The Glory of Marriage

Genesis 2:18–25 ESV

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Introduction

As we learned in our study of masculinity and femininity over the past few weeks, God’s design for the human race is being assaulted on all fronts. If maleness and femaleness are being attacked individually, how much more so the union of these two in marriage. More than any time in human history that I am aware of, marriage has been devalued, misunderstood, and even abandoned all together. Men and women are statistically getting married later and later in life, if at all. Dysfunctional marriages are common place. Divorce is common place. Marriage has even been re-defined to allow for homosexuality.

Marriage generally isn’t seen with dignity as it once had been. It is treated as unnecessary and cheap by many. For others, it seems a risk not worth taking.

But I am here to tell you what God says about marriage. I am here to tell you of its glory, of its wonder, and of its purpose. More than that, I am here to tell you what God says about how your particular marriage can become more glorious, more joyful, and more fruitful than it has ever been.

To do this, we will consider the first marriage which is recorded for us in Genesis chapter two. Then, we will consider what marriage says about God and about Christ and his church. Finally, we will consider how our own particular marriages can embody more-and-more of their intended glory.

The First Marriage

The First Marriage as a Prototype

Genesis 2:18–20 ESV

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.

In the entire creation account, this is the first time something is declared not good.

It is not good that man is alone. Why? One man cannot be fruitful and multiply and therefore, he cannot fill the earth. One man cannot subdue the earth. One man cannot picture the union and distinction of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. One man cannot picture the love that the Son has for his bride, the Church.

God parades the animals in front of Adam, yet there was none who would fit him. Some rabbinic commentators believe the animals were brought to Adam in pairs to emphasize the solitude of Adam. It would appear that God wanted Adam to feel his lonesomeness, seemingly so that he would appreciate Eve all the more.

Genesis 2:21–22 ESV

21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman…

God does not make Eve out of dust as he had made Adam. Instead, he takes her from his own body. There are several implications, but the primary one we will focus on here, is that it establishes the relationship of a husband and wife. Listen to how Matthew Henry interprets this:

Eve was not taken out of Adam’s head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and close to his heart to be loved by him. — Matthew Henry

This view of marriage and of women flies in the face of the pagans of that day who treated women as mere property and marriage as quite one-sided, placing the larger burden on the woman. God’s design for marriage is something quite different, as we can see.

Genesis 2:22 ESV

22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.

God brings Eve to Adam, just as a Father would hand over his daughter in marriage

Genesis 2:23 ESV

23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

Adam breaks out into poetry; the first recorded human poetry is a romance poem of a husband to a wife.

Just as Adam had named all the other creatures, so he names the woman. But this time was different. His name is ‘ish, the Hebrew word for man used in this verse. He names the woman ‘ishah, which declares that at long last, here is one that is made for me—made from the same stuff. This pattern seems to be the basis for our English words man and woman.

Genesis 2:24 ESV

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

The principle of leave-and-cleave is established. A man is to leave his father and mother to start a new family unit by becoming one with his wife.

Genesis 2:25 ESV

25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

They were naked without shame, meaning total transparency and intimacy.

We will return to this later in greater detail, but for now, it will suffice to say that this teaches that marital sex is absolutely beautiful and absolutely essential to God’s design for marriage.

Definition of Marriage based on Genesis So Far

If we just used the first two chapters of Genesis to come up with a definition for marriage, we would come up with something like this:

Marriage is the God-ordained union of a man and a woman for the purpose of establishing: (1) a new family, (2) complementary help, (3) intimate companionship, (4) procreation, (5) economic power.

Because marriage is established at creation, it is a creation ordinance common to the whole human race, meaning that a non-Christian marriage is a real marriage, provided it is a lawful union of a man and a woman.

This also rules out so-called “homosexual marriage”. I understand our nation is one of many that has laws allowing for this supposed union. However, in doing so they have re-defined marriage. Marriage by definition is the union of a man and a woman. A court can just as well declare that red is blue, up is down, night is day, and hot is cold. They cannot change the way God made the world. None of us can. We aren’t God.

The Glory Marriage Proclaims

Marriage is a sermon about what God is like within himself and what God is like in his relation to his people.

1. It Proclaims Something of the Triune God (Unity and diversity)

Eve was taken from Adam (separation) in order to be brought back to him (union).

In other words, God turned one into two, in order to turn two into one.

“In a trinitarian world, unity divided and division unified are good.” — Douglas Wilson, For a Glory and a Covering, Chapter 6: What is Marriage?

2. It Proclaims the Gospel (Christ and the church)

Of Jesus Christ loving, serving, and dying for his bride, the church.

Of the church trusting, obeying and adoring her husband, Jesus Christ.

Husband, how you treat your wife is a sermon on how Christ treats his church. Notice I did not say that the way you treat your wife should be a sermon, but that it is a sermon. It will either be a good sermon or a bad sermon. It will either speak truth about Christ or it will speak lies.

Wife, how you treat your husband is a sermon on how the perfected church treats her Lord. It will either be a good sermon, or a bad sermon. It will either speak truth about the perfected church, or speak lies.

With all of this being said, it is quite clear that marriage is glorious. But just because marriage is glorious, it does not follow that all particular marriages live up to that glory the way they should. In fact, most don’t. The glory of your particular marriage is directly proportionate to its conformity to God’s purpose for it.

How Your Particular Marriage Can Be Glorious

If a marriage is to live of up to its glorious potential, it will take both the man and the woman doing their part and working together. First, we will look at a husband’s part, then the wife’s part, and finally some issues that pertain to both of them.

As an overarching summary of the duties of husbands and wives, we look to Ephesians 5:33 which says:

Ephesians 5:33 ESV

…let [the husband] love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Love and respect. These two serve as the headings under which all the other commands follow.

In once sense, we can just as well say that husbands ought to respect their wives and wives ought to love their husbands. This is true enough, but God is a God of wisdom and specificity. Their must be a reason why his commands take the shape that they do. And I think we can see the reason. Sin effects men and women in different ways.

FOR HUSBANDS

For husbands, the primary command is the love their wives. Most husbands agree with this in principle, but unfortunately many redefine love to fit what they already happen to be doing. For example, a husband might be quite cold towards his wife emotionally and may not spend much time with her. But he might say he loves her because he provides her with a place to live, with food to eat, and with a car to drive.

But this is not love. Not in the way God defines it. Though a husband’s love is not less than providing for his wife’s survival, it is certainly more. Much more.

And I perceive that there are many men—even Christian men—who are stone cold towards their wife. They don’t intentionally have meaningful conversations with them. They don’t pray with them. They don’t labor to create a joyful family culture. They don’t pursue them romantically as they once did. And this is one of many reasons why even among Christians, divorce is fairly common. And this is a great tragedy.

So then, let us turn to the Scriptures to see how husbands should love their wives.

1. Sacrifice

Ephesians 5:25 ESV

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

This means giving things up for the sake of your wife

2. Spiritual Cultivation

Ephesians 5:26–27 ESV

26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

This means praying for your wife and leading her in worship and understanding of God’s word.

3. Attention and Affection

Ephesians 5:28–30 ESV

28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.

This means actually thinking about what your wife needs.

This means actually taking action to love her.

But show her affection in ways that she actually needs and wants to be loved, not in ways that you merely think she should be loved.

4. Leadership

Ephesians 5:31–32 ESV

31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

One implication here is that you are a grown adult now and you are no longer going to act like a little boy who still lives with his mommy and daddy. This means you must put away childish things. Become a grown man and hold fast to your wife. Lead her. Love her.

5. Gentleness

Colossians 3:19 ESV

19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

A husband should never yell at his wife.

A husband should never be physically aggressive with his wife.

A husband should never be demeaning and sarcastic toward his wife.

Instead, he must show warmth and gentleness towards her. Remember from my sermon on masculinity that a man is to be strong and gentle at the same time. Christ is violent towards the enemies of his bride, but he is gentle towards his bride. In the same way, a husband should be aggressive and violent toward the things that harm his wife.

6. Understanding

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way…

It is a common to joke about how it is impossible for men to understand women. There is some truth to this and it isn’t wrong to light-heartedly joke about it. But it is actually disobedient for a husband not to try to understand his wife. In fact,

7. Honor

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

…showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

This means not despising your wife for her weaknesses and instead leading her respectfully.

This means speaking about your wife in an honorable way. Speak highly of her.

FOR WIVES

For wives, the primary command is to respect their husbands. How is this done?

1. Submission and Obedience

Ephesians 5:22–24 ESV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Colossians 3:18 ESV

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Titus 2:3–5 CSB

3 In the same way, older women are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not slaves to excessive drinking. They are to teach what is good, 4 so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands and to love their children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, workers at home, kind, and in submission to their husbands, so that God’s word will not be slandered.

This is a very unpopular teaching. I can’t imagine it has ever been popular. But since when have Christian’s cared about what is popular? We care about what is true, what is good, and what is beautiful.

This is not submission of a superior to an inferior, but submission of an equal to an equal.

To be clear, a husband is superior in rank than his wife, just as a general is superior in rank than a captain, and just as Christ is superior in rank than the church. But it does not follow that a husband is more valuable than a wife. For both work together. Christ embraces the church as his own body, causing her to share in the value of Christ.

We have gotten this so backwards because many Christians in our day think that the word of God will be slandered precisely because of wives having to submit to their own husbands. They deem this unpalatable to unbelievers so they modify the scriptural teaching on marriage in order to appeal to the sensibilities of unbelievers. In other words, they avoid submission so that God won’t be reviled by unbelievers. But the scriptures say exactly the opposite. It is the sweet submission of Christian wives to their husbands that prevents reviling. We should not be afraid of the Bible’s teaches. It is either God’s Word or it is not. And if it is God’s word, then what can man say? We will fear man’s words more than God’s?

And could it be that so many unbelievers find marital submission a distasteful concept because they haven’t seen many good examples of it?

2. Gentle and Quiet Attitude

1 Peter 3:1–6 ESV

1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

This means not being argumentative or nagging and instead being respectful towards your husbands leadership, even if you disagree with the direction of it.

This does not mean you cannot express disagreement. It means the way you express disagreement needs to be respectful.

3. Encouragement

Proverbs 31:26 ESV

26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

Proverbs 18:21 ESV

21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

A wife’s words have the power to strengthen her husband, or weaken him; to build him up or tear him down; to make him a good man or an evil man.

Instead of pointing out your husbands faults, point out his strengths and praise him for them.

This will encourage him to become an even better man.

4. Anticipating and Tending to His Needs

Proverbs 31:10–12 ESV

10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. 11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.

Just as a husband is to anticipate and meet the needs of his wife, so should a wife anticipate and meet the needs of her husband.

Remember, it is not good that a man should be alone. A husband needs his wife. Do not despise his weaknesses and needs. Instead, anticipate them and meet them. And do so with a spirit of love, not resentment.

FOR BOTH

One aspect of marriage that I am very concerned is lacking in many Christian marriages is vibrant intimacy.

SEXUAL INTIMACY

Genesis 2:25 ESV

25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Proverbs 5:15–20 ESV

15 Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. 16 Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? 17 Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. 18 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, 19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. 20 Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?

1 Corinthians 7:3–5 ESV

3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

God loves sex.

Satan hates sex.

It is the sacrament or ritual of covenant renewal in marriage.

Marriages need to put effort into their intimacy.

Intimacy is more than sex, but it includes sex as an essential component.

Sex is never to be used for selfish-manipulation. It is an act of service and sacrifice. Of connection and intimacy.

A dysfunctional sex life in marriage is one of the greatest warning signs of an unhealthy marriage.

Don’t be silent about your problems in this area. Start by praying together about it and talking about it together. If you need further help, talk to a married couple that you trust. And don’t give the time of day to anyone who is negative about marital intimacy.

FAITH

What happens if your spouse is fulfilling their role? How can a husband love a wife who doesn’t respect him properly? How can a wife love a husband who doesn’t love her properly? The answer is faith.

1 Corinthians 13:7 ESV

7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Trusting God for the sanctification of your spouse and apprehending it by faith.

Conclusion