Building the Church One Family at a time

Ephesians 5:22-27

a. Submit to your husbands as unto the Lord (5:22-24)

b. Love your wives as Christ loved the Church (5:25-27)

1. INTRODUCTION

a. This might be a strange first sermon of the year but I wanted to go over this sermon because of how helpful it is for the life of the church. The most practical and important picture for us is how the Bible defines what our relationships should look like. If we can’t practice these things in our homes, we won’t be able to practice these things outside.

b. But not even that, I was thinking through the lens of what is the purpose of the church? If we start a new year, how are to begin the new year? We need to understand the purpose of why Christ redeemed us.

c. Ephesians 5:22-27 isn’t just about how men and women should act towards one another, but it also defines to us, what the purpose of God redeeming mankind. What does it mean to build the church? It means to build the families one family at a time. But how? By helping the church why we were saved.

2. BODY

a. Submit to your husbands as unto the Lord (5:22-24)

i. Verse 22 is misunderstood when read alone. A lot of people misunderstand verse 22 because they think this should be understood alone. Afterall, it’s taught as a stand alone verse, but it must be read contextually.

ii. If you read verse 22, there is no verb. In the Greek, it just says wives, to your own husbands as to the Lord. Which is why when you read in the English, it says be subject to your wives in italics. We know that italics mean that it’s not there in the original but they put it in to bring about more clarity.

iii. So what is actually happening in verse 22? Well, we know that this verse must be contextually. This goes back to 5:15, where the Apostle Paul writes therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise.

iv. This idea of walking in verse 15, goes back to verse 2, walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us. Then in verse 5-14, Paul goes over how the sons of disobedience walk. You were one like them (5:8) but now you are Light in the Lord, walk as children of the light.

v. So walk as children of the light and be careful how you walk. Don’t be like those who don’t believe who don’t care how they walk, but be careful. Don’t be foolish and understand what the will of the Lord is. Verse 17 is key. Because Paul writes, understand what the will of the Lord is.

vi. Well in verse 18, He says be filled with the Spirit. This is the will of the Lord. And if you are filled with the Spirit, these are the things you will do.

vii. How does one walk if he is filled with the Spirit? As Paul continues to write, he ends in verse 19-21, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord. Not only that, always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. But lastly, in verse 21, be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

viii. When we consider these things, Paul says that you would speak with your heart to one another, giving thanks and being subject, listening and putting ourselves under other, we would listen and put ourselves under each other.

ix. Now in the same way, just as you subject yourself to one another in the body of Christ, wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as to the Lord. Interestingly enough, He says wives, lower yourself to your husbands. Not just your husband, but lowering yourself to your husband as if you are subjecting yourself unto God.

x. Borrowing the language of verse 21, subject yourself to one another in the fear of Christ. God wants us to do all things knowing who Jesus is, and borrowing verse 2, knowing that Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us. This is the proper reason for why we ought to do the things that He has called us to do and love each other. He has given us the blueprint and the example on how we must love each other.

xi. Verse 23, Why should wives submit to husbands? For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the savior of the body. Wives should submit not because our husbands are better than us. It never says that. It never says just obey them either. It says, obey them, as if I am obeying Christ. Obey your husband as an act of worship unto Christ. Why? Because Christ is the head of the Church and the Savior of the body of Christ. Therefore, when we submit ourselves to our husbands, we are submitting ourselves not to simply our husbands, but as an act of obedience to our Lord.

xii. Don’t be like the world who think it’s dumb to do this. Don’t be like the world that thinks we don’t have to do this. Don’t be like the world that says I should only submit to Him when He listens to the things that I tell him. Remember, submitting to our husbands is like submitting to Christ. We shouldn’t submit to Christ only when we feel like submitting to Him. Sometimes, there are times when we don’t want to submit to Christ and we complain why God would allow certain things to happen. But even in those moments, the Bible calls us to submit to God. In the same way, submitting to our husbands is to submit to God.

xiii. In Genesis 3, we know of the story of how the serpent tricked the woman and she ate from the tree, then in verse 6, she gave some of the fruit because it was good to her husband and he ate too. Then they knew they were naked and covered themselves. So God speaks to the man and punishes the serpent for deceiving the woman. He punishes the serpent and tells him that he will be cursed more than all cattle and he will go on his belly. Then in verse 15, you shall bruise him on the heel but he will bruise you on the head.

xiv. Then in verse 16, God says to the woman, He will greatly multiply her pain in childbirth, and your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you. The Hebrew word for pain here is the same word that describes Adam’s painful labour as a result of the curse on the soil. So what God says here is that your labor will result in pain because of your disobedience. But not only that, God says your desire will be for your husband. Woman was created to be a helpmate to Adam, in which she would support him and encourage him. But God says, you will desire your husband.

xv. It seems to mean that urge here, or desire here, is not craving for her man’s acceptance, but an urge for independence. The woman was created to support her husband and help him, but instead, he will rule over you. Why? This word for urge here comes out again in 4:7. In Genesis 4:7, it talks about the story between Cain and Abel and how God didn’t care for Cain’s offering so he became very angry. So the Lord asked him why he was so mad. And in verse 7, God says, if you do well, won’t you feel better? And if you don’t do well, sin is crouching at the door and its desire is for you, but you must master it. Again here, the word for desire is the same. In this context, sin is wanting to dominate you so you must fight back and do well so sin does not destroy you.

xvi. So in the same way, the desire for the woman will be to want to rule her husband. This desire to break the relationship of equality will change the relationship to that of servitude and domination. When God created man and woman, God created it so that it would be a reflection of God’s creation, equal and fair, but now, the relationship will become a fierce dispute with each party trying to rule the other. But as God says, God says, your husband will rule over you. You will not win. You will live in subject to his rule. That is your punishment.

xvii. When we think about it this way, this is why women want to rule over their husbands because they feel that their husbands are not fair to them or their husbands are incompetent or even, because their husbands are just nasty people. In any case, what God says is, verse 24, but as the church is subject to Christ, as the church obeys and lives in obedience to Christ, so also, the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. You should submit to your husbands even when they are not fair to you. Why? Because you should subject yourselves to Christ, even if your husband is not fair to you. This doesn’t mean you do whatever your husband tells you to do. It means, you don’t push him if he decides on something. You don’t keep asking him why he decided on that. Don’t provoke him or push him if he’s decided on something that you disagree on.

xviii. You can always talk about it later. But subject yourself to him. Learn to trust him, even if it is not favorable to you. Now you might say, that’s not fair.

b. Love your wives as Christ loved the Church (5:25-27)

i. But as verse 25 says, Paul writes to husbands and says, husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. Read that men. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church. Verse 24, wives subject yourselves to Christ just as the church. Look at the example the wives have. Just as the church subjects herself to Christ, submit to your husbands. Look at the example of the church.

ii. But for men, who do we look to? Our example is Jesus. We don’t love our wives because the church loved Christ. No, we love our wives because of the love of Jesus. You see men are called to look to what Jesus did. That’s not saying women shouldn’t look to Jesus. But the example for men is, love your wives the way Jesus loved the church. How did He love the church? He gave Himself up for her. Be willing to give up everything for your wife. Love her in such a way that even if it cost you everything, you are okay with it.

iii. So when we think about this, there’s a lot we can say as to how men are supposed to love their wives. My favorite passage is 1 Peter 3:1-2 is like Ephesians 5:22 by giving practical lessons. Be submissive so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, you can win them over with your chaste and respectful behavior. The key here is be chaste, pure, modest, and respectful behavior. Then Peter writes, don’t just wear beautiful clothing but be a beautiful person. Obey your husband just as Sarah obeyed Abraham. Then in verse 7, husbands, in the same way, don’t be just an external person by telling her words. Instead, win her over by living with her in an understanding way. Understand that she is someone weaker, and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life. Understand that she isn’t just your wife. She is God’s daughter, she is a gift to you and understand that she is your wife, but more importantly, a fellow heir, an equal person of the grace of life.

iv. This is going back to Genesis 3:16, where God says the relationship between you and your husband is no longer equal, but that he will rule over you. Peter brings it back and helps men understand that she is equal to you. You don’t have the right to treat her as if you own her. You have to treat her as your equal. Why? The most important part of the verse. So that your prayers will not be hindered.

v. Love your wife not just outwardly but inwardly so that your prayers will not be hindered. I don’t want people to love their wives because they want their prayers heard. If that is our motive, then we are loving our wives for the wrong reason. If we love our wives to get something from God, then we don’t really love our wives. Rather, we are to love our wives, because they are our wives and they are precious gifts to us. Even when they don’t listen to us, or respect us, or love us, or submit to us, husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church. Love her when you use Romans 5. God demonstrates His own love toward us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

vi. Love your wife when she was sinning against you. Love her regardless. Unconditionally, love her just as Christ died for us and loved us. That is how we ought to love our wives.

vii. Now the big question. Why? Why do I have to do this? What is the purpose of this? Well this is the reason I wanted to preach this message. Yes, I want husbands and wives to live biblically and live in peace with one another. Yes I want people to honor and glorify God with their marriages. But bigger than that, I want people to understand, that loving your wives and submitting to your husbands, is so that He might sanctify Her. The reason why I am preaching this message today is because the reason God commands us to do anything, things that we don’t want to do, is because it is for our sanctification.

viii. It is for our good. When we say things like, God wants us to be more like Jesus, this is what He means. He wants us to be holy. God wants us to be a holy people. Then at the end of verse 27, God says, that she would be holy and blameless.

ix. You know what the amazing part of the Gospel is? It is that when God saved us, He called us holy and blameless. Even when we aren’t holy and blameless, He accepts us as holy and blameless. Why? Because that is what Christ is. On the merits of Christ, we are accepted. This is why God says to us, go be like Christ. Go live like Him. You are already a holy people. Now, go and live it.

x. It is not enough that we know that we are saved. A person who is saved, knows the salvation in which Christ has wrought for him. A Christian doesn’t take this salvation for granted and say, because I am saved, I don’t have to do anything. No it is completely the opposite. Because God says you are righteous, He says now go and be righteous. Now that I have given you salvation, go and live out your salvation. God never said, I will save you if you act and live like it. No, He saved us before we were righteous or holy.

3. CONCLUSION