds security through consistency.

Main Point 2

What a Godly Wife Should Do Versus What Tears a Marriage Down

Scripture: Proverbs 14:1 Romans 12:10 Colossians 3:18–19

What a wife should do: • Speak life into her husband • Express respect even when wounded • Invite leadership instead of resisting it • Maintain emotional availability • Stay loyal in speech and heart • Protect the covenant in conversations • Create peace in the home • Be quick to reconcile • Allow healing instead of hardening

What silently tears a marriage down: • Emotional withdrawal • Silent resentment • Withholding affection for control • Seeking emotional fulfillment outside the marriage • Speaking against the husband instead of praying for him • Chronic distrust • Rewriting history to justify coldness • Using past pain to excuse present disobedience

Proverbs 14:1 declares that a wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands. Most marriages are not destroyed through scandal. They are eroded through daily emotional neglect.

Main Point 3

The Spiritual Oppression Behind Destructive Decisions

Scripture: 2 Corinthians 4:4 Ephesians 6:12 John 8:44

Spiritual oppression in marriage rarely appears dramatic. It often appears reasonable, justified, and emotionally defended. It works through hardened hearts, emotional numbness, suspicion, withdrawal, and distorted identity.

A woman can be under spiritual oppression while still praying, worshiping, attending church, and outwardly functioning—yet inwardly she is disconnected from covenant alignment.

Oppression commonly operates through: • Unhealed trauma • Bitterness embedded in identity • Fear of vulnerability • Distrust formed through disappointment • Independence disguised as strength • Control disguised as boundaries • Emotional numbness mistaken for peace

The enemy does not need a woman to commit adultery to destroy a marriage. Emotional disconnection alone is enough to dismantle covenant order.

Main Point 4

Emotional Unavailability and Its Destructive Impact on Marriage

Scripture: 1 Peter 3:7 Proverbs 18:14 Amos 3:3

Emotional unavailability is one of the most destructive and least confronted issues in modern marriages. A wife may be physically present yet emotionally unreachable. This produces:

• Loneliness inside the marriage • Confusion in communication • Insecurity in the husband • Vulnerability to temptation • Breakdown of trust • Loss of spiritual unity

God designed women to be emotional nurturers of atmosphere. When emotional availability shuts down, the home grows cold even without arguments. Emotional availability produces intimacy. Intimacy produces safety. Safety produces strength.

When emotional connection is removed, marriage becomes coexistence instead of covenant.

Main Point 5

When Love Becomes a Weapon Instead of a Covering

Scripture: James 3:14–16 Galatians 5:15

Love becomes weaponized when it is: • Given conditionally • Withheld intentionally • Used as leverage • Governed by resentment • Measured instead of poured

This creates a system where affection becomes currency and silence becomes punishment. God does not govern His people this way, and marriage was never designed to operate this way.

Where love is measured, mistrust grows. Where love is withheld, offense multiplies. Where love is conditional, fear replaces safety.

Application

Every wife must examine posture, not only behavior.

Am I loving from obedience or emotion Am I protecting myself at the cost of my covenant Am I building connection or controlling distance Am I emotionally available or merely occupying space

Marriage is not sustained by chemistry. It is sustained by daily obedience to God’s design. Healing restores intimacy. Intimacy restores unity. Unity restores spiritual authority to the home.

Conclusion

The Lord is confronting silent separation in marriages. He is healing what bitterness hardened and restoring what trauma shut down. This is a season of restored alignment, not forced emotion. As emotional doors reopen, spiritual authority returns to the home.

God is not calling wives to be weaker. He is calling them to be healed.

Closing Quote

“The greatest warfare against marriage is not hatred, it is silence.” Leonard Ravenhill