When Christians Disagree

Intro

The Airport Terminal Fight

Picture a crowded airport terminal. Everyone is headed to different destinations—some to business meetings, some to vacations, some to visit family for the first time in years.

Now imagine two passengers sitting at the same gate, waiting for the same plane. One has noise-canceling headphones, a neck pillow, and a carefully packed carry-on. The other shows up late, arms full of fast food, kids in tow, boarding pass on their phone that keeps locking.

Suddenly, they start arguing—loudly—about the “right” way to board a plane:

“You’re clogging the aisle!”

“You’re overthinking this, just sit down!”

“People like you make flying miserable!”

“Well, people like you are arrogant and rude!”

Meanwhile, the same airplane is sitting outside the window, ready to take both of them to the same destination. They’re so busy fighting about boarding preferences that they forget the real point: getting on the plane and getting home.

Bridge: Romans 14 is Paul looking at a church full of people arguing in the “terminal” about food, days, and disputable matters, and saying, in essence, “Stop fighting over boarding preferences. You’re all headed to the same destination, under the same Lord. Don’t let tertiary issues divide those for whom Christ died.”

read rom 14

1. Receive Your Brother (14:1–3)

Romans 14:1–3 ESV

1 As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. 2 One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. 3 Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him.

ILLUSTRATION: Accommodating others at Thanksgiving Dinner

That’s Romans 14:1–3. In the church, God is the Host. He has welcomed both the “strong” and the “weak.” If God has pulled out a chair for them, who are we to snatch it away? To “receive your brother” means: I don’t make your convictions or freedoms the condition of my love or my fellowship.

2. Remember Your Master (14:4–9)

Romans 14:4–9 ESV

4 Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand. 5 One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. 6 The one who observes the day, observes it in honor of the Lord. The one who eats, eats in honor of the Lord, since he gives thanks to God, while the one who abstains, abstains in honor of the Lord and gives thanks to God. 7 For none of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself. 8 For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. 9 For to this end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord both of the dead and of the living.

The Employee Review

Imagine walking through an office and seeing a coworker getting a performance review behind closed doors. You can see them sitting across from the manager, talking, maybe with some charts or notes on the desk.

Now imagine another coworker walks by, peeks through the glass, and says to a third person:

“You know, if I were their boss, I would have fired them months ago. They don’t do it the way I would. They don’t work the way I think they should. I just don’t think they measure up.”

But here’s the problem: They’re not the boss. They didn’t hire that employee. They don’t sign the checks. And they certainly won’t give the final evaluation.

The only opinion that ultimately matters in that moment is the boss’s.

Bridge to the text: Paul says in verses 4–9: your brother or sister is “the servant of another”—the Lord’s servant. It is before his own Masterthat they stand or fall, and the Lord is able to make them stand.

When I “remember my Master,” I stop acting like I’m the spiritual supervisor of everyone else’s conscience. I’m not their Lord. Jesus is. And He sees their heart in their eating, their abstaining, their observing, their not observing.

3. Release Your Gavel (14:10–18)

Romans 14:10–18 ESV

10 Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; 11 for it is written, “As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.” 12 So then each of us will give an account of himself to God. 13 Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. 14 I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. 15 For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. 16 So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. 17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18 Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men.

The Child with the Toy Gavel

Picture a little kid watching a courtroom show on TV. The next day, they find a plastic toy gavel in a playset somewhere. Suddenly, they’re the judge.

They line up their stuffed animals and siblings and start banging the gavel:

“You’re guilty!”

“You’re wrong!”

“You’re out!”

No real authority. No real understanding of the law. Just the thrill of declaring verdicts.

It’s cute when a child does it. It’s tragic when a Christian lives that way in the church—walking around with a toy gavel, pronouncing verdicts on other believers over matters God has not condemned, and Christ has already covered.

Meanwhile, there is a real gavel coming—at a real judgment seat—where every knee will bow and every tongue confess. There is a real Judge who sees all and knows all. And it’s not us.

Bridge to the text: Romans 14:10–12 reminds us: we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. When I remember that, I’m far less eager to pound my little toy gavel on my brother’s conscience. Instead, verses 15–18 call me to trade my gavel for grace—choosing love, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit over winning a food fight.

4. Restrain Your Freedom (14:19–23)

Romans 14:19–23 ESV

19 So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. 20 Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats. 21 It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble. 22 The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. 23 But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.

The Peanut Allergy at the Party

Imagine you’re hosting a birthday party for kids. You’ve got this amazing peanut butter chocolate cake recipe—it’s your specialty. You love it. You’ve been making it for years.

But right before the party, a parent pulls you aside and says, “Hey, just so you know… my child has a severe peanut allergy. Even a small amount could send us to the hospital.”

Now, you have at least three options:

Serve the cake anyway and say, “Well, that’s their problem. I have the freedom to eat what I want.”

Put big warning signs out: “There are peanuts in this cake; eat at your own risk,” and secretly hope no one complains.

Gladly set aside your favorite cake and choose a different dessert so everyone can enjoy the party safely.

What’s the most loving response? Obviously, you restrain your freedom for the sake of someone else’s life.

Bridge to the text: That’s Paul’s point in verses 19–23. Yes, “everything is indeed clean.” You can eat the cake. But the question isn’t, “Can I?” The question is, “Should I—if it risks harming the faith of someone Christ died for?”

Love says, “My brother’s soul is more important than my freedoms. I will gladly restrain what I am free to do if it protects what Christ is building in them.”

Closing

The Strong Swimmer and the River

Years ago, a youth group went on a retreat to a campground that had a river running alongside it. There were clear signs posted everywhere:

“Danger: Strong Current. No Swimming Beyond This Point.”

Most of the students stayed in the shallow, roped-off area, splashing, laughing, having fun. But one older teenager—strong, athletic, and confident—looked at that sign and thought, “That’s for people who can’t swim like I can. I’ll be fine.”

So he slipped under the rope, swam out farther, and started making long, powerful strokes across the river.

A few of the younger guys saw him and thought, “Well, if he can do it, we can too.” They followed him—out past the rope, into the stronger current.

Within minutes, one of the younger boys started to panic. The current grabbed him, pulled him under, and he began to flail and choke. The strong swimmer had to turn around, fight the current, drag the boy back to shore, and the whole thing ended with paramedics on the scene and a very shaken youth group on the bank.

Later that night, that older teen sat on a bench, head in his hands, saying:

“I knew I could handle that current. What I didn’t think about… was who might follow me.”

He was strong enough. He did have the ability. But his “freedom” nearly became someone else’s funeral.

That’s exactly what Paul is warning us about:

“Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God.” (v. 20)

“It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble.” (v. 21)

You may be the “strong swimmer” spiritually:

You know your freedom in Christ.

Your conscience is clear on certain issues.

You can go out “past the rope” and not be swept away.

But the question of Romans 14 isn’t: “Can I handle this?” The question is: “What happens to the people who follow me?”

Is my example pulling them toward Christ or toward confusion?

Is my freedom helping them grow, or making them stumble?

Am I thinking only about my strength, or also about their weakness?

Call to respond: