Holding Marriage in High Honor

Hebrews 13:4 “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”

Other Passages: Gen 2:18, 22-24; Eph 5:31-33; Matt 19:4-6; 1 Cor 6:9-11

Words to listen for: precious, intimacy, warning

Introduction

As men and women who belong to the unshakeable coming kingdom, we ought to stand out. Yet, even as we seek to stand out from the culture through a different set of values, we ought not let this translate into a partitioning ourselves off from the world.

Imagine for a moment the most breathtaking jewel you've ever seen—one that catches every ray of light, sparkling with depths of color and value that make your breath catch in your throat. Not something mass-produced or casually displayed, but a rare treasure, priceless, handed down through generations, guarded fiercely because losing it would mean losing something irreplaceable.

That, brothers and sisters, is how God sees marriage.

In Hebrews 13:4, the Holy Spirit urges us: "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." The Greek word behind "held in honor" is timios—precious, costly, priceless—like a jewel of inestimable worth. God isn't giving us a mild suggestion here. He's calling us to treasure marriage with the kind of awe and fierce protection we reserve for what is truly sacred.

Think back to the garden, to that tender, holy moment when God looked at Adam and declared, "It is not good that the man should be alone." Out of the man's own side He fashioned Eve, brought her to him, and in Adam's awestruck voice we hear the heartbeat of every true marriage: "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." From that instant, God established marriage—not as an afterthought, not as a cultural option, but as the foundational stone of all human society. Before governments rose, before friendships deepened, before parents held children, there was marriage: one man and one woman united in covenant, becoming one flesh, launching a new family unit that echoes through generations.

Yet marriage is far more than a social foundation. It is a living, breathing portrait of the greatest love story ever told. As Paul unveils in Ephesians 5, this "one flesh" mystery is profound—it points to Christ and His church. Every husband who lays down his life for his wife mirrors Jesus' sacrificial love for His bride. Every wife who respects and submits to her husband—even when he's imperfect—reflects the church's joyful response to her perfect Savior. In a world that treats marriage as disposable, optional, or endlessly redefinable, God says: No. This is holy ground. This is where My gospel is displayed in flesh and blood.

And yet, how our hearts ache when we see this jewel trampled. From the garden's first fracture—blame, division, shame—to today's relentless assaults on God's design, marriage has been under siege. Satan knows its power as a picture of redemption, so he attacks it with fury: redefinitions, casual hookups, adultery glorified, covenant treated as breakable. But we, as God's people, are called to stand against the tide. To prize marriage as precious. To guard its purity. To live it in such a way that the watching world glimpses something of Christ's unbreakable love for us.

Today, as we open Hebrews 13:4, let this truth stir your soul: Your marriage—or your future marriage, or the marriages around you—is not ordinary. It is a divine masterpiece, a costly jewel entrusted to us by a holy God who judges what He treasures. May we honor it, protect it, and let it shine as a radiant testimony to the gospel that has washed us clean and made us His own.

In light of the great confusion in our day around the institution of marriage and the cultural degredation of this holy institution I thought it would be good for us to take a second look at this verse this evening.

I. Prize Marriage as Precious

Hebrews 13:4 is telling us to hold marriage in high regard. We are to think of it as precious jewel that is worth protecting. The word “held in honor” in Greek is a word that sometimes simply gets translated as jewel in other places it shows up in the New Testament. The word is “τίμιος” which means “precious, valued, priceless, or costly.”

We should prize marriage as precious because it is the foundation of human society.

Genesis 2:18, 22-24 “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” … And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Marriage is something God created in the very beginning. It is older than government, friendship, parenthood, or any other human relationship. God made marriage to be the foundation of our entire society. This does not mean that those who are not married are seen as lesser in God’s eyes, but all relationships we have are built up from marriage. Parents are meant to be so as a result of marriage. Siblings come out of marriage. It is the one relationship which can join generations together.

God says the man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife. God has made marriage to be the foundation of human society, not parenthood. The man sets out from his parents and establishes a new foundation level entity by marriage. He and his wife are now their own family unit that is in some senses autonomous. In marriage a husband and wife become a family unit on equal footing with their parents’ marriage.

So we should prize marriage highly because it is God’s intended foundation of human society.

We should also prize it because it is a picture of Christ and the church. The Apostle Paul picks up the quote from Genesis and explains that, especially when done well, marriage points beyond itself.

Ephesians 5:31–33 ““Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Marriage is a foundational relationship, but it is only for this life. Our marriages in this life will not hold us in exclusive bonds in the next life. But that is because marriage in this life is intended to help us understand the way Christ is with his precious church. The sacrificial love with which a husband is to lead and serve his wife is meant to show us and the world the way Christ loves his bride. The tender affection a godly husband shows his wife, his attempts to understand her utterly, his honoring of her, and his laying down his life to protect her and promote her life is all meant to help us all understand Christ’s deep affection for his church.

And a godly wife’s willing submission even to a foolish and stubborn husband, her tender respect for her godly leader, her eagerness to promote, care for, and support her husband are meant to help us understand the people of God in relation to Christ. If a godly wife can love an imperfect husband, submit to him, and respect him how much more can we all learn to do the same with Christ. Just as a wife is receptive to the godly initiative and leading of her husband, so the church is receptive to the leading of her beloved, Jesus Christ.

A husband and wife who live completely separate lives going their own separate ways is not a picture of harmonious union. A marriage cannot survive two spouses headed in opposite directions unless the situation is remedied. In a similar vein, we ought not see the church pursuing a different path and agenda than the one Christ is leading and providing. Yet, it is easier than you might think for the church to get off track and living in a way that demonstrates no dependence on Christ. While obvious examples abound in the world of churches that are actively pursuing the world’s approval, a lack of dependence on Christ can show up in subtle ways as well. We must as ourselves,

Those of us who are husbands have the perhaps confusing calling to live as a husband to our wives, but as a wife to Christ. This is not to diminish our masculinity. But, in comparison to Christ, all of us are feminine. It is Christ who takes the initiative, the one we respond to and submit to. However, just as a godly wife’s submission doesn’t mean a lack of engagement, even spirited engagement with her husband, so our submission to Christ is not intended to be merely sycophantic groveling or passive disengagement. Christ is never lacking wisdom, goodness, or perspective, and yet he calls us to engage with him in prayer and life. And this also informs our view of biblical submission of wives. Wives are not called to passive participants in marriage merely saying “yes sir” to everything their husband says. Wives are called to active engagement in relationship with their husband even when ultimately submitting to a decision she might disagree with.

So we prize marriage as precious because it is not only the foundation of human society, but also a symbolic picture of Christ’s relationship with his church.

We should also prize marriage as precious because we live in a world that devalues it.

Ever since God first instituted marriage between the first man and the first woman it has been under attack. Satan tried to sow division by attempting to incite Eve against her husband, and when questioned by God Adam immediately blamed his wife for the mess. Marriage’s preeminence in creation order and as a picture of Christ’s relationship with his people have made it a ripe target for Satan and sin throughout history. Pagan cultures in ancient times who abandoned God’s rule and revelation disregarded God’s design of one man and one woman in covenantal union. And that spirit has only intensified today. We have seen blatant attempts in recent years to redefine marriage through rulings by the supreme court in America as no longer one man and one woman, but to include all sorts of other combinations of men and women.

However, not only does that go against God’s original set up, it also distorts the picture of Christ and the church that marriage was meant to be.

The command is to let marriage be held in honor (or regarded as precious and valuable)—not just believers, not just in private, but universally in the Christian community and beyond.

In a culture that often devalues marriage (treating it as optional, restrictive, or redefinable), Christians are called to buck the trend by viewing marriage as a divine gift and sacred institution ordained by God from creation (one man and one woman in exclusive covenant).

This high view strengthens families, reflects Christ's love for the church, and counters worldly attacks on the institution. Practically, this means celebrating marriages, supporting married couples, and teaching younger generations its worth.

As people of God we ought to value marriage in a world that does not value it. One of the ways that we value it is in the next phrase, “let the marriage bed be undefiled.” So second we are to:

II. Preserve the Purity of Intimacy

The "marriage bed" refers to sexual intimacy, which God designed as a good, exclusive gift for husband and wife alone—free from shame within marriage but to be guarded from any contamination. This is a primary way that marriage is held in high honor; prized as precious.

Physical intimacy in marriage is to be guarded and preserved, both within marriage, but also by those who are not yet married. Within marriage this involves the obvious prohibition against adultery: physically failing to preserve the bonds of the marriage covenant. Even our secular culture which misunderstands and fails to value marriage in many ways, still views adultery, with at least mild, revulsion. Something about that extra aspect of breaking your word, the vows you made to another person, still make adultery less than respectable even in a society that misses so much about marriage.

Do not underestimate sexual sin. Adultery is not the unforgivable sin, but it does create lasting damage that may never fully be resolved in this life. We sometimes think of King David as a picture of God’s forgiveness that even covers adultery. That’s true. But he’s also a picture of the lasting effects of adultery. His adultery damaged him and his family resulting in his own son trying to kill him and take the thrown among other things. David was a bare shadow of his former self for the rest of his life after his fall.

Remember too, that for the person committing adultery it never comes out of nowhere. There’s always a lead up. So all of us ought to beware if we think we stand lest we fall. Even this week as I prepared this sermon I experienced stronger spiritual attack in the area of sexual purity. Satan’s on the prowl. None of us is ever beyond the realm of temptation in this area and every time we give sin a little slack in our lives we make it more likely that we will give in to the big stuff.

Whether in marriage or out of marriage I would urge all men, and perhaps women also, to consider internet accountability blocking software. Sexual sin is too easy to find online and too easy to fall into to leave it up to your own will power to stop it. Talk to me after the service if you need help setting something up or an accountability partner. Don’t be ashamed. You’re not strange weak, you’re simply proactively dealing with the danger of temptation.

Preserving the purity of the marriage bed means guarding sexual intimacy both pre-marriage in singleness and post-marriage within the covenant. It means guarding actions as well as thoughts. Our sexuality is an integral part of who we are, but it is not the most important aspect of who we are, and it is designed by God to be expressed only within the boundary of marriage.

But intimacy in marriage is more than physical. Much of marriage intimacy is emotional. Marriage is designed to be a place where two people can be utterly vulnerable with each other. Which is why its designed to happen within a covenant. Becoming one flesh is more than a physical union, it is a vulnerable intimacy designed to advance our sanctification.

Marriage is designed to not only point us to Christ, but also to make us more like Christ. This does not mean that those who never marry cannot be sanctified, God has a multitude of means at his disposal. But for those that do marry marriage is one of the most intensive sanctifying tools in the Holy Spirit’s toolbox. Marriage is designed to be enjoyed, deeply enjoyed, but it will be best enjoyed when you pursue it’s purpose of holiness. Holiness should not be thought of at odds with joy, especially in marriage.

The vulnerability in marriage is part of what makes it such a tool of sanctification. Our flaws are exposed to another person in a way unlike any other relationship. No one else knows us quite like our spouse. As sinful humans we are rather easily self-deceived. We like to think of ourselves as better than we really are. But our spouse sees us for better and for worse. The beautiful thing is that in a good marriage they love you anyway. But part of biblical love in marriage means not only covering all faults, but kindly confronting and addressing areas of sin in the other. Biblical love between spouses neither highlights every possible problem with the other, nor passively covers over all offenses out of fear or apathy.

Preserving the purity of intimacy means bringing the piercing power of love to bear in the most vulnerable places in marriage. It means allowing ourselves to be fully known as well as seeking to fully know our spouse.

All of this is undergirded by the last phrase in this verse “for God will judge the sexually immoral adulterous.” So our third exhortation is:

III. Pay Attention to Heaven’s Warning

Only three verses prior to this reminder of God’s judgment we were told in Hebrews 12:29 “for our God is a consuming fire.” While there are many positive reasons to prize marriage as precious, and preserve the purity of intimacy, there is also a very serious negative reason: the judgment of a holy, holy, holy God.

One of the things that this world misses about marriage is that it is not just an agreement between two people. Jesus addressed this misconception in Matthew 19:4–6 “He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”” Contrary to popular thought, even among the Jews in the first century, marriage involves more than just an agreement between two parties. There is a third party who is also involved, the Creator of all, the inventor of marriage, and the Magistrate who has authority to join together and to separate.

With this in view a violation of the marriage covenant is more than an injury to the human parties, it is an offense against God himself. God created marriage to be the foundation of human society, to provide stability, protection, and safety for the family, and to be a living picture of Christ’s relationship with his people. So when individuals within a marriage or outside of it violate its precious boundaries they are attacking something God cares about deeply.

We also see in Scripture that God sees adultery as uniquely able to picture idolatry. Not only has actually sexual immorality often accompanied pagan worship practices throughout history, but God’s prophets often compare the people of Israel’s idolatry to spiritual adultery. It is a betrayal of the covenant relationship which they owe to God alone.

Hebrews 13:4 says to keep the marriage bed “undefiled.” This is speaks to the constant reference in the Old Testament sacrificial system of uncleanness. Sin makes us filthy spiritually. No matter how much we shower, no matter how nice we dress, no matter how much we act nice and get others to like us, because of our sin we’re dripping with filth in God’s sight. Sin is not just wrong, but disgusting and revolting to God. He hates sexual immorality we cannot even imagine. Our culture still finds a few forms of sexual immorality revolting by and large, but God finds it all repulsive.

The problem for each of us is that he doesn’t just hate it, he’s in a position to do something about it. God’s hatred of sin isn’t an impotent hatred where he goes off and wishes that people wouldn’t do it. He’s the judge and he’s not only in a position to do something about it, but he’s required to. That leaves sinners like you and I in a treacherous position. In fact, except for God’s intervention it leaves us without options.

1 Corinthians 6:9–10 “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”

Sounds pretty dark. But the passage doesn’t end there. The next verse: 1 Corinthians 6:11 “And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

Here is a list of all kinds of sins that keep people out of the kingdom of God, but then we find that it is also a list of those who will be entering the kingdom of God. The key is at the end, something that God did to these people. “You were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified.” Despite their disqualifying spiritual filth from sexual immorality, these people are actually set to inherit the kingdom of God they had forfeited.

Jesus, the Son of God, took the punishment, the wrath and judgment of God against the sexual immorality of these people. God judged it, in Jesus. Jesus died, he was punished, disinherited, killed so that they could be washed, sanctified, and justified. Then he was raised to give them new life. And this washing, sanctifying, and justifying was done by the Holy Spirit. He took what Jesus did for them and applied it to them as they repented of their sin put their trust in Christ.

So despite your own sexual immorality whether the same can be said of you, “and such were some of you.” In Christ you can be free from the filth of sin and fear of God’s judgment, but beyond that you can be free to fight its temptation with divine power.

As we close let us prize marriage as precious—a divine jewel, far more valuable than any earthly treasure. Preserve the purity of intimacy—guarding the marriage bed as something sacred and undefiled. And pay attention to heaven’s warning—for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Yet here is the gospel that changes everything: Jesus bore the judgment we deserved. On the cross He was crushed under the full weight of every sexual sin, every betrayal of covenant purity. He was condemned so we could be washed clean. He died so we could be sanctified. He rose so we could be justified.

"And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God" (1 Corinthians 6:11).

If you have fallen in this area—whether in thought, word, or deed—do not despair. Run to Christ today. Confess, repent, and receive His mercy. He does not leave us in our filth; He washes us clean and empowers us by His Spirit to walk in newness of life.

And for those walking faithfully, press on. Guard your heart, cherish your spouse, teach the next generation, and let your marriage shine as a testimony to the gospel. In doing so, you not only honor God's design—you point the world to the ultimate Bridegroom who is coming again for His spotless bride.