Love That's Real

Intro:

You ever order something from Amazon and it fails to show up when it was scheduled to arrive?

You placed the order.

You got the confirmation email almost immediately.

You watched the tracking updates as they moved closer and closer to your house.

At some point it even says, “Out for delivery.”

And then finally, you get the notification: “Your package has been delivered.”

So you go to the door… You look on the porch… You check around the house…

And there’s nothing there.

No box. No package. No product.

Now, at that moment, all the confirmations, emails, and tracking updates mean absolutely nothing —because what really matters is whether what you ordered actually shows up.

Last time we were together, John showed us that love is the proof.

He made it clear that love is one of the primary evidences that someone truly belongs to God. That genuine faith produces genuine love. That when a person has passed from death to life, love for others begins to appear.

But John doesn’t stop there.

Because once we understand that love is the proof, a very natural question follows:

What does that love look like in real life?

How do we know we’re not just talking about love, but actually living it?

That’s exactly where John takes us next.

In verses 16 through 23, John moves from proof to practice.… From evidence… …to expression.

If verses 10-15 showed us that love is the proof, this week’s passage shows us what that love looks like when it’s real.

And that’s why our message this morning is titled:

Love that’s Real…

Lets look at our passage for today…

(Read 1 John 3:16-23)

I have opted to stop at v.23 this morning, because v.24 actually fits better with the beginning of chapter 4…

Meat:

If you were to Google “What is real love?” you’d find no shortage of answers.

Articles, quotes, songs, opinions—everyone seems to have a definition.

The problem is, most of those definitions are coming from a world that does not know the God who is love. And when the world tries to define love apart from God, it will always end up with a distorted version.

That’s why the world’s version of love is often

convenient and conditional.

It loves as long as it feels good.

It stays as long as it’s beneficial.

And it disappears the moment love becomes costly or uncomfortable.

Anytime you separate something from its source, you end up with a counterfeit.… … And that’s exactly what the world offers… a polished imitation of love that sounds good but doesn’t last.

So if we really want to understand what love is—what real love looks like—we can’t start with culture, opinions, or personal preference… … We have to go back to the source… We have to let God define love, because love does not originate with us… it originates with Him.

And that’s exactly what John is doing for us in this passage.

First of all, he tells us that…

Real Love is...

1. Defined by Sacrifice

And of course, he uses the example of the ultimate sacrifice that has been made on our behalf…

1 John 3:16 “By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us.

John is saying, if you want to know what real love is, look here. This is the measuring stick. This is the standard. This is the definition.

Jesus was not a victim of circumstance. He was not caught in something He couldn’t control. He willingly, intentionally, sacrificially “Laid down His life for us”

John then gives us the challenge… in the latter half of v.16…

And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.”

He’s being very upfront in letting us know that Sacrificial love is… by definition…

1.1 Costly

Paul reminds us in…

Philippians 2:6–8 NASB95

6 who, although He (Christ) existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. 8 Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

Love cost Him position.

It cost Him comfort.

It cost Him His very life.

And Jesus Himself said…

Luke 14:27 NASB95

27 “Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.

Following Christ means embracing a love that gives something up—not just occasionally, but regularly.

Giving up convenience to meet someone else’s need… Staying late… Making the phone call… Showing up when it would be easier to stay home…

Giving up comfort to do what is right… Having a hard conversation instead of avoiding it… Standing for truth even when it makes things awkward…

Giving up time when your schedule already feels full… Investing in people when it costs you rest or personal plans…

This list could go on… but when John says “love is defined by Christ laying down His life, and we should do the same...”… … he is reminding us that Sacrificial love always costs something…

And he is point out that… Sacrificial love is…

1.2 Focused on Others

And this is one of the clearest differences between real love and counterfeit love…

The world’s version of love is almost always centered on self— - How someone makes me feel. - What I get out of the relationship. - How my needs are being met.

But sacrificial love, as Scripture defines it, moves in the opposite direction… It shifts the focus away from self and places it squarely on others.

Jesus didn’t lay down His life for Himself… He laid it down for us!… He entered our suffering and He took our place.

“A look of love was on His face The thorns on His head The blood was on that scarlet robe And stained a crimson red Though His eyes were on the crowd that day He looked ahead in time 'Cause when He was on the cross I was on His mind”

Do you remember the Parable of the Good Samaritan?

Jesus tells the story of a man who is beaten, robbed, and left for dead on the side of the road. A priest comes by and passes on the other side. A Levite follows—and does the same.

Basically a pastor and a deacon see this man and just keep walking…

Then a Samaritan comes along.

Now, that detail would have immediately caught everyone’s attention, because Samaritans and Jews despised one another… They had a long history of hostility… To the Jewish audience listening to Jesus, a Samaritan wasn’t a hero—he was the last person they would expect to show compassion… But he did…

He saw the wounded man not as an interruption, but as an opportunity.

He gave his time. He gave his resources. He gave his attention.

And Jesus ends that parable with the command to “Go and do likewise”

In other words, real love doesn’t ask, “Is this my responsibility?”… It asks, “How can I help?”

C.S. Lewis is credited with making the statement “Do not waste time bothering whether (or not) you ‘love’ your neighbor; (just) act (or live) as if you did.”

And the Apostle Paul puts it this way…

Romans 12:10 NASB95

10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor;

Meaning we are to make a habit of putting others first…

Sacrificial love always costs something and is constantly focused on others… but it also reflects something far greater… It reflects the heart of God.

If the love of God is truly present in us, it will eventually show up in how we live.

That’s why John doesn’t stop at defining love—he moves on to demonstrating it.

Real love is…

2. Demonstrated in Action

Look at vv. 17&18…

1 John 3:17–18 “But whoever has this world’s goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?

John is describing someone who has the resources or ability to help a brother or sister in need… sees the need or has the need brought to their attention… but instead of responding with love, John says the person “shuts up his heart.”

Now, it’s important to understand what John isn’t saying here.

John is not teaching that love means meeting every request in every way, no matter the circumstances. He is not promoting reckless generosity or enabling harmful behavior.

When we choose to help someone, we should do it with a sense of wisdom…

Remember, Scripture does say “… If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat.”

Meaning that refusing to enable irresponsibility can actually be an expression of love—not a lack of it.

So when John warns against “shutting up the heart,” he’s not describing someone who lovingly and thoughtfully says, “I can’t help in that particular way, but I do want to help in a way that will benefit you more”…

He is, however, describing someone who is unmoved… someone who is completely unwilling to help in any way shape or form…

Real love may say, - “I can’t give you money, but I can help you find work.” - “I can’t support this behavior, but I will walk with you toward something better.” - “I won’t enable what’s hurting you, but I won’t abandon you either.”

Shutting up the heart says, “That’s not my problem.”

When that is the attitude a person has, John asks the question… “ … how does the love of God abide in him?”

You cannot completely close your heart and claim the love of God is abiding in you.

So John says in v.18…

18 My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.”

Love is seen in…

2.1 Deeds, Not Words

Real love is not measured by what we say, but by what we do…

Now, again, I need to be very clear… John is not dismissing kind words or all forms of verbal encouragement… Words do matter… But words alone are never enough to qualify as love.

Proverbs 14:23 NKJV

23 In all labor there is profit, But idle chatter leads only to poverty.

Jesus also gave a string warning about empty words…

Matthew 7:21 NASB95

21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter.

In other words, words can sound right while the heart remains unchanged.

This is why James encouraged his readers to…

James 1:22 NKJV

22 ...be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.

I think A.W. Tozer said it well “The Christian who is content with knowing instead of doing has stopped growing”

What James and John are pressing us towards here is…

2.2 Visual Obedience

Listen… real, obedient love is not invisible… it will be seen.

Think about this in terms of marriage. Love isn’t proven by simply saying “I love you”—it’s proven by how consistently that love shows up in daily life.

It’s seen in the way you listen, the way you speak, and the way you respond when things are tense. It shows up in patience, forgiveness, sacrifice, and choosing your spouse’s good over your own comfort.

Love that stays private and theoretical never makes it into true obedience… … Obedience always has a visible expression.

Jesus made this very clear in John 14:15

John 14:15 NASB95

15 “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.

Love for Him would be demonstrated through visual obedience… not as a way to earn our salvation, but because we have have recieved it…

Visible obedience shows up in everyday decisions.

It shows up in how we treat people when it would be easier to ignore them.

It shows up in integrity when compromise would be less costly.

It shows up in love that acts, not just agrees.

Jesus also says in…

Matthew 5:16 NASB95

16 “Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.

Our obedience is not there to make us look good, but when obedience is visible, God is glorified.

So real love is defined by sacrifice, demonstrated in action… and it is…

3. Reassuring

1 John 3:19 “And by this we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him.”

We spent plenty of time on this two weeks ago as we discussed that love is the proof of our authentic Christian living…

But John takes this a little bit further and says that this real love that we are sharing with others brings us assurance of our faith,… assurance of our Salvation… and it does so by… first of all…

3.1 Silencing Doubt

1 John 3:20 “For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things.”

John understands that even the sincerest believers can struggle with doubt.

There are moments when our hearts accuse us.

When we remember past failures.

When we become painfully aware of ongoing weaknesses.

When we wonder whether our faith is genuine.

John is not dismissing those feelings—but he is redirecting them… letting us know that when these feelings arise, we need to quickly change our focus…

He says, “By this we know…”… by what?… by our love demonstrated in action… again, Not as the cause of our salvation, but as confirmation of it.

Real love reassures us because it provides evidence that God is at work in us.

John Calvin explains it this way:

“The godly often tremble at their own weakness; but the Lord by outward fruits confirms them in the assurance of their calling.”

In other words… when God’s love begins to flow through our lives, it becomes a quiet witness to our hearts that something real has happened.

John then addresses a tension that I am sure every believer has experienced in one way or another…

“If our heart condemns us…”

Our hearts can be harsh judges.

They replay failures.… They magnify weaknesses.… They whisper doubts.

But John reminds us of something steady and unchanging:

“God is greater than our heart, and knows all things.”

Our hearts see fragments.

“But Pastor… my heart belongs to Jesus!!!”

And that’s true—but our hearts are still imperfect. They’re still learning… still being shaped…

Even a redeemed heart can misread the evidence.

It can confuse conviction with condemnation.

It can take a real failure and turn it into a false verdict.

Satan loves to use our hearts against us…

The prophet Jeremiah knew this very well and warns us…

Jeremiah 17:9 NASB95

9 “The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?

That’s why John doesn’t tell us to trust our hearts— he tells us to trust God, who is greater than our hearts… We have to remember that God sees what your heart cannot.

He sees repentance where your heart only remembers failure.

He sees direction where your heart fixates on a stumble.

He sees growth where your heart only sees how far you still have to go.

Your heart knows some things… But, God knows all things.

John says that God has the final word… not your feelings…

And when those doubts are silenced… when we stop letting feelings have the final word…

Something changes… Real Love is Reassuring, because it…

3.2 Produces Confidence

1 John 3:21 “Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God.”

When love is real—when it’s sacrificial and lived out in obedience—it settles the heart. And a settled heart approaches God differently.

We don’t come hiding.

We don’t come hesitating.

We don’t come assuming rejection.

We come with confidence—not because we’re perfect, but because our lives are aligned with God’s will and the truth of His Word…

Which leads to our final truth for today… and that is… Real love is…

4. Rewarding

V.22…

1 John 3:22 “And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight.”

At first glance, that verse can sound transactional… as if God answers prayer because we perform well…

But that’s not what John is saying.…

John is just reiterating what Christ taught back in…

John 15:7 NASB95

7 “If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.

The reward John is talking about is not getting whatever we want… but it’s wanting what God wants…

When love is real… when it is sacrificial, active, and reassuring… it brings our hearts into harmony with God’s will.…

And when we finally get to a place in our life when we want what God wants… we stop trying to bend God’s will to fit our desires, and we begin to trust His wisdom.

And that’s when we start to see our prayers answered… not because we’ve figured out some spiritual formula, but because our hearts are aligned with His will… His purposes…

And in that place, we discover that His will is far more rewarding than anything we could have asked for.

And what is God’s will for our lives… v.23…

1 John 3:23 “And this is His commandment: that we should believe on the name of His Son Jesus Christ and love one another, as He gave us commandment.”

Everything comes back to our relationship with Him.

Believing in Christ.

Loving one another.

Walking in obedience that flows from faith.

A.W. Tozer said it well:

“The goal of the Christian life is not to obtain good things from God, but to become the kind of person God can entrust with good things.” (x2)

That’s the reward John is pointing us toward.

Closing:

Let’s circle back to where we started this morning…

You can have the confirmation email.

You can track the package.

You can even get the message that says, “Delivered.”

But if nothing ever shows up at the door, eventually the claim stops meaning much.

John has been saying the same exact thing.

Real love shows up.

It’s defined by sacrifice.

It’s demonstrated in action.

It reassures the heart.

And it draws us into a rewarding relationship with God.

The question is simple...

Is the love we claim to have actually showing up in our lives?

Does it cost us anything?

Does it move us toward others?

Does it show itself in obedience?

Because authentic Christianity isn’t proven by what we say we believe… it’s proven by whether or not we actually live out what we say we believe…

So don’t just talk about love. Don’t just agree with love. Live it…

Let it be visible…

in your home,

in your marriage

in your work place

in your car on the way to and from work

in every aspect of our lives…

And as we do, we’ll discover what John wants us to know:… when love is real, it doesn’t just prove our faith… but it ultimately deepens our joy and draws us closer to God.

That… my beloved brothers and sisters, is love that’s real.

Prayer: