Sooner or Later, Face-to-Face

Core Text: Matthew 18:15

Matthew 18:15 KJV 1900

15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

Case Study: Joseph and His Brothers (Genesis 37, 42–45)

I. The Divine Command: Gaining Your Brother (15 Minutes)

Goal: Understand the necessity and motivation for personal, private confrontation.

Read the Text: Matthew 18:15

Matthew 18:15 KJV 1900

15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

Define the Mandate:

"If your brother sins against you": This is a personal trespass. It's not a public scandal, but a private injury (e.g., offense, slander, neglect, breach of trust).

"Go and tell him his fault": The offended party is commanded to initiate the process. We don't wait for the offender to come to us; we must actively go.

"Between you and him alone": This emphasizes privacy. The goal is restoration, not humiliation. Bringing in outsiders (friends, social media, etc.) violates the spirit of this command.

"You have gained your brother": This is the motive—restoration, not revenge or simply venting. The focus is on the relationship, not on justice for the self.

Discussion Question: Why is privacy the essential first step in reconciliation, and what happens when we involve others before the personal conversation?

II. The Case Study: The Cost of Delay (15–20 Minutes)

Goal: See the principles of confrontation, repentance, and restoration demonstrated over time.

A. The Price of Unaddressed Conflict (Genesis 37)

The Sin: Joseph's brothers committed a grievous trespass—envy, betrayal, and selling him into slavery (Genesis 37:18-28).

The Delay: For over 20 years, the conflict remained unresolved.

Cost to the Offender: When hardship came (the famine), the brothers immediately connected their suffering to their past sin against Joseph. They carried a deep, continuous burden of unacknowledged guilt (Genesis 42:21-22).

Cost to the Offended: Joseph had to rely entirely on God's grace to process his pain (Genesis 41:51 – naming his son Manasseh, meaning "God has made me forget all my trouble").

B. The Face-to-Face Encounter (Genesis 42–45)

Joseph, now in power, does not immediately reveal himself. He uses the encounter as a test of repentance—checking if their hearts have changed, especially regarding their younger brother, Benjamin.

Lesson on Repentance: The face-to-face meeting should not be satisfied with mere words; it must seek evidence of a changed heart and true remorse (i.e., "fruits worthy of repentance").

Reading & Reflection: Read Genesis 45:1-5 (Joseph reveals himself).

Genesis 45:1–5 KJV 1900

1 Then Joseph could not refrain himself before all them that stood by him; and he cried, Cause every man to go out from me. And there stood no man with him, while Joseph made himself known unto his brethren. 2 And he wept aloud: and the Egyptians and the house of Pharaoh heard. 3 And Joseph said unto his brethren, I am Joseph; doth my father yet live? And his brethren could not answer him; for they were troubled at his presence. 4 And Joseph said unto his brethren, Come near to me, I pray you. And they came near. And he said, I am Joseph your brother, whom ye sold into Egypt. 5 Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life.

Discussion Question: What does Joseph's command to "Make everyone go out from me!" teach us about applying the Matthew 18:15 principle of privacy even when you are the powerful, injured party?

III. The Attitude of Restoration (10 Minutes)

Goal: Ensure the confrontation is driven by humility, not judgment.

The Golden Rule for Confrontation - Galatians 6:1

Galatians 6:1 KJV 1900

1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

Focus on Meekness: We are not superior; we are merely helpers. Meekness is power under control—it recognizes that we too are capable of sin. The goal is restoration, done with gentleness and humility.

Joseph’s Attitude (Genesis 50:19-20): Joseph shows the ultimate example by shifting the perspective from their sin to God's purpose.

Genesis 50:19–20 KJV 1900

19 And Joseph said unto them, Fear not: for am I in the place of God? 20 But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.

Discussion Question: How does framing the conflict as God's purpose (like Joseph did) help us set aside personal offense and pursue genuine restoration?

📝 Closing Challenge (5 Minutes)

The Call to Action: Do you have a "brother" or "sister" whose relationship needs to be "gained" or restored?

Identify one current conflict that can be addressed personally and privately.

Pray for a spirit of meekness and a heart that seeks restoration over revenge.

Commit to taking the "face-to-face" step this week.