Love Is Not Optional

Intro:

Well, yesterday was Valentine’s Day.

For the past several weeks our culture has been talking about love. Stores covered in red and pink. Cards, candy, flowers. Social media filled with posts about how much people love each other.

But if we’re honest, when our world talks about love, it usually means one of three things.

Sometimes love is just a feeling. “If I feel it, it’s real.” And when the feeling fades, the love fades.

Sometimes love is a preference. We say we love everything — food, hobbies, vehicles, sports teams. The word gets stretched so thin that it hardly means anything anymore.

And sometimes love is treated like an option. “I’ll love you as long as you treat me right.” “I’ll love you as long as you agree with me on everything.” “I’ll love you as long as it doesn’t cost me too much.”…

But as we get back to our study in 1 John 4… It becomes very evident that John does not talk about love the way the culture does.

He’s not describing a mood.

He’s not talking about personality.

He’s not giving advice for better relationships.

He’s giving a test.

He’s saying that…

love is evidence.

It’s proof.

It’s something that shows whether or not we truly know God.

And he roots that love — not in emotion — but in theology.

Not in preference — but in the very nature of God Himself.

Not in human effort — but in the cross of Jesus Christ.

This passage forces us to ask a serious question:

If I say I know God… If I say I’ve experienced His saving grace… If I say the cross has changed my life…

Is there visible… measurable… love… flowing out of me?

Because according to John, love is not optional.

And this morning we’re going to measure our understanding of love — not by culture, not by feelings, not even by Valentine’s Day —

But by the cross.

Because that is the standard for Authentic Christian Living…

We are going to look at 1 John 4:7-11 today, but this theme of Love, which started back in chapter 3, continues through to chapter 5…

(Read vv. 7-11)

Meat:

As we dive right into this passage today… within the first 6 words, we already have…

1. The Command of Love

“Beloved, let us love one another…”

These 6 words set the stage for the rest of the chapter and on into chapter 5…

Notice first of all…

1.1 The Audience

Throughout this letter, John has been addressing his readers as “Beloved”… and it’s more than just a quick, informal greeting… …

This is a term or a title of endearment and is used to indicate someone who is considered dearly loved or valued. 

John isn’t talking down to them. He isn’t scolding them. He’s speaking like a spiritual father to a family he cares about. And he’s reminding them of who they are before he tells them what to do.

God does the same thing… …

Exodus 20:1–2 NKJV

1 And God spoke all these words, saying: 2 “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.

And do you know what is written in the rest of the Chapter, starting with v.3??… … The 10 Commandments…

Before the “Thou shalt’s…”

Before the “Thou shalt not’s…”

God reminds them who He is — and who they are.

He’s reminding them, “You are My people.”

Not because they were the strongest nation.

Not because they earned it.

Not because they proved themselves worthy.

He chose them. He set His love on them. He rescued them.

And He reminds them of His power — “I brought you out.” - They didn’t free themselves. - They didn’t overpower Pharaoh. - They didn’t break their own chains.

God did that… … He didn’t just flex His strength… But, He used His strength to redeem a people for Himself.

So when the commandments come, they are not a ladder to climb into God’s favor.

Rather, they are instructions given to people who already belong to Him.

God is saying, in essence:

“I have loved you. I have redeemed you. You are Mine… Now live like My people.”

That’s the same pattern John is following in 1 John 4.

“Beloved…” You are loved. You belong to Him.

Now let that identity shape how you live — and how you love.

Which leads us to..

1.2 The Appeal

John writes, “Beloved, let us love one another.”

There is something important about the way he says this… Because there are a lot of worldly leaders that carry the attitude or mentality of - “Do as I say, not as I do”…

But John says… “Let US”… He steps right into the very command that he is giving to his readers. He puts himself under it. He speaks as one who belongs to the same family.

In God’s household, love is not a specialty for a few mature believers… It’s not reserved for certain personalities… It belongs to all of us…

And then comes the command itself: “Love one another.”

As we continue to see this word “Love” come up in the rest of our passage for today and in the coming weeks, it is apparent that John is talking about an ongoing action — not a one-time effort, not an emotional spike, but a noticeable lifestyle of love.

A love that is directed to “one another.”…

Real people.

Real relationships.

Real church life.

Not selective love… and by that I mean, we are not loving only those who are easy to get along with… we are not loving only those who treat us well.

Biblical love is not just a warm feeling in your heart… … It shows up in real life.

It looks like patience — when you don’t lose your temper, when you don’t react harshly.

It looks like forgiveness — when you let go of an offense instead of holding onto it.

It looks like humility — when you’re willing to admit you were wrong and don’t have to prove yourself all the time.

It looks like service — when you help, when you step in, when you put someone else’s needs ahead of your own.

And it looks like speaking truth with grace — not avoiding hard conversations, but handling them gently.

That’s the kind of love the cross produces.

Not just words. Not just feelings. But something people can actually see.

We love this way — not because it always feels natural — but because it reflects the God who saved us and has accepted us into His family.

As we move on in our passage… I also want you to notice…

2. The Evidence of Love

“Beloved, let us love one another, For love is of God…”

The point that John is trying to make is that…

2.1 Love Originates in God

That means love does not start with us.

It doesn’t originate in human goodness.

It’s not something we invented.

It’s not something society discovered over time.

Love flows from God’s very nature.

I mentioned this before when we were going through chapter 3…

God doesn’t just show love — He is love. It is part of who He is. Just like light shines from the sun, love flows from God… And when someone is born of God, they begin to reflect the One they’ve been born from.

1 John 4:7 “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.”

Meaning that…

2.2 Love Reveals Spiritual Birth

Love is evidence of regeneration.

When God saves a person, He doesn’t just forgive them…

He changes them.

He gives them new life.

New desires.

And one of the clearest signs of that new life is love.

Now, don’t misunderstand me… this does not mean perfection.

John is not saying that real Christians never struggle, never fail, never have moments of selfishness.

But he is saying that the overall direction of their life will have changed…

Is there a pattern?

Is there growth?

Is there a movement toward loving others more than before?

Before salvation, our hearts are naturally bent inward… self-protective, self-focused, self-centered.

But when God gives new life, He begins to turn that heart outward.

We begin to care about what God cares about.

We begin to value what God values.

And God values people.

So John is saying: If someone truly knows God… not just knows about Him… but truly knows Him — love will show up somewhere in their life.

Not perfectly… … But genuinely.

Now remember, John is always giving us both sides of the coin… and so, if love reveals spiritual birth, then that would mean…

2.3 The Absence of Love Reveals Spiritual Death

Look at v.8…

1 John 4:8 “He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.”

This is a pretty strong statement…

John says… if love is absent… if there is no real pattern of love… that person does not know God.

Again, he is not talking about a moment of failure. He’s not talking about a bad day… He’s talking about a continual absence — a life marked by coldness, harshness, or bitterness toward others.

The reality is…

You can claim sound doctrine.

You can know theology.

You can be a church member.

You can be morally upright.

You can avoid scandalous sins.

But if there is no love — no patience, no forgiveness, no concern for others — then something is very wrong at the spiritual level of your life.

v.8 ends with four words… “For God is Love”

This certainly does not mean that everything our culture calls “love” reflects God… Remember, anything that God has said or put into place, Satan tries to corrupt it… and the world labels almost anything as love, even when it contradicts God’s Word.

When John says that God is Love, he means that love is essential to God’s nature…

It is not something He turns on and off.

It is not something He learned.

It is not something outside of Him.

And that means when we talk about real love, we have to let God define it.

He is the source of love. It begins with Him.

And true love only exists within the boundaries He has set.

Not our feelings.

Not the culture.

Not whatever seems right at the moment.

If love comes from God, then it must be shaped by His character and guided by His Word… anything outside of that, is nothing but a cheap, fake, knockoff corrupted by sin.

Thankfully, John doesn’t keep us guessing… he gives us a pretty good picture of God’s Love in verses 9&10…

Lets look at…

3. The Definition of Love

The first part of v.9 says…

1 John 4:9 “In this the love of God was manifested toward us…”

This is not a theory of God’s love… not just some make believe fantasy of what God’s love could be like… but a visible representation of The Love that God has for us…

And this love… is costly…

3.1 Love is Costly

“In this the love of God was manifested toward us that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world…”

This was not God sending an angel.

Not sending a representative.

Not sending some unwanted, or unimportant part of His creation.

He sent His unique, beloved Son — the One who had eternally shared His glory. The One He delighted in. The One who was precious beyond measure.

That, my dear brother’s and sister’s… is infinite cost.

The world talks about love, but most of the time it costs very little.

It costs a card.

It costs a dinner.

It costs a few kind words.

And often, even those things are given only when something is received in return.

But God’s love cost Him His Son.

Real love gives what is precious.

Real love sacrifices.

Real love does not hold back the most valuable thing.

It is costly…

And why did God lovingly send His only begotten Son…

So “…that we might live through Him.”

3.2 Love is Life-Giving

This wasn’t just an example of love. It wasn’t just a display of compassion.

It was rescue!

Because the truth is, we were not merely spiritually sick… we were spiritually dead.

Ephesians 2:1–3 NASB95

1 And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, 2 in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience. 3 Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest.

This is what we were before Christ… This is the state of anyone walking around today who has not put their faith and trust in Jesus…

Dead in sin.

Dead in trespasses.

Unable to fix ourselves.

Unable to bring ourselves back to life.

Isaiah 1:5–6 NASB95

5 Where will you be stricken again, As you continue in your rebellion? The whole head is sick And the whole heart is faint. 6 From the sole of the foot even to the head There is nothing sound in it, Only bruises, welts and raw wounds, Not pressed out or bandaged, Nor softened with oil.

From head to toe, nothing healthy. Just wounds. Open sores. Untreated. Infected.

That’s not a paper cut.

That’s the kind of injury that’s been left alone too long.

It’s swollen.

It’s raw.

It’s starting to rot and ooze.

The kind of thing you can smell before you even see it.

That’s how God describes sin.

Not as a bad habit.

Not as a rough season.

Not as something that just needs a little polishing.

But corruption that runs all the way through us.

And here’s the sobering part — that’s what God sees when He looks at our sinful world.

All the pride.

All the violence.

All the lust.

All the greed.

All the bitterness.

He sees the infection…. … He sees the decay.

And yet… John 3:16

John 3:16 NKJV

16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

That’s not how the world loves.

The world loves what is attractive.

The world loves what gives something back.

The world loves what benefits them.

But God’s love moved toward those who had nothing to offer.

He didn’t wait for us to improve.

He didn’t wait for us to respond.

He sent His Son so that dead sinners might live through Him.

And when that kind of love takes hold of us, it begins to show.

We become people who give life instead of draining it.

People whose words build up instead of tear down.

People who move toward others who are struggling instead of avoiding them.

People who forgive and seek restoration.

People who point others to Christ — the only true source of life.

Because when you have been brought from death to life, the love of God in you should start pouring out on those around you… …

And lastly…

3.3 Love Took Our Place

v.10… 1 John 4:10 “In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.”

When John says God “sent His Son… to be the propitiation for our sins,” he is telling us something that runs completely opposite of how the world thinks about love…

Jesus didn’t just come to teach.

He didn’t just come to set an example.

He didn’t just come to show sympathy.

He came to stand where we should have stood.

Sin demanded judgment.

God is holy.

Wrath is real.

Justice must be satisfied.

And every one of us deserved that judgment.

But at the cross, Jesus stepped into our place.

The punishment we earned — He bore.

The wrath we deserved — He absorbed.

The death that belonged to us — He died.

On the cross, Jesus was treated as if He lived our life… so that we could be treated as if we lived His.

That’s love taking our place.

Now compare that to the way the world loves.

The world loves when it benefits.

The world loves when it feels good.

The world loves when it’s convenient.

The world loves as long as it costs very little.

But the world does not step into someone else’s judgment.

The world does not absorb wrong willingly.

The world says, “Protect yourself.” The cross says, “Give yourself.”

The world says, “Make them pay.” The cross says, “I will pay.”

That’s the difference.

God’s love didn’t ignore sin.

It didn’t excuse sin.

It paid for sin.

Love took our place.

And if that kind of love has truly saved us, it will begin to reshape the way we respond to others.

Closing:

So John says in v.11…

1 John 4:11 “Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.”

That little word “if” is better translated as “since.”

Since God loved us this way.

Since love took our place.

Since Christ absorbed what we deserved.

There is a necessary response….

“We also ought…”

That word “ought” carries a bit of weight with it.

It means we are indebted.

It means this is fitting.

It means this is what belongs in the life of someone who has been loved like that.

John is saying:

If that kind of love saved you…

If that kind of mercy rescued you…

If that kind of grace covered your sin…

Then love is no longer optional for you.

Now, I know that…

We do not take anyone’s eternal judgment.

We are not saviors.

Only Christ is able to satisfy God’s wrath.

But the pattern of the cross is our example and should begin to shape us.

Instead of demanding payment for every offense, we learn to forgive.

Instead of protecting ourselves at all costs, we learn to sacrifice.

Instead of keeping score, we learn to absorb wrong and trust God with justice.

Because if God loved us at our worst…

if He moved toward us when we were spiritually dead and rotting…

if He gave His Son in our place…

Then how can we claim to know Him and refuse to love others?

That’s John’s point.

The cross is not just what saves us.

It becomes the measuring stick for how we live.

And that’s why love — real, Godly love —

is not optional.

Prayer

teach us to love the way You have loved us.

Help us to forgive quickly, serve willingly, speak graciously,

and move toward others instead of away from them

so that our homes, our church, and those around us may see the reality of You through the way we live our lives.