Covenant & Covering Series 21

“Loving Him On Purpose: Covenant Love That Builds Covering”

Primary Text (KJV):

Titus 2:4 KJV 1900

4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,

PURPOSE OF THE STUDY

To move from heart posture (last week) to daily practice

To distinguish biblical covenant love from emotional or conditional love

To show how a wife’s love strengthens spiritual covering in the home

To encourage wives without burdening them with false guilt or imbalance

INTRODUCTION

Last week, we dealt with the heart—specifically, a softened heart. A heart that God can touch. A heart that is no longer guarded, defensive, or hardened by disappointment.

But a softened heart is not the finish line—it’s the starting point.

Tonight, we move from heart posture to daily practice.

Because Scripture does not just call us to feel differently—it calls us to live differently.

A softened heart without intentional obedience will eventually drift back into old patterns. But when a softened heart is paired with purposeful love, something powerful begins to form: spiritual stability, trust, and covering.

Biblical love is often misunderstood, especially in marriage.

Biblical love is not: • Mood-based • Emotionally reactive • Passive or silent endurance • Or rooted in personality compatibility

Biblical covenant love is: • Intentional • Learned • Spirit-empowered • Chosen daily

You could say it this way: A softened heart is the soil—but intentional love is the fruit.

I. COVENANT LOVE IS LEARNED, NOT ASSUMED

Titus 2:3–5 “…that they may teach the young women… to love their husbands…”

What stands out immediately is this: Paul assumes that loving one’s husband must be taught.

That alone dismantles the idea that love will just “happen” if the relationship is right.

Scripture does not treat love as automatic. It treats love as something that must be trained, formed, and practiced.

This tells us several important truths: • Love is not instinctive • Love is not sustained by feelings alone • Love grows through godly instruction

If love were automatic, Scripture wouldn’t require teaching.

The word “love” here is not romantic passion. It’s the Greek word philandros, which speaks of: • Fondness • Friendship • Tender attachment • Chosen affection

This is not emotional intensity—it is relational loyalty.

Covenant love says: “I choose to value you.” “I choose to stay engaged.” “I choose to respond in a way that protects what God is building.”

This kind of love is learned in community, modeled by mature women, and strengthened through obedience—not impulse.

II. LOVE THAT BUILDS COVERING STRENGTHENS, NOT COMPETES

Proverbs 14:1 KJV 1900

1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: But the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

Notice the imagery: She doesn’t destroy the house from the outside—she tears it down with her own hands.

This isn’t about evil intent. It’s about unchecked words, attitudes, and reactions.

A wife does not replace her husband’s covering. She reinforces it.

She strengthens covering when she: • Speaks life instead of contempt • Encourages responsibility rather than undermining leadership • Honors the role even when the person is imperfect

This is not pretending flaws don’t exist. It’s choosing not to weaponize them.

Ephesians 5:33 says the wife is to reverence her husband.

Reverence does not mean: • Fear • Silence • Loss of voice

Reverence means respect expressed through: • Tone • Trust • Posture • Timing

A wife can speak truth without tearing down covering. Wisdom knows when, how, and why words are spoken.

III. COVENANT LOVE FUNCTIONS EVEN WHEN FEELINGS FADE

1 Corinthians 13:4–7

This passage was never meant to stay on wedding plaques. It was meant to be lived on ordinary days.

Covenant love shows up when emotions fluctuate.

“Charity suffereth long” That is patience under pressure—not patience when things are easy.

“Is kind” Kindness when appreciation is lacking. Kindness when you don’t feel seen.

“Seeketh not her own” This doesn’t erase boundaries—it prioritizes covenant over convenience.

“Beareth all things” This means love covers rather than exposes. It does not broadcast failures. It protects dignity.

Feelings are real—but they are not reliable. Covenant love is steady when emotions are unstable.

IV. A LOVING WIFE MINISTERS TO HER HUSBAND’S SOUL

1 Peter 3:1–4 “…won without the word by the conversation of the wives.”

This passage has often been misused, so balance matters.

This does NOT mean: • Enduring abuse • Suppressing truth • Avoiding necessary conversations

It DOES mean: • God works powerfully through a Christlike spirit • Consistency carries authority • Character often speaks louder than correction

A husband is not transformed by constant pressure. He is often shaped by consistent atmosphere.

A softened heart combined with intentional love creates a spiritual environment where God can work without resistance.

V. CHRIST IS THE MODEL AND SOURCE OF THIS LOVE

John 13:34 “Love one another; as I have loved you…”

John 13:34 KJV 1900

34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

This love cannot be produced by willpower alone.

Covenant love flows from Christ, not personality.

A wife must: • Receive Christ’s love daily • Draw from His patience • Walk in His humility

You cannot pour out what you have not received.

When Christ fills the heart, covenant love becomes possible—even in difficult seasons.

APPLICATION

This is not about pressure—it’s about awareness.

Encourage reflection: • Am I loving from emotion or obedience? • Do my words strengthen or weaken covering? • Where has God softened my heart—and where is He still working?

PRACTICAL WEEKLY CHALLENGE

Encourage one intentional act of covenant love this week: • Speak appreciation instead of criticism • Choose peace over winning • Pray for him instead of about him

Small acts, done consistently, reshape atmospheres.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

Why do you think Scripture says wives must be taught to love their husbands?

What’s the difference between emotional love and covenant love?

How does a wife’s love strengthen her husband’s covering?

What makes covenant love difficult—and what makes it powerful?

CLOSING

A softened heart invites God in. Covenant love keeps Him at work.