Awake at Night

Introduction

This was a book written/compiled by Glenn Colley in 2016. If you are interested in purchasing a copy, you can get one at The Colley House (thecolleyhouse.org). Like Don and Joey have both mentioned occurs to them, Glenn receives several questions from elderships (and some members) around the country asking for his input on how to approach different situations they encounter. As you can imagine, these are typically some of the more complicated issues.

In the Preface of the book, Glenn wrote that he was encouraged to compile into a book the “difficult problems elders have faced, for the purpose of helping develop strong elderships among our churches.”

This book is an encouragement for elders, because it helps them realize that they aren’t the only one dealing with these types of situations. When all you are exposed to is what goes on within your congregation, and your focus is so encompassed within this family, it’s easy to start thinking other congregations don’t deal with the same issues. It’s not that seeing others struggle makes you happy, but it’s encouraging to know that others out there understand what you are going through.

Remember in I Kings 18 that Elijah defeated the prophets of Baal. Then at the end of the chapter, Elijah prays and God sends rain back on the land. Then at the beginning of I Kings 19, Jezebel sends a message to Elijah to let him know that she plans to kill him. Elijah runs off to hide in a cave and states 1 Kings 19:10 “He said, “I have been very jealous for the Lord, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away.””

God ultimately responds to him with 1 Kings 19:18 “Yet I will leave seven thousand in Israel, all the knees that have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him.”” It was an encouragement to Elijah to simply know that he was not the only one out there who was still seeking to serve the Lord.

This book is also great for members, because it gives them a small glimpse behind the curtain of the way an eldership has to think through a situation. While these scenarios are not from the Cookeville congregation, rest assured that all elderships deal with hard situations, and many of them require the same approach.

Glenn also mentions in the Preface that he chose the title “Awake at Night” for a reason.

Hebrews 13:17 ESV

Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.

The word “watch” in Greek is the word ἀγρυπνέω – agrypneō. According to Strong’s Greek Lexicon, this word means “to be sleepless, keep awake, watch”.

Just from the 8 months experience I have working with Larry and Don, I can say there are many nights where you lay in bed at night thinking through situations and how they need to be addressed.

Let’s get started going through some.

Case 19: The Church with the Parade Problem

Scenario

“Another church down the street from our building decided to sponsor a gay-pride parade. The local media covered the event and took note that the parade would proceed down the street and end in front of our building. They came to us with news cameras asking if we would sponsor or resist the event. What should we have said?”

Things to Consider

Who should be a spokesman on behalf of the congregation?

This may seem like an odd question, but it is something we probably need to be prepared for in case something ever comes up. At the bank, we have a policy that the only ones with authority to speak with the media are the Chairman of the Board and the CEO, or anyone they specifically give permission to. Violation of that policy could result in your being terminated.

That’s not the kind of “policy” an eldership can scripturally put into place. We may request that questions from the media be directed to the eldership or the preacher, but we can’t “fire you” if you answer a question from the media.

The main thing is that as Christians, we need to understand that Satan is the ruler of this world (I John 5:19). He wants to find ways he can discredit the Lord’s church, and public backlash could be a way he accomplishes that.

2. What if the media approaches someone without warning?

Always be mindful of how you represent yourself, the congregation, and the Lord’s Church to the rest of the world, and that is especially true on social media. If you ever have someone ask you directly how the congregation feels about a specific issue, there’s no harm is directing them to one of us. We’ll be happy to have any type of discussion like that with anyone else.

I hope the scenario described in this question would be a rarity, where a news station comes with a camera to ask us a question, but I guess it could happen.

3. What are ancillary things the congregation should consider and prepare for?

The way the question seems to have been worded by the new station is intended to draw a controversial answer. Because of that, regardless of how the question is answered, the congregation likely needs to start preparing for some backlash.

Are additional men needed to be on security duty for the next few weeks. Is there a plan for how to handle any threats that might be made? Should we allow anyone to be able the building alone for the next few weeks, even if the doors are locked. Some of you used to worship at congregations in Memphis, so you understand a security level that most of us have never really had to experience.

These are things the elders will need to be discussing and prepared for.

What should be recommended?

It’s important to remember that the media will likely try to twist your words. Even if you trust them, remember that they have full control over how your answer is edited and presented. That means the answer given must be solid with no ambiguities.

You must also remember that we are to be evangelistic. If you look at this from a different perspective, how many times will we be given the opportunity to be on the news telling about our congregation and what we believe. We need to approach it with that mindset. Just like we probably wouldn’t win many souls by walking into a bar and telling everyone in there drinking they are going to hell, it may not be prudent to include the word abomination in your answer to the press.

A good answer would be to say, “We are a peaceful people who teach the whole counsel of God, the Bible. We believe the Bible is God’s Word, including what is taught in Romans 1. We invite anyone who has questions about that to visit us this coming Sunday at 9AM as we will be discussing that chapter in our lesson.”

Giving this kind of answer prevented the media from forcing you to use the words “support” or “resist”, which were intended to cause controversy. We were able to invite people to our worship service where we now controlled the narrative and can give a thorough answer to the question of homosexuality without our response being reduced to a 5 second sound byte.

Case 29: Two Weddings are Better Than One

Scenario

“A sincere Christian, unmarried couple approached one of our elders (who happens to also be the preacher) with a problem. They want to be married, but the groom is in the military, and in order to get military benefits (married housing, etc.) for the upcoming year, the man must be married before January 1st. That’s only two weeks away, but they have only just now agreed to marry, and she wants a ‘real’ wedding which cannot be completely arranged until early in May.

Their question is this: Can they get the government wedding as a formality and then have a genuine church wedding in May? If so, should they sleep together before May or abstain? Could they simply consider their wedding in May to be the ‘official’ one and keep the first wedding a secret? What are the issues and what would you advise?”

Things to Consider

When are they considered married?

What does God expect us to do in order to get married? What scriptures tell us what is supposed to be in the ceremony for it to be considered a true marriage? There isn’t anything!

Matthew 19:6 “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

We know that God does the joining in a wedding. So when exactly does he do the actual joining? There are no specifics given in scripture, so all indication is that this is controlled by the local laws.

Romans 13:1 “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.”

Looking at the marriage of Isaac and Rebakah, it appears that by taking her into his tent with him, culture accepted that as a sign of matrimony.

Genesis 24:67 “Then Isaac brought her into the tent of Sarah his mother and took Rebekah, and she became his wife, and he loved her. So Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.”

So based on what they are recommending, they can become legally married and obtain the military benefits by obtaining a “government wedding”.

2. Does delaying consummation of the marriage change the fact that they are legally married in God’s eyes?

Absolutely not. There is nothing in scripture or in US law that says two people are not married until they consummate the wedding.

If that were the case, just think of the implications. On the wedding night, any acts leading up to the consummation would then be fornication because they wouldn’t be married yet. Also, what if one party to the marriage for medical reasons is not capable of consummating the marriage. Does that mean the two people will never be married? That’s ridiculous. Of course not.

Also think about this. The physical connection between two people goes a long way to forming a close bond between a husband and wife. Attempting to spend the first 5-6 months of your marriage without having that could cause irreparable damage to the emotional side of the relationship. Plus living in the same house with someone you just married, it’s highly unlikely they would be able to carry through with this commitment anyway.

3. Have they been engaged long enough? Are they rushing this?

This is my biggest concern. They have just now agreed to marry, but how long have they been dating? Has this whole situation been rushed along because he is being deployed? This is obviously a life-changing decision that for the sake of their soul they can’t mess up. Are they making a hasty decision simply to try and get some financial benefits for a few months?

4. What if they actually keep this a secret?

It would be pretty tough to explain to all your friends and family why you are in married housing on base without telling everyone you are married. I don’t know what accommodations would be like otherwise, but let’s assume they do keep this a secret from everyone, and others know that he is on base with him often, assuming that maybe she is visiting. There’s a high probability that they will give the indication to others that they are engaged in fornication, or at least lasciviousness. What if she becomes pregnant.

What should be recommended?

A serious discussion needs to be held with the couple to ensure they are not making a rash decision. This may need to be done by the preacher or someone who normally does pre-marital counseling. They only have 2 weeks, so it would need to be done immediately.

If it’s agreed they are not rushing it, then I would recommend they go to the courthouse to get married. This can be done with maybe their immediate families in attendance if they wish, but I would not recommend keeping it secret. They don’t necessarily have to send out announcements to everyone, but they don’t need to hide it.

They can still hold the formal wedding ceremony in early May if they wish. At the beginning of the service, it would be easy for the preacher to explain to the audience the situation and that while they are already legally married, they wanted to have a ceremony to enjoy with their family and friends. The words at the end could be adjust to say something like “I now pronounce you again husband and wife.”

This is actually a very common things for members of the Mormon church who wish to get married in the Temple in Utah. If you are not a member of the Mormon church, you cannot enter the temple. Therefore, many will have the wedding in the temple, then come home and have a ceremony for non-Mormon family and friends to get to attend. I have a cousin that did this, and we attended their wedding a few weeks after they were married at the temple in Utah.

Case 84: That Stranger is My Sister

Scenario

“A 26-year-old woman has this question for our elders: I received a Facebook friend request recently from someone I didn’t know. Before accepting, I asked her how she knew me and she responded that she didn’t but had something very important to say to me: She is my half-sister, and she can prove it with a legal document about my birth.

As I was growing up, my mother would occasionally mention that she had a past she was not proud of. As it turns out, I have two sisters by a biological father, and I never knew anything about any of them until now. This new found sister clearly wants a relationship with me, but I believe these are worldly people, and to be frank, I have a great life and don’t want to pursue this.

Question: Do I have any Biblical obligation to enter an ongoing conversation/relationship with this biological half-sister?”

Things to Consider

What scriptures apply to family relationships?

There are several passages that indicate responsibilities parents have to their children (Proverbs 22:6; Ephesians 6:4), as well as children and their

There are also passages that speak to a child’s responsibilities to his parents (Ephesians 6:1-3; Colossians 3:20).

However, there are no passages indicating that siblings have any responsibility to each other. Therefore, there are really no passages that give any indication this young lady has any biblical obligation to enter into a relationship.

2. What type of personality does this young lady have?

What I mean by this is does she have the type of personality that always assumes everyone is being upfront and truthful, therefore opening herself up easily to be scammed? Working at the bank, we see some wonderful, well-meaning people fall for scams all the time. I’m not immediately saying this girl contacting her is a scammer, but there are a lot of red flags in the little amount of information we have. I would want to make sure she is aware of this.

3. Does she already have a support system in place?

This could help with the previous question of it being a possible scam, or possibly getting mixed up with someone who is a true blood-sibling but only wants to take advantage of her. Sometimes emotional situations can make us not see things that might be right in front of us. We need to make sure she has someone she fully trusts and that has only her best interest at heart that can stay very close to the situation and make sure she stays protected.

4. How strong is she as a Christian since the half-sister is worldly?

If this young lady is a new Christian, it could be detrimental to her Christian walk to get mixed up with others who don’t share those same interests. Could she be easily tempted to turn back to a worldly lifestyle if we encourage her to ast least make contact and see where it goes?

5. What will this do to their family dynamic?

The question doesn’t indicate if the mom is also a Christian or how close she is to her daughter. Had the mom been secretly in contact with this daughter for some time? Was she given up for adoption? What does the mom say about all this?

If the mom is also part of the congregation, we likely have shepherding we need to do with her. Since she said she lived a lifestyle she wasn’t always proud of, is this now going to be bring to light past sins that others had not known about. Are there potentials for gossip in the congregation that we will need to make sure is prevented?

Could this cause a riff between the mom and daughter? Regardless of whether the daughter forms a relationship with the new sister, she may need some additional support from her church family because there could be new dynamics in her own family that cause issues for her.

6. Is there an opportunity for evangelism?

If the young lady does not wish to pursue this relationship like she has indicated, there is only one reason I would encourage her to not immediately turn it away. Is it possible that the providence of God has brought her into her life for some reason. Think back to Mordecai’s statement to Esther in Esther 4:14 “For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”.

If this supposed sister of hers is truly seeking God, we know that God will make sure she receives the information she needs (Matthew 7:7-8). So even if she does not meet with the new sister, God will ensure she finds it from somewhere else, but this young lady has the potential opportunity to bring someone to Christ.

What should we recommend?

There are a lot of unknowns in this scenario, so there are several assumptions in this answer. If the young lady who asked this question is emotionally strong enough to even handle talking to this supposed sister, I would recommend that maybe she and a very strong Christian women (maybe an elder’s wife) meet with this supposed sister. Approach it from an evangelistic opportunity only. If the sister doesn’t seem to show any interest in that, then I see no further need to maintain connection. The elders will need to keep a very close eye on the situation and ensure the young lady keeps the support system around her that she needs through the entire situation, especially if the relationship begins to grow.

Case 89: On Their Knees

Scenario

“A new family of five placed membership with our congregation. On their first Sunday, everyone noticed when it came time to pray that the whole family knelt together and rose back to their feet when the prayer ended. At the end of the service they did the same again when the closing prayer was led. It has caused quite a distraction and the congregation is unsettled over it. Should we speak to the husband in this family about this?”

Things to Consider

Is there a scripturally-required prayer posture during worship?

There are many different prayer postures in Scripture that appear to be approved by God. These include standing with eyes open toward heaven (John 17:1), standing with head bowed (Luke 18:10-13), hands outstretched (I Timothy 2:8), kneeling (Luke 22:41-44), lying down with your face to the ground (Matthew 26:38-39), and sitting (II Samuel 7:18).

There is actually nowhere in scripture where God gives a preferred prayer posture. The only prayer posture it seems we should avoid is one where we are trying to be seen by men (Matthew 6:5). There is no indication that’s why they are doing this, and I would be surprised if it was, especially since the entire family did it together.

I suspect that in some areas of the world, kneeling during prayer in worship may be more of the norm.

2. Is this considered being disorderly?

We often talk about things being done decently and in order. This concept comes predominantly from I Corinthians 14:26-40. This is where it talks about women needing to keep silent in the churches. It’s also talking in there about needing to have interpreters when someone in speaking in tongues.

We should absolutely keep our worship assemblies from being chaotic. But I’m not sure that’s what is being done here. Again, so long as this family is doing this out of sincerity rather than to be seen by men, and they aren’t being disruptive, I’m not convinced this would be considered disorderly by God in the same way the Corinthians church was being.

There is always the consideration of whether this would cause too much of a distraction to others in the congregation, including visitors.

3. Would this be different if the family was standing and simply keeping their eyes open?

Why do we put such focus and emphasis if we keep our eyes closed during prayer? If you think we don’t, then stand next to a child during a prayer and keep your eyes open. They will call you out in front of everyone that your eyes were open.

While bowing our heads is a prayer posture mentioned in scripture (Luke 18:10-13), I don’t believe it ever mentions in Scripture about our eyes needing to be closed, but that seems to be one of the main things we teach to children about how to pray.

What if the family, rather than kneeling, simply kept their eyes open. Or what if they helf their hands in front of them (close to the body), with their palms facing up. Or what if they looked upward during the prayer.

I say all this to ask the question, “Is it really the kneeling that is the problem, or is the problem that it’s not following our 21st century American tradition?

4. Do we know why the family is doing this?

Is there a cultural aspect to why they kneel during prayer? Is it possible they were just as surprised as us, but because we all stood during a prayer? Are they doing this because they believe they can focus more on the prayer when in a kneeling posture?

It may be possible that the family did this because that’s what has always been done in congregations where they have attended in the past, and maybe they would have no issue at all with standing like everyone else.

Is it possible one of them has vertigo issues and standing with eyes closed can cause extreme dizziness. They feel it is disrespectful to sit during a prayer, so they kneel so they can keep their eyes closed during the prayer, and the whole family does it rather than making only one in the family do it.

We just need to be careful to not immediately jump to conclusions and point fingers. The family is not doing anything scripturally wrong, so this requires a deeper consideration of how to handle it.

5. Is there any education needed for the congregation?

The original question indicated that the congregation was unsettled by this. Why? Is it because there has been a lack of teaching regarding prayer postures? Has this left a lack of understanding why we do what we do not only during prayer but maybe during all aspects of our worship?

What should be recommended?

I believe the answer to this depends on the congregation. I might answer this differently depending on the personality of the congregation.

First, I think it’s important to speak with the family. Not to tell them immediately to change, but to understand. This is simply part of getting to know a new family. Many may be tempted to avoid and/or gossip about this family, which would be devastating to a family who has just placed membership.

Second, I think it would be expedient to have the preacher do a lesson (either sermon or class) about prayer, and include in that the various postures that are approved by God.

This final part, my recommendation might be different based on the personality of the congregation. I would hope that the congregation would not see this as a distraction but rather learn that this is a perfectly acceptable prayer posture, and one that may even provide this family with better focus during prayer. However, I also understand that may not be an easy thing for some to get used to. If necessary, it may come to a point that we talk to the father of the family and ask them to stand during the prayer. If this prevents them from feeling like they can focus during prayer, then we would need to work with them to find another solution. Maybe they simply sit during the prayer?