Not about Me
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Intro
Intro
Good morning church fam! Happy New year. 2025 is gone and it is now 2026. I am looking forward to this New Year. I have a journal that I write in everyday and every month it has a section for things I am praying for. One of the things I am praying for this year is more salvations, water baptisms, and baptisms of the Holy Spirit. God is moving and He desires we move along side Him.
Which brings me to the first message of 2026. The last Sunday of every month we serve communion in order to realign our focus. Too often as Christians we make it about everything else other than Jesus. We make it about our preferences, our titles, our ministries, our this or that. When we make it about us, it ceases to be about Jesus.
I want to kick off the New Year with a message called:
Not about Me
I often say our walk with Jesus is not about us. It is about us in the sense that Jesus died for us and made a way to restore our relationship with the Father, but what we do afterwards is not about us.
We live in a culture where everything is about us. We measure our success by our visibility.
If I can only get more likes
If I can only get more views
If I can only be heard
If I can only be seen
If I can only be recognized
All these phrases have one thing in common: I.
As followers of Jesus, when we make it about myself, it takes the focus off of Jesus. Over and over in Scripture we are told:
33 “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
2 Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.
8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
In short we are called to be Kingdom minded.
A kingdom minded believer will not make it about themselves, but will always make it about Jesus. A kingdom minded person puts Jesus on the platform and not self.
A kingdom minded person will understand that some of the most important roles in the Kingdom of God are temporary, quiet, and unseen. You can only become Kingdom minded when you change the way you think as Paul tells us in Romans.
2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
John the Baptist is a great example of the Not About Me movement. I was reading in John chapter 3 this week and the Lord stopped me at a well known verse that I want to base this message off of. It is short, but powerful.
29 “He who has the bride is the bridegroom; but the friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice. So this joy of mine has been made full.
30 “He must increase, but I must decrease.
A Little Context
A Little Context
Let me give you a little context of what is going on. Here we see John at the height of his influence. He is preaching about Jesus and his influence is growing. More and more people are listening and following. He is baptizing people left and right. Momentum is building.
Then Jesus comes along. All of a sudden these same crowds begin leaving him and start following Jesus. Some of John’s disciples didn’t like this. In fact they began to complain to John about it.
26 So John’s disciples came to him and said, “Rabbi, the man you met on the other side of the Jordan River, the one you identified as the Messiah, is also baptizing people. And everybody is going to him instead of coming to us.”
John, being kingdom minded, chose to react in a different way. Here is what John didn’t do.
John didn’t compete
Whereas a non kingdom minded believer will turn their calling into a score card. When we first became pastors back in Indiana every time we went to a state conference the question always was asked: “How’s your church doing?” That was code for, “How many people are you running?”
Non kingdom minded people will want credit for starting something good. I mean John started baptizing first. He deserved it.
Non kingdom minded believers feel irritated or even jealous when another ministry grows.
Non kingdom minded believers are like siblings who argue over who mom or dad loves or likes more. Instead of realizing there is enough love for everyone.
John didn’t protect his platform
Non kingdom minded believers think: “If I let go of my platform, I will just disappear.”
Non kingdom minded believers refuse to share responsibility. They micromanage volunteers. Holding onto roles that are long past the seasons and they discourage others from serving in other capacities. They keep information instead of sharing it with others.
A non kingdom minded believer is like a kid who won’t allow anyone else touch their toy, not because they will break it, but because it makes them feel important.
John didn’t feel threatened
Non kingdom minded people feel threatened when others step up. They feel as though their value is being questioned.
Non kingdom minded people take offense easily and criticize instead of celebrating.
Non kingdom minded people will downplay another ministries fruit. They behave like a child who crosses their arms and says, “Fine. I didn’t want to play anyways.”
When John found out that Jesus was getting the recognition and the followers and his disciples were baptizing more, John did something out of the ordinary. John did what a kingdom minded person would do.
While others compete - John rejoices
While others protect - John releases
While others might feel threatened - John celebrates
But why? To understand why John reacted this way, lets go back to what he said.
Jesus is not the Guest
Jesus is not the Guest
John said it plainly and if we are not careful we will miss it.
29 It is the bridegroom who marries the bride, and the bridegroom’s friend is simply glad to stand with him and hear his vows. Therefore, I am filled with joy at his success.
So often we jump to John’s famous saying, “He must increase and I must decrease” and we never understood the how or why.
The language that John is using here in verse twenty nine is the language of marriage or better yet…it is covenant language.
A kingdom minded believer views
Jesus as the bridegroom and not a guest
This language of marriage is used throughout Scripture and God reveals Himself through Christ as the Bridegroom - one who commits, pursues, and binds Himself to His people.
John’s view of who Jesus was and is the Bridegroom. He was declaring to his disciples that Jesus:
Is not just another prophet
Not just another movement
But God stepping into covenant!
Jesus didn’t leave heaven and step onto this planet just to visit humanity. He came to claim His bride!
We have gotten it so wrong over the years. We tell people come to Christ so you don’t go to hell. Come to Christ so your life will be better. It’s not about that. Both of those are about you!
Jesus didn’t come to improve your life. He came to GIVE you life! Christianity is Jesus uniting His life with yours.
Some people just want Jesus as a guest…He’s welcome in the living room, but He is not given the keys to the house.
Jesus doesn’t date the church. He marries her!
Once John identifies who Jesus is, he declares who he is not.
Know Your Role
John calls himself:
29 “He who has the bride is the bridegroom; but the friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice. So this joy of mine has been made full.
This is an important and essential role in Jewish culture…but it was a temporary role. That is important to know.
His role was to:
Prepare the bride
Protect the process
Witness the vows
Then stepped aside
His role can be summed up in one simple phrase:
Presence without possession
For some reason in our Western culture, we believe the people of God who go to a church or in a particular ministry, that they belong to the pastor or leader of that group. Not so. I may be your pastor, I love you, and I pour into your spiritual lives, but you do not belong to me. When I was a youth pastor, even though I considered those kids my kids…they did not belong to me.
You belong to Jesus!
I did not die for you. I am not the bridegroom. I am a friend of the bridegroom preparing the way!
John understood that even though he was close enough to hear the Grooms voice, he was humble enough to know that the bride did not belong to him!
This exposes what some believers struggle with:
We confuse calling with ownership - Some pastors won’t allow their people to visit anywhere other than their church. I don’t recommend church hopping as you will never grow roots and will become a tumble weed Christian. Tumble weeds have no roots and therefore bear no fruit.
We confuse influence with identity - I am called to be a pastor, but it is not my identity. When I look at my title as my identity, then when things don’t go the way I think they should I will start believing the lies and not the truth of what God says about me and the calling on my life.
We confuse being used with being needed - We are to be a vessel or conduit for God’s power. The moment I start believing that people need me, they need to hear my messages, they need to come to my church, they need my advice, my opinions, I take on a savior complex. I cannot save anyone. You cannot save anyone. Only Jesus can!
You see John refused to compete for what never belonged to Him. The people that followed John belonged to Jesus and he didn’t feel the need to compete for their love, loyalty to his brand, or his way of doing things.
Things brings us to phrase that John used that people would immediately understood. Remember John is using marriage language…covenant language.
Standing and Hearing
Standing and Hearing
John said,
29 “He who has the bride is the bridegroom; but the friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice. So this joy of mine has been made full.
John already knew he was a friend of Jesus. In fact later on he records the words of Jesus.
15 “No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you.
A friend stands and hears. When one stands and hears, what John is speaking of is:
Standing = testimony
Hearing = responsibility
I don’t want us to miss what John is saying here. This is really deep.
In Jewish culture, standing was not a casual posture…it was a signal.
John didn’t stand because he was tired of siting. You stood because something IMPORTANT and BINDING was happening.
This communicates to all:
“I am present”
I didn’t overhear this from a distance.
“I’m paying attention”
This moment really matters because something important is taking place.
“I can testify to what happened”
If asked later on, I can say “I was there! I know what happened.”
So what John was really saying is “I wasn’t just in the vicinity. I was a witness. I encountered it.”
When someone stands, it means taking ownership of the moment. John wasn’t claiming credit, he was claiming accountability. He knew the Groom had arrived.
He didn’t just testified that Jesus was there, he also heard.
In Scripture hearing is never about just a sound. In the Hebrew mindset, hearing meant taking responsibility. When you hear, you respond.
4 “Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one!
And it goes on to say love the Lord your God…it was a command given and a response was necessary.
Jesus carried this into the New testament. He would often say, “He who has an ear…”. Not everyone who hears a sound is truly hearing.
Back to the wedding context John is speaking of, words carry weight. Jewish wedding were built on spoken vows. Wedding vows, the words spoken, carried covenant weight.
To hear the vows meant:
You recieved them as true
You recognize their authority
You became responsible to honor what was spoken
As I mentioned last week, our culture has lost the value of what marriage is because they don’t understand it is a covenant not just a piece of paper. When the divorce rate is just as high in the church as it is in the world this tells me that the church doesn’t understand covenant.
Church when we come to Christ, we have a responsibility. John knew he had a responsibility, he heard the Grooms voice and now he has to respond.
John didn’t argue, he didn’t cling to his title, his calling, he didn’t compete. Hearing the voice of the Groom meant stepping aside.
When we hear the voice of Jesus church, stepping aside is required. Stepping aside from our self and allowing Him in.
This is why John could say one of the most quoted Scriptures,
30 “He must increase, but I must decrease.
Are we standing and fully present before God - or are we casually disengaged?
Do we hear sermons or do we recognize His voice?
Do we step aside when we hear the voice of our Savior?
Maybe this is why so many Christians today have no joy. John reveals to us the source of his joy.
Joy comes from Completion not Control
Joy comes from Completion not Control
29 “He who has the bride is the bridegroom; but the friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice. So this joy of mine has been made full.
John didn’t complain about losing his influence or how he is being replaced. No. He says my joy is complete.
Why was it complete? Joy for John wasn’t found in being seen or heard, it was found in obedience.
I have noticed two kinds of joy being in ministry for over 20 years.
Control joy: “Im happy because I am in control.”
Completion joy: “I’m happy because God did what He said He was going to do.”
John has completion joy. God did what He said He was going to do. He was sending a Savior whom John wasn’t worthy of tying His sandals. God sent someone whom was going to baptize with fire instead of the water John was baptizing in.
Here is the truth church, if your joy collapses when your platform shrinks, your platform was your god.
As I mentioned before, John states one of the most quoted Scriptures, but maybe misunderstood.
Covenant Language
Covenant Language
30 “He must increase, but I must decrease.
In the context of what John is saying, this verse is covenant language. This is not insecurity. This is alignment. John is not shrinking. John is finishing.
John is stepping back because the Groom has arrived. The ceremony moved forward. The covenant is sealed.
Think about the weddings we do today. When the ceremony moves forward the best man has moved aside, again he is not marrying the bride. It’s not about him. No one says the best man failed. They say a wedding took place.
Maybe we think of decreasing wrong. We think its a demotion when in reality it is design.
Closing
Closing
As we close out today, here is a powerful truth:
The greatest joy in life is not being the center of attention, but being close enough to hear Jesus speak and humble enough to step aside and allow Him in.
Before we became lead pastors we were youth pastors for seven years. We heard the call from God to start lead pastoring. In the right moment when Jesus arrived and spoke, we had to step aside.
We loved our teens. As I mentioned before they were our kids (but not really our kids). We poured our heart and soul into that ministry. But we had to step aside and allow someone else to lead it because the Groom was taking us to a different place.
It was hard, but necessary. I am sure at some point, I can only speculate, but John may have had some feeling about stepping aside and allowing Jesus to do what God said He would do.
Church this is not just about ministry. This is about self. Because think about it. How often does Jesus step into the scene and we don’t step aside. We hear the sound of His voice but we don’t take up the responsibility of those words.
How about we make every effort to make 2026 more about Jesus and less about us. I know that you will find joy. His joy.
I am going to close with these questions and open the altars.
What are you holding onto that God is asking you to release?
Where have you confused your role with your identity?
Where do you need to decrease so Jesus can increase?
You have the word. You heard the sermon and words of Jesus. Now it is up to you to take responsibility.
The altars are open if you want to come and pray and receive prayer. The altar is not a place of shame. It’s a place of alignment.
If today you need prayer and you are declaring “Jesus I need to decrease so you can increase!”
Then I invite you to come.
When the Groom is honored, joy is made complete.
