Husbands and wives
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The deeper meaning of Marriage
The deeper meaning of Marriage
There is an issue in marriages today that causes some strife and confusion and it’s about the order that God has placed on marriage. Marriage is a great covenant between 2 people and we have specific instructions given to us about it. Marriage is not just for a person’s happiness. I know this will make you think, why wouldn’t I marry for love and happiness? I could just stay single, if I am not going to be happy. If the husband isn’t bringing something to the table then I can do bad all by myself, right? The purpose of marriage and family is to advance God’s kingdom in history through replicating the image of God and exercising dominion over the earth.
28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
My brother-in-law asked me one day about the verse that says “wives submit to your husbands” Ephesians 5:22
This had come up because he was talking to one of his golf buddies I think and his buddy had a position that his wife should submit to him and do whatever he wanted her to. he believed that this should be so regardless of what he brings to the relationship. Sort of along the lines of “dinner had better be ready when I get home, you need to keep the house clean and I will do whatever I want to do because you are supposed to submit to me.” So my brother-in-law decided to ask me about it, I explained that it isn’t that cut and dry and that the husband has his part to play. One think we have to be careful of is to make sure we know the context of a verse when we use it. To get a better idea of the context we need to look ahead of Ephesians 5:22
15 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Paul is talking to them about how to live the christian life. Look carefully how you walk… be careful about how you go through your everyday life. Be wise in everything that you do. We need to make the best use of our time, don’t miss opportunities by making the same choices that we have made in the past. The only way for us to make right choices is to understand what the Lord’s will is for you. We need to determine what God’s view is on the matter before us. We watch the weather report to get an expert opinion on the weather. This doesn’t always work out and they can be wrong. ( I think I went into the wrong profession, you can be a weatherperson and be wrong and still keep a job! ) There are many times when they have told us it’s going to rain or snow and we walk outside and the sun is shining!
The one time we knew for sure something was coming was when “Hurricane Swartz” came out. It seemed like they kept him in the back doing analysis but when a Hurricane was coming they brought him out! Everyone would think uh oh! They brought Glenn out it’s going to be serious! We watch the weather report to get an idea of what is ahead, however, we follow human opinions of people who are not experts about life rather than turning to God to get his take on what is happening.
The days are evil, we don’t have time to waste! This was written One Thousand Nine hundred and forty four years ago and it still holds true today! Recently the police caught a man that was breaking into the homes of elderly woman and assaulting them. These women were aged 80 and up and he was 22 years old. He is suspected of committing this crime multiple times this is evil and the days we are in are evil.
Paul goes on to say the we should be filled with the Spirit. If you are drunk you are under the influence of alcohol. It will impair your judgement, you might slur your words, you may do things that you normally would not do and say things that you otherwise would not say. It has influenced you in a negative way. To be filled by the Spirit is to be influenced by Him. This influence enables us to be empowered to do the Father’s will. Paul is telling the church how we should act and conduct ourselves in these verses, when we get to Ephesians 5:21
it says that we should be submitting to each other. When this is translated from the greek the word is hypotasso : obey, be obedient or to be put in subjection. I know some of us are thinking “what? I am supposed to submit to everyone in the church?” How is that supposed to work? I am not going to submit to just anyone, how can I trust them? That’s not me, I don’t do that!
3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,
This is how we should submit to each other as a church body! We think about their needs and don’t hold ourselves up higher than they are. We are all one body come together to the glory of God. This is how people should know that we are christians because we love each another enough to be humble and to look after their needs. So you may be wondering why are we going through all this? I thought we were supposed to be talking about husbands and wives? We went through this so we could get the context around the next verse…
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Context is very important! If you take this out of context you may think “My wife is supposed to submit to me as her husband” As we see from the previous verses we all are supposed to have this attitude towards each other. We covered what this is supposed to look like as a body of christians now it’s going deeper into the relationship between a husband and wife. I know some people will have the same feeling here, I am supposed to submit to my husband? Some may think, do you know my husband? Have you seen how he acts? He is the biggest kid in the house! One thing we have to keep in mind here this is meant for christians. If you are unequally yoked this is going to be a problem however you still need to hold to what the scripture says here you still need to be humble and think about his needs.
There are countless stories of husbands that were just going though the motions in church and in their marriage where the wives faithfulness and prayer were the root of the change that either brought that man to christ or caused him to turn around in his relationship and become the Godly man that he was intended to be. Still I imagine some may think why do I have to be the one to submit?
23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.
According to God, who is a God of order. The husband should be the head of the relationship. This doesn’t mean that you just get to dictate what is to be done. Biblical leadership means being a responsible authority. The husband is responsible to lead his family in the advancement of the kingdom in the context of love. He is called to sacrificially pursue the well being of his wife. The husband is called to love according to Christ standard. Christ loved the church unto death! So the husband is to sacrifice for his wife and be her deliverer. He is to protect her and pay the price for her well-being. A wife’s submission to her husband isn’t absolute either, the husbands authority has limitations. He cannot ask his wife to submit to anything outside of God’s will. She submits within those boundaries.
We live in a different time now but it used to be that men made it a priority to save the women and children first! Not just your own but all of them. When a ship was sinking the priority was to get the women and children on the life boats first. If danger was coming the women and children were the first to be evacuated. Times have changed and now sometimes women don’t even see men hold the door open for them!
In God’s kingdom a husband’s job is to help her to grow in the Word, to outserve her. He is supposed to love her more than he loves himself. He is called to give her his strength and encouragement.
Looking at the two positions I wonder how people would choose if it were possible? Would you rather submit to some who is supposed to sacrifice himself for you or would you rather be the one who is supposed to put himself in danger in order to keep you safe? Who is supposed to give up on his own needs and wants to make sure that you have what you need to grow and thrive? What would you choose?
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Some people think that marriage is just an institution designed by our government. I have heard some say that it doesn’t really mean anything, it’s just a piece of paper, we love each other without it. Marriage is a model of how Christ loves the Church and the response of the church to Christ! In this verse Paul is referring to Genesis 2:24
22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
This goes past any government that we know of, the relationship between and man and a woman was God ordained and it was special from the very beginning! When we marry now we say the two will become one. Just as God created Eve for Adam, he has placed us together in marriage even today.
The man is supposed to move first. When the wife sees that he is initiating, owning responsibility, treating her as special and sacrificing for her well being is apt to respond to him with heartfelt respect and submission.
This doesn’t mean that a wife doesn’t have a say, she absolutely does! We need our wives to keep us from doing some dumb things sometimes! Don’t go out there today in shorts you will catch a cold. Or I don’t think you should go up on the ladder by yourself, why don’t you wait for someone to help you? Or I know he is your friend but I don’t think you should hang out with him. Your wife sometimes know that your friends are shady more than you do! Husbands and wives both have their part to play in a relationship.
The goal of marriage within the framework designed by God is for us to transform together through the influence of love. If we want to draw on our heavenly blessings we must align our roles in the family according to God’s design through love and respect. So the next time you hear someone say that his wife is supposed to submit to him remember that he is supposed to sacrifice for her.
