Healing From Abuse

Healing from Abuse <Terry>

I have the privilege to talk to all of us today about abuse. I imagine with the number of people in attendance this weekend many of us have been affected in some way by abuse.

There are 5 types of abuse I’ll define for us.

1. Physical abuse – is abuse involving contact intended to causefeelings of intimidation, injury, or other physical suffering or bodily harm. It can mean being grabbed, slapped, or pinched; it can be harsh or abusive discipline, beatings, being hit or struck violently.

2. Verbal abuse – is an ongoing emotional environment organized by the abuser for the purpose of control. It can be put downs, racial slurs, name calling, harsh words, hateful words like “I wish you were never born” and constant criticism.

3. Emotional abuse – is an unhealthy relationship where a person purposely undermines our confidence, our worth, and our emotional stability. 

❖ Their tone of voice, the disgusted looks, the “cold shoulder” lets us know we’ve done something stupid, yet again.

❖ Abandonment – when someone leaves who really should be there for us. Parents, friends, results of a divorce or parents who were unable to bond with children emotionally.

❖ Betrayal – broken trust, broken or un-kept promises.

4. Sexual abuse – forcing of undesired sexual behavior by one person upon another.

❖ Child – incest, molestation, ritual abuse, child pornography

❖ Youth – rape, date rape or being lured into sex by an older person

❖ Adult – through rape, spousal abuse or sexual violence

5. Spiritual abuse – occurs when a person in spiritual authority misleads and mistreats another person in the name of God or the Church.

❖ Manipulation or control by pastors or leaders

❖ Judgments passed unfairly

❖ Involves a violation of trust by a person of authority in a religious setting

Abuse in any form causes us to question our value and worth and oftentimes leads us to seek approval and validation from others because our perception of ourselves is so distorted.  We have an inability to see ourselves the way God sees us and this opens a door for the enemy to bombard us with lies such as:

❖ We are not good enough

❖ We are broken

❖ We will never measure up or

❖ If I had been a different person this would not have happened to me

❖ We are not valuable

❖ We deserve to be mistreated

❖ It’s our fault

Many times the pain of abuse is so great that it causes a person to look for ways to mask the pain. This can be in the form of:

❖ Drugs and alcohol

❖ Relationships

❖ Sex

❖ Shopping and spending money

❖ Overeating

❖ Overachieving

❖ Overcompensating

These behaviors only lead the person deeper into depression and further away from healing.

Satan’s goal in our lives is to make us ineffective for the Kingdom of God. For the person who has experienced abuse, this often comes in the form of victimization.

❖ Victims see themselves as powerless over their circumstances

❖ They withdraw emotionally and have an inability to give and receive love

❖ Victims blame others for their choices and displace responsibility

❖ They begin to believe their feelings don’t matter

❖ Worst of all, victims develop a hardness in their heart

If we have been a victim of any type of abuse, God wants to heal us today. He never intended for us to be hurt by anyone. Let’s not buy the lie today that the abuse we experienced was God’s will for our lives. It was the enemy’s plan for our lives, not God’s. But His will is to redeem that situation today! He has brought us here today for a divine appointment. He has us here to bring healing to our hurt. Listen to His promises to us:

❖ “I am the Lord who heals you.” (Exodus 15:26)

Exodus 15:26 CSB

26 He said, “If you will carefully obey the Lord your God, do what is right in his sight, pay attention to his commands, and keep all his statutes, I will not inflict any illnesses on you that I inflicted on the Egyptians. For I am the Lord who heals you.”

Psalm 107:19–20 CSB

19 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble; he saved them from their distress. 20 He sent his word and healed them; he rescued them from their traps.

We need to know today that the number one thing that keeps us from receiving the healing that the Lord wants to give us is unforgiveness.

The truth is, a state of unforgiveness holds us hostage to the person and events of the abuse. Unforgiveness affects every relationship in our lives. 

“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” (Unknown)

Harboring unforgiveness not only keeps us from our healing, but often leads us to hurt the people in our lives whom we love the most. All the counseling in the world will not give us the ability to forgive a person who has hurt us so deeply. The only One who can do that is the Lord.

I want everyone to look up here at me and listen to me:

Offering forgiveness does not mean:

❖ What happened to us was right, or that

❖ We deserved it.

Forgiveness is not:

❖ Saying that what the person did is O.K. It’s not O.K. and it never will be.

❖ Forgiveness is not a feeling. It’s a choice.

Forgiveness paves the way for healing.

Forgiveness is:

❖ A command from God.

❖ Continual. It’s a lifestyle.

❖ Releasing them to God. Turning them over to Him.

It simply means we are allowing God to be Lord over every area of our lives and we choose to live with a pure heart.

Matthew 5:8 CSB

8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

I want to see God, and I know you do, too. So we must forgive.

When we choose to hold our abuser in unforgiveness we choose to look at, focus on, the abuser instead of the one who died to heal us from our abuse. Don’t make that choice through unforgiveness today. Choose to look to Jesus.

Martin Luther: “Forgiveness is opening your hands and releasing a prisoner and realizing the prisoner was you.”

What I want us to know is that the Lord can take every wound, every hurt, every dark and dead place in our hearts, and He - and ONLY HE - can heal us, restore us, and make us a totally new person. We will no longer identify ourselves with what happened TO us; our identity will be in the One who lives IN US, in Christ - in His redemptive, pure, and unconditional love.

Psalm 147:3 CSB

3 He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.

“Identificational repentance” Prayers

Gary walks up. Sherrill is ready. During this part, leaders should speak directly to the participants from their hearts with genuine compassion).

Gary – (repents on behalf of men who have abused/abandoned others):

I am standing here today to represent any man who has been abusive to you. As I speak, allow God to use these words – words that you may need to hear in order for your healing to begin:

v I repent for being harsh and abusive when I disciplined you as a child. You were just a child and I expected too much from you. It was my fault, not yours.

v For all the times that I struck out at you because of my anger, instead of loving you, I am sorry.

v For all the times that I criticized you when you were doing the best that you could do.

v For telling you that you were worthless, that you should never have been born, and that you would never amount to anything, I was so wrong.

v For using my mouth to curse you when I should have used it to bless you.

v When you were a child and I abandoned you and was not the father that you needed

v When your mother and I divorced and I was not there for you because I went my own way. You needed me to be there and I was not … that was wrong of me.

v When you were a child and I made promises I didn’t keep, and then broke your tender heart, I apologize for what that did to you.

v When you, as my wife, should have been able to trust me and I was untrustworthy.  For threatening you and controlling you by fear and by my anger. I am so sorry.

v For molesting you when you were a child and destroying your innocence and having no concern for what that did to you. I ask for your forgiveness.

v When I exposed you to pornography and compromised your innocence and purity, I am so sorry.

v For violating you through rape, date rape, or luring you into sex and taking advantage of you, I was so wrong for what I did.

vFor being your spiritual leader and violating the trust that you put in me, for taking advantage of your openness and vulnerability towards me.

vWhen I was critical and judgmental of you when I should have accepted you

vWhen I made you feel that you were less than me because of the color of your skin

vWhen I made you feel insignificant because of your gender

vWhen I made you feel inferior because of your status.

vWhen I made fun of your disability

vAs a husband and father, I was not the spiritual leader of our home and I did not protect you and our family as I should have.

For all of these abuses of you, I repent and tell you that I am truly sorry for what I did and for what it did to you. Will you please forgive me?

(Quietly walks off. Sherrill walks on with hand held mic)

Sherrill – (from her heart with compassion repents on behalf of women who have abused/abandoned):

I am standing here today to represent any woman who has been abusive to you. As I speak, allow God to use these words – words that you may need to hear in order for your healing to begin:

v For the times I intentionally or unintentionally abused you physically or  verbally, even those times when I raised my hand to hit you, but didn’t you knew deep down I wanted to – I am sorry.

v When I knew you were being abused and did nothing to stop it, and those harsh words I spoke to you that made you feel worthless and condemned, and wounded your spirit

v Then there were those times I made you feel abandoned or left alone and you felt like no one cared

v When a promise was made to you and then broken without any thought of how you felt – I am so sorry.

v Those times that you wanted to be held, and show me love, and yet I didn’t take the time to return your love.

v When you needed praise, I was either too busy or just refused to give it. Please forgive me.

vFor the times I belittled you, embarrassed you in front of others, or spoke critical or negative words that were not true.

vWhen I made you feel that you were less than me because of the color of your skin

vWhen I made you feel insignificant because of your gender

vWhen I made you feel inferior because of your status.

vWhen I made fun of your disability

vAs your sister, I was verbally and physically abusive to you, calling you names and making you feel like you were nothing.  The things I said and did were so hurtful.

v As a friend, you trusted me. You shared your thoughts and dreams with me and I betrayed you

v As your wife, I was unfaithful to you, causing you to feel worthless and abandoned – less of a man –

v When your deepest desire was to be honored and respected, and I knowingly or unknowingly withheld that from you – I was so wrong and you did not deserve that.

On behalf of all women who have hurt you, I repent and ask you to please forgive me.

The same great and wonderful God that extends to us forgiveness is here to help you receive your healing, so that once and for all, you can forgive and be set free. God is here and I ask you to please forgive me and let your heart be made whole, in Jesus’ name.

Pastor Terry – “Please stand”

Prayer of Repentance

Lord Jesus,

thank You for being here today

to cleanse and heal

the broken places in my heart.

I come to you now

to bring you all the pain

and the tormenting images

of past abuse.

Jesus, I give You

all those memories

and ask You to cover them

with Your precious blood.

I ask You to keep them

and guard them

so they can never be used

to torment me again.

God, I trust you.

Today I choose to believe

what you say about me.

My value and worth comes from YOU.

With you,

All things are possible.

In Jesus name! AMEN!

Be seated – Team come forward

<Hannah only – not repeated>

Lord, I ask for your healing for all victims of abuse. Heal their bruised and broken hearts. Restore them completely. Remind us that we have received your forgiveness when the enemy comes to shame and accuse. In Jesus’ Name I pray. Amen.

If there is someone in your life you need to forgive, or

if you need to extend forgiveness to yourself for being the abuser, let the prayer team know when coming forward for prayer and they will lead you in a prayer of forgiveness so that your healing can begin today. Allow the Holy Spirit to heal your broken heart. He is the God of all comfort. Remember, God is our Healer.

(Ministry Time)

Declaration

God knows me and loves me.

His Spirit is near me.

He hems me in and protects me,

and heals my broken heart.

I receive my healing.

What the devil meant for evil,

God will turn for good.

I release all who have hurt me

in any way.

I choose to forget the past

and leave it behind.

Christ has redeemed me

from the curse of abuse.

Let my hands reach out in blessing

to lift others up.

Let my lips speak words of healing,

encouragement, and blessing.

Let my eyes show forth love,

kindness, and tenderness.

God has a plan for me,

a hope and a future

to prosper me and bless me.

He will restore to me all of the years

the devil has stolen.

The old is gone,

the new has come!

I am HEALED AND SET FREE!

In Jesus Name, Amen!