Pain

Big Idea: When you’re in pain, God’s presence draws near.

Me

Here’s something you might not know about me… I don’t like sharing emotions. I am naturally a guarded person, I just am.

Taught that as a kid and then carried it to the USMC and then here into the church.

I like to handle things on my own — handle my own problems, don’t rely on other people — can I just be honest don’t tell anyone…sometimes I don’t even go to God with my problems and my emotions.

We

Maybe some of you are that way also. Keep it all in and then keep moving right?

Besides you have a lot going on in your life especially this time of year. Who has time to work through their emotions right? Plus it’s Christmas! You should be happy!

Tis the Season! Except…mom’s not here…

Mom’s not going to be here.

My first Christmas without my spouse.

My daughter, she’s making some bad decisions and doesn’t want to be part of the family gathering this year.

For some of us in this room, this season is anything but joyful, in fact this season we don’t have joy we have...

Grief.

The discrepancy of what is and what’s meant to be.

Dan Allender, Psychologist

lost a parent

lost your husband or wife

lost a child

lost a relationship

Ultimately, this type of loss is not something that were designed to deal with. It’s not part of God’s design and its a result of a fallen world. But that doesn’t make any of us feel better or help us make it through the holidays. B/c this time of year has a habit of reminding us, b/c so many memories are made.

TRANSITION: But there is a story in the Bible that speaks directly to this pain. And it’s a story that many of us are familiar with but we don’t realize it’s a story of grief.

Word

Intro to Mary, Martha and Lazarus.

Recap

Laz sick

Word is sent to Jesus.

John 11:5 NIV

5 Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.

These are people Jesus loved. Ate dinner with them and even taught Martha an important lesson about being distracted.

After waiting a few days (which is interesting) Jesus moves towards Bethany.

John 11:17–20 NIV

17 On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. 18 Now Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem, 19 and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. 20 When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.

Remember verse 19 for later.

Mary and Martha are feeling all the things.

John 11:21–24 NIV

21 “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died.

[Don’t spend too much time here. You have other places to do this.]

John 11:21–24 NIV

22 But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” 23 Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” 24 Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”

She thinks he’s giving her preacher talk. Your brother will rise from the dead. She thinks, yes I know, I’ve heard the sermon before. Then the most powerful thing happens. Jesus I think leans down and gets eye ball to eye ball her and says.

John 11:25–26 NIV

25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; 26 and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

Jesus point is simply this: Death does not have a hold on you.

... in this statement there is hope.

John 11:27–36 NIV

27 “Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.” 28 After she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. “The Teacher is here,” she said, “and is asking for you.” 29 When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. 30 Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. 31 When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there. 32 When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

There it is again, total and absolute faith in the presence of immense pain.

This was Mary, the one who sat at the Lord’s feet…and she say’s if you would have been here things would have been different.

I bet you and I have had those moments before right

mom/dad

son/daughter

trajectory of their life

marriage lost

relationship lost

John 11:27–36 NIV

33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied.

Most powerful verses in the Bible.

John 11:27–36 NIV

35 Jesus wept.

Notice something, he went out of his way to sit and grieve with them. He didn’t have to do that, he could have just walked up and said “out you come Laz.” But instead Jesus went out of his way to sit with Mary and Martha in their pain.

When you’re in pain, God’s presence draws close.

You not supposed to grieve alone. God moves towards you.

He was still touched by their grief.

B/c it’s the normal response, b/c again this is not how we where expected to live.

We always carry a little bit with us, you never fully get over a trauma like death or loss, you simply learn to live in the new reality. Describing grief and pain Brene Brown says...

"Grief seems to create losses within us that reach beyond our awareness—we feel as if we're missing something that was invisible and unknown to us while we had it, but is now painfully gone. Longing is not conscious wanting; it's an involuntary yearning for wholeness, for understanding, for meaning, for the opportunity to regain or even simply touch what we've lost."

Brene Brown, Rising Strong

Here’s why this moment in the life of Jesus is so important to us, it shows us that he is with us in that moment of loss, as we feel like we’re missing something, he is there with us.

When you’re in pain, God’s presence draws close.

Here’s the rub with all of this. In our culture we’re not allowed to grieve. We’re not allowed to sit with it. We’re expected to shed a tear (maybe, if you’re a dude you’re not supposed to do that).

That idea is not a Biblical one and it’s certainly not a Christ-centered one.

In our culture we’re meant to bury them and move on. We aren’t allowed to sit in our pain, but sitting in it is part of it.

Sitting with your pain is part of grieving.

You

So here’s how we handle grief as Christians b/c Paul says we don’t grieve like other do.. 1 Thess. 4:13-14.

Grief never goes away — Leah’s box illustration. It gets smaller but never goes away. So here’s how we handle it.

Bring it to God and others.

Bring it to God, cool...

Bring it to others...

This is the hardest to do. It’s the hardest when it hurts really bad. B/c you are exposing yourself and you are trusting your pain with someone else. This was a common practice in ancient times. Someone died and the entire town would draw close and pray with, care for and love that person. We don’t do that today, instead we push people away and demand to handle it on our own. That’s not how Christians handle pain.

We

Pause for a second. Can you imagine what your family would look like if you processed your pain in the presence of God and his people?

What would be different from how you feel now?

Action point.

Everyone stand up. If you’re grieving this Christmas season…

mom or dad won’t be here

son or daughter won’t be there

first christmas without your wife or husband

first christmas alone

Let me ask you to do something that is so challenging, I want you to sit down.

[Promises start to play in the background]

If you’re still standing, this is going to be a lot I know but you guys are amazing believers. I want you to find someone who is sitting and pray for them.

peace

presence of God

love over them

whatever the Lord leading you to pray you pray over them

This is what it looks like to be the body of Christ, and you pray until you’re done. The band is going to start singing but you should not stop b/c there is music. You pray for them until the Lord is done. This is what it looks like to be the Body of Christ.