Lust & Divorce

Welcome

Good morning and welcome. Today in our study of the Sermon on the Mount we are going to move on to the next two antitheses that Jesus teaches on. Remember, these teachings started when Jesus told the people that he did not come to abolish the law, but to fulfill it. And so in these antitheses we see Jesus bring up some aspect of the law but he expands on it to help the people see that it isn’t just a list of rules that he wants us to follow, but a change in our heart. Last Sunday we read that if we hold anger against someone, if we hold a grudge towards someone, then we are subject to judgement just as if we had murdered someone. Jesus wants our hearts and attitudes transformed so that out of that, our actions line up with God’s will.

In our passage today, Jesus is going to speak on the topics of lust and divorce. Now, like I have said in the past, these teachings can get uncomfortable for us. And that is okay. When we read something in the bible that challenges us, that the Spirit uses to convict us, it is a good thing. The Spirit isn’t in the business of condemnation, but it is in the business of conviction. Condemnation tells us that we are without hope and too far gone in our sin, while conviction moves us into a place to see our sin and leads us to repentance. Which is good!

Prayer

Lust

Matthew 5:27–30 NIV

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

Jesus once again starts off with a law that was well known to the people. Don’t commit adultery. If you are married, you are only meant to have a physical relationship with your spouse. Once again, everyone who heart this would go, absolutely. This is what we heard from the law of Moses, we agree. We even see that the people agree with this teaching to the extreme when the woman is caught and adultery and they are about to stone her to death. It was a law that was taken seriously. Jesus, however, takes the people and us to a place that they didn’t expect. Once more, Jesus points out that it isn’t just the external action that we should avoid, but it is the inward thoughts and attitudes from our heart that are a problem as well. Jesus says don’t commit adultery, but also don’t look at a woman lustfully. Now, Jesus does not mean here that you can’t look at someone admiringly. He does not forbid the natural, normal attraction that is part of our humanity. What he forbids is lust, the act of looking at someone in a way that engages in sexual thoughts and desires. And Jesus compares this kind of looking and thinking towards someone as the same category of actually committing the physical act of adultery. This is not just, try to avoid it talk. This is clear, authoritative teaching saying, DON’T DO IT.

Looking at the donut illustration

The problem of lust is huge. We don’t have to try to go looking for inappropriate things to looks at. They are all over in our world. We are constantly confronted through media that encourages this kind of thinking and behavior. And one of the issues that occurs from engaging in these lustful looks and thoughts is that we are objectifying someone. Lust turns someone into an object, it treats another person simply as a “thing” that we can exploit for our personal satisfaction. As believers this is a huge problem! We are all made in the image and likeness of God, each person has value, and so when we treat someone as an object, we are not loving them as God would have us love them.

Remove It

So what are we supposed to do? Jesus tells us that if our eye causes us to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. If our hand causes us to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better to lose a part of your body than for your whole body to go to hell. Once again, this is intense stuff. Jesus is showing us that this isn’t something to be trifled with. D.A. Carson, wrote...

“We are to deal drastically with sin. We must not pamper it, flirt with it, enjoy nibbling a little of it around the edges. We are to hate it, crush it, dig it out...sin leads to hell. And that is the ultimate reason why sin must be taken seriously.”

If we know that there are situations or things that cause us to look at someone lustfully, we should take every step to remove it from our life. Even if it is painful, even if it isn’t easy, even if it changes our daily life. Part of this issue that we now face because of our current state of the world is the issue of pornography. This entire, multi-billion dollar industry, is built off of lust. It is not just a fringe problem, it is a mainstream issue that is affecting our entire world. Some statistics about it...

61% of the general population report viewing pornography.

78% of men watch pornography.

44% of women watch pornography.

73% of teens have consumed pornography.

12 is the average age of first exposure.

This industry is built off encouraging people to engage in these lustful thoughts. Don’t buy into it, don’t think that it’s normal and okay. Going back to what Jesus said, if your eye or hand is causing you to sin, cut it off, get rid of it! If your phone, if your computer, is leading you into lust, get rid of it!

“Be killing sin or sin will be killing you.”

And if you are someone who struggles with lustful thoughts, a couple of helpful notes here.

You aren’t alone. This isn’t an issue that only you are dealing with. Others are going through the same struggles. Reach out to a trusted friend and ask them to help you. Ask them to keep you accountable.

Don’t feel condemnation, feel conviction. You are not too far gone, this is not something that has to keep a hold on you for the rest of your life. By the grace of God you can surrender this struggle to Jesus and he will walk you through it.

Jesus loves us in the midst of our sin. Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Surrender to Jesus and allow him to change you.

Divorce

Matthew 5:31–32 NIV

“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Here, Jesus teaches on divorce. There are some studies out there that indicate that eight out of ten people are affected by divorce in some way or another. For some, just the mention of the word divorce can be painful. So I do want to acknowledge that. Like I have said, the sermon on the Mount can be uncomfortable for us. Many people have been deeply hurt by broken marriages. It isn’t something that, if I’m honest, I look at and go, hurray! I’m preaching on divorce this week. However, if Jesus is Lord of our lives, and he taught on divorce, he obviously thinks it is something we must hear and not something we can ignore.

What should the Christian’s attitude be regarding divorce? Is divorce always forbidden? Or is it sometimes allowable?

To understand Jesus’ words on divorce we have to know a little about the world that he was making them in. There was a debate and controversy centered around one phrase from Deuteronomy.

Deuteronomy 24:1 NIV

If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house,

This verse says that a man could divorce his wife if he found something “indecent” about her. This single word, “indecent” is where the controversy was coming from. The question that the teachers of the law would debate it, what does indecent mean? Some of these teachers of the law had reached a point where “indecent” could be all kinds of things. Some things that they considered indecent were, if the wife was walking around with her hair down. If the wife stopped and talked to a man on the street. If a wife said something critical of her mother-in-law. And, to get really crazy, it could be indecent of a wife to mess up supper. So we have to understand that when Jesus is telling them you can’t divorce your wife except for sexual immorality, he is eliminating most of the reasons they would divorce their wife. This is the topic of debate that the pharisees try to draw Jesus into later on in Matthew.

Matthew 19:4–12 NIV

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

The Pharisees are trying to draw Jesus into this debate on divorce and to answer them, Jesus does two things. First, he takes them all the way back to Adam and Eve and second, he corrects them on their thoughts on Moses.

Jesus goes back to Genesis and reminds them and us that the marriage relationship is meant to be completely different from all other relationships. When two people are married they are no longer two, but one flesh. This relationship is unlike any other. And it is in Genesis that we see that marriage was meant to be permanent. What God has joined together, let no one separate. It is meant to last. Divorce isn’t even mentioned here when God institutes marriage.

Jesus also corrects them on what Moses’ had said. Moses didn’t command divorce as they said, Moses permitted it. Never in scripture is divorce commanded. Jesus doesn’t say that if your spouse commits adultery that you MUST divorce them. Even in those situations God longs for reconciliation to take place. It is a testament of God’s grace and love when a married couple is able to work through an issue of unfaithfulness.

I want us to see then, that plainly, biblically, the ideal is that marriage is a permanent relationship that God does not want broken. The question still arises though, is it ever allowed? Understanding that divorce is never the ideal, is there ever a time when it is okay? And the answer is yes.

Adultery

Jesus tells us that if there is sexual immorality, then divorce can happen. The Greek word here is porneia, from which we derive the English word pornography. The Greek dictionaries tell us that porneia means fornication, prostitution, or other kinds of unlawful intercourse. When porneia is applied to married persons, it means marital unfaithfulness. This is an allowed reason for divorce that Jesus gives. Once again, Jesus doesn’t command divorce, but it is permitted with there is marital unfaithfulness.

Now, Paul writes that there is another instance where divorce is once again allowed.

Abuse

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul tells the church that they are not obligated to leave their spouse if they are not a believer. Those marriages were not unholy because of the spouse who worshiped some other god; they were made holy by the one who worshiped the living God.

While God has called us to pursue peace and reconciliation with all people, Paul wrote that in the case of a spouse who walked away, abandoning the marriage, the remaining spouse should “let it be so” and not consider himself or herself “bound,” strongly implying the freedom to remarry.

If a spouse simply walks out one day, abandons the marriage and refuses to reconcile, then the person that was abandoned is not bound. The one who abandoned the marriage is the one who broke the covenant of marriage.

This leads me to the last reason I believe divorce would be permitted. And that is in the case of abuse.

An abusive spouse, in fact, has abandoned the marriage. Abuse is much worse than abandonment, involving the use of something holy (marriage) as a way of doing harm against someone. Abuse of a spouse or a child is exactly what God condemns everywhere in the Bible—the use of power to hurt the vulnerable. While abuse is worse than abandonment, it is no less than abandonment.

If one spouse abandons the home, the Bible reveals, it is not the fault of the innocent party. And if a spouse makes the home a dangerous place for the other spouse (or their children), that is not the fault of the innocent party either. In those cases, divorce is not a sin but is, first of all, a recognition of what is already the case—that the one-flesh union covenant is dissolved—and the abused spouse should feel no condemnation at all in divorcing.

Be Committed

The long and short of the conversation around divorce for Christians, is that it should be rare not common. Can someone be a Christian and get a divorce? Yes, through what Jesus says and what Paul says marital unfaithfulness and abandonment can lead someone to divorce their spouse without sinning. And as such, if a spouse is abusive and unrepentant, they have abandoned their marriage covenant and their spouse is allowed to divorce them.

Now, what happens if you have gotten a divorce and it wasn’t for these reasons? What happens if we do find that we are guilty of adultery because of how we have divorced our spouse? And for this, I was to read what one pastor, Martin Llyod Jones wrote long ago. He said...

All I would say about them is this, and I say it carefully and advisedly, and almost in fear lest I give even a semblance of a suggestion that I am saying anything that may encourage anyone to sin. But on the basis of the gospel and in the interest of truth I am compelled to say this: Even adultery is not the unforgivable sin. It is a terrible sin, but God forbid that there should be anyone who feels that he or she has sinned himself or herself outside the love of God or outside His kingdom because of adultery. No; if you truly repent and realize the enormity of your sin and cast yourself upon the boundless love and mercy and grace of God, you can be forgiven and I assure you of pardon. But hear the words of our blessed Lord: “Go and sin no more.”

Marriage is a serious thing. It should not be entered into lightly or halfheartedly. Be Committed to your spouse in the same way that Jesus is committed to his church.

Closing

Don’t give in to lust.

Remain committed in your marriages.