Thriving in the Household of Faith | Ephesians 6:1-4
Notes
Transcript
Introduction
Introduction
·
Context
Context
· There is a presumption in Paul that there will be children and families in the church.
o In fact, our first discipleship responsibility is to the children that God has given us.
· Psalm 127:1–5 (ESV)
1 Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.
2 It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.
3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.
4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
· There has clear progression in Paul’s thinking in Ephesians.
o Don’t pull these passages out of context.
· We may find a great deal of practical wisdom in Paul’s teaching, but this will be blunted without considering the commands in light of the entire letter.
o Paul’s practical teaching is rooted in the reality of the work that God has done for our redemption.
§ Salvation and blessing have been given freely in Christ, and that is the root and stem of the blossom of our obedience.
So, I would remind you of the need for us to hold a proper view of what submission and obedience do—<slide> How we obey is as important as the act of obedience itself.
o There is, of course, a legal obedience.
§ This is dutiful, but cold-hearted; sometimes grudging.
§ Meant to secure advantage.
o Then there is evangelical obedience.
§ This is obedience from a thankful heart.
§ Loving obedience.
§ Meant to express gratitude for a kindness done.
· In the household of faith, the Church, we should always strive to obey from love rather than duty, for this is pleasing to the Lord.
o This is what is right in light of the great gift of redemption that we have in Jesus Christ.
Foundations of a Healthy Family
Foundations of a Healthy Family
· Children are not raised in a vacuum.
o Paul makes it clear that we are in the midst of a spiritual struggle between darkness and light.
o Raising children in the church means that we are rearing them in an existing set of conditions that will determine the quality of the environment.
1. Healthy families are founded first upon healthy Christians.
o Paul is assuming that good parents are going to be Christians.
§ Parents must take care that they are growing in faith.
· Why is our relationship with God so important as parents?
a. We tend to become our parents (For good or for ill).
o Through faith, we have another, better model to follow. (Our Heavenly Father)
§ In Christ, we are not bound to the patterns of our earthly patterns…we are free.
b. How we perceive God as our Father can be more real and powerful than biology or learned behavior.
o In God, we have “super-nature” and “super-nurture.”
§ Bryan Chapell, pastor:
The Father we perceive our God to be shapes the parent we are able to be.
o To this end, we must be diligent and make every effort to have a biblical understanding of God as a Father.
2. Healthy families are further founded upon healthy marriages.
· Wives who demonstrate loving submission and husbands who demonstrate selfless love before their children.
· This is why Paul focused on the marriage first (Eph. 5:22-33)
o Healthy childrearing is built on a healthy relationship between husband and wife.
<Slide> Perhaps no greater act of discipleship may be offered to a child than to know that their parents love and obey the Lord Jesus and that they live out that love in that marriage.
· This is not to say that single-parent or other non-traditional parents can’t raise godly children.
o From His grace, God can provide for every need.
o But exceptions do not disprove the rule.
o It is a matter of fact that most children from homes of divorce point to that event as a singularly life-defining one.
· The family is under attack from all angles.
· Ephesians 2:1–3 (ESV)
1 And you were dead in the trespasses and sins
2 in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—
3 among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.
o These forces exercise their craft against the God-ordained familial pattern.
§ Our inherent sinfulness pushes children to disobey their parents, and disordered parents deal abusively with their children.
§ The world elevates every form of alternative family structure while it continually denigrates the idea of multigenerational families built on healthy marriages.
§ Human craftiness has developed ever more innovative ways of parenting that eschew discipline or rigidly enforce it.
· Paul offers an evangelistic picture of parenting.
Obedience that Serves the Child (Eph. 6:1-3)
Obedience that Serves the Child (Eph. 6:1-3)
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),
3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
“Children”
· Children can rightly be applied in two senses here.
o First, and most obvious is referring to small children who still live in the household of their parents.
o Second, we are speaking of grown children, specifically those who have left the household of their parents.
· Paul will give a set of two commands for children in these verses.
“Obey your parents in the Lord”
· Obey is a compound of two words; “under” and “listen.”
o Children must actively place themselves under their parents to obey in the ways that their parents desire.
· Paul offers four exhortations to children to recommend the command.
1. It’s right and proper
· Paul says “Obey…for this is right.” In this, Paul is not making a moral argument. He is making an ontological argument.
o There is an inherent rightness…fitness to children obeying their parents.
§ It’s built into the created order.
o When children disobey their parents, where there is no authority and respect for parents, there is chaos.
§ Chaos that arises from unbridled self-interest.
· Paul makes this explicit in Romans 1:30:
30 slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents,
· Disobedient children are evidence of the decadent sinfulness of the fallen world.
The age of technology has brought this to the light in a new way. As technology and innovation move at a breakneck pace, greater and greater value is placed on skill with new technology. In this world of technological marvels, the young despise the old as unsuited for the world and pridefully elevate themselves because of their greater ability to intuitively adapt to changing technologies. (Boomer is a derogative term)
· The authority of parents over their children is baked into God’s created order, but the fall has negatively affected this.
o Authority can and has been twisted toward abusive ends.
· Christian authority relationships, as we have seen in Ephesians is always exercised with grace and mercy.
o Elders are never to domineer over their flock.
o Husbands sacrificially love their wives.
o Fathers are not harsh with their children.
o Masters are to oversee their servants without showing partiality.
2. God commands it.
Paul reinforces the command to obey by appealing to the fifth commandment.
· Exodus 20:12 (ESV)
12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
· Leviticus 19:1–3 (ESV)
1 And the Lord spoke to Moses, saying,
2 “Speak to all the congregation of the people of Israel and say to them, You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy.
3 Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father, and you shall keep my Sabbaths: I am the Lord your God.
· The gospel reinforces that the law is good because it reflects the impeccable character of God.
o Knowing the goodness of God pushes us to obey His law.
· So, when children disobey their parents, against the clear command of God, the true disobedience is against Him.
o The way children relate to their parents reflects their reverence for God.
o Parents must be diligent in instilling in their children an understanding of God’s native goodness, and that his commands are an expression of that goodness.
3. Their relationship with Jesus Christ requires it.
· Paul proclaims that children are to obey their parents “in the Lord.”
o This points to the reality of the kind of obedience that is pleasing to God…evangelical obedience.
o They should see their obedience as an expression of their love for Jesus.
· Philippians 2:14–15 (ESV)
14 Do all things without grumbling or disputing,
15 that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world,
· Jesus is the pattern for children in this kind of obedience as well in Luke 2:51:
51 And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart.
4. Because God blesses us when we do.
· This is comprehensive of the previous reasons.
o As regards nature, traditional Christian family values such as heterosexual, monogamous, lifelong covenant marriage accords with better outcomes for children.
· When parents are obeyed, children suffer less harm in childhood.
o They live longer and better lives, as their parent watch out for them.
I burned my hands badly as a child by not heeding my dad’s warning, and ironically Ryan has done the same.
o Obedient children are spared from bad habits and bad friends that will lead them to ruin.
§ Bad company corrupts good character every time.
o Obedient children are more likely to develop healthy character traits: Honesty, courtesy, industriousness, respectfulness, perseverance.
A Father’s Loving Duty (Eph. 6:4)
A Father’s Loving Duty (Eph. 6:4)
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
· Mothers are not redundant here. It must be recognized that in many cases, mothers are bearing a great deal of the burden of child-rearing.
o Paul is speaking to fathers for the same reason that he spoke to husbands last week, because they are God-appointed heads of the household.
· It is poignant that Paul addresses fathers here, because in the present day it is precisely the case that fathers are often falling short of their appointed responsibility to shepherd their wives and children.
o Biblically we see the fallout of weak fatherhood in the lives of Eli the priest during Samuel’s life.
· 1 Samuel 3:13 (ESV)
13 And I declare to him that I am about to punish his house forever, for the iniquity that he knew, because his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them.
· Paul first gives a negative instruction: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger.”
· In Roman society and Jewish society alike, the father was the undisputed head of his home, the paterfamilias.
o He ruled his house with imperium, and he was unrestrained in his power over his house.
· In the Christian home, it was not to be so…Christian fathers are commanded to model the very grace that is natural to our Heavenly Father.
o Provocation or exasperation can rear its head in many ways:
§ Thoughtless imposition of our convictions.
§ Unreasonableness: asking or demanding what is beyond their capability.
§ Fault-finding: Taking a sarcastic and demeaning tone toward them.
§ Unthinking or deliberate favoritism (partiality)
§ A lack of quality time.
§ Neglect is what led to the destruction of David’s family (Amnon and Absalom).
§ Failure to understand them.
§ Living an inconsistent spiritual life (not perfection, but humility and authenticity).
§ Hypocrisy is poisonous.
§ Not treating them as individuals.
· Paul then offers a positive command; rather than exasperate them, “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
· “Bring them up” means that fathers are to cherish and nourish their children in a similar way that they do their wives.
· In this way, a father models Jesus’s care to his children, as God promised in Isaiah 42:1-4:
1 Behold my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen, in whom my soul delights; I have put my Spirit upon him; he will bring forth justice to the nations.
2 He will not cry aloud or lift up his voice, or make it heard in the street;
3 a bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench; he will faithfully bring forth justice.
4 He will not grow faint or be discouraged till he has established justice in the earth; and the coastlands wait for his law.
· We see the beauty of godly fatherhood in this passage.
o Parenting requires gentleness, generosity, faithfulness, and endurance.
o Father’s must cultivate a Christlike tenderness towards their children as they guide and shape them toward Christlike maturity.
As parents, we have to take care to exercise authority in such a way that it draws children to Jesus rather than repels them.
· Though tender, parents must maintain a firm hand.
o Children should not be left to make their own way in life.
o If Psalm 127 reminds us of anything, it is that children belong to the Lord:
· Psalm 127:3 (ESV)
3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.
o A treasure to be cared for.
· Further, God’s desire for marriage is for godly offspring:
· Malachi 2:15 (ESV)
15 Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.
· The command to fathers to tend to their children’s raising is accompanied by a stern warning from the Lord Jesus in Matthew 18:6.
· Matthew 18:6 (ESV)
6 but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.
· So, Paul offers two ways in which fathers are to bring up their children.
1. Discipline them: Fathers must shape the will of their children to God-pleasing ends.
· Training is the diligent, determined, regular application of the Lord’s ways to children.
o Fathers must shape the behavior of their children.
· Proverbs 19:18 (ESV)
18 Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.
o A father’s discipline produces practical righteousness, peace, well-being, and wholeness.
· Deuteronomy 6:4–9 (ESV)
4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.
5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.
6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.
7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.
9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
o The whole of their lives should reflect obedience to God’s law.
· At times, this will require chastening. When a child breaks out, parents must be ready to correct that behavior and bring it back in line with what is righteous.
o Always thoughtfully and equitably; never harshly and never in anger.
· Hebrews 12:5–6 (ESV)
5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him.
6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.”
o Discipline should be an act of love, measured and thoughtful to what is appropriate for that child.
§ Discipline is as diverse as the child.
· Hebrews 12:11 (ESV)
11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
2. Instruct them: Fathers must shape the minds of their children towards knowing God.
· Instruction has to do with placing something into the mind.
o Fathers are to see to it that their children are instructed and warned as to what the Lord requires.
· Proverbs 15:32 (ESV)
32 Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence.
· There is an unceasing and desparate battle for the minds of our children today.
o We must be diligent in countering the lies of the world with the pure truth of God.
· Instruction in God’s ways has the effect of restraining sin by placing a clear dividing line between righteousness and sin.
o This was the ruin of Eli’s house in 1 Samuel 3:11-13:
11 Then the Lord said to Samuel, “Behold, I am about to do a thing in Israel at which the two ears of everyone who hears it will tingle.
12 On that day I will fulfill against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end.
13 And I declare to him that I am about to punish his house forever, for the iniquity that he knew, because his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them.
· The principal and basic content of what God teaches is found in his word, as Paul reminds Timothy in 2 Timothy 3:16–17 (ESV):
16 All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,
17 that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.
God’s Word possesses everything that we need to live a godly and faithful life.
· As with discipline, parents must exercise wisdom and thoughtfulness in their instruction.
o How we instruct each child will be dependent upon that child.
o Pure milk —> Solid Food.
· 1 Corinthians 3:2 (ESV)
2 I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready,
When you begin to feed your children solid food, you do so in a measured way. If you skip from milk to steak, they will choke on it. But if you work up to it, steak becomes quite nourishing. So should it be with the way we teach our children the Scriptures.
· Hebrews 5:12–14 (ESV)
12 For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic principles of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food,
13 for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child.
14 But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.
· Don’t force-feed your children what they are not prepared for.
· Be patient with them as they grow in understanding and offer them helpful tools to store up God’s Word in their hearts.
o Ex. Creeds, Confessions, Catechisms, Awana.
· Finally, Paul says that we are to bring them up “in the Lord.”
o We must be purposeful in every way that we raise our children to put their hope and trust in Jesus Christ.
All the discipline and instruction in the world will be of no avail if our children do not come to know Jesus Christ as Lord.
· Everything must be grounded in the Great Commission: Evangelism and Discipleship.
o It begins at home.
Conclusion
Conclusion
· As Christian marriage preaches the good news about Christ and the church, so does the Christian family.
o The way we parent is evangelistic.
· As children, the way we honor our parents speaks a word to them about what it means to be Christlike.
o We evangelize and encourage our parents in our reverence and our obedience to them.
· As parents, our children come to know something about God as Father through the way we relate to them.
o What picture of God are you presenting?
· As Christian families, the world comes to know the goodness of God the Father and of the Savior’s humble, loving care for the church.
o Our testimony to the world is important.
· 2 Corinthians 3:2–3 (ESV)
2 You yourselves are our letter of recommendation, written on our hearts, to be known and read by all.
3 And you show that you are a letter from Christ delivered by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.
· Let us honor the Father by following the pattern of our Lord Jesus Christ, and be encouraged that we will be able to do all that God has called us to do through the Holy Spirit who dwells in us.
· 2 Corinthians 3:4–6 (ESV)
4 Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God.
5 Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God,
6 who has made us sufficient to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.
