Matt 6:5-13 | Prayer

Segment 1: The Hook & Introduction

Can I see a quick show of hands—how many of you have ever moved somewhere new where you didn’t know anyone? Or started a new job where you were the "new guy" and didn’t have a single friend in the building yet?

It’s exhausting, isn't it?

I’ll never forget moving to Cleveland fourteen years ago. I was interning at a church and living in the upstairs of a retired patent attorney. It was an incredible opportunity, but that first year was brutal. Because I didn’t know anyone, I felt constantly "on." I felt like I had something to prove, so I couldn't really "let my hair down" or just be me.

I have this image in my head of what people think a "pastor" should be like, and the truth is, I don't always fit that stereotype. I’m not exactly a "buttoned-up" guy. Back then, I wasn't sure if these new people would accept the real me or judge me for not fitting the mold. Some of that was youthful insecurity, but part of it was wisdom—it’s not always smart to entrust your whole heart to strangers.

But even if it’s wise, it is draining. I played the part. I stayed buttoned-up until my brother called me six months in and asked how it was going. I told him, "It’s good... but I’m just exhausted."

It hit me why: I was living on a stage. And trying to maintain a "version" of yourself for an audience will wear you out every single time.

I think that’s why many of us are as worn out as we are. We feel as though we’re living on a stage. We feel like we always have to be "on"—at the office, on social media, even when you walk through these church doors. There’s this pressure to project the "together" or "righteous" version of yourself.

It is exhausting to feel like you can never just take off the mask.

That is why what Jesus says today is the most relieving thing you are going to hear this week. He invites us into the only space in the universe where you don’t have to perform. He invites us into a space where the mask comes off, the performance stops, and you are loved just for being there.

He calls it the Secret Place of prayer.

Please open your Bibles to Matthew chapter 6.

We are in our series, "The Residency: Training for a Life with God." Today, we’re looking at the core discipline of the entire Christian life: Prayer. Now, when we hear "prayer," most of us don't think "relief." We think "duty"—a religious chore. But Jesus shows us that prayer is something entirely different.

Prayer isn't a performance to impress or a formula to inform; it’s a conversation that forms us into the image of the Father who is always glad to see us.

To help us get there, we’re going to look at two things prayer is not, so we can see what prayer actually is:

Prayer is not to IMPRESS.

Prayer is not to INFORM (or manipulate).

Prayer is to FORM.

Segment 2: Movement 1—Prayer is not to IMPRESS (v. 5)

If we’re going to understand the Secret Place, we have to start by clearing away the religious debris. Which is where Jesus begins. He addresss the most common way we ruin the conversation right up front: we turn prayer into a show.

Look at verse 5:

New International Version (2011) Chapter 6

5 “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.

Now when we here the word hypocrite we immediately think of a 2 faced person, but back then, it was not a word associated with Church. Rather it was word used to describe actors in the theatre. It literally meant "one who answers from under a mask."

And so, Jesus looks at the religious "A-students" of His day—the guys who seemed the most "buttoned-up" and put-together—and He says, "Stop acting. Stop trying to use God to build a brand for yourself."

Notice where they pray: synagogues and street corners. Why? Because that’s where the audience is. In Cleveland, I stayed buttoned-up because I didn't know if I could trust the people. These guys were doing the exact opposite—they were staying buttoned-up specifically so people would see them.

They wanted the reputation of being a "prayer warrior." They wanted the spiritual "likes." They were using the posture of prayer to communicate not to God, but to the crowd: "Look at how serious I am. Look at how holy I am."

And Jesus’ response is chilling: "Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward."

His term there is banking one. It’s transactional… Jesus means "paid in full." Transaction closed.

Essentially Jesus is saying, if you pray to get people to think you’re spiritual, and they think you’re spiritual... congrats. You got the "reputation" you wanted, but that’s all you’re gonna get. You won’t get the Father because you weren’t actually talking with Him.

You didn’t get a conversation. You just got a fleeting pat on the back from a crowd that can’t help you anyway.

Now, we don’t stand on street corners in Jerusalem. But man, we still act don’t we.

Have you ever noticed how, in a small group or a prayer circle, someone asks you to pray and your voice suddenly changes? You drop an octave. Your posture gets a little more rigid. You start using words you never use in real life.

"Gracious Gawd! Heavenly Righteous Father... I beseech thee!" Ha! You start "beseeching," as if anybody actually talked like that! I mean, when was the last time you "beseeched" your kids to put their shoes on in the morning? You don’t "beseech" the waiter for more napkins at lunch. So why are we "beseeching" God like we’re auditioning for a role or an award for Best Supporting Christian!?

It’s because we’re trying to impress. We’re trying to put forward that "holy version" of ourselves we think God—or the person sitting next to us—expects.

(v.6) But Jesus says: "Yeah, don’t do that! No, just go into your room and shut the door." Why the door? Because you can’t have an audience in a closet. The Secret Place is the only place on earth where the mask has to come off, where you can truly let your hair down.

You see friends, prayer is not about the "octave" of your voice; it's about the honesty of your heart. When you drop the act, you finally find the Father—or rather He finds you, exactly as you are.

Prayer isn’t about impressing God; it’s about being honest before Him.

Segment 3: Movement 2—Prayer is not to INFORM (vv. 7-8)

Some of you hear that and think, "I'm good. I don't use 'holy' words or drop an octave." But Jesus isn't done. He turns from the Actor who tries to impress people to the Pagan who tries to manage God.

Look at verse 7:

"And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words."

The "Gentiles" are the ancient pagans of Jesus’ and their religion was built on anxiety. They believed the gods were fickle or asleep, so if you wanted rain or a child, you had to get their attention with an "incantation." You had to say the magic words perfectly, or the "vending machine" wouldn't drop the candy.

Jesus calls this "babbling" or "stammering"—heaping up words to force a result.

Now you and I probably aren’t chanting to Zeus, but I think we’re just as prone to treating prayer as a formula sometimes as they were. We fall into rote ruts where we aren't talking to a Person; we’re running a program.

"Now I lay me down to sleep..."

"God is good, God is great..."

"Good Food. Good Meat. Good God, let’s eat."

We rattle these off without engaging our hearts—and for what? Or we heap up words and or prayer requests… right

Say this many our fathers this many hail mary’s and you’re good.

We fire up the prayer phone chains… thinking we got to get as many people praying as possible praying, as if God is up in Heaven saying... "I’d love to help, but I’ve only heard from 96 people. You’re gonna need to rally four more before I go to work! I only listen if the petition reaches 100 or more!"

Now we are called to carry one another’s burdens so prayer phone chains aren’t evil if what we’re doing is unburdening ourselves to our Church family, but they do become superstitious and perhaps even evil if we think prayer chains are about getting more people to beg, force, or manipulate God to move.

I mean think about that thought process for a movement. What does that say about the Father’s heart if he’s forcing us to get petitions signed down here! Nothing good!

And none of these formulas are actually about a conversation; they’re procedures and superstitions. Pagans treat prayer like a code to be hacked. They think they have to inform God ("Lord, I don't know if you saw the medical report...") or badger Him into caring.

And while Zeus and his pantheon—or any other world religion—might require such hoop-jumping, the God of the Bible does not. Not Yahweh. He is different. He is Holy. "Hallowed be His name!"

You see, Jesus obliterates this anxious hustle in verse 8:

v. 8 "Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him."

And you might be thinking, well if He already knows, then, why pray?

Because prayer isn't about information; it's about intimacy.

Think about your home for a second. In my house, my kids don't walk into the kitchen just to file a status report on their caloric intake. If our relationship were reduced to data points, it would feel cold—a series of administrative pings rather than a conversation. I already know they’re hungry; I’m the one who buys the groceries. They don't check in because I’m the 'Manager of the Pantry'; they talk to me because they’re my children. While we occasionally need to know if the milk is low, I’m not looking for a report—I’m looking for them.

When we treat prayer like a formula, we’re an employee trying to manipulate a reluctant boss. When we treat it like a conversation, we’re a child with a loving Father.

Folks, it’s a mistake to think God requires our prayers to move Him to act. Rather, God uses the conversation of prayer to change our hearts, and then He partners with us to change our world!

Prayer is a conversation, not a procedure. If you can talk and think, you can pray. You don’t need magic words; you just need to show up.

So, if prayer isn't about impressing people or informing God, why do we do it? Jesus says the point is Formation. Prayer is where God changes us. But let’s be real. If I just say, "Go talk to God," most of you will be thinking about your grocery list within forty-five seconds. Right, our minds are like squirrels on caffeine.

Jesus knows this, so He doesn't just give a command; He gives us a Trellis.

In verse 9, Jesus says, "Pray then like this..."

Again think of this as a Trellis.

A vine that isn't supported crawls in the dirt and rots.

The Relationship with God is the vine, but the Trellis is the structure that keeps the vine off the ground.

Jesus isn't giving us magic words; He’s giving us Conversational Categories to guide our formation.

For kids, I teach my kids to pray loosely based on the Lords prayer with these three categories: "Wow God, Thank you God, and Help me God." Which is a great starting place, but Jesus categories are richer and deeper than just that. Look at the text with me and let’s receive the five shifts God intends for us to make in conversation with Him, in prayer:

Jesus walks us through:

The Shift of Identity:

New International Version (2011) Chapter 6

“ ‘Our Father in heaven,

hallowed be your name,

Talking with God begins by settling your nerves. You shift from an Orphan who has to survive on their own to a Child who has a Father with the keys to the kingdom. You start with adoration—and go deep in remembering the holiness of our God! Who is like Him! He’s just and true and merciful and good! All powerful. Perfectly Loving! And you stay there until you remember that this good and gracious Father is actually glad to see you.

Then Jesus points us to our next priority after remembering who God is and what He’s like! He invites us to talk with God about our priorities in life:

The Shift of Priority:

New International Version (2011) Chapter 6

your kingdom come,

your will be done,

on earth as it is in heaven.

This is The Heart Realignment. Most of our prayers are an attempt to hire God as a consultant for our kingdom. But here, we release the steering wheel. We say, "Your kingdom, not mine. Your plan, not my treatment plan." This is an audit of your desires. You are reporting for duty, not giving God a to-do list.

Once our priorities are aligned with His, we move from the macro—the Kingdom—to the micro—our daily survival. He invites us to talk about our needs through a different lens:

The Shift of Mindset:

New International Version (2011) Chapter 6

11 Give us today our daily bread.

This is a pivot from Scarcity to Abundance. We want the warehouse; God gives the bread. We want the five-year forecast; God gives us enough for the next twenty-four hours. This forces us out of an anxiety-driven scarcity mindset and into a trust-driven abundance mindset. He is a Provider, not a miser.

But we don't just need bread for our stomachs; we need mercy for our souls. Jesus moves the conversation from the physical provision we need from God to the relational grace we must extend to others:

The Shift of Relationship:

New International Version (2011) Chapter 6

12 And forgive us our debts,

as we also have forgiven our debtors.

This is the Relational Scrub. You express your desperate need for forgiveness, and in the same breath, you ask for the power to extend it. This is where you name the person you’re holding by the throat and you ask the Father to soften your hands.

And once our hearts are scrubbed of bitterness, we realize how prone we are to wander back into the dark. We need more than just forgiveness for yesterday; we need protection for today:

The Shift of Protection:

New International Version (2011) Chapter 6

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from the evil one.

This is the Resident admitting they aren't ready for the solo surgery yet. It is a humble acknowledgment that we are weak, we are prone to wander, and we need a Guide to keep us off the ledge.

You see, Jesus never meant for these to be just word we recite! This prayer is a diagnostic for soul formation!

Again, it's not that prayer changes God's heart; it's that prayer changes ours so God can partner with us to change our world.

Prayer is the "Residency Lab" where the Attending Physician reshapes how you see everything. Prayer is where we practice partnership with God!

Segment 5: Movement 4—The Honesty of the Conversation (vv. 14–15)

Now Jesus brings the prayer to a close and as we’re getting up to exit the secret place, He puts His foot in the door to stop us. He’s finished the teaching, but He circles back to make sure we didn't miss the most important part of the Formation.

Look at verses 14 and 15:

New International Version (2011) Chapter 6

14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Let’s acknowledge the awkwardness here. When Jesus says our forgiveness is tied to how we forgive others, it can sound like a threat: "Perform, or I'll cut you off." But that would turn prayer back into a performance. Jesus isn’t talking out of both sides of His mouth; He is navigating the narrow path between Legalism and License.

The Secret Place isn't a fuzzy pep talk. As the saying goes: God welcomes us as we are, but He loves us too much to leave us that way. If you want a God who just pats you on the back and validates your bitterness, you aren’t looking for a Father; you’re looking for a fan.

But because God is a Father, He is always glad to see you—He’s also going to be honest with you.

Often, we come to Him asking to cancel our "million-dollar debt" while we’re still holding someone else by the throat over five bucks.

Bitterness is the poison you drink hoping someone else drops dead.

A loving Father is willing to discipline that "strangling spirit" in us because He knows it’s choking the life out of us.

If you walk out of the Secret Place still harboring resentment, you’ve had a monologue with yourself, not a conversation with God.

And here’s how I know, when you truly wrestle with Him, you’re going to come out of that conversation with a limp, humbled.

You see, if grace isn't changing you, it isn't saving you.

This raises the ultimate question for us "Residents": How do we actually let go and forgive those who’ve hurt us?

We’ve tried the "Trellis." We’ve walked through the conversational categories. But the moment we see the person who hurt us, our hands reach for their throat again. We instinctively want mercy for our million-dollar debt, but strict justice for everyone else’s.

If we aren’t careful, we turn even forgiveness into a performance, thinking, "I need to try harder so the Lord doesn't kick me out." But you can’t perform your way into being a child, and you can’t manipulate your way into intimacy.

The only way we get the power to let go of the "strangling spirit" is to look at the only True Son who ever lived. The reason we can walk into the room and say "Our Father" is because Jesus Christ walked into the darkness and cried "My God."

Jesus lived with perfect integrity. He never dropped an octave or used a magic formula. But do you remember His final Conversation with His Father in Gethsemane? He prayed the ultimate prayer of surrender: "Abba, Father... not my will, but yours be done." And on the Cross, the True Son was shut out of the room. He was stripped naked on a public stage—exposed to the mockery of the world—so that you could be clothed in His righteousness and hidden in the Secret Place. He was treated like the Hypocrite and the Pagan so that you could be welcomed as the Son and the Daughter. He cried out, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" met with the silence of God so that you could be met with His embrace.

He was shut out of the home so that the door could be unlocked for you.

The reason you don't have to perform anymore is that Jesus already put in the perfect performance. The "Attending Physician" has graded the chart; He gave Jesus an A+ and then wrote your name on it. When you realize that you’ve been forgiven a debt you could never pay, that "strangling spirit" finally loses its grip. When you realize the Father is glad to see you because He sees His Son, the mask just falls off.

You don't pray to become a child of God; you pray because you already are one.

Segment 7: Conclusion—The Open Door

So, when you leave here today, the lights of the world are going to come up. The stage is going to be waiting. Your boss, your social media feed, and your own insecurities are going to demand a performance.

But I want you to remember: You have a key. You have a room with a door that shuts.

And in that room, the conversation isn't about impressing, informing, or manipulating. It’s about Formation.

I’m challenging you this week: Go to your room. Shut the door. Use the Trellis. Walk through the shifts. Let the Father be honest with you. If you come out with a limp, don't be afraid—that just means the medicine is working.

And remember, we don't do this Residency alone. This is why we have Connect Groups. Prayer is a practice of union that we learn best when we do it together. In your groups this week, don't just talk about prayer—practice it. Share where you’re struggling. Share the "limp." When we share the conversation, the "Actor" dies and the "Child" grows.

Go talk to your Father. He’s been waiting for you, and He is so glad you’re here.

Remember: Prayer isn't a performance or formula; it’s a conversation with a Father who is always glad to see you and loves you too much to leave you the way you are.

Let’s pray.