Ephesians 6:1-3

God's Pattern for Children, Part 2

Ephesians 6:1–3

1949

March 31, 1996

A. Anchor Phrase Breakdown (Sermon Flow by Your Markers)

Here is a structured walkthrough of the sermon using the exact anchor phrases you listed, with the logic and emphasis of each section spelled out so you can reconstruct MacArthur’s flow.

1. “I can sum up all you need to know about raising your children”

I can sum up all you need to know about raising your children, all you need to know about parenting in just a couple of sentences.  One, teach them the truth about God and His law all the time.  That’s the first sentence.  Teach them the truth about God and His law all the time.  Now that one sentence sums up all kinds of things out of Scripture, but that’s the sum of it.  Teach them the truth about God and His law all the time.  Second sentence, demand that they obey that law and punish them physically when they don’t.  Demand that they obey that law and punish them physically when they don’t.

Those two sentences sum up what the Bible teaches about raising children.  Teach them the truth about God and His law all the time.  Demand that they obey that law and punish them physically when they don’t.  We remember what it says in Proverbs, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of reproof will drive it from him.”  But the rod of reproof will not drive it from him if he does not understand why he is being reproved.  And he will understand that if he understands the law which he has violated.

This marks the core proposition of the sermon.

MacArthur reduces biblical parenting to two foundational responsibilities:

Teach children the truth about God and His law all the time.

Parenting is fundamentally theological and didactic.

Truth transmission is continuous: in the home, in daily life, in discipline moments, in conversations, in example.

Parents are priests and teachers in the home; they frame reality for their children.

Demand that they obey that law and punish them physically when they don’t.

Obedience is not optional; it is commanded by God (Ephesians 6:1–3).

Physical discipline (the “rod”) is presented as God’s ordained means of confronting the folly bound in a child’s heart (Proverbs 22:15).

Discipline must be: — Grounded in God’s law (not in parental irritations). — Explained so the child understands what law was broken. — Administered in love, not in anger.

From this anchor MacArthur builds the rest of the sermon:

Children are sinners with internal and external enemies (flesh, world, last days).

Parents must actively counter those forces by truth and discipline.

Failure here creates an undisciplined generation and pushes society toward chaos.

This is the thesis:

Faithful parents teach God’s law constantly and enforce it faithfully; that is God’s pattern for children.

2. “You see, children are deficient in four areas.”

You see, children are deficient in four areas.  And you can find those areas simply by reminding yourself of Luke 2:52, where it says about our Lord Jesus, “And Jesus kept increasing in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man.”  Jesus as a little child grew.  He grew in four areas.  Wisdom and stature, that means he grew mentally and physically.  In favor with God and man, that means He grew spiritually and socially.  Those are the four categories in which children are deficient. 

Here MacArthur transitions from principle to anthropology—what children are actually like and why they need parenting.

Using Luke 2:52, he identifies four categories in which Christ grew and in which our children begin deficient:

Mental deficiency (wisdom)

Limited knowledge and wisdom.

They do not know God’s truth, life’s consequences, or the meaning of righteousness.

Parental task: “Mentally we want to stimulate them to know the truth of God.” — Bible teaching, catechism, conversation. — Explaining cause and effect, sin and consequences, blessing and obedience.

Physical deficiency (stature)

Limited strength, endurance, and physical maturity.

They need protection, structure, and nurture.

Parental task: “Physically we want to nourish them so that they can grow up.” — Food, sleep, safety, rhythm. — Protection from environments that foster temptation.

Social deficiency (favor with man)

Naturally selfish, proud, show-off tendencies.

They want what they want, when they want it.

Parental task: “Socially we want to teach them humility and the love of others and to be servants.” — Training in sharing, serving, listening, respecting others. — Restraining arrogance, mockery, rudeness.

Spiritual deficiency (favor with God)

Sinful nature; they do not know God personally.

They are not neutral; they are fallen and under judgment.

Parental task: “Spiritually we want to confront their sin and bring them to the place of repentance and faith in Jesus Christ.” — Explaining sin, guilt, Christ’s cross, repentance, and faith. — Making the gospel central, not just moralism.

This section supports his opening claim: parents must both teach God’s truth and enforce obedience, because children on their own will not “naturally” grow into godliness. They start spiritually and morally deficient; parenting is God’s ordained correction and formation.

3. “Some students take their time-released pills before school.”

“Some students take their time-released pills before school.  Others take their doses at off hours.  One boy’s jogging watch is timed to beep for Ritalin at 10 A.M. and 2 P.M.  Like many administrators, Waggener’s not sure to make of it.  Are doctors just catching this disabling affliction more often?” In other words, why now and not a few years back?  “Has our culture gone so high-baud haywire that we’ve lost patience with the demanding quirks of training our children?  ADHD has become…and this is interesting…American’s number one childhood psychiatric disorder.  Experts believe that more than two million children have the disorder. 

Last week I picked up Newsweek magazine.  And the main article was an article on Ritalin, which is a medication being given to children today.  And I want to give you some of what this article says because I want to show you what lengths parents go to to try to get control of their children when they will not do it God’s way. 

Here’s how the article begins.  “It is another medication morning at Winnebago Elementary School in the middle-class Chicago suburb of Bloomingdale.  Three pings sound precisely over the intercom at 11:45 a.m.  Principal Mark Waggener opens a locked file cabinet and withdraws a giant Tupperware container filled with plastic prescription vials.  Nearly a dozen students scramble to the office for their Ritalin, a drug that calms the agitated by stimulating the brain.  These children, all ages, mostly boys, have been diagnosed with ADHD which is Attention Deficit Hyper-activity Disorder, a complex of neurological impairment that takes the brakes off brains and derails concentration.

“A decade ago, Waggener, the principal, remembers only two Winnebago students lined up for Ritalin.  He’s uncertain how many more take their medicine at home or on their own.  “There are no X-rays, no blood tests, no CT scans to determine who needs this medicine.  And diagnosing Attention Deficit remains as much art as science.  There are no definitive long-term studies to reassure parents that this stimulant isn’t causing some hidden havoc to their child. 

“`It takes time for parents and teachers to sit down and talk to kids,’ says Dr.  Sharon Collins, a pediatrician in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, where reportedly eight percent of the children are on Ritalin.  `It takes less time to get a child a pill.’ ” I think she sees the reality of it.  It takes a lot of time to train a child, a lot less time to give him a pill.  But turning your disobedient child, your child that lacks self-control, maybe your angry child because that child is not cared for properly, turning that child into a drug addict, is that a solution?

“Some students take their time-released pills before school.  Others take their doses at off hours.  One boy’s jogging watch is timed to beep for Ritalin at 10 A.M. and 2 P.M.  Like many administrators, Waggener’s not sure to make of it.  Are doctors just catching this disabling affliction more often?” In other words, why now and not a few years back?  “Has our culture gone so high-baud haywire that we’ve lost patience with the demanding quirks of training our children?  ADHD has become…and this is interesting…American’s number one childhood psychiatric disorder.  Experts believe that more than two million children have the disorder. 

“According to an estimate by the National Institute of Mental Health, about one student in every classroom is believed to experience it.  Since 1990, Dr. Daniel Safer of Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, calculates the number of kids taking Ritalin has grown 2 1/2 times.  Among today’s 38 million children at the ages of 5 to 14, he reports 1.3 million take it regularly.  Sales of the drug last year topped $350 million. 

“This is beyond question an American phenomenon.  The rate of Ritalin use in the United States is at least five times higher than in the rest of the world.  It is so common in some upscale precincts that a mini black market has emerged in a handful of playgrounds and campuses and vitamin R, as it is called, sells for $3 to $15 per pill.  Some kids are now using it to crush and snort for a cheap and relatively modest buzz.” 

Now Ritalin, by the way, is the brand name of the drug known as methylphenidate.  Technically, it is a stimulant that appears to increase the level of dopamine in the frontal lobe of the brain where it regulates attention and impulsivity.  “It is a powerful drug and one that the U.S.  Drug Enforcement Administration has classified as a Schedule II controlled substance, in the same category as cocaine.  Parent groups are now lobbying to ease the restrictions on Ritalin to avoid monthly doctor’s visits to get a new prescription.  The DEA is opposing them, going so far last month as to enlist the help of the International Narcotics Control Board.”  What we’re talking about here is turning children into drug addicts so the parents can get on with their lives. 

“Doctors, if they believe they have found a treatment, do not pretend to fully comprehend the disorder.  For now, scientists know ADHD is not the result of brain damage, it is not the result of wrong diet – ” listen to this – “and they’re sure it’s not the result of bad parenting.”  You know what bad parenting is?  Spanking your child.  “Dr.  James Swanson, a psychologist at the University of California Irvine, believes it may be the result of something gone array.”  Now there’s a real scientific diagnosis.  “It may be the result of something gone array.  In pregnancy, anything from fetal distress to alcohol, exposure to lead in utero.”  By the way, all of those things could be measured. 

“Dr. Lawrence Greenberg, a Minnesota ADHD specialist, estimates that as many as a quarter of surviving premature infants may have ADHD.”  Again, an oblique generalization.  “Other researchers blame heredity.  They say you get it from your parents.”  They’re getting close.  “Other researchers blame heredity. ADHD researcher Dr. Russell Barkley, of the University of Massachusetts, reports that nearly half the ADHD children have a parent, and more than one third have a sibling, with the disorder.”  You know what that says?  If you come from an out-of-control family, you’re likely to be out of control.  If your parents have no self-control, it’s likely that you won’t either.  Turning undisciplined children into drug addicts, frightening.

Kids usually take five to 10 mg three times a day for prime-time schoolwork. They often take “drug holidays” on the weekends and every few months.”  Where does this lead?  Here’s an illustration.  Peter Briger, a little boy age seven.  Peter “has spun through several different drugs and as many different classroom settings in the past six months. Ritalin didn't work.  Cylert, – ” another drug – “was no better. Now, imipramine, an antidepressant, may be causing breathing problems. It does seem to calm him. Without special attention from teachers, he has yet to demonstrate much focus.” 

How revealing is that?  Without special attention, he has trouble focusing.  What does he do with special attention?  “Peter spends half his day in Manhattan's PS 191 in a class of more than 20 second graders. On a typical day recently, he sat on top of his desk, headed for the drinking fountain and banged his head with a three-letter binder…three-ring binder. His notebooks were filled with scribbles, decorated intermittently with half-written assignments.”

“`He’s lost so much time,’ says Millie Morales – ” Listen to this – “the aunt who has cared for Peter since his mom died and his dad went to prison.”  What’s wrong with Peter?  He doesn’t have a mother and he doesn’t have a father and nobody pays any attention to him, and he can’t stay focused unless he has some attention paid to him.  That’s not a disease.

The article concludes by saying, “To researchers, it's a classic ‘pay now or pay more later’ situation. Studies indicate that those with untreated ADHD are more likely to become alcoholics, smokers or drug abusers than the general population.” Sure, undisciplined people with no self-control are more likely to behave like that.  “More than one third drop out of school.”  Of course.  “And about one tenth of ADHD adults attempt suicide.”  What you have is a dysfunctional, antisocial, unloved, angry, upset, undisciplined, lacking self-control child who becomes that kind of an adult.  Formula for disaster.

Now in case you want to look at the diagnostic list, I’ll give you a checklist.  “Professionals base their diagnosis of ADHD on the following guidelines.”  And they give a whole bunch of them, there might be twenty of them and they say if any six of these applies to you, you’ve got it.  You can pick your six. 

“First, pays little attention to details.  Makes careless mistakes.  Has a short attention span.  Doesn’t listen when spoken to.  Doesn’t follow instructions.  Fails to finish tasks.  Has difficulty getting organized.  Avoids tasks that require sustained effort.  Loses things.  Is easily distracted.  Forgets things during the day.  Fidgets.  Squirms in seat.  Leaves seat when remaining seated is expected.  Runs about.  Climbs excessively.  Has difficulty playing quietly.  Acts as if driven by a motor.  Talks a lot.  And blurts out answers before the question is complete.”

You know who they’re describing?  All of our children.  Don’t kid me, that’s all of my children.  That’s all of my grandchildren.  That’s me.  I don’t have a disease.  Every kid is like that if he’s not taught self-control.  Every report card I got the first few years, and now, I’m telling you the deep secrets, folks.  Every report card I got as a little kid in my early years of school said the same thing, “Johnny doesn’t pay attention.  Johnny talks too much.  Johnny won’t stay in his seat.  Johnny fiddles and makes noises with his pencil.  Johnny lacks self-control.  Johnny doesn’t do his best.”  And every time I took home a note like that, I got spanked. 

I had a lot going on in my head, and I couldn’t concentrate on just one thing because I was busy with a whole lot of things.  God made me a certain way, wired me to be able to deal with a lot of stuff.  And that’s my life now.  I’m glad my parents didn’t turn me into a drug addict.  I didn’t have a disease or a disorder, that was just me.  My parents had a tremendous challenge, teaching me self-control, because I had so much mental energy and so much physical energy.  I still have a lot of energy, even now.  And you can only imagine what I was like before I was twelve.  I was a rocket going in every direction.  My parents worked very hard to harness me.  I’m so glad they took the effort to do that so that God could use the abilities that He gave me.  They loved me and they spanked me.  They taught me God’s truth all the time by instruction and example.  And when I didn’t abide by it, they disciplined me.  And I learned self-control.

This anchor marks his cultural critique section—how the world tries to solve moral and behavioral problems without Scripture and without parental discipline.

MacArthur’s main points in this segment:

Description of the Ritalin phenomenon.

Schools with scheduled “medication times” where children line up for Ritalin.

Dramatic rise in ADHD diagnoses and stimulant prescriptions.

No definitive medical tests (no blood test, CT scan, etc.) to establish the disorder objectively.

DEA classification of Ritalin as a Schedule II substance (same level as cocaine).

Emerging black market (“vitamin R”) and recreational use.

Why parents and systems use Ritalin.

A pediatrician notes: “It takes time for parents and teachers to sit down and talk to kids; it takes less time to get a child a pill.”

MacArthur emphasizes this: it is easier to medicate than to train.

Parents who are busy, self-focused, or afraid of biblical discipline look for a “quick fix.”

Faulty absolution of parenting.

Experts insist ADHD is not due to bad parenting.

MacArthur counters: if parents lack self-control and discipline, children will likely mirror that.

He grants that some factors (prematurity, prenatal issues) may play a role but insists the primary missing piece is biblical parenting.

ADHD checklist as universal childishness.

He reads the diagnostic list: carelessness, fidgeting, short attention, difficulty staying seated, avoiding sustained effort, talking too much, etc.

His conclusion: “You know who they’re describing? All of our children.”

Therefore, the primary issue is not a medical epidemic but a generation of untrained, undisciplined children.

His personal testimony.

As a child, his report cards: talks too much, won’t stay in seat, fiddles, doesn’t do his best.

His parents did not medicate him; they disciplined him, taught him God’s truth, and labored to channel his energy.

As an adult, that energy became an asset because it had been harnessed by self-control, which he credits to his parents’ faithful discipline.

The theological undercurrent: when a culture rejects God’s model of parenting (instruction + discipline), it turns to artificial, dangerous substitutes—drugs, psychological labels, and systems that never address the heart.

4. “God has established what is right.”

Children, obey your parents in the Lord.  And why?  What does it say?  This is right.  This is right.  Who says?  Where’s the psychological evidence?  God says it’s right.  And you’re going to know it’s right by looking around at the disaster of this culture when children don’t do it.  God said do it, God said it’s right and He wrote the book on right.  By the way, some form of that word “right,” dikaios, appears 185 times in the New Testament alon

God has established what is right.  And, of course, that’s a major component in the problem today that parents have, is they don’t know what is right.  There is no moral standard.  And as we’ve been learning, when these parents come through university education, they’re basically taught there is no right.  And then how can you teach your child what is right if there is no right.  All you can try to do is keep your kid from irritating you.  And for many people, the simplest way to do that is drug them.

God has established what is right, and apart from God, you can’t know what is right.  Nehemiah 9:13 says, “God gave right ordinances, true laws and good commandments.”  Psalm 19:8 says, “The statutes of the Lord are right.”  Psalm 119:75 says, “The judgments of the Lord are right.”  Verse 128, “I esteem all Thy precepts concerning all things to be right.”  And Hosea 14:9 says, “The ways of the Lord are right.”  Romans 7, “The law of the Lord is perfect, – ” Paul adds – “Holy, right and good.”  And the only way you can raise your children right is to raise them according to the Word of God.  So we teach our children what is right.  We call them to obedience as if they were obeying the Lord because we are passing His Word, His will to them. 

Here he moves from describing the problem to rooting the solution in God’s moral authority.

The key phrase from Ephesians 6:1:

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”

MacArthur presses three interlinked truths:

“This is right” = Objective moral reality.

“Right” is not defined by psychology, sociology, or popular opinion.

It is defined by God, who alone has the authority to declare what is righteous.

Therefore, children must obey their parents not merely because it is socially useful, but because God says it is right.

Scripture’s witness to God’s “rightness.”

Nehemiah 9:13 – God gave right ordinances and true laws.

Psalm 19:8 – “The statutes of the Lord are right.”

Psalm 119:75, 128 – God’s judgments and precepts are right.

Hosea 14:9 – “The ways of the Lord are right.”

Romans 7:12 – The law is “holy, righteous, and good.”

Modern moral confusion.

Many parents today don’t know what is right, having been taught moral relativism in schools/universities.

If there is “no right,” parents can only aim at managing irritation (“just don’t bother me”), not training righteousness.

Without God’s standard, discipline becomes arbitrary, inconsistent, or disappears altogether—and children suffer spiritually.

The child will eventually grow away from the parents and come to a direct relationship with God through Christ.  But while that little child is small, their relationship to God comes through us.  When a child disobeys his parents, he is, for all intents and purposes, disobeying God.  When a young person repudiates his parents, he’s repudiating God.  This is tremendously serious.  That is why the Old Testament says, “When a child does that, put him to death.”

By the same token, a child who fights against his natural rebellious tendencies and submits to his parents, is submitting to God.  And this brings wonderful blessing.  Tell your children that.  Tell them that.  Don’t just say, “I want you to obey me because I told you to and I’m tired of telling you.”  Tell them, “I want you to obey me because in obeying me you’re obeying God and obeying God means you’re going to be blessed.”  And tell them, “Obey me because if you don’t obey me, it is disrespect shown to God whose will I’m instructing you in.  And if you disobey God, you will bring upon yourself serious judgment, chastening.”  It’s a tremendous concept. 

Pastoral implication:

Christian parenting must be explicitly rooted in the revealed will of God. Parents must teach their children that obedience is not about pleasing mom and dad’s moods, but about pleasing the God whose Word defines what is right.

5. “I think of the story of Absalom in 2 Samuel 13 to 18, the story of a rebellious son”

I think of the story of Absalom in 2 Samuel 13 to 18, the story of a rebellious son.  His father, David, of course, was hardly a perfect father.  He had failed to discipline his son.  He had failed to discipline Absalom, so what did he get?  He got a rebellious son.  Neither his mother or father taught him self-control.  Absalom’s half-brother, Amnon, followed his father David’s evil example; I’m talking about David’s sin with Bathsheba.  David did that so Amnon his son followed his father’s example and raped Absalom’s sister, Tamar—2 Samuel 11 and 13.  And David did nothing about it; David did nothing about it.

Absalom wasn’t happy that his half-brother had raped his sister.  So he killed Amnon.  But he learned that from his father who killed Uriah, the Hittite.  Well David finally acted out of fear of Absalom.  Not out of fatherly concern, but rather out of fear and exiled Absalom and still refused to deal with the situation until he was forced to do so.  David was a weak, ineffectual father, and Absalom had reasons to be hostile and out of control and angry.  But in spite of what reasons he had, Absalom should have submitted to David.  He should have done what was right.  He didn’t.  So in spite of a failing father, God killed Absalom, just as God had said he would do to rebellious children.  We’re talking about a very serious issue, teaching your children obedience.

Also, look at verse 2, the responsibility to teach your children respect, ”Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.”  You’re not only dealing with action here in the regard of obedience, but you’re dealing with attitude here and the respect here of honoring.  Exodus 20:12, “Honor thy father and mother that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God gives thee.”  Clear back to the commandments, honor your father and mother.  Not only obedience on the outside, but obedience from the inside, obedience based on respect and reverence and honor.  Not a selfish obedience, not a bitter obedience, not an unwilling resentful or fearful obedience, but a loving, respectful obedience.

The word “honor” there, from the verb tima, means to value at a high price, to value.  Value your father and mother, put a high price on them.  In other words, realize how valuable they are to you.  Children, understand how great a treasure they are.  This is the first commandment with a promise.  It is the fifth of the Ten Commandments, Exodus 20.  But it is the first commandment dealing with human relationships.  And the first four deal with one’s relationship to God and there is promise there.  But this is the first of the commandments that deal with human relationships and, among those commandments, the first one with a promise.  And the promise, that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.

You want a happy life?  You want a full life?  Obey your parents.  Your children need to know that.  Your children need to be taught that.  You don’t hold that back.  You say, “Well it might…it might frighten them.”  That’s fine.  If it’s balanced off with the security and affirmation and love that you give to them in the name of the Lord, they will understand.  It is absolutely essential, however, that they know that God promises blessing and long life to those who obey Him.  And that that obedience is mediated through their parents. 

You say, “Well, why is this commandment the commandment with a promise?  Of all the commandments regarding human relationships, why is this so important?” Because, beloved, this is the heart of all relationships.  This is at the core of the family.  This is at the core of the family; therefore, it is at the core of the church; therefore it is at the core of the society, both of which are made up of families.  A generation of undisciplined, disrespectful, rebellious, disobedient children will destroy families, churches, nations.  And when you have a disobedient, disrespectful child, it is a tragedy in many ways, in a terrible grief.

This anchor leads into a biblical case study of failed parenting and destructive rebellion.

Key elements MacArthur draws from Absalom’s story:

David’s failures as a father.

David commits adultery with Bathsheba and has Uriah killed (2 Samuel 11).

His son Amnon follows his father’s sinful pattern and rapes Tamar (2 Samuel 13).

David does nothing to discipline Amnon.

Absalom, Tamar’s full brother, murders Amnon in revenge—again following the father’s example of solving problems with violence.

David’s responses to Absalom (exile, partial reconciliation, fear-driven actions) are weak and inconsistent, not principled discipline.

Absalom’s responsibility.

Absalom had very real grievances: injustice against his sister, a passive father, moral corruption in the home.

Yet, in spite of all these understandable reasons for anger, Absalom remains responsible before God.

He should have submitted to God’s order and to his father’s authority (however flawed) rather than foment rebellion.

God’s judgment on rebellious sons.

Absalom’s rebellion ends in his death, fulfilling the principle that persistent rebellion brings divine judgment, in line with the Old Testament’s severe view of a stubborn, rebellious son (Deuteronomy 21:18–21).

The lesson is twofold: — Parents must not imitate David’s neglect and passivity. — Children must not use parental failings as a justification for their own rebellion.

Absalom stands as a warning sign: a combination of parental failure and filial rebellion can destroy individuals, families, and nations.

6. “Listen to what it says in Proverbs.”

Listen to what it says in Proverbs.  “A foolish son is the heaviness of his mother, bitterness to her that bore him.”  Some of you women know that and you know it well.  Not only a grief to the mother but listen to what it says regarding the father, “He that begets a fool does it to his sorrow.”  The father of a fool has no joy.  Proverbs 19 says, “He is a calamity to his own father.”  “He who assaults his father, who chases away his mother is a shameful and disgraceful son.”  He is a grief to mother, a grief to father, a disgrace to parents, a humiliation to the whole family, a distress to the church and a burden to society.

It all starts, all the wholeness of relationships start right there.  And I take you back to Deuteronomy 21:18 to 21, “If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that when they have chastened him will not listen to them, then shall his father and his mother lay hold of him, bring him out unto the elders of his city unto the gates of his place and they shall say unto the elders of his city, ‘This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice, he is a glutton and drunkard.’ ”  By now you can tell he’s at least a teenager.  “And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones that he die.” 

Take his life.  Why?  Because the infection of this in the nation is devastating, an infection which we experience even at this time.  So, says Deuteronomy 21:21, “You shall put away evil from among you, and all Israel shall hear and fear.”  You see, God knew the preservation of that nation was bound up in the parenting process, in the obedience of children.  I think I have the time to mention this to you tonight.  Turn to 1 Corinthians chapter 7 and let me digress because there’s an issue there that you may come across and wonder about.  Somebody says, “Well, children are to obey their parents,” and then they come to this passage and maybe get confused.  Let me read verses 36 to 38 and make a comment or two.

First Corinthians 7:36, “If any man thinks that he’s acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she should be of full age and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin.  Let her marry.  But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint but has authority over his own will and has decided this in his own heart to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well.  So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage will do better.”

Now what you appear to see here is a conflict.  A father who wants to keep his virgin daughter single and a virgin daughter who wants to be married, and verse 36 tells the father, “Let her be married.”  So the question comes up, “Well, wait a minute, is she free to countermand her father’s will and do what she wants to do?”  And in this situation, let me explain the scenario.  In Jewish culture parents, and particularly fathers, were in the unique and dominant role of deciding who their children would marry.  It was a father’s decision, as it always should be.  The same general…I say that tongue and cheek, as you understand. 

The same general custom prevailed in many other societies and certainly included that of Rome.  In fact, some historians…if you’ve read any of the history of Rome…some historians credit Rome’s decline in part to the weakening of the family and they say the family began to be weakened when the parents stopped arranging marriages.  In New Testament times the arranged marriage was the norm.

Now in light of this teaching about the advantages of singleness, which is what the 1 Corinthians 7 section is talking about, they have learned that being single could be an advantage.  You could serve the Lord and honor the Lord and you weren’t distracted by marriage and a family and it was a wonderful thing to be single for the Lord.  And so some well-meaning fathers who had come to Christ and were all excited about the prospect of serving the Lord had dedicated their young daughters to the Lord to be single, sort of dedicated them as permanent virgins. 

But when the daughters reached marriageable age, they had a different idea.  Some of them wanted to be married, and their fathers were sort of in a quandary about it.  Should they break the vow they made for their daughter?  It is likely that many of the girls did not have the gift of singleness and were struggling with their natural desire for a man.  They wanted to get married, their desire was to get married, but they also desired to please their father and to please the Lord.  And the problem then was brought up to Paul in the Corinthian letter.

Paul simply says this.  If the daughter wants to get married, let her get married.  If it must be so – ” verse 36 – “you’re free to let her marry.”  That’s all right, you had good intentions when you made the promise, but if she needs to be married, let her marry.  But verse 37 and 38 discuss the girl who doesn’t really need to be married.  And you as a father can stand firm, there’s no constraint on you, you’re not under constraint, verse 37, that means you don’t have your daughter pulling on your pant leg saying, “Please, daddy, release me from this thing, I want to get married.”  So in either case whatever is the desire of your daughter’s heart with regard to marriage is acceptable to God. 

This anchor marks his final wisdom literature reinforcement of the entire sermon.

MacArthur uses Proverbs to show the emotional, relational, and social cost of a foolish, rebellious child:

Impact on the mother.

“A foolish son is the heaviness of his mother” – a constant grief and burden.

The mother who bore him experiences deep heartache when he lives in rebellion.

Impact on the father.

“He that begets a fool does it to his sorrow; the father of a fool has no joy.”

The foolish son becomes a calamity to his father (Proverbs 19): shame, heartbreak, constant trouble.

Impact on the whole community.

The disgrace spreads to the family’s name, to the church, to society.

Proverbs characterizes such a son as shameful, disgraceful, destructive.

From here, MacArthur ties back to:

Ephesians 6:2–3 – The promise of well-being and long life for those who honor father and mother.

Deuteronomy 21:18–21 – The severity of God’s law against stubborn, rebellious sons. The purpose: “So you shall put away evil from among you, and all Israel shall hear and fear.”

He closes this section by contrasting:

The grief, shame, and judgment that accompany rebellion, with

The joy, stability, and long-term blessing that accompany obedience and honor.

B. Additional Homiletical Structure (For Re-Preaching / Teaching)

If you want to reconstruct or teach this sermon, you can think of it in this sequence:

Introduction: The Family Crisis

Family as central to society; children as victims of collapse.

Thesis: Two Sentences on Parenting

Teach God’s truth and law constantly.

Demand obedience and discipline disobedience.

Exegesis of Ephesians 6:1–3

Command: obey and honor.

Ground: “for this is right.”

Promise: well-being and long life.

Anthropology: Four Deficiencies of Children (Luke 2:52)

Mental, physical, social, spiritual—and the parental duties in each.

Cultural Critique: Pills vs. Parenting

Ritalin/ADHD as symptom of a culture that won’t train children.

The diagnostic checklist and universal childishness.

Personal testimony about discipline and self-control.

Theological Grounding: God’s Rightness

God defines “right” (Nehemiah, Psalms, Hosea, Romans).

Modern relativism and parental confusion.

Case Study: Absalom and David

David’s failures; Absalom’s rebellion; God’s judgment.

Responsibility of both parents and children.

Wisdom Warnings: Proverbs and Deuteronomy

Grief of foolish sons; blessing of honoring parents.

Severity of the law for persistent rebellion.

Ultimate Contrast

Worst-case: Charles Manson as “No-name Maddox.”

Best-case: homes where God’s Word reigns and children are trained in truth and discipline.

Conclusion and Pastoral Prayer

Gratitude for godly families.

Plea that God would help parents raise a godly generation.

Desire for long, joyful, Christ-centered family relationships.

If you’d like, the next step could be:

A very tight, one-page sermon digest you can paste into Logos as a front summary; or

A family teaching guide that turns each major point into parent–child discussion questions and simple home applications.

Reference

John MacArthur. https://www.gty.org/sermons/1949/gods-pattern-for-children-part-2