Favoritism

James 2:1-13

Intro

Favorite child/coworkers

At some point, with certain people there becomes a preference over who you would rather spend more time with. Now at face value, this isn’t a bad thing. There are people that we should desire to spend more time with and we will have a natural inclination towards some and away from others because we are all different people. But this isn’t what James is talking about. Now, I want to look at favoritism from three different angles. There is an angle to which it is healthy, one where it is unhealthy, and one where it is sinful. The sinful side of favoritism is where James has set his sights and can be understood simply like this - if your preferences towards or against someone cause you to treat them or someone else differently, then it is sin. Now, there will be unique relationships where it would be inappropriate to treat others in similar manners, but that isn’t a necessary rabbit trail. If you are going to treat someone as less than or someone as more than, then you are going to find yourself in sin.

So, like I said, I want to touch on what is healthy, what is unhealthy, and what is sinful. Where I want to start is with something that I have struggled with in my own life, and that is what is unhealthy.

Unhealthy

Now, there’s really two ways of looking at favoritism in an unhealthy manner, but I want to focus on one of them. Where I won’t focus is on the unhealthy side of favoritism where we can become obsessive towards others. I think in many ways that speaks for itself and I simply offer a word of caution to all of us to watch out for that. To become utterly dependent, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, on anyone that isn’t the Lord Himself is setting yourself up for failure and an unhealthy relationship. It’s good to have people to lean on, it’s good to have people to go to and to talk to, but if you’re staking your well-being on your access to and the response from another individual, it is simply not going to be healthy.

The side of unhealthy favoritism I want to focus on is where I have struggled, and that is when it feels like favoritism exists all around you, but it’s only ever against you. For much of my life I felt like I was the person that always got overlooked. Whatever opportunity I wanted, someone got it before me. And I didn’t make up that this was happening - it was actually happening. But the problem wasn’t that it was happening, the problem was my perspective.

I remember in young adult ministry awhile back expressing my desire to teach, but I was never given the opportunity. I got to watch others get the opportunity, others that aren’t even walking with the Lord today. That hurt.

At another church I had a conversation with the pastors about wanting to intern with the church and was told that they try to use internships for people ready for their next step in ministry. And truthfully, I wasn’t there yet, but neither was the other guy they brought on several months or so later.

My years at Starbucks are probably what hit hardest. I started working for Starbucks at 19 and was promoted to shift supervisor right after I turned 20. At 21 I was making $11 an hour with a wife and a baby on the way. At 22, shortly after Charlotte was born, after spending 3 months in Atlantic City helping the manager there get things back on the right track, I interviewed for a store manager position. For whatever reason, I didn’t get the promotion, but two other shift supervisors in my district did get promoted. One I hadn’t worked with much and the other I had worked with and who I did not think was very good at her job. Of course, it was never my opinion that mattered. So those two moved up to ASM while I hoped my $12 and hour now would sustain my family. I was defeated, not just because I didn’t get the opportunity I was after, but because I saw others go before me.

Here is why I want to point to this favoritism as unhealthy - because it caused a bitterness towards others to well up inside of me. I would be bitter towards people getting what I wanted. I couldn’t celebrate or find joy in the good things that others were experiencing because I was caught up in the negative feelings of not getting those things myself. In Romans 12:15 Paul says that we should “rejoice with those who rejoice”, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t in a healthy place. I made other peoples’ success about me and about what I wasn’t getting. I looked at these other people that got the opportunity instead of me, whether in ministry or at work and I thought to myself every single time, “why not me.” I found myself to consistently and constantly be the least favorite.

About 10 months later, I got to go interview for that promotion again. Now, for context you should know that the ASM position at Starbucks was only a training position back then. If you got to ASM, you would be going through a period of training to prepare you for your own store, a period usually around 6-12 months. I interviewed, passed the interview, and was put into fast track training for 5 weeks and then given the reins to the store in Medford. I worked there for a few months after coming back from Atlantic City, so I knew the people, knew the customers, and most of all I knew the problems that needed to be fixed. They wanted me in that store. And those other two that got promoted before me? They didn’t get their stores until after I was in mine. Some way, somehow, I actually moved ahead of them.

Now, this doesn’t mean this is how life goes. You don’t get everything you want before others as a means of making up for the fact that you had to wait longer to start the process. But what took place during that period of time was me making a shift in my own mindset to realize that the choices that people were making to go with others instead of me were never about me, but were only about that other person. It is not as if everything in life boiled down to “well, our options are Matt or anyone else, so let’s go with anyone else.” That’s where my heart was, and it wasn’t fair. I was robbing others of blessing. I was committing murder in my heart with my bitterness. I was robbing myself of my own joy that I was supposed to be sharing with them in their joy. It wasn’t and isn’t healthy.

So there may be days where it feels like all of this favoritism and partiality is coming against because of you, but I want to encourage you that it doesn’t (or at least shouldn’t) actually work that way. It’s not about you. So instead of being bitter, let’s rejoice with one another and in one another’s joy, because if we don’t we will become unhealthy.

But we’ve gone far enough without actually getting into our text, so let’s switch gears and see where James brings a focus on when favoritism is sinful. And if you didn’t pick up on it already, that unhealthy view of favoritism can absolutely lead to sin.

Sinful

I want to draw three things out from our passage as we read through, so let’s take a chunk at a time. Let’s look at verses 1-7 to start.

James 2:1–7 My brethren, do not hold your faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ with an attitude of personal favoritism.

For if a man comes into your assembly with a gold ring and dressed in fine clothes, and there also comes in a poor man in dirty clothes,

and you pay special attention to the one who is wearing the fine clothes, and say, “You sit here in a good place,” and you say to the poor man,

“You stand over there, or sit down by my footstool,” have you not made distinctions among yourselves, and become judges with evil motives?

Listen, my beloved brethren: did not God choose the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him?

But you have dishonored the poor man. Is it not the rich who oppress you and personally drag you into court? Do they not blaspheme the fair name by which you have been called?

The example James uses here is very much one that we could consider alongside that of a church setting. It is not an uncommon thing for the people, and especially the leaders, of the church to treat people differently based on appearance or contribution. Forget even church, it’s a common human practice. We are more likely to draw near to the one dressed in nice clothes and keep a healthy distance from the person that might smell a bit. We are more likely to draw near to the one that might give something to us than we are to the one who will ask something of us. James isn’t calling out individuals here - he’s calling out everyone. Humanity sets a hierarchy of value and importance on people based on many factors, often being as petty and heartless as we possibly can.

There’s a story that circulated around social media a few years ago, right around the time of covid, but maybe a bit before that. It was about a new pastor at a large church. Their attendance was somewhere in the high hundreds if I am actually recalling correctly. In this story, the new pastor did a test. Working with the elders of the church, he enacted a plan where he would dress up as a homeless person and stand outside the church as people walked in. Shockingly, practically everyone just walked by him. No one invited him in, no one invited him to sit with them. I think maybe somewhere in the story there were some people that gave him money. So as the service starts, this “homeless” man takes a seat in the back. The service is going on, then the elders come up to introduce the church to their new pastor. The man everyone thought was homeless begins to walk towards the front. Once he gets there, he removes his disguise and addresses the church. He admonished the church for their treatment of the individual and dismissed the service.

Now, I don’t really believe this story is real. It is too perfect as it plays out, and it is also odd that no one knew who their new pastor was. But real or not, it highlights the point here that James is trying to get at. Are we going to open up our doors and arms to the least of these, or only to those that can give the most? Not just as a church, but in our individual lives? James asks the question in verse 5, “did not God choose the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him?” While we might experience the least physically from those of poor stature, should we not expect to experience the most spiritually from those who in this whole world only have Jesus?

Let’s build on this with verses 8 and 9 and then I want to circle back to something I said earlier.

James 2:8–9 If, however, you are fulfilling the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well.

But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors.

The sin of favoritism or partiality is not found in having different relationships with different people, but in treating people differently for XYZ reason. We will talk about those unique relationships shortly as we look at what I will call “healthy” favoritism, but the point James is making here in drawing out the law of Christ is that there is no partiality from person to person in the very basics of human dignity and how we treat everyone. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. If you fail in that, then you are convicted by the law.

Now, let’s avoid the copouts - you don’t get to treat yourself worse to justify treating others worse. You don’t get to treat everyone poorly and praise yourself for being consistent amongst everyone. Paul actually puts that one to rest in Philippians 2:3 when he says

Philippians 2:3–4 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;

do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

Jesus also puts these to rest in Matthew:

Matthew 7:12 In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

There is a range we as Christians must work in to properly obey the commands of Christ. At a minimum it is to treat ALL others as we would want to be treated, to speak of and towards others as we would want to be spoken to or of, to love our neighbor as if we are loving ourselves. And on our best days, we lean into Paul’s words and we set ourselves even further aside and actually treat others as more important than we are and look out for their interests before we look out for our own.

The commands are clear and there are clear regardless of your feelings toward the commands or your feelings toward the person. Love them as you love yourself, regard them as more important, look out for their interests to and treat them the way you want to be treated. What a world we would all live in if everyone did these things. We would never have to worry about ourselves because someone else would be doing it for us while we do it for them. Of course, sin gets in the way. Let’s read the last few verses of our text today. Verses 10-13.

James 2:10–13 For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all. For He who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said,

“Do not commit murder.” Now if you do not commit adultery, but do commit murder, you have become a transgressor of the law.

So speak and so act as those who are to be judged by the law of liberty. For judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment.

This is the point that James is really trying to get at. If you’re going to treat someone differently based on outward appearance or whatever reason we might come up with, then we are going to become people that have broken the whole law, even if we might do well in every other area. Like Jesus said, we may not murder, but if we hate our brother we have murdered them in our hearts. We may not commit adultery, but if we lust after another then we have committed adultery in our heart. If we have failed to follow the commands of Scripture to love others well, and we deem that others are less worthy or deserving of love, then we have broken the whole law.

And then James drops the hammer in the last two verses of this passage - speak and act as those who are judged, because judgement will be merciless to the one who shows no mercy; mercy triumphs over judgement.

Far too often we put ourselves in the judgement seat and forget that we are being judged for our actions, not for someone else’s. We are being judged by how we treat others, not by how they treat us. We are being judged by our obedience of Scripture, not someone else’s. When we interact with the world around us, we need to interact like we are being judged in everything we do. We need to love others as ourselves, consider them more important, look out for their interests, and treat them as we would want to be treated. And it’s going to be hard. But to go any other way is to find ourselves lost in sin and that sin will be judged rightly. So in our own lives, we should let mercy triumph over judgement. Extend mercy to the ones you feel don’t deserve these things because a mercy that you don’t deserve has already been extended to you.

Alright, last point and it will be a quick one. Let’s just consider briefly what I am calling “healthy favoritism”.

Healthy

This is something that is modeled by Jesus Himself in Scripture and is evident in other ways throughout Scripture. So let’s just consider a few things and a few relationships.

Jesus - our relationship with Jesus is the most important thing because there are things he offers that no other man could ever offer - salvation, justification, sanctification, righteousness, holiness, etc. The Father, Son and Holy Spirit supersede any relationship with have or will ever have with anyone else. God is the most important and at the end of the day the only important. As believers in Jesus, our relationship with Him takes precedence over anything and everything else. This is healthy favoritism because it is He alone who sets us up for the most success in all of our other relationship and it is He alone who can do anything to save us from our helpless state.

Spouse - our relationship with our spouse is to be the most important relationship we have on this earth. In every season they are to be of the most value and most importance to you. Unfortunately you are both imperfect and it will not always go well, but at the end of the day your spouse is to come before anyone else. You esteem their value to your life as increasingly greater than anyone else. And obviously there are unique aspects to such a relationship that should never be shared with anyone who is not your spouse.

Children - after your spouse comes your children. You have a unique relationship with your children in how you shape them to become the next representation of your bloodline for the world to either fear or take joy in. You come alongside them and equip them for the life ahead before you are bothered with anyone else and how they might operate in the world. They are a gift entrusted to you by God to raise up in pursuit of Him to the best of your ability and what you can give to them before you give to others.

Family - in the same breath as the last two, but a little different. Family comes first, not to the detriment of others, but to the raising up of godly individuals with whom you have unique access and influence. What a great thing it is to share the gospel with a stranger, but what a foolish thing it is to skip over your own family in that pursuit.

Friends - you are going to have some people that you are drawn to and that are drawn to you. It is good to develop relationships with a few that go deeper and develop a greater trust and care. You can’t be friends with everyone, so you develop prioritized relationships with some to help one another grow.

Church - it should go without saying that the local body which you have committed yourself to comes before all other church bodies, before all other pastoral instruction, and before all other giving of time, treasure and talents. If you are giving more of yourself, financially, spiritually, physically or mentally to any other ministry than that of your church, then you’ve taken things out of order. The local body is your first spiritual commitment outside of your own personal study of the Scriptures.

We could keep going, but we’ve got a meeting, so let me touch on one more thing and then we will close. I said a minute ago that Jesus modeled a healthy favoritism for us in Scripture, and that is His relationship with His disciples. Jesus didn’t choose everyone to come close and do particular work of the ministry. He called 12 men to such tasks. And even from those 12, He chose 3 in Peter, John and James to be His closest disciples who would be entrusted with the most. Not because Jesus was playing favorites, but because each man was uniquely equipped and called to a different aspect of the ministry of the gospel. So it is in church today. People are gifted and called differently, so some will be invested into more than others in some ways, and then the inverse in other ways. One gifted to preach may spend more time in study with an elder of the church so they might be best prepared and equipped to proclaim the Word of God. One gifted in music may have more time on the stage than the person whose gifting is found in meeting people at the door.

It is healthy to identify gifting and invest in that gifting, both on the part of yourself and on the part of the leadership of the church investing in you. Consider my own personal story from earlier. If you are called to one thing and someone else to another, rejoice in that calling for each other. Don’t get caught up in what you want to be called to, but take joy in seeing that the one called is being equipped. They’re not the favorite, they’re just the one called to that moment in time.

Conclusion

So as we consider our faith in 2026, as we associate with the world around us, let us do as well as we are able to commit ourselves to sound and clear thinking and care about and for others. Don’t fall into the sins of jealousy or partiality, but love well, care well, lift up well, encourage well, and invite well.