Relationships - Dating

A couple of things I want to point out 

If you get anything from tonight, get this 

-You can’t marry the right person if you’re dating the wrong person 

-Instead of asking how do I find the right person, ask how do I become the right person?

-Be the type of person the person you’re looking for is looking for

TONIGHT 

We are talking about 3 characteristics we need to have before we become married

Dating can be confusing because of society throwing so many things at us 

READ 1 Corinthians 7:7-8

“I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.”

Being single is a gift 

This means being married isn’t our purpose in life.

Verse 35

“I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” 

When we are single we can give our undivided attention to God.

Being married isn’t our purpose, it’s to live with undivided devotion to Jesus.

The 3 characteristics 

Secure in Christ

Strong in Character 

Planted in community

Breaking down 

Secure in Christ 

Firstly, if you want to end up married and happy, start single and secure.

Insecure people need more and settle for less

With movies, songs, society things, we’ve been misled to believe someone can “complete us”

Or “They are my other half” 

Marriage doesn’t complete you 

Jesus Christ can complete you 

Colossians 2:9-10

9 For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, 10 and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority.

The enemy will try to say that you’re missing something

Once we are secure in Christ you don’t have to lower your standards because your needs are then met. 

We are to be made whole in Christ

Mark 10:8-9

8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.

We have all heard this verse at some point regarding marriage.

Something to key in is that it wasn’t not two half people to make one, it was 2 WHOLE people to make one whole person. 

The two both became whole in Christ INDIVIDUALLY then came together in Christ.

Strong in Character

If we tell ourselves that we have freedom to do whatever we want because we are not tied down to a relationship then we are building a future relationship on sin instead of righteousness. 

What you do today impacts tomorrow

What does strong character look like? 

1 Timothy 4:12

“but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”

How’s your character? What’s coming out of your mouth? 

What’s coming out of your mouth is reflecting on the heart.

How’s your behavior?

Marriage isn’t going to solve your sinful problems

If you have a lust issue, when you get married you’re going to have a lust issue but with a ring on your finger.

If you have idols in your life, when you get married you’re going to have idols in your life but with a ring on your finger.

Before we get married we need to have God come in our life and change our character 

Through him and him alone we can have strong character.

Planted in community 

The right person is going to be planted in strong community

Proverbs 13:20

“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.”

Who we are around the most is who we are going to become. 

Now we are going to talk about Intimacy 

It is extremely important in a marriage to have intimacy. 

The problem with dating is that we are not married yet we try to create as much intimacy as we can. 

Three types of intimacy, physical, emotional, and spiritual. 

All 3 are connected 

Physical intimacy leads to deeper emotional intimacy and that can lead to more physical intimacy. 

That is why we need to set boundaries on our intimacy. 

Not only to guard our hearts  but also to not create dependency on each other.

Physical: Each couple is different, but the second one of you fall into the mindset of lusting after that person then there must be an immediate stopping to whatever that may be. 

Emotional: not to create the fixation in the brain that a couple is married emotionally. Avoiding conversations about future things that aren’t relevant

are you spending more time with God or your partner?

Spiritual: This is a hard one to set boundaries for 

We are told to read our bible, pray, worship God

Why not do it with our significant other? 

Firstly, it is extremely intimate of a thing to do that can lead to intimacy in other ways.

Secondly, if we do a daily bible study, or prayer, that can be very dangerous of a thing to do.

We are becoming spiritually dependent on that person. 

You can fall into your entire spiritual life being only whenever you’re doing it with a bf or gf

Therefore, if you break up and they leave so does your spiritual life. 

We are also really good at associating things to previous relationships. 

We start to associate things that happened in our relationships and after a breakup it can cause a distaste to it.

If we are doing daily devotionals and praying together consistently, and then we break up, that can cause a distaste in our mouth toward those things. And then we start being reminded of our ex more than worshiping Jesus.

Once you become married all of that changes but in a dating relationship there shouldn’t be that level of intimacy.

NOT saying never pray together. 

Ashley and I prayed a handful of times over each other. (Outside of meals)

All levels of intimacy lead to farthing levels of intimacy which is not meant to be in a dating relationship.

Date to marry not dating like you’re married.

We are to be seeking Jesus and Jesus alone. 

If we are chasing after God and we look over and see someone else that’s chasing after God 

Seek first Jesus, he needs to be your focus, don’t seek someone in this world that will never complete you no matter how good they make you feel about yourself or how good looking they are. 

ONLY JESUS CHRIST CAN FULFILL YOU