Enduring in Christlike Marriage

18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

· Paul will now examine how this mutual submission is borne out in the various relationships that most people participate in.

o first marriage, then parenting, then work.

· In dealing with these authority relationships Paul will follow a pattern; first, addressing those who are under authority, and then addressing those in positions of authority.

A Wife’s Christ-honoring Submission

· Ephesians 5:22–24 (ESV)

Ephesians 5:22–24 ESV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

· Submit—to subject yourself or place yourself under the authority of another.

o Wifely submission is laughable in the modern secular world. This is no surprise.

o After all, Paul says to the Corinthian church in 1 Corinthians 1:18, 21-25 (ESV),

1 Corinthians 1:18 ESV

18 For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.

1 Corinthians 1:21–25 ESV

21 For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe. 22 For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, 23 but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, 24 but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25 For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.

· A wife submits to her husband because God commands it and submission is obedience to God and trust in Him.

o Wives should voluntarily place themselves under the authority of their husbands.

§ It is not for the husband to demand submission. Nor should they need to.

§ It should be the natural attitude of a wife toward her husband.

· To your own husbands.

o This is an important point. This is not directed at women in general, only wives.

§ A wife is only to submit to their own husband, not to all husbands.

· As to the Lord.

o Paul offers a comparison to shape the form of a wife’s submission.

· For the husband is the head of the wife.

o The reason for this command is rooted in God’s purpose, not in any kind of inferiority.

When a woman voluntarily submits to her husband, she is recognizing that he is the God-appointed head and leader of the home.

Paul isn’t basing his argument on any cultural or societal norms; he grounds it in God’s established pattern of leadership.

o Submission doesn’t imply any sense of inferiority.

Christ is not inferior to the Father; He is co-equal with Him. Yet, for the sake of the Church, he willingly submitted Himself to do the Father’s will.

o Scripture is clear that men and women are equal in value and dignity before the Lord because they are equally image-bearers with God.

· 1 Peter 3:7 (ESV)

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

§ In the marital relationship God has designed husbands and wives to assume different roles.

Paul’s concern is not in establishing strict gender roles, but in exposing the truth that love renders service.

o Christian submission is voluntarily yielding to another in love.

§ Pursuing the interests of others and not our own, no matter how noble, as Christ demonstrated in His humiliation.

· Philippians 2:5–8 (ESV)

Philippians 2:5–8 ESV

5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

o This means that male chauvinism and feminism alike are condemned in God’s economy; these are self-seeking attitudes.

Biblical greatness comes through service and service comes through submission.

· As Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior

o Paul uses the picture of the relationship between Christ and the church as a second form of comparison.

o We will address this picture later but suffice it to say that the way that a wife submits to her husband for the same reason that the Church submits to Christ.

§ He is appointed to headship because He is our Savior.

· Now as the church submits to Christ,

o The church obeys not out of duty but from love.

o The quality of a wife’s submission is loving.

· Wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

o Everything doesn’t mean everything her; there is nuance.

§ A wife cannot logically submit in everything to her husband because she has a greater submission that she shares with every other believer, submission to Christ.

o Husbands are delegated heads.

§ A wife cannot submit to her husband if he requires of her what God has forbidden.

§ Nor can her husband forbid her from doing what God has commanded.

o No one can compel a Christian to submit in ways that are sinful, harmful, or contrary to God’s law.

· Acts 5:29 (ESV)

Acts 5:29 ESV

29 But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men.

Implications

· This is not to say that submission is an easy thing for the modern wife.

o After all, it is not at all clear that many husbands possess the kind of loving servant’s heart that the Bible requires of them.

A wife’s submission to her husband is not conditioned upon anything her husband does or does not do; it flows from her trust in and obedience to God.

o His worthiness, the quality of his love, or of his faith are not in view here, only the role that God has appointed him to.

o She is not submitting because he is worthy of submission by virtue of greater strength, spirituality, wisdom, or intelligence.

§ She submits to the good and gracious wisdom of the Lord.

§ God does not promise that we will always have an easy road when it comes to obedience, only that He will be our ever-present help in need.

· A wife’s submission will naturally reflect her God-given personality and temperament.

I can be stubborn at times, and when I am I am grateful that I have a wife that doesn’t shrink back from sharing her thoughts, convictions, and counsel.

o A wife is made for her husband; there will be discussion and debate.

§ There may even be “energetic” discussion and debate.

o Husbands are not meant to go it alone. They need the support and counsel of their wives.

· It can also be said that Christian men are supposed to be the kinds of husbands who make it easy for their wives to submit to their leadership.

o “Love makes obedience sweet.

· A wife is called to yield to her husband in happy submission.

o She recognizes and honors her husband’s God-given responsibility to lead the family.

o Under a godly husband, the wife will be elevated and enriched.

§ She will have fertile ground to flourish.

o But even in the case of an ungodly husband, it doesn’t mean that a wife should be servile and retiring.

§ Questioning and even offering correction to your husband is not ungodly.

§ Opposing his sinfulness is not rebellion.

When a Christian wife stands up to her husband on the side of Christ in a humble and loving way, she is actually showing her desire to honor his leadership.

Godly wives stir up their husbands to aspire to the calling God has placed on their lives.

· 1 Peter 3:1 (ESV)

1 Peter 3:1 ESV

1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,

· Living with an ungodly husband is undoubtedly a difficult task, however the Holy Spirit gives grace to endure and thrive.

A Husband’s Christ-inspired Love

· Paul then turns to address husbands.

· If wives have the exalted privilege of being the image of the Church’s relationship to Christ, then husbands have the even more weighty privilege of reflecting Christ’s relationship to the Church.

· Ephesians 5:25–31 (ESV)

Ephesians 5:25–31 ESV

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

· Love your wives—this seems simple enough given the prevailing ideas of our time, but this was a radical departure from the norms of Paul’s world.

o Husbands were not generally expected to love their wives, but to rule over them.

§ This was true of Jew and Gentile alike.

§ In the ancient world, wives were expected to pander to their husband’s whims.

o But this is not supposed to be the way for followers of Jesus Christ

o Paul does not say, “Rule your wives.” Three times, he says, “Love her”

§ The God-given dignity of womanhood is restored.

o Loving husbands set their hearts and minds on ministering to the needs of their wives.

· As Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

o Christ gave himself—He didn’t exalt himself, but humbled himself for us.

§ Christlike love is humble.

§ Love gives of itself and does not seek its own benefit.

§ Love empties itself to secure the good of its beloved.

o Christ gave himself—He offered himself sacrificially.

§ Christlike love is sacrificial.

§ Jesus gave up all to secure salvation for us.

§ Loving husbands lay aside what they want in order to serve their wife.

· He delights to spend time with her.

· He strives to anticipate her needs and desires.

o Christ gave himself for her—There is a clear goal.

§ Christlike love is purposeful.

· Paul gives three purposes of Christlike love that shape the ways that husbands are supposed to lovingly serve their wives.

· That he might sanctify her

o Jesus set apart the church by his loving sacrifice, and husbands are to see to it that their wives are set apart for heaven.

Is your wife more like Christ because she is married to you? Is she like Christ in spite of being married to you?

· Having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.

· Ezekiel 16:8–14 (ESV)

Ezekiel 16:8–14 ESV

8 “When I passed by you again and saw you, behold, you were at the age for love, and I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness; I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Lord God, and you became mine. 9 Then I bathed you with water and washed off your blood from you and anointed you with oil. 10 I clothed you also with embroidered cloth and shod you with fine leather. I wrapped you in fine linen and covered you with silk. 11 And I adorned you with ornaments and put bracelets on your wrists and a chain on your neck. 12 And I put a ring on your nose and earrings in your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. 13 Thus you were adorned with gold and silver, and your clothing was of fine linen and silk and embroidered cloth. You ate fine flour and honey and oil. You grew exceedingly beautiful and advanced to royalty. 14 And your renown went forth among the nations because of your beauty, for it was perfect through the splendor that I had bestowed on you, declares the Lord God.

8 “When I passed by you again and saw you, behold, you were at the age for love, and I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness; I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Lord God, and you became mine. 9 Then I bathed you with water and washed off your blood from you and anointed you with oil. 10 I clothed you also with embroidered cloth and shod you with fine leather. I wrapped you in fine linen and covered you with silk. 11 And I adorned you with ornaments and put bracelets on your wrists and a chain on your neck. 12 And I put a ring on your nose and earrings in your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. 13 Thus you were adorned with gold and silver, and your clothing was of fine linen and silk and embroidered cloth. You ate fine flour and honey and oil. You grew exceedingly beautiful and advanced to royalty. 14And your renown went forth among the nations because of your beauty, for it was perfect through the splendor that I had bestowed on you, declares the Lord God.

o Beautiful imagery of the work of God in preparing his beloved.

o Clearly identified with the idea of baptism, the sign of our salvation.

§ Being cleansed of our sins and washed clean in the blood of Jesus.

· So that he might present the church to himself, in splendor, without spot or wrinkle

o The work of the bridegroom looks forward to the day when Christ returns to receive his bride, when the church will be made perfect and ready for the bridegroom.

· That he might be holy and without blemish.

o The work of sanctification is the work of a lifetime.

o A husband lovingly leads his wife through this process.

The first and primary responsibility of a husband is to see his wife safely to glory.

o This is the most precious provision that he can give to her.

· Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.

o The second comparison Paul offers shifts the focus from Christ’s love to that of self-love.

§ This is not an exhortation to narcissistic self-obsession, but a practical example of love exercised in the marital relationship.

§ It is natural for a man to love, nurture and protect himself.

· Billions of dollars are spent toward this end every year in the form of gym memberships, hobbies, entertainment, etc.

§ Paul is exhorting husbands that this should be the quality of their love and care for their wives.

· He who loves his wife loves himself.

o It should be completely natural for a husband to love his wife.

§ After all, the second greatest commandment is that we should love our neighbor as ourselves.

· How much more should a husband love the wife whom he is joined to in one flesh?

· For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.

o It is generally true that no one hates themselves.

o Husbands love their wives well when they nourish and cherish them.

Christian husbands should be identified by their kinds, thoughtful, tender and supportive character toward their bride as they lead them and enable them to flourish.

o So, a husband should be sensitive to his wife; to her needs, moods, nonverbal communication…he should strive to know her as well as he knows himself.

o He strives to show courtesy to her; to show honor to her in every way.

o He facilitates open communication; speaking the truth in love to her.

· Proverbs 24:26 (ESV)

Proverbs 24:26 ESV

26 Whoever gives an honest answer kisses the lips.

· The most romantic thing a husband can do is lovingly and sacrificially lead and care for his wife.

o John Piper:

When a man joyfully bears the primary responsibility for Christlike servant leadership, I have never met a wife who is sorry she married such a man.

The Importance of the Christian Marriage

· Ephesians 5:32–33 (ESV)

Ephesians 5:32–33 ESV

32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

· Jesus nourishes and cherishes His church because He loves it as His own body.

o This exposes to us the deeper nature of marriage between a man and a woman.

· Marriage wasn’t a good idea that man came up with; it was conceived by God at the foundation of the world to glorify himself and to benefit us.

o Marriage predates the fall; it is rooted in the created order.

· Genesis 2:21–24 (ESV)

Genesis 2:21–24 ESV

21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

· This is the most fundamental statement in the OT concerning God’s plan for marriage; it outlines a radical union between one man and one woman.

o A husband should love his wife because in God’s providence, they are as one flesh.

· Paul links the idea of the union of Christ and his church to the union of husband and wife and declares it a mystery.

o Biblical mystery, it must be remembered, is not something esoteric, unknowable, and out of reach.

o Rather, it is something revealed by God to be a fathomless deep, something that can be known in an ever-deepening way.

· Biblical marriage is far more than a mere earthly relationship; it has gospel significance.

o When men and women are called to live in a marriage relationship, they are being called to a high and holy calling; to serve the Lord by modeling Christ and the church to the world.

o Marriage is a gospel illustration.

A Christian marriage reproduces the beauty of the union between Jesus Christ and His bride, the Church.

o A wife’s joyful submission to her husband reflects the way that the Church submits joyfully to Christ.

o A husband’s sacrificial love for his wife pictures Christ’s sacrificial love for His bride, the Church.

· Paul’s teaching about marriage is Christological, it is shaped by and looks to Christ as its source.

o Christ loves the church, sacrificed himself for her, sanctifies her, cleanses her, nourishes her, cherishes her, and will present her in splendor.

o The Church lovingly and joyfully submits to Christ as her head and seeks to honor and obey Him in all things.

· Our response should be one of reverential obedience to Him.

· Therefore, the foundation and purpose of the Christian marriage is transcultural.

o Through the Christian marriage, God sets a pattern for all creation.

§ So that they would understand the relationship between Christ and His bride (unity).

§ So that they would understand just how much He loves the Church.

· Marriage as an institution is undermined today.

o The world is an increasingly amoral and anti-Christian place, and opposed to the Christian conviction of heterosexual, covenant marriage.

o This world is primarily obsessed with self-indulgent hedonism.

o Submission is an incendiary word in an age of liberation.

§ It comes associated with the idea of subjugation, oppression, dominance.

o Further, the idea of Christian marriage has been abused and perverted by sinful men toward disordered ends.

§ Unworthy men dominate and pervert male headship into a system of oppression and abuse.

o Christian marriages suffer problems from either ignorance of God’s design or disregard for the Scriptural teaching on marriage and the roles of husbands and wives.

§ Egocentrism leads to self-fulfillment.

§ Marriage becomes an alliance that is meant to promote personal growth than a life-long commitment to mutual love and sacrifice.

o The fall has introduced disorder into the marital relationship.

§ In men, it shows as a tendency toward domination or passivity.

§ In women, willing submission is replaced by either usurpation or servility.

· True Christian marriage may therefore be seen as a form of evangelism.

o Faithful, stable, and monogamous Christian marriages are salt and light.

o Alister Begg put it beautifully:

When marriages work as God intends, they act as magnets, drawing the disillusioned and confused to consider the reality of Christian faith.

Conclusion

· This is a deeply practical teaching for Christians, especially for those who are married.

o But we are all invited into this wonderful mystery revealed in the Christian marriage.

o Through Christian marriage we come to see the depth and quality of Christ’s love for us, and husbands are encouraged to follow His example in lovingly and sacrificially leading their wives.

o Through Christian marriage we come to see the way that we are to submit to Christ our Savior…not out of duty, but out of reverence for Him who was given for us, to be our Savior.

§ Who has made us one with Himself through the power of the Holy Spirit.

· Wives,

o Do you submit to your husband’s God-appointed leadership?

o Do you submit gladly and out of love?

o Do you help him live up to his calling?

o Do you pray for your husband to have the courage, grace, wisdom, and humility to be your head?

· Husbands

o Do you make it easy for your wife to submit to your leadership?

o Do you treat your wife as a spiritual equal?

o Do you tell your wife often that you love and cherish her?

o Do you treat her with gentleness and thoughtfulness?

o Do you listen to her and have the humility to lead her, when necessary, by following her?

· Paul’s commands about marriage flow naturally from the gospel blessings we have received from God in person and work of Jesus Christ.

o What we are called to do and who we are called to be has been graciously provided to us by the Holy Spirit.

· Like wives, we are called to an evangelical obedience, one that flows out of a deep sense of love and gratitude towards Him who saved us.

o We don’t obey to win his love, but we obey because we already possess it.

Pray and Transition to the Lord’s Supper

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