Listening with Compassion

Next

Introduction

Colgate first launched their toothpaste in 1873, sold in jars. In 1896 they had a major innovation—the collapsible tube. It was a huge success. Today you can still get a version of their toothpaste in an updated tube.

Nearly a hundred years after they started making toothpaste, and decades after they became a household name for keeping a mouth minty fresh and clean, Colgate decided to launch a new product—ready-to-eat, dried chicken!

They released a few ready-to-eat products in Madison, Wisconsin along with a few other locations, and… it didn’t go well. Nobody was wanting to eat food made by a toothpaste company.

Marketers and business consultants point to Colgates brand mismatch as the source of the trouble. They should have launched the dried chicken under a different brand name and then people would have wanted it. But I think there is a deeper problem — Colgate didn’t understand the people it was selling to. They didn’t know their needs and they hadn’t listened to their heart.

apple

Many of you know that I’m a fan of Apple. I have their phones, computers and I preach from one of their tablets. I’m a sold-out fan. Under Steve Jobs Apple made innovative products that completely transformed the marketplace. It was as if Steve Jobs knew what people wanted without asking them. In fact, if he had asked them, they would have told him they wanted something entirely different from what he offered. Yet, time and again Apple delivered a wild idea that became an industry changing product.

Apple wasn’t successful because they did a better job at customer research. Apple’s success was because they knew the heart of people.

Job’s said it this way:

“People don’t know what they want until you show it to them. That’s why I never rely on market reserach. Our task is to read things that are not yet on the page.” Steve Jobs.

People said they wanted lots of customizability with tons of specifications that they can tweak. Microsoft did that. Blackberry did that. But Steve Jobs read the emotional subtext around human frustrations with technology. He understood that people were frustrated with clutter, exhausted by cognitive overload, and slamming their desks because of confusion about how to use software and hardware. So, he built the iPhone and forced it to be simple… Stupid-proof even. It did far less than its competitors, but what it did do, was beautiful, elegant, and absolutely intuitive. It’s core functionality was so much better than anything else that people flocked to buy iPhones when they first came out. Sure, you have people who don’t like Apple, but the iPhone’s popularity quickly brought Blackberry to its knees, forced Erikson to change its business model, transformed Motorola, and completely crushed Microsoft’s attempts to enter the cell-phone market. Today Apple’s iPhones represent 59% of the cell-phone market in the United states.

Why? Because they knew the heart of people.

next

Last week I introduced our church’s new Mission statement:

We exist to be disciples of Jesus who develop new relationships, share Christ’s love, and celebrate transformed lives.

We talked about the idea that we are Jesus’ disciples. That’s a being statement. We are Jesus’ disciples—His children. We abide with Him. We follow Him. It’s from this place of discipleship that any mission is accomplished. And our first mission is to develop relationships because that is the model we found in Christ’s method of ministry.

Christ’s Method Alone has these important elements:

next

Jesus mingled with people as one who desired their good — spending time with them—doing life with them—in their spaces.

He sympathized with them

Ministered to their needs

And when He had won their confidence, He invited them to follow Him.

Today I’d like to explore what it means to show sympathy,

title

or what I’m calling, “Listening with Compassion.”

The Woman at the Well

Please turn with me to John 4 where we find Jesus sitting down to rest at a well in the middle of the day.

The story begins in John 4:4 by saying that on their way to Galilee, Jesus had to pass through Samaria. When he came to Sychar, where Jacob had dug a well, it was mid-day and Jesus sat down for a rest and told his disciples to head into town to get something to eat. Let’s pick up in verse 7, reading from the New Living Translation:

John 4:7 NLT

Soon a Samaritan woman came to draw water, and Jesus said to her, “Please give me a drink.”

Jesus was thirsty, and He was asking for a drink of water, and yet there was something much deeper that he was interested in. Jesus wanted to connect with this woman’s heart.

She didn’t know that. All she knew was that Jesus was a Jew and Jews don’t talk to Samaritans.

John 4:9 NLT

The woman was surprised, for Jews refuse to have anything to do with Samaritans. She said to Jesus, “You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman. Why are you asking me for a drink?”

Her heart was all blocked off. Uninterested in connecting with a Jew.

And that’s when Jesus turned the tables on her:

John 4:10 NLT

Jesus replied, “If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water.”

Jesus started out expressing his own thirst, but now he was suggesting that SHE was thirsty. And of course she was. That’s why she had come to the well in the first place. Jesus was attempting to uncover her heart, but all she could think about was the literal water in front of her so she asked the most obvious question:

John 4:11–12 NLT

“But sir, you don’t have a rope or a bucket,” she said, “and this well is very deep. Where would you get this living water? And besides, do you think you’re greater than our ancestor Jacob, who gave us this well? How can you offer better water than he and his sons and his animals enjoyed?”

She had no clue what Jesus was talking about. So, Jesus explained himself a little:

John 4:13–14 NLT

Jesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”

Jesus was teasing at something beyond literal water. He suggested there’s was something in her soul that was thirsty. Not a craving for water, but for something much deeper. But she was still stuck on her physical need for water:

John 4:15 NLT

“Please, sir,” the woman said, “give me this water! Then I’ll never be thirsty again, and I won’t have to come here to get water.”

I can imagine that there’s a little bit of curiosity in this statement, and maybe a little bit of sarcasm. “Sure, give me that magical water so I don’t have to come out here and carry a heavy bucket of water day after day.”

And that’s when Jesus uncovered her real thirst. Not the thirst for literal water, but that thirst that had driven her for years. The thirst that had raised her hopes high and dashed them against the stones of dissatisfaction over and over again.

John 4:16 NLT

“Go and get your husband,” Jesus told her.

When she said “I don’t have a husband,” Jesus reminded her that she had five broken marriages and was now living with someone who wasn’t her husband. Time after time she tried to satisfy the thirst of her soul with a man, and time after time she was forced to recognize that no man could satisfy the thirst of her soul.

Take note of Jesus interaction here. He doesn’t shy away from a painful topic, but he also didn’t speak in a condemning way. Jesus didn’t condemn her heart’s thirst.

It was a painful subject though, so she tried to change the subject.

Dashed hope often does that to a person. The heart becomes callous and hardened. What was once youthful idealism and hopefulness turns into middle age skepticism and bitterness. So, instead of facing what she felt was an incurable longing, she changed the subject to religious politics.

Jesus spent a minute down that rabbit hole, but he didn’t allow it to become an argument. He still wanted to reach her heart. Notice verse 23

John 4:23–24 NLT

But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father is looking for those who will worship him that way. For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth.”

The whole argument about where people worship isn’t our topic for today. Jesus was still peeling back the layers of that woman’s heart. And in this statement “the time is here now,” He was suggesting something revolutionary—that it didn’t matter which place you worship because the Temple was over and the Messiah had come.

The woman had a pretty good idea what Jesus was suggestion and so she said:

John 4:25 NLT

The woman said, “I know the Messiah is coming—the one who is called Christ. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.”

And that’s when Jesus saw an opening. She was looking for the Messiah to answer her questions. So Jesus told her that He is the answer to all her longings, the water to quench her heart-thirst:

John 4:26 NLT

Then Jesus told her, “I Am the Messiah!”

About that time the disciples came back and tried to get a handle on what was happening. As they laid out the food for Jesus, I can imagine the woman with a huge, pregnant, pause. Staring at Jesus, disbelieving, but hope beginning to well up in her heart. It surprised her, but she let herself believe. She let the callous exterior of her heart fall away just enough to let hope in. In that moment she knew so many people who needed to quench their thirst. So many people with unfulfilled longing. They had to meet this man, too. She left her waterpot at the well and ran all the way back to town. Breathlessly she stopped people in the streets and beat on their doors saying, “come meet a man who told me everything I ever did. Surely he must be the Messiah!”

We need to translate what she’s saying a little. She’s telling them, “Come meet the Messiah—the one who knows the thirst of my soul! Surely He is the one who will finally satisfy the longings no one and nothing else has helped.”

Getting to the heart

Title

This story illustrates Jesus’ method of showing sympathy. He didn’t just heal a person. He didn’t only feed them. He saw deep into their heart and understood what they truly needed.

Sometimes, as a church, we can be a little like Colgate. We provide a product that no one wants.

next

“Come and get it! It’s what you’ve always longed for! The explanation of the beast of Revelation 13!”

pea scooper

We might as well be saying, “buy our brand-new, pro level, pea scooper.” Most everyone has a spoon or fork that will scoop peas just fine. No one is looking for a pea scooper. Well, a few might be.

next

You want to know how many people in the Tri Cities are interested in knowing what the beasts in Revelation 13 are about? Maybe one or two. …It’s a small crowd.

We don’t need to package our message better or put a new brand name on it. What we need to do is understand people’s heart.

Don’t misunderstand me. I think a lot of people really NEED to know what’s going on in Revelation 13, and I think what we have to share on the subject is insightful, biblical, and faith-building. But that will never satisfy a person’s soul.

next

We could even say, “come, get to know Jesus,” and people wouldn’t be interested. Not because they don’t like Jesus, but because they literally don’t know why they should want to know Him. They don’t know what they’re thirsty for.

It’s when we spend some time with people, hear their story, and get to know them that we begin to understand the thirst that is in their souls. And in that moment—the moment when they trust us enough to share their heart— that’s when we can see what they really need and invite them to, “come meet a man who answered the longing of my soul. Come meet my friend, Jesus.”

Sometimes it only takes a few minutes to get to someone’s heart. And sometimes it takes years and years.

In that way, people are like plants.

next

Last spring I planted blueberries, raspberries and strawberries. By August I was picking a handful of large, sweet strawberries and a handful of plump raspberries for breakfast each morning. I was amazed that we kept getting fruit until the end of November!

But, my blueberries? Nope. Nada. They were at least two or three year old blueberry stalks when I planted them. There were a couple little bunches of flowers, but accross 8 blueberry plants, I only got a couple tiny, flavorless blueberries.

I anticipate my blueberries are going to take some more fertilizer, more water, and more time before they begin to produce a crop of berries. Maybe next summer. Maybe a couple years from now.

People are like that. Some friendships begin to show spiritual fruit in the first weeks or months of getting to know someone. That’s exciting when it happens. But other people take years of friendship and sympathy and understanding their heart before they express any spiritual interest.

When we make our product the focus, then the best we can do is make something we hope people will like and advertise it to as many people as possible. Inevitably, we’ll be disappointed when hardly anyone shows an interest. Why don’t they want it? Because we care more about ourselves—our message, our religion, our church—than we care about their heart.

But, when we make people the focus—when we hang out with them, make friends with them, and listen to understand their heart—that’s when we minister to them, and begin to help them find satisfaction for the thirst of their soul.

Connecting our Vision

next

In our mission statement we identify ourselves as Disciples who develop new relationships. And then throughout our vision document we emphasize this need for sympathy and compassion. Here are a few examples:

next

In our statement of identity we say “We are Christ’s hands, feet and HEART in Tri-Cities.” This is a statement of compassion and sympathy. Not just to serve or to preach, but to know people below the service and allow them to know us like that too. To genuinely care.

next

In our values statement we say this:

“We Live our Faith by being…

Faithful in character and commitment

Authentic in relationships and worship

Inclusive and welcoming to all

Together in fellowship and service

Heart-driven to love and generosity

These values are relationship centric.

We value Authenticity. Not a salesman looking to catch a new customer, but a real person looking for a friend.

We value Heart-driven love. Not a surface-level friendship, but one that touches on the core, heart-thirst of humanity.

One of the things we see in our future is:

A united, connected church family that does life together

And

Collaborative partnerships that extend a hand-up to our community

We get to really know people when we do life together.

And, you can’t be collaborative if you don’t understand people.

This vision statement suggests that we need to be compassionate listeners to our community as a whole, not just individuals. One of the ways we’ve expressed this vision is in one of our objectives:

We aim to establish a community engagement ministry team that will focus on getting to know our neighborhood, and developing partnerships with other non-profits in our area that can advance our ministry goals.

This objective requires knowing our neighbors. Not just seeing them and acknowledging them, but knowing them. That means knowing the people immediately around our church, but it also means getting to know the collective needs of our whole area. What other churches are around us and how do they serve? What other non-profits are serving our community, and what are their strengths? How can we work alongside them or invite them to partner with us to help us serve?

Knowing our community helps us understand how to serve, not just the physical needs—like the water that woman came to the well to get when she met Jesus—but the deeper needs of their soul as well.

These are just a couple examples of the idea of sympathy, listening and compassion that are integrated into our entire vision document.

Conclusion

title

God doesn’t need a group of people to become a Gospel version of Avon’s Ambassadors. He doesn’t need salesmen. What He needs is a group of people who will do what Jesus did and sincerely care about the heart-needs of the people around us. Not because we have something to sell, but because we have someone that can truly satisfy the thirst of their soul.

This is the big idea that I want you to grasp from today’s message: Jesus satisfies the thirst of our souls—but most people don’t even know they are thirsty until their heart-thirst is revealed.

This need exists in people all over Tri Cities, but I suspect that there are many times that we overlook the heart-thirst of people in our own church family. We see each other, but out of the normalcy of being in this space every week, or the hurry of doing our ministry activity, or the distraction of chasing after some behavioral problem, we don’t get to know a person’s heart.

I’ve asked you to wear a name tag to break down a simple barrier—being able to call each other by name. But what I really want to see is that we know and care about each other’s heart. Not just the needs at the surface, but the needs that hide deep in our soul.

It’s powerful to be able to name a heart longing.

father

I remember as a kid, not feeling like I had a man who cared about me. I longed for a father figure. My dad is great, by the way, but for much of my formative years he was working long hours and I only saw him on weekends. And so, I longed for an older friend who would care about me and invest in me. I remember longing for that into my young adult years. And every time I thought I found someone who would fill that role, they would let me down. I wouldn’t perform like they wanted and they’d move on to someone else. It took me a long time to realize that the longing I had was for Jesus, not for an earthly father. Even if my dad had been around 24/7 he could never have satisfied the longing of my soul. But naming it: “I need a father figure in my life,” was a powerful beginning to recognizing who could really satisfy me.

When was the last time you were close enough to someone, and cared enough, to help them name a longing in their soul?

One of our strategic plans includes the skill of compassionate listening:

next

We aim to develop our church members’ skills in communicating with compassion, sympathy, and engagement.

If you feel like you don’t have the skills to listen with compassion and show sympathy—to get to the heart-thirst of someone—then keep your ears open for our conversations throughout the next year or two. We’re going to be intentional about developing these skills as a church family.

next

Compassion is intentional. Listening is a learned skill. And sympathy is core to discipleship.