Biblical Dating

Intro

Welcome to our new series where it is titled based on exactly what we’re talking about. We’re going to spend the next 3 weeks talking about Gender and Sexuality.

Why?

Some of you might be wondering why we would take a whole month to talk about this and the reason is clear and simple. If you think about all the other series we’ve had, we’ve talked about what scripture has to say about our lives and the sin we’re caught up in. We’ve talked about how we’re called to live our lives and gender and sexuality is a huge part of our lives. So its finally time for us to look at what scripture says on this topic and answer some big questions.

The other reason we want to talk about this is because with this topic in particular the world can be so loud on whats right and whats wrong, so we want to make sure all of you have a biblical base for what scripture says about these topics. We’re not talking about my opinion, we’re not talking about the church’s opinion, we’re not talking about your opinion, we are solely looking at what Gods word has to say about this. For the next few weeks you will be hearing big words that might make you uncomfortable. You’ll hear words like sex, pornography, Gender, Homosexuality, sexual immorality. Learning about these things is necessary, it is important and will help you shape your future as you get closer to adulthood. These are all things I wish I heard when I was your age.

The Plan

We’re going to split up the next few weeks into 3 main topics.

Biblical Dating

Sex and Pornography

Gender and Identity

Tonight we will start with Biblical dating. And I want to throw this out there for everyone, we will get real in this series, we will get real tonight, we will get real in the next few weeks. And if you feel as though you can’t get through this lesson without laughing or not taking it seriously I need you to realize that now, because your inability to take something serious will not ruin someone else’s chance to hear the truth.

1. God’s Design for Love & Relationships

The reason we start with this as point number one is because based on where you come from or what your family situation looks like you might be unsure of what God truly intended for a loving relationship. Maybe you come from somewhere where all you see, the only example you can see is a toxic relationship. This is why we come back to scripture and look at what God says a relationship should look like.

Genesis 2:18–24 “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Now I want to clarify something, I know what a lot of you are thinking. Jake this all only applies to marriage. You said we would talk about dating and now we’re talking about marriage. The reason we’re doing this is because Gods design for relationships, is marriage. The end goal is always marriage.

Some of you in here might be in a dating relationship with someone, some of you might not be, but eventually all of you will be looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend and its important that you know what the end goal is. That is why scripture talks so much about marriage. The end goal is not to simply have a boyfriend or have a girlfriend.

God created marriage so that a male and a female could become one and glorify God with their relationship. Verse 18 says it best, it is not good that man should be alone. So God created marriage that he might be glorified through it.

Pointless?

Some of you might have heard before that marriage is pointless. Some people out there believe that marriage is silly, “why do I have to go through the whole process and get rings and sign papers. Lets just live together and do the things married people do.” Thats a dangerous statement, and for those that do that, it is sin. That is not Gods design for a relationship. Marriage is created by God and symbolizes Christ relationship with the church.

Maybe theres some of you in here that can immediately think of people you know, family, friends, people that are not married and yet live the married lifestyle. I know this can be difficult to hear, and I know that you might be able to think of whatever your special circumstance is, maybe you’ve found a way to justify it or your family has convinced you that their reasoning is justified. You cannot let someone else's bad example be what leads you astray. The bottom line is our opinions don’t matter, our circumstances don’t matter, our excuses don’t matter.

So what is Gods design for relationships? Marriage that glorifies him, is Gods design for relationships. And that is evident in scripture. And for those thinking “Then how do I make sure my relationship glorifies God?” The next 3 points will help you do that.

2. Your Intentions

And this brings us to our second point, your intentions. When you enter into a dating relationship with someone what is your ultimate intention in this relationship? What do you intend to do? Theres 2 verses I’ll read:

Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?”

The reason I chose this scripture is because too often our relationships are determined only by our heart. And I know what some of you may think, “but Jake thats all I need right? How romantic is that? All I need are my feelings to make this kind of decision”. Can I be honest with you guys? If I made every decision only with my heart, I would eat little ceasars pizza every single day. I would eat it every day because I love it, but what would happen in the aftermath? I would destroy myself, I would destroy my body. Scripture says the heart can be deceitful, no decision should only be made with the heart. Rather your decision to enter into a relationship should have Christ at the center of it.

Not everything is based on feelings, can I be honest again? Some of you feel your way into some really stupid situations. “But I felt like they were the one, but I felt like they loved me”…

The reason you felt that way is because you left God out of that decision.

1 Corinthians 10:31 “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

I chose that as the second verse because of a couple reasons. Too often do we do our church stuff, we do our family stuff, we do our school stuff, and then when it gets to the dating scene we act like thats ours. God you can have all the other areas of my life but how about you let me take care of this one. Listen to me y’all, you will find yourself heart broken and lost in sin if you treat your dating life like that.

Everything you do, should be for the glory of God. Especially your dating life. This is what we mean when we talk about your intentions with someone. Why are you with that person? Are you with them because you think its cool to be dating them? Are you with them because you think their hot? Are you with them because you think you’ll accomplish some sexual thing you’ve been wanting to do? Some of you are dating right now because you just don’t want to be alone. And I’m so sorry that your in that position but finding a boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t the answer to that. Everything you do should be for the glory of God and that goes for your relationships as well.

So with your best interest at heart, I ask you, does your current relationship glorify God? Lets take it further, you might not be in a relationship and thats fine, does the person you like, the reason you like them, does that glorify God? Because if it doesn’t you need to leave it.

3. Purity & Boundaries

The 3rd point is Purity and Boundaries. And we’re going to get straight to the scripture for this one.

1 Corinthians 6:18–20 “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

What is Sexual Immorality? Here is another big word we might not be sure about. Sexual immorality is another way of saying Sexual Sin.

If you are currently having any sexual relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend scripture says to literally run away from it. We just read it in 1 Corinthians. This is the only sin in the Bible that you cannot resist. It says to flee, run in the opposite direction of it. You can’t handle that temptation on your own. I’m talking sex, pornography, you can’t handle that and scripture knows that which is why it says don’t even try to negotiate. You need to run from it.

The third point is purity and boundaries because we have gotten to a point in society where sex is now casual. What God intended to be sacred has become a casual occurence. Which is why we now talk about setting boundaries within our relationships to protect us from this. There are 2 types of boundaries.

What is a boundary?

Physical Boundaries

Physical boundaries are all about preventing anything sexual from happening. The whole purpose of a boundary is to prevent right? If a boundary is broken through even one time, that boundary is no longer effective.

All things sexual are reserved for marriage right. Meaning if your just dating someone you need to have boundaries in place to not do these sorts of things.

Hebrews 13:4 “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”

Lets talk some common boundaries, being alone with your boyfriend or girlfriend, not a sin right? Its not a sin to be alone together, but what does that lead to? If that leads to sin put a boundary there.

Holding hands with your boyfriend or girlfriend, not a sin in itself right? Its romantic, its sweet, but does physical touch lead to sexual sin? If it does for you, put a boundary there.

These are examples of physical boundaries.

Emotional Boundaries

Emotional boundaries are just as important as physical ones.

I need everyone to hear this, you can do zero sexual things, have committed zero sexual sin, and still be in an emotionally unhealthy relationship.

What does that look like?

Being too dependent on them

having to communicate with them every second of every day

making that person your only source of joy

blaming that person for every trial in your life

There are a ton of ways you could end up in an emotionally unhealthy relationship, but the fix to all of these things is a relationship with Christ. Fill in Christ with everything I just said and you can have a healthy relationship.

Be dependent on Christ

Communicate with Christ

Make Christ your source of Joy

trust Christ with the trials of life

Why boundaries? What benefit is there?

Boundaries are for the longevity of a relationship, the healthy relationship is the one that last, the relationship with healthy boundaries is the one that last.

Can I be honest again? If you truly love someone, you won’t lead them into sin. Some of you have genuinely thought before “Well I just really like them so maybe we should take it to the next level”. “Well they said they love me, so I think its fine if we just _______”.

No one who loves and cares about you in any way will consistently lead you into sin over and over again. And if they continue to do that or you continue to do that, you are in a toxic relationship and you need to flee from that sin.

4. Who You Date Matters

2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

Has anyone ever heard the phrase “If you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes”.

Dating someone who has zero relationship with God is a stupid game. And for playing that game you will win a stupid prize. The reason I love this phrase is because I know people in my life that fail and fail time and time again and I hear all about how heart broken they are and how their relationship's don’t work. Or someone will say I just can’t get away from this sexual sin we’re just so caught up in it. And as I learn more I realize, the person their dating doesn’t have a relationship with God. Then guess what, I don’t feel bad anymore. You played a stupid game, and you won a stupid prize.

There is a huge difference between being friends with an unbeliever, and dating an unbeliever. Who you choose to date can affect you in major ways. You cannot change them, God can, but you can’t.

I had a friend who was in college down at UC and he met this girl and he really liked her. He talked to her a bunch, learned about her, got to know her, and he realized something, she has no relationship with God.

Now before I tell you what he did let me tell you what he didn’t do, he didn’t say “I can change her” and then dated her anyways. He didn’t abandon his own relationship with God so that he could follow whatever she thinks.

Instead he told her flat out, he said I think you’re great and I really wish this could go somewhere but my relationship with God is the most important thing to me, and if we don’t share that we can’t be together.”

Now the story doesn’t end with him being alone because he made that decision. She was actually intrigued by what he said, and she thought to herself if this is really that important to him it must be worth checking out. So she went to church for the first time, she grew as a person, she grew in her relationship with Christ. And then they crossed paths again at school. And in that moment he knew, God brought her back to me.

I need you guys to understand this, He trusted God with his dating life, and it turn he is now married to that girl, they have a beautiful life together with a house and a dog and they’ve been blessed this way because they trusted God in their dating life.

Conclusion

I know this is a lot of information. It can feel like a lot to unpack. If I could encourage you all in any way. I would encourage you to go to small groups, and ask questions. Go to small group, talk with your peers, open up, ask questions. The more you learn about this the better equipped you will be to step into a relationship that glorifies God.