Win Them Back
Notes
Transcript
Introduction - Natural Conflict
Introduction - Natural Conflict
Life together is tough. Put any two people in contact with each other for enough time and there’s going to be fights.
Your best friend is the best until you start living with them.
You love your spouse until one day just the sound of them chewing breakfast drives you insane.
Jesus tells us to love our enemies, but sometimes it feels harder to love our brothers.
But we have to do more than put up with each other’s annoying habits. We have to figure out what happens when we’ve been deeply hurt by another’s sin.
Text Introduction
Text Introduction
This brings us to Matthew 18:15-17
15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
How to Forgive
How to Forgive
It’s easy to read this as a me passage. What do I do when someone sins against me?
Whether they sin against us or not, there are people we're tempted to treat like Gentiles and tax-collectors. We focus on the end of this passage, and since this part is at the end it looks like the goal to us.
So it’s easy to read this as the checklist we need to go through before we can kick someone out the church.
But we ought to listen to verse 15 closely.
15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.”
This is Your Brother
This is Your Brother
First, we need to keep in mind who we’re talking to. Jesus tells us that this is about your brother. It’s easy to toss that word around so that we don’t hear what we’re supposed to be. We’re not a social club, we’re not associates, we’re family. And just I couldn’t choose any one in my family to cut out of my life we should be terrified of this process going all the way.
The Goal - How to Win a Brother
The Goal - How to Win a Brother
And second, the goal is not to kick people out of the church. The goal is right here in verse 15 - to gain your brother. It’s the same word that Paul uses to talk about his evangelism. He becomes all things to all men to win some of them. When seeing our brother in sin that’s a loss, and it’s up to you to win them back.
This isn’t the authoritative guide to cutting ties, it’s the guide to bringing in the lost sheep.
First Approach
First Approach
15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
When you see your brother or sister in sin it is your responsibility to talk to them about it. And we can think up a lot of reason why we shouldn’t go talk to that person:
That’s something the elders should take care of. But neither elder nor deacon are mentioned here.
It’s not a sin against me. Should we be like Cain, asking “Am I my brother’s keeper?” Yes! We wouldn’t see someone hanging off the edge of a cliff and say “None of my business” yet we are content to see our family hanging over the pits of hell!
We don’t want to invite scrutiny into our own lives. Calling out specks in someone else's’ eye might invite someone to investigate the logs in our own. Maybe we prefer a church that doesn’t take sin seriously because we don’t to take seriously in our own lives.
Or maybe we don’t want to win our brother back. We’re fine with them doing their thing and we’ll do ours.
When a brother sins, Jesus says it’s up to you to talk to them. Don’t assume somebody else will. Don’t leave it up to the elders. Show some love and work it out.
How To Approach
How To Approach
And show some love in how you approach your brother or sister.
Do we lecture and bombard with bible verses? No.
Do we get angry and shout? Nope.
Do we threaten them with vengeance? Nada.
Jesus wants us to “tell him his fault” or, what I prefer, is show him his faults.
15 “Now if your brother sins, go and show him his fault, between you and him alone; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.
It’s the same word Paul uses when he tells us in Ephesians 5:11
11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.
It may be that the brother we’re correcting may not even be aware of their sin. It needs to be pointed out. Either they have a different interpretation, were never taught, or just don’t see what the harm is.
And we’re only exposing it to that individual - not the whole world.
15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
Jesus wants us to treat this sin with minimal exposure and maximum sensitivity.
There might be more to the story
You might even be completely wrong about what they’re doing
They might listen that much better because they know you’re doing it out of concern, not trying to shame them
Second Approach
Second Approach
But people don’t always listen.
16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.
So now we need help in bringing our brother or sister back. Bring two or three others with you so they can affirm that this deed is indeed sinful!
This is based on the Old Testament commands of establishing every charge on the testimony of two or three. We can’t judge one way or another in a he-says-she-says situation. We depend on the others in the community to help set the record straight.
Third Approach
Third Approach
But that still might not work out
17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
Now it’s the entire church’s responsibility to bring back the sinning brother or sister. And everyone stands together to testify to the reality of sin.
It’s not just a personal difference
It’s not just a misunderstanding
Everyone is telling the same story
Refusing to Listen
Refusing to Listen
When it gets this far notice the change between the sinners response in verse 16 and 17. Before, he didn’t listen. One person can be mistaken. But two or three? The entire church? Now he’s refusing to hear you. With the combined witness of the church it's not up for debate anymore, but he’s not interested.
Gentiles and Tax Collectors
Gentiles and Tax Collectors
And when someone refuses to acknowledge their sin and refuses the outreach of the church to bring them back into the fold, there’s nothing else that can be done. Jesus says they’re to be like a Gentile and a tax collector to us. They are to be completely alienated from us.
Gentiles were those outside the covenant and family of God
Tax collectors had turned their back on the people of God and gone over to the enemy
When our sinful behavior is never repented of, despite the overwhelming effort of the church to warn us, we’re no longer in God’s family. We’ve turned our back on our family and gone over to the enemy.
If we aren’t going to act like family then we aren’t going to be family.
Why Cast Them Out?
Why Cast Them Out?
This idea of breaking fellowship with someone from the church can really rub people the wrong way. If we’re trying to bring people closer to God, doesn’t treating them like a Gentile or tax collector just create distance? How does this do anything except make it impossible to win your brother back?
Two things:
Bound in Heaven
Bound in Heaven
First, we’re not the ones making the decision.
18 Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will have been bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will have been loosed in heaven.
I like how literal the CSB puts it. Whatever we bind our lose, whoever we bring in or cast out, that call will already have been made in heaven. We didn’t make the decision, we’re recognizing God’s decision.
Discipline Through Exile
Discipline Through Exile
And second, when we exclude people from the church it is not for the sake of punishing. It is not because God hates sinners and now we need to as well. It’s a corrective action that gives people a taste of what’s to come on judgement day if they don’t repent.
What does God say to those false disciples in Matthew 7:23 “And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’”
It’s what Adam end Eve suffered when they ate the forbidden fruit.
It’s what Cain suffered after murdering his brother.
It’s what the entire nation of Israel underwent during the exile - separation from God.
Jesus isn’t innovating in our passage - he’s teaching us to handle sin the same way that God has handled sin throughout human history. I imagine he especially had Leviticus 26 in mind here.
In Leviticus 26 God is warning Israel of what happens if…
14 “But if you will not listen to me and will not do all these commandments,
18 And if in spite of this you will not listen to me, then I will discipline you again sevenfold for your sins,
21 “Then if you walk contrary to me and will not listen to me, I will continue striking you, sevenfold for your sins.
Four times he appeals to Israel that if they didn’t listen they would be cast out of God’s presence.
33 And I will scatter you among the nations, and I will unsheathe the sword after you, and your land shall be a desolation, and your cities shall be a waste.
What we’re doing as a church is giving the same warning that God has given throughout the bible - sin separates us from God.
An Advance Warning
An Advance Warning
What we’re doing as a church is a reflection of what will happen on the last day to those who don’t turn away from sin. We’re showing them that all the joy and blessings of being with God and his people can and will be taken away from anyone who turns their back on their holy calling. We’re giving them a taste of what hell feels like so they can turn back before it’s too late.
Only When It Feels Like Heaven
Only When It Feels Like Heaven
But here’s the thing - this only works if we’ve made church feel like heaven. If an unrepentant sinner is excluded from the church and only thinks “No big deal I can go to a church down the road” then we’ve failed. This corrective actions only works if someone feels the loss of relationships that have been built up and established over years.
And there’s one more important connection I believe that we should see between how God worked with Israel and we work with each other when it comes to handling sin.
There was always hope for restoration.
40 “But if they confess their iniquity and the iniquity of their fathers in their treachery that they committed against me, and also in walking contrary to me,
44… I will not spurn them, neither will I abhor them so as to destroy them utterly and break my covenant with them, for I am the Lord their God. 45 But I will for their sake remember the covenant with their forefathers, whom I brought out of the land of Egypt in the sight of the nations, that I might be their God: I am the Lord.”
After studying this passage I don’t prefer for the terms ‘disfellowship’ or ‘excommunicate.’ I like exile. Not just because it sounds any nicer, but because exile wasn’t the end of the story for Israel. We should hope and pray that it isn’t the end of the story for the one we called our brother.
A Place of Forgiveness
A Place of Forgiveness
Jesus says in Matthew 18:20
20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
The Rabbi’s taught “If two sit together and words of the Law are between them, the 'divine presence’ rests between them.” That ‘divine presence’ was the glory of God that took residence in the tabernacle in Exodus 40:34 and 1 Kings 8:10-11.
Importantly, it was the temple where people found forgiveness. In 1 Kings 8:20-53 Solomon prays to God that when any Israelite or foreigner prays to the temple that they would be heard and forgiven by God. No matter how far away they happen to be, God would hear in heaven and see their repentance, and forgive them. Those who are far off in exile would be brought near.
30 And listen to the plea of your servant and of your people Israel, when they pray toward this place. And listen in heaven your dwelling place, and when you hear, forgive.
46 “If they sin against you—for there is no one who does not sin—and you are angry with them and give them to an enemy, so that they are carried away captive to the land of the enemy, far off or near,
48 if they repent with all their heart and with all their soul in the land of their enemies…
49 then hear in heaven your dwelling place their prayer and their plea, and maintain their cause 50 and forgive your people who have sinned against you…
The temple was the place of God’s forgiveness. But now we have God’s presence through Jesus. He is Immanuel - God with us. And Jesus is found among his people. His forgiveness is to be found among us. So that even if our brother is carried away captive by his sin, if he repents - we forgive, just like God does.
Unlimited Forgiveness
Unlimited Forgiveness
21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”
It’s work winning a brother or sister back. Peter brings up a natural concern. How long do I have to tolerate someone who sins against me multiple times?
They hurt me, I go to them, they hear me and repent. Life is good!
But even when we know something is wrong we still fall. So again this brother sins against me, I go to him in private again, he repents. Life is good.
But let’s say it happens again, and again, and again. How long do we put up with somebody else’s imperfections, their sin that keeps wounding me?
The Rabbi’s taught that three times was sufficient. Any more than that and you’re being naive. Peter goes over the top, double it and throw in an extra just for kicks. Seven times is extravagant. But seven times is still too little.
22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Some of your translations read 490 times, it’s because the Greek itself is ambiguous. And we might think “Ok which is it, 77 times or 490?”
Which still misses the point like Peter does.
Jesus isn’t giving us an actual number to count up to. It’s a callback to an Old Testament story.
The Pursuit of Mercy - Lamech
The Pursuit of Mercy - Lamech
In Genesis 4 we have the story of Cain and Abel. After Cain murders his brother he complains to God that his punishment is too much. If anybody finds him then they’ll kill him!
So God gives him some protection:
15 Then the Lord said to him, “Not so! If anyone kills Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold.” And the Lord put a mark on Cain, lest any who found him should attack him.
Anything you do to Cain, God will do seven times worse to you!
And Cain goes, has a family, and his great-great-great grandson is named Lamech. And Lamech is a jerk.
He gives us one of the earliest poems in the bible and it’s about him killing someone.
23 Lamech said to his wives: “Adah and Zillah, hear my voice; you wives of Lamech, listen to what I say: I have killed a man for wounding me, a young man for striking me. 24 If Cain’s revenge is sevenfold, then Lamech’s is seventy-sevenfold.”
Lamech didn’t just kill a man, but a youth. And he didn’t kill him for just being wounded, just for being struck. Because if you mess with Lamech, Lamech is going to to give it back 77 times worse.
John Wick Example
John Wick Example
Lamech is like the ancient John Wick. For the uninitiated, John Wick is a movie about a retired mob hitman. Some punk kills his dog and steals his car. In his quest for vengeance John kills, very fittingly, 77 people.
Because of a dog and a car.
And people love it. They’re on their fourth or fifth film and a spin-off! Because we love to see revenge stories. We love to take revenge, and Lamech reflects a very human desire to take our vengeance to the extreme.
Jesus wants us to take all of that drive we have for revenge and use it to pursue forgiveness instead. Be relentless in your pursuit of reconciliation. Have no limit to what you’ll forgive.
Just like God has relentlessly pursued you!
God Forgave You - 10,000 Talents
God Forgave You - 10,000 Talents
23 “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt.
Debt is a picture of sin. In the Old Law there were plenty of sins that came with a fine, so the more you sinned the greater debt you had.
Well this servant is 10,000 talents in debt. a talent was the biggest amount of money and 10,000 was the largest written number. It’s like Jesus is saying that this guy owed his master a zillion dollars!
And the servant pleads with him - “Just give me time! I’ll pay everything!” But we know that’s impossible. Your average worker would take 60 million days to earn that much. If you live to 100, you’ve only been around 36,500 days.
But the master forgives him. Not because they worked out a deal, just pity. He saw the impossible situation of this slave and felt bad for him. So the master takes the loss, doesn’t get even the smallest fraction of it back, and lets the servant go.
We Don’t Forgive As Easily
We Don’t Forgive As Easily
28 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ 30 He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt.
The forgiven servant finds himself in the same exact scenario. Someone owes him money, a lot less than 10,000 talents, and they plead with him in nearly the exact same words. Have patience with me, and I will pay you.
But the servant who owed 10,000 talents refuses to listen to his pleas, and throws him in jail.
31 When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. 32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
As Jesus instructs us to go about forgiving one another it’s natural to think about the damage that’s been done to me. This smaller debt is not insignificant. Jesus’ point is not that personal grievances are no big deal.
He wants us to remember the extent that God went to in forgiving us.
He wants us to remember the loss he suffered for our sake.
He wants us to remember that he was moved by pity when seeing us plead with him over our sin.
He wants us to have the same reaction to the sins against us.
As much as God pursues us, we pursue the lost
As much as God disciplines out of love, we discipline
As much as God has given up for our sake, we forgive
Conclusion
Conclusion
Our brothers and sisters in Christ are too valuable to simply let go of. Each and every one of you here is worth fighting for because Jesus thought it was worth dying for you.
Jesus’ words aren’t just teachings on how to forgive, but good news for anyone seeking forgiveness.
We’re here to help you.
We don’t want to chase you away.
We want to win you back.
You can be forgiven.
If you need just one person - I’d be glad to sit and listen to you.
If you need the help of just a few - the elders would love to help.
If you need the help of the whole church - you can come forward right now as we stand and sing.
