Biblical View of Dating

Hello everyone! If you don’t know me, my name is Joe Farage and I’ve been a leader here at StudentLife for about 4 years now. I’ve been married for almost 12 years now (show family picture slide and leave up until next slide) and am blessed to have a beautiful family. There’s a picture of Amber and my 4 kids. Clearly it was very cold out and Trace, my son there, was NOT having it. And Gemma, who my wife is holding, that’s pretty much her normal face. Ask any of her KidsLife teachers and they’ll agree.

But tonight we’re going to be talking about dating.

Everyone say dating.

Tonight we’re going to be talking about dating, and what the Bible has to say about it. And we’re not going to make it weird

Everyone say weird.

Like Pastor Jordan shared last week, dating how we do it in American society is a pretty recent thing in human history. It’s really only the last 100 years that dating, as we know it, has really been a thing. How many of you have learned about the flapper era in the 1920’s? That was when dating started to become a “thing”.

So, if dating wasn’t a thing until that recent, and the Bible was written almost 2,000 years earlier, what does the Bible really say about it.

Short answer, nothing. The Bible doesn’t say anything directly about dating, because it didn’t exist at the time. Alright message over.

Just kidding! Get back to your seat Nate

But for real, the Bible doesn’t specifically talk about dating, but it DOES give us principles about relationships and covenants that we can apply to modern dating.

Before we dig in I want to show you another picture (picture of baby Joe and Amber)

I plumbed the depths of facebook to find this picture. This is Amber and I in 2011, about 6 months before we started dating. And yes, I know it looks like we were praying to each other, but I promise we were playing ninja (which I won). And that weird Bieber-esque kid in the back, that’s my little brother.

But why am I showing you this. What we’re going to talk about is how I tried to handle all my dating relationships throughout high school and college. I dated 4 girls before Amber and in all of those relationships, I tried to do what I’m talking about today. So this isn’t just a “do what the Bible says” message. This is a message rooted in the Bible and my personal life experiences.

So what does the Bible say?

Genesis 2:24 “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.”

This is the first spot in the Bible that that a marriage relationship is talked about. When reading the Bible, the first time something is mentioned is profoundly important.

And it’s even more important if it’s referenced in other books

Ephesians 5:31 reiterates this verse

Ephesians 5:31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

then goes on to give further clarification

Ephesians 5:32 “This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church.”

So Ephesians builds on Genesis to tell us that marriage was created to remind us of how Christ loves the church.

Now, I’m sure you’re asking “but Joe, those verses are about marriage, you said you were talking about dating?”

(pause for them to ask - whether they do or not)

well I’m glad you asked!

Let’s define dating. When I say dating, I’m referring to an exclusive relationship between a guy and a girl. Not a situationship or “it’s complicated” or whatever else you want to call it. I’m talking about a clearly defined boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

so what is Biblical dating?

Biblical dating is focused on God

I need a volunteer for this part. NAME

Hold up one arm vertically like this

The most important thing about you is your relationship with Jesus. Everything else comes from this.

Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.”

See if you’re single, this is your life. You’re here, God’s up here and you’re heading His direction, we should want to be closer and closer to Jesus every day.

Now if we add in a second person, who’s also focused on God, (hold up 2 arms with hands pointed together at top, like a triangle)

As you both move closer to Jesus, what happens? You get closer to each other too!

If you’re in a dating relationship, you better be pointing your girlfriend or boyfriend to Jesus. Encourage them to get into a small group or Bible study, get their focus to be on Jesus. Because if you both aren’t pointing each other to Jesus, you’re going to end up focused on each other, and that leads to the relationship as a whole not being focused on Jesus.

Biblica dating is focused on God

Biblical dating is headed towards covenant

Throughout the Bible we see relationships that are bound by covenant. A covenant is an unbreakable oath. And a marriage is one of those covenantal relationships, like we looked at in Genesis.

Genesis 2:24 “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.”

Becoming one flesh is a symbolic way of showing there’s an unbreakable covenant. What is joined into one cannot be separated without severe cost.

Dating is the first step towards this covenant. Because of this, dating is not to be taken lightly. Now, dating should be fun, it is exciting and nerve-wracking, and hard, and cute, and all the things, but if those emotions are the reason for your dating, I would argue that you’re dating for the wrong reasons. If you’re dating someone, it means that you could honestly, for real see yourself entering into the marriage covenant with that person. If you can’t see yourself marrying that person and making a covenant before God, that relationship has a very weak foundation.

Biblical dating is focused on God, and it’s headed towards a covenant.

Biblical dating is protected by boundaries

I’m talking about both emotional and physical boundaries here.

If you’re in a relationship just because it’s what your friends are doing or just because it makes you feel a certain way, that is a dangerous place to be.

Proverbs 4:23 “Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.”

If you are finding your emotional health and spiritual direction in another person, they are an idol in your life.

Physical boundaries - Pastor Jordan talked about this a bit last week. Having the conversation about boundaries and what’s allowed or not allowed is GOOD. It can be a bit awkward, but if you can’t have that tiny awkward conversation with your boyfriend or girlfriend, how are you going to talk about the crazy difficulties that come up during marriage?

The Bible is clear about physical boundaries and interactions outside of marriage.

1 Thessalonians 4:3 “For this is God’s will, your sanctification: that you keep away from sexual immorality,”

(keyboard come out and start playing)

Let me be very clear here. Establishing healthy, godly boundaries now when you’re dating, sets you up for great success when you’re in that covenant marriage in the future. The boundaries themselves may change, but being disciplined and selfless in your relationship is a great trait that few people have.

Closing

So remember these 3 things of what biblical dating is

(slide about the 3 takeaways, leave up)

Biblical dating is focused on God

Biblical dating is headed towards covenant

Biblical dating is protected by boundaries

A common theme you’ll notice is that all of these things I talked about tonight include both people in them. If your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t believe in Jesus, or even if they do, but they’re not willing to date in a God-honoring way, it will lead to issues in your life and more than likely, your relationship will not be God-honoring. Both people need to be involved.

Outside of the 2 people in the relationship, it helps to have trusted people to keep you accountable. People like your youth leaders, maybe parents, other trusted mentors in your life. They’ll help you establish boundaries and hold to them. Even if you’re not in a dating relationship now, talking to your parents and trusted mentors now about what dating will look like for you is a good place to start.

And if you are in a dating relationship, I encourage you to think about these 3 points, and see if your relationship holds up. If not, I encourage you to change things to move towards a more biblical relationship model.