How we communicate matters
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Let’s Talk: How we communicate matters
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
All of us don’t only want to be heard but we want to be understood.
I don’t want you to argue with me, I want to know you have heard me and understand me and care about me.
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
We have two ears and one mouth, which ought to remind us to listen more than we speak.
We have to be honest, most people switch the order of this verse. They are quick to speak and slow to listen. This is the problem in this world.
The logic of this passage is brilliant. He’s laying out a psychological and spiritual framework for human communication to flourish.
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
Most people listen only to give a reply and not to understand.
1. When we listen to give a reply we don’t learn anything.
Stephen Covey: 7 Habits of highly effective people.
Habit #5: Seek first to understand (listen) then to be understood (speak). Did he get this from James?
We need to slow down to listen and understand. To understand we need to ask questions.
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
2. Slow to speak: If you have to say something be curious.
Do you ever feel your blood pressure go up, and even get frustrated and angry at what you are hearing?
Maybe we need to ask more questions and get curious.
Slow to speak: Ask three questions.
Why do you feel that way? Why do you think that way? Help me understand.
The more I listen the more I learn. – Tell me more.
*Do you want to enhance your relationship with the other person?
Be Found & Be Known: We can't reach a culture we refuse to listen to. Authentic connection happens in the space where we drop our defenses and decide that the relationship is more important than the "win."
Just walk across the room: Christian / Muslim
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
Becoming angry does not help the situation or the relationship.
Would you rather talk with someone who is quick or slow to become angry?
Does anger open up more conversation or less?
3. Slow to become angry, leads to more conversation.
More conversation leads to more questions and more understanding.
We get angry when ppl do things that we don’t understand or we don’t have a clear picture of. If you’re angry or frustrated, it’s just a signal that you’re missing a piece of the puzzle.
Staff training: Trust vs. Suspicion: I am going to trust you and if I get suspicious or question something I will come to you directly and ask for clarification and understanding.
Why do we need to be slow to anger?
20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
But James is clear: Human anger: your anger, my anger, does not produce the life God wants for us and our relationships.
Think about it. We have this "I’m right" stance that justifies our anger.
3. You can right the person you love right out the door.
The selfishness in you wants to win the debate, but the Christian in you is called to understand and win the heart. We can agree to disagree.
4. Don’t settle for being right. Make things right.
*It is all about the relationship right?
21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
James says to get rid of the "prevalent evil" of our tempers and "humbly accept" the Word. That word "accept" means to welcome it in.
21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
Which can save you and your relationships.
Let’s be a church that is known for how well we listen and how quickly we learn. And how slow to anger we become. That is how we build a community that the world actually wants to be a part of.
