What if I don’t think I can move on?

Service Notes

We start Song of Solomon next week; The love story in the Bible most people skip, and the one we most need to hear.

We skip it because it makes us uncomfortable.

We need it because our culture is discipled by bad love stories.

We need it because it teaches that love is powerful, not casual.

Scripture Reading

1 Samuel 30:1–6 (KJV)

1 And it came to pass, when David and his men were come to Ziklag on the third day, that the Amalekites had invaded the south, and Ziklag, and smitten Ziklag, and burned it with fire;

2 And had taken the women captives, that were therein: they slew not any, either great or small, but carried them away, and went on their way.

3 So David and his men came to the city, and, behold, it was burned with fire; and their wives, and their sons, and their daughters, were taken captives.

4 Then David and the people that were with him lifted up their voice and wept, until they had no more power to weep.

5 And David’s two wives were taken captives, Ahinoam the Jezreelitess, and Abigail the wife of Nabal the Carmelite.

6 And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters....

I am going to wait here. As we read it the space seems small. But the gap is large. Large enough that many of you may be living in it.

but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.

Premise

When we look to God, a reaction to the past does not have to define the future.

Bitterness is not just pain. It is pain that feels unjust and unresolved.

Dr. Jim Schettler once said, “Bitterness is an unresolved violation of your justice system.”

Scripture does not ignore this. It speaks directly to it. Today we will see four truths about bitterness and one gospel truth that overrules them all.

Disappointment itself is not sinful. What becomes destructive is the refusal to release violated expectations.

And while injustice explains bitterness, only the gospel cures it.

Some of you are tired of being bitter but you do not know where to turn. Let us turn to the Lord now.

Sermon Introduction

Stand in the ashes long enough and you start asking questions you never planned to ask.

The Bible tells us why the moment darkened:

“Because the soul of all the people was grieved.” (1 Samuel 30:6)

That word means bitter.

David stood in ashes, surrounded by bitter people, with injustice pressing in on every side.

And before anything was fixed, David had a choice.

The same choice we all face when something feels wrong and will never be made right.

For a long time, I did not think of myself as bitter.

I knew I had pain. I knew I had disappointment.

But bitterness felt like too strong a word.

Disappointment is part of life, and it is not sinful.

What becomes destructive is the constant inability to move on from unfulfilled expectations.

Anger can be directed in many directions. But bitterness remains and goes deep in our heart.

Some of you might say like I did, “I am not bitter.”

But you might say:

“I have pain.”

“I have disappointment.”

“I have a story that will never resolve.”

And Scripture says: That is exactly where bitterness tries to live.

Now the question becomes: What does God teach us about this moment?

Four Truths About Bitterness from 1 Samuel 30

(With One Gospel Truth That Overrules Them All)

1. Bitterness begins when real pain becomes the lens through which the heart interprets life.

A. Real loss experiences grief before it ever welcomes bitterness.

Ziklag is burned (1 Sam. 30:1).

Families are taken (1 Sam. 30:2–3).

Men weep until strength is gone (1 Sam. 30:4).

B. God names grief without rebuking it.

“All the people were grieved” (1 Sam. 30:6).

God does not silence sorrow.

God records it honestly.

C. Pain becomes dangerous when it starts explaining reality.

Pain tells you God has forgotten you.

Pain tells you waiting means God said no.

Pain tells you silence means God does not care.

Pain tells you hardship means you are being punished.

Pain tells you this is how your story ends.

“I shall now perish one day by the hand of Saul” (1 Sam. 27:1).

David does not lose faith when Ziklag burns. The fire exposes a fear that was already there.

Transition: If bitterness begins when pain becomes the lens, the next danger is what the heart does with justice.

2. Bitterness grows when the heart demands justice but refuses to entrust it to God.

A. Grief begins arguing with what happened.

The word “grieved” comes from the marah family.

It means embittered sorrow.

It says, “This is wrong.”

B. God wired us with a hunger for justice.

We recognize right and wrong instinctively.

We protest unfairness naturally.

Our conscience bears witness.

Romans 2:14–15 “14 For when the Gentiles, which have not the law, do by nature the things contained in the law, these, having not the law, are a law unto themselves: 15 Which shew the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing witness, and their thoughts the mean while accusing or else excusing one another;)”

If you have several children it is likely at some point someone will bring you your child and say “this one has a strong sense of justice. They cannot handle when things seem unfair.”

Transition: If we will not release what is unfair to God, the pain has nowhere to go but deeper into us.

3. Bitterness settles in when sorrow is rehearsed instead of surrendered.

A. Unaddressed grief does not remain neutral.

Pain replayed becomes pain reinforced.

Memory becomes narrative.

Narrative reshapes identity.

B. The men remain in their sorrow.

They do not pray.

They do not pause.

They do not wait.

Have you been here?

What story do I keep telling myself.

What moment do I keep living inside.

What loss do I refuse to release.

C. Bitterness is anger that has found its a home.

The life of story has a very vivid picture of a man who let bitterness overtake him.

Ahithophel was not just a counselor, he was a wounded man.

He was David’s chief adviser (2 Sam. 15:12), but he was also the grandfather of Bathsheba (2 Sam. 11:3; 23:34).

David’s sin had torn through his own family.

When Absalom rebelled, Ahithophel joined him against David (2 Sam. 15:31).

This was not just politics.

It was pain looking for justice.

He wanted to be the one to kill David himself. 2 Samuel 17:1–2 “1 Moreover Ahithophel said unto Absalom, Let me now choose out twelve thousand men, and I will arise and pursue after David this night: 2 And I will come upon him while he is weary and weak handed, and will make him afraid: and all the people that are with him shall flee; and I will smite the king only:”

When God frustrated Ahithophel’s counsel through Hushai (2 Sam. 17:1–14), it felt like one more loss he could not bear.

The old wounds rushed back.

Instead of surrendering his sorrow to God, he let it decide his future. 2 Samuel 17:23 “23 And when Ahithophel saw that his counsel was not followed, he saddled his ass, and arose, and gat him home to his house, to his city, and put his household in order, and hanged himself, and died, and was buried in the sepulchre of his father.”

Ahithophel did not die because one plan failed. He died because unresolved pain had taken up residence in his heart.

That is what bitterness does. What is not surrendered begins to rule.

Transition: When sorrow is rehearsed long enough, bitterness begins to feel normal.

4. Bitterness survives when it is named reasonable instead of named sinful.

A. When everyone hurts, bitterness feels normal.

All the people were grieved.

No one questions it.

Agreement replaces discernment.

Ziklag is not just ancient history. It is every room where hurt people talk each other into staying hurt.

Because we live in a world full of people who are inclined toward bitterness, we must look up to God rather than out to others for our hope.

B. When we refuse to trust God with what is wrong bitterness is our only option.

The men do not seek God.

They seek to take whatever action they can that might bring them some relief.

When fear is loud, discernment grows quiet. “The heart is deceitful above all things” (Jer. 17:9).

Stones become the solution (1 Sam. 30:6).

Bitterness can make good people think, say, and eventually act upon things they never would have considered in their right mind.

Pain changed the conversation.

Sorrow narrowed their vision.

Bitterness made violence feel reasonable.

C. God often uses one faithful person to stop the spread.

David is just as grieved.

David chooses differently.

David encourages himself in the Lord.

Transition: Up to now, everything explains bitterness. Now Scripture gives us the truth that overrules all the others.

Because of the cross, the courtroom in your heart can finally close.

Justice is no longer ours to chase, manage, or demand.

1. The cross defines reality, not your pain. 2. The cross satisfied the justice you keep demanding. 3. The cross is where sorrow can finally be surrendered. 4. The cross exposes and forgives what bitterness tries to justify.

I. Faith refuses to let pain make the decisions.

A. David faces real loss without pretending it is small.

Scripture names the weight of the moment.

Grief quickly looks for someone to punish.

Every condition for bitterness is present.

B. David refuses to let pain decide where he looks.

1 Samuel 30:6 “6 And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.”

He does not defend himself.

He does not redirect the anger.

He deliberately turns inward and upward.

C. David entrusts justice to God instead of demanding it from people.

David remembers who God is when emotions argue otherwise.

He returns the unresolved weight of judgment to the Lord.

By doing so, David is freed from keeping a case open God intends to close.

Psalm 37:5–7 “5 Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. 6 And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday. 7 Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.”

II. God shows us the pattern for dealing with bitterness at Marah.

Exodus 15:23 “23 And when they came to Marah, they could not drink of the waters of Marah, for they were bitter: therefore the name of it was called Marah.”

A. God allowed the reality of bitterness to be felt.

They were thirsty

Drinking bitter water seemed to be on the only option.

B. God does not deny or rename the bitterness.

He does not pretend the water is drinkable.

He does not soften the language of the problem.

He allows the pain to be fully seen.

Grace never requires pretending, what happened or is happening is not a big deal.

C. God transforms what bitterness makes unusable.

Exodus 15:25 “25 And he cried unto the LORD; and the LORD shewed him a tree, which when he had cast into the waters, the waters were made sweet: there he made for them a statute and an ordinance, and there he proved them,”

God introduces something from outside the situation.

The water is not removed; it is changed.

What could not sustain life becomes a source of life.

God does not erase bitterness. He redeems it.

But Marah is not the end of the story. The tree in the water points us forward to a greater tree that would finally deal with bitterness at its root.

III. The Gospel finishes what bitterness keeps demanding.

Bitterness survives on unfinished justice.

At the cross, God closes the case our hearts keep reopening.

Because justice is settled, bitterness loses its authority.

Because the Gospel has settled what feels unresolved, we are now free to respond like David did.

How can we encourage ourselves in the Lord?

1 Samuel 30:6–8 (KJV)

6 And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.

7 And David said to Abiathar the priest, Ahimelech’s son, I pray thee, bring me hither the ephod. And Abiathar brought thither the ephod to David.

8 And David enquired at the LORD, saying, Shall I pursue after this troop? shall I overtake them? And he answered him, Pursue: for thou shalt surely overtake them, and without fail recover all.

1. Let God tell you who you are.

We remind ourselves whose we are. 1 Samuel 30:6 — “the LORD his God”

When everything turns against us, we anchor our identity in relationship, not circumstance.

We turn to God instead of turning on people.

Others looked for someone to blame. David looked to God. 1 Samuel 30:6 — “but David encouraged himself in the LORD”

2. Seek God before you solve anything.

We do not react first. We draw near first. 1 Samuel 30:7 — “Bring me hither the ephod”

The ephod was a priestly garment that represented access to God’s presence and God’s guidance.

David was doing something very deliberate.

He was saying, Before I chase. Before I fight. Before I defend myself. Before I answer my critics. I want to stand in God’s presence and hear God’s word.

3. Walk where God leads.

We ask God what to do rather than assuming we know. 1 Samuel 30:8 — “And David enquired at the LORD”

Encouragement submits our instincts to God’s authority.

We act on God’s word even while the pain remains. 1 Samuel 30:8 — “And he answered him, Pursue”

Encouragement is complete when obedience begins.

At this point, some of us feel a tension we need to name.

“God told David to chase them down, so maybe I should too.”

We are not David. Our enemies are not the Amalekites. Our calling is not to recover stolen livestock and families by force.

Do not skip steps one through four. The goal is not pursuit. The goal is obedience.

The Gospel does not call us to chase down our enemies. It calls us to entrust justice to God and obey whatever He asks of us next.

Conclusion

Disappointment is inevitable. Injustice is devastating. Bitterness is possible.

But because of the gospel, it is not inevitable.

Invitation

For those who do not know Christ: Bitterness is not your biggest problem. Unforgiven sin is. Today, God is not asking you to clean yourself up. He is offering you a Savior who has already carried the judgment you deserve. You can stop carrying what you were never meant to bear and trust in Christ today.

For those who belong to Christ: Some of you are still holding a case God has already closed. Today is not about forgetting what happened. It is about releasing judgment back to the Lord and returning your heart to Him. Encourage yourself in the Lord. Lay it down. Trust Him again.