Boundary Blessing
Boundary Blessing
“Our Kids”
March 28, 2007
Intro..
IN God’s Divine Genisus in in Ex. 34 God thought to himself… I have children that I love and adore… if I leave them, ….alone….. and allow each and every one to do…… what ever is right in their own eyes…
I will be:
1. denying access to my wisdom,
2. enrolling them in the school of hard knocks
3. Inviting them into a future of chaos.
In God’s benevolent best intrest towards his Children he ..Impathily established a set of Clear,,, understandable boundaries for his children to…. Lend his wisdom,, to avoid pain and release order into their lives…
These bountires.. are so clear are used globaliy to maintain order and a rule of law. In mutiltah relisgions. These bountres are clear as they can we refer to them as the Ten commandments.
Ex. 34:6The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, d “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and egracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast flove and faithfulness, 7 gkeeping steadfast love for thousands,2 hforgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but iwho will by no means clear the guilty, jvisiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation[1]
Deu. 4: 7 For cwhat great nation is there that has da god so near to it as the Lord our God is to us, whenever we call upon him? 8 And what great nation is there, that has statutes and rules so erighteous as all this law that I set before you today? [2]
hMake them known to your children and your children’s children— 10 how on ithe day that you stood before the Lord your God at Horeb, the Lord said to me, j ‘Gather the people to me, that I may let them hear my words, kso that they may learn to fear lme all the days that they live on the earth, and that they may teach their children so.’[3]
Master Statement.
What was the heart and genius of God up to… God knew that an unrestrained life leads to self destructed life.…….
Thesis.. If God in His genus understands His children need bountires to live in Blessing.. I submit to you then we as Parents and Grandparent. ... should take ominesiion all knowing ones lead ……and understand the little people in our lives will fail to move into the ultimate future unless they discover the role of Bountry blessing…
What is a bountry.
Boundary defined:
”a property line”. Where one person world ends and another person begins…
2#.. boundrest teach our where our lives end and behing.. so we do not have to fix someone elses problem
Ex. 23: 31 And I will set your border from the Red Sea to the Sea of the Philistines, and from the wilderness to the Euphrates, for rI will give the inhabitants of the land into your hand, and you shall drive them out before you. 32 sYou shall make no covenant with them and their gods. 33 They shall not dwell in your land, ..
20 y “Behold, I send an angel before you to guard you on the way and to bring you to the place that I have prepared. 21 Pay careful attention to him and obey his voice; zdo not rebel against him, afor he will not pardon your transgression, for my name is in him.
23 y “When my angel goes before you…….. 25 You hshall serve the Lord your God, and ihe1 will bless your bread and your water, and jI will take sickness away from among you. 26 kNone shall miscarry or be barren in your land; I will fulfill the lnumber of your days. 27 I will send mmy terror before you and will throw into nconfusion all the people against whom you shall come, and I will make all your enemies turn their backs to you. [4]
God leads his people to the land of promise.. with boundries… and a very real sence these bountries are highways for angels… the Word.. for angel is the same word for messenture .. bounties are lines of clear messages… Angels protect.. graud, defend.. wart off.. bounties do like wise.. bountires for your and your childresn lives.. gaard defend wart off… I know I may sound a litte mytisc.. but the bountires you estibahisht in your family is a real place were the angels of the Lord stands and defends…
Lets get honest… do you remember in your past when you were threating crossing some bountries you had set for your life.. there was something speaking to you… it was several things.. the Holy Spirit, respect for your family, and I belives the voice of angels..
Ill. If you have ever gone after a gallon of milk in your life.. you have seen this picure in the groccy store…
Rasing children..
In Groecy store… kid in cart.. screaming his head off..
Mother keeps pushing …wishing she could evopatate.
We follow Save pace behind..
Johhny wins…
He gets out of the cart… kicks his mother… how many of you have ever seen johny…
I want a (whatever….). Mom…ok…ok….
I just want to make or keep peace….
Keeping peace… many times is another word.. for producing hell…
It’ the old “fram oil filter” commercial… You can paid now or paid latter..
Parent we are not called to keep peace… with our children.. we are called and given the prilveste of raising our children to get them really to motvates and deal with a live in a positive, wholeshome. Productive,, Godly way… and the prescibtip to that kind of furtue for your children does not come… by doing the easy thing just to get out of the Groccy store….
Question: Do you have a vision ..of a preferred future for your children…?
You need to.. because… your little ones can not see througt the clutter and haze of a compicatied comperty world.. to grasp a vision for them selfs… Big People we have to carry a vision for our little people..
Question: have you ever heard the great line from the Bible..?
“without vision people perish” ??????????
Do you know the context of that verse…??????
That line in sandwiched .. in words of instruction on raising your children.
God forbid that you child pershishs because you failed to help them discover a vision for a preferred future..
KJV
Prov. 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
17 Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.
18 Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.
19 A servant will not be corrected by words: for though he understand he will not answer.
Prov. 29:1 5 The rod of correction imparts wisdom,
but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.
17 Discipline your son, and he will give you peace;
he will bring delight to your soul.
18 Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint;
but blessed is he who keeps the law.
19 A servant cannot be corrected by mere words;
though he understands, he will not respond.
[5]
Bounties define what is yours and where others have no rights…
think about that state….
Lets look at a few ways… different Partents do this …. Restraint… Bountires thing..
Picture… #1 no restains and boutnries.
Britenty Spears… Baby unrestined in lap.
I don’t want to pile on brienty…
“is what you are doing …being done with a purpose”/
…. Or do you doing it from reasons of …needs of the moment.., fears,,,your own personality…
We need to move behond hoops I did it again,
Picture..#2.
Bay in car seat.. with bike helment on.. and duct taped and chained to the car seat.
This is relitiong with a thousands rules… even Jesus couldn’t handle the pharseh . superficial codified rightesous.. do these 764 rules and you will be ok. No you won’t you can be over restrained and duck taped to mommys shin but if your heart is not affected.. the over restrinet does more harm then good…
Picture.#3.
Parents with rope,,
a little bit of both…
A looping bounty.. waves… the wave is cool at Brayn Denny or Jordan hare.. but it will bring chaos behind your front door.…
One ked his parents changing the bounries are depending.. depending on how mom feels .. bouching the ropes…
The bountries of this home is determined by.. what time of the month it is…
Is it pay day.. is it.. Monday or Friday it does mother feel good or bad… did daddy get go fishing or not… I have mood preticated on rather or not I got to go to the driving range or not….
Picture. #4
So wide the child never touchs the bourters… not so wide that that can’t hit the bounties..
It seems to be working… but it builds that impression.. there are no resteints in life… Marrage has is bountires… Jobs have bountres,, the IRS. Has bountires…
bountires that are so wide that you little never,, never is introduces them is an injusted to the childs future…..
If the kid is two and he can’t find the bountires.. as he grows .. he grows bigger.. he finds bounies at 10 and he has never had any…. I will not… .. what happened to your little ked.. when he
Kevin story… about kids huddled in the middle of freedom… compared to more freedom of kids who where clear and secure about their bountires…
Picture #5
Narrow all their live.
These bountires… work for a five year old..but not for a ten year old…
We have three kids.. and we have family rules and bouties and we treat all children the same.. your 13 year old.. wants a glimse that a they are not a baby any longer… 12 year boys do want to wear ifant bubble pants.. with snapps up the insems of their breches..
Picture #6 thoughtful bountires.
Narrow at the beginning with increasing freedom.. until they are a out on their own.
The younger he is the smaller the bountires…
What is the right system.. narrow .. as the child gets older we enlarge the bounties… bouries are to lead them to their destiny.
Destiny defined:
Your child’s destiny Is
Your child’s character.
Your child future is not what you hope for. Not what you plan for.. and not what you have produced or failed to produce for your self..
You childs character will define and chart the course of their future… simple as that…
When character is carved into grantic… your child can move into places you have never been uncharted waters that is behony you most elaborarte imagnaitions for them..
Values come out of the Parents heart….
that ten commands.. come out of the nature of God’s Personality…
Week four.. the partnet your child needs…
The Blessing on Boundaries…
Ex. 34:6The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, d “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and egracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast flove and faithfulness, 7 gkeeping steadfast love for thousands,2 hforgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but iwho will by no means clear the guilty, jvisiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation[6]
Do you know why… there is a command.. thous shall not bear a false witness..
Because in the chartpere of God… He is a God of Truth…
Do you know why God made the bounty thou shall not have any Gods before me..
Because in God compete understanding he know he is the only God..
Do you know why God made the bounty thou shall not commit adutlty.. because to the core of his essease.. God is a Holy and Purte…
Bounites… flow out of the chacter and esseance of the bountyr giver…
Boountire from any other place … are suffice…
When casting a vision for your child..and building bouties the
Quesiton to be considered is not.
How do I want my child to represent me
How do I want my child to enjoy or endure life.
But…
How is my vision preparing them for their future spouse?
What if you spouse. Or your ex. Our was guided from childhood to live to make their future marrage wonderful…
#1. question.. Is what are you doing to your child’s future spouse?
…
Boundaries provide:
- A well-defined sense of who they are.
- What they are responsible for.
- The ability to choose.
- The understanding that if they choose well things will go well. If they choose poorly, they will suffer.
- The possibility of true love based in freedom.
Laws our children must learn.
1. The Law of Sowing and reaping.
Gal. 5:23
You are in control of the quality of your life.
More freedoms come with trust worthyness.
Little johhy wants two things.
He wants to do things his way.
He wants things to go well for him..
Mommy wants two things.
1. She wants things to go well for john
2. She wants Johhny to do the right thing.
Mommy’s job is to make sure john does not get both his wishes..
Why no adult.. can have both of little Johhys wish… I want to do what ever I want to do..
I want my life to go well..
2. The Law of Responsibility.
Rom. 13:1 Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities..
Children problems are their problems and no one elses..
Work it out between you… if not when you come to me the person in the wrong will suffer consequences…. .. the one who is in the wrong wants to work it out…
Kids must take responsiblei toward their aditude. Emotions. Behavior.
There is a difference between “It’s hard” and “I can’t”
How have they contributed to the problem..
3. The Law of Power.
1 thes. 4:4 That each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor,
Matuare people know what they have power over and what they don’t
A child can not set bountires around what is not his.
Trying to control the uncontolable.. negates his abliiyt to exercise power over what he can control.
Pg. 96.
4. The Law of Respect.
Rom. 13:7 Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.
Pg. 103
5. The Law of Motivation.
1 Peter 1:22 Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for ba sincere brotherly love, clove one another earnestly from a pure heart, [7]
Pg. 120
6. The Law of Exposure.
James 5:16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, zthat you may be healed. aThe prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.[8]
Pg. 192
Five steps to implementing bounties with your kids..
Pg. 207
Our kids are the only ones we’ve had… no other relationship is like the one we have with our kids..
Remember we are not establishing a partnership with a peer.. You are getting ready for the battle with someone who isn’t at all interested in cooperating with you. Being a Parent is not about being popular..
It is not about making your child do any thing.. People who are coerced to do something to don’t have the freedom to make mature choice. .. it is much more about structuring your child’s exixtence so that he experience the consquesnce of his behavior,k thus leading to a more responsible and careing…
1. Three realities:
a)There really is a problem.
All kids are immature sinners.. we are matare sinners..
Ask the five most honest friends you have if … if one person calls you a horse.. call them nuts… if five people call you a horse buy yourself a saddle.
We don’t want our on perfectionism challancge.. we avoid guilt feeling ..we do not want to go though the effort..
We can never sacrifice our childs well being for our own sense of comfort.
b) The problem is not really the problem.
The additue and behavior isn’t the real issue…. Their behavior is being driven by undeveloped or broken character..
c) Times does not heal all.
we just wait time will take care of this…
Eph. 4:27
2. Plug in.
Connect to good, supportive relationships outside of yourself….. growth never takes place in a vacumm.
Heb. 10:24
Prov.11:14
3. Grow in Bounties Personally
4. Evaluate
How old are they..The older the child the more frustration they can tolerate.
Maturity level.
Isolate specific boundary issues…. Family rule, school friends..
Address issues of… that involve.. honest, responsibility,, caring, and morality. Give more latitude to the other things…
5. Build your Plan.
State the problem
Give expectations.
Explain the consequences.
Give the plan at a peaceful time.
Take a stand “for” something instead of against something..
Negotiate what is negotiable.
Make expectations and consequences easily accessible.
Follow through. Over time.
Expect testing and disbelief.
Be Patient and allow repeated trials.
Praise the child’s adaptations.
Fine tune and shift issues..
----
d Num. 14:18; 2 Chr. 30:9; Neh. 9:17; Ps. 86:15; 103:8; 111:4; 112:4; 116:5; 145:8; Joel 2:13
e ch. 22:27
f Ps. 57:10; 108:4
g ch. 20:5, 6; Deut. 5:10; Jer. 32:18; Dan. 9:4
2 Or to the thousandth generation
h Ps. 103:3; 130:4; Dan. 9:9; 1 John 1:9
i ch. 23:21; Josh. 24:19; Job 10:14; Nah. 1:3
j Deut. 5:9
[1]The Holy Bible : English standard version. 2001 (Ex 34:6-7). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society.
c 2 Sam. 7:23
d Ps. 34:18; 46:1; 145:18; 148:14; [James 4:8]
e Rom. 7:12
[2]The Holy Bible : English standard version. 2001 (Dt 4:7-8). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society.
h ch. 6:7; 11:19; 32:46; Gen. 18:19; See Ps. 78:4-6
i Ex. 19:9, 16; Heb. 12:18, 19
j ch. 31:12
k ch. 14:23; 17:19
l ch. 12:1; 31:13; 1 Kin. 8:40
[3]The Holy Bible : English standard version. 2001 (Dt 4:9-10). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society.
r Josh. 21:44; Judg. 1:4; 11:21
s ch. 34:12, 15; Deut. 7:2
y ch. 14:19; 33:2, 14; Josh. 5:13, 14; 6:2; Isai. 63:9
z Ps. 78:40, 56
a [ch. 32:34; 34:7; Num. 14:35; Josh. 24:19]
y [See ver. 20 above]
h Deut. 6:13; 10:12, 20; 11:13; 13:4; Josh. 22:5; Matt. 4:10
i Deut. 7:13; 28:5, 8
1 Septuagint, Vulgate I
j ch. 15:26; Deut. 7:15
k Deut. 7:14
l [Job 5:26; Ps. 55:23]
m Deut. 2:25; Josh. 2:9
n Deut. 7:23
[4]The Holy Bible : English standard version. 2001 (Ex 23:23-27). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society.
perish: or, is made naked
[5]The Holy Bible : New International Version. 1996, c1984 (Pr 29:15-19). Grand Rapids: Zondervan.
d Num. 14:18; 2 Chr. 30:9; Neh. 9:17; Ps. 86:15; 103:8; 111:4; 112:4; 116:5; 145:8; Joel 2:13
e ch. 22:27
f Ps. 57:10; 108:4
g ch. 20:5, 6; Deut. 5:10; Jer. 32:18; Dan. 9:4
2 Or to the thousandth generation
h Ps. 103:3; 130:4; Dan. 9:9; 1 John 1:9
i ch. 23:21; Josh. 24:19; Job 10:14; Nah. 1:3
j Deut. 5:9
[6]The Holy Bible : English standard version. 2001 (Ex 34:6-7). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society.
b Rom. 12:9; See Heb. 13:1
c 1 Tim. 1:5
[7]The Holy Bible : English standard version. 2001 (1 Pe 1:22). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society.
z Heb. 12:13
a Gen. 18:23-32; 20:17; Num. 11:2; 1 Kin. 13:6; 17:22; 2 Kin. 4:33; 19:15-20; 20:2-5; Job 42:8; Prov. 15:29
[8]The Holy Bible : English standard version. 2001 (Jas 5:16). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society.