From the Beginning: The Divine Design For Marriage

Secular -

"A man and his wife were having a bit of a disagreement about who should make the coffee in the morning.

The wife said, 'You should do it. You’re already up and moving around before I am.'

The husband said, 'No, you’re the cook of the household. That’s your domain. You should handle the coffee.'

The wife smiled and said, 'Actually, the Bible is very clear that the husband has to make the coffee.'

The husband was shocked. He said, 'The Bible? Where in the world does the Bible say a husband has to make the coffee?'

She pulled out her Bible, flipped to the New Testament, and pointed to the top of the page: 'See? Right there... He-brews.'"

Historical/Cultural Context -

This Gospel is written by Matthew, also known as Levi who was a former tax collector. It was most likely written between AD 50-60. Matthew left everything behind to follow Jesus. Matthew wrote primarily to Jewish believers—people who knew the Old Testament well. Matthew had one goal: to prove that Jesus is the long-awaited Messiah, the King of Kings, and the fulfillment of God’s promises. Connecting the Old Testament prophecies to the life of Christ, proving that every word God spoke was coming true in Jesus. The key themes of the Gospel include Jesus as King, The Kingdom of Heaven, Fulfillment of Prophecy and discipleship.

Biblical Text -

Matthew 19:1–15 NKJV

Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there. The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” His disciples said to Him, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” But He said to them, “All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given: For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.” Then little children were brought to Him that He might put His hands on them and pray, but the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.” And He laid His hands on them and departed from there.

-[Prayer]-

Life Principle - Marriage isn't a human tradition we can redefine, but a 'one-flesh' miracle we must protect by emptying our selfishness and honoring the legacy we leave for the children watching us.

Life Point- The Covenant Of Marriage

Exegetical -

Matthew 19:1–6 BSB

When Jesus had finished saying these things, He left Galilee and went into the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. Large crowds followed Him, and He healed them there. Then some Pharisees came and tested Him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?” Jesus answered, “Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

Homiletical -

Today I may make someone mad. Today I want you to know that God is for the believer, not against you. He has His perfect will that He wants you to walk therein.

Please know that each individual’s situation and each couple’s situation is different and there is no way that I am going to be able to cover all situations within the confines of a sermon.

Nor will I be able to spend hours talking about every aspect of a Biblical marriage. So if I don’t cover something it is not because I don’t care or that I forgot, it is because God has lead me to cover what I am covering in the amounted time that is allotted.

By the way we all have sin in our past and what matters is that we repent of our sin and move onward in Christ Jesus. So today’s message needs to be remembered in that light. Have you repented of your sin and do you belong to God. If so, then great! Keep following Jesus. Here is what Jesus has to say about the controversy that has become the subject of marriage.

You know 20 years ago I never thought we would have to define Christian marriage. But here we are.

The government says that marriage can now be between a man and a woman, a man and a man, and a woman and a woman.

However, God says that true marriage is One man and One woman for life. Period. That is the definition of marriage. That is true marriage.

It is not traditional marriage or old fashioned. It is what true marriage is.

anything else other than what is defined in scripture is not marriage.

Now this particular scripture is in regards to divorce, however we have to know what God’s ideal marriage is before we can define what divorce is and what it is about.

Notice Jesus takes both issues on in this scripture. “Have you not read from the beginning…” Meaning marriage is as old as the beginning of mankind.

It was not something that was thought up by man, it was not something that applies only in the law of Moses, i.e. the Old Testament. But is something created, established, and ordained by God Himself from the beginning of time.

Matthew 19:5–6 BSB

and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

Notice the Biblical pattern here, the man and woman leave their core families and make their own core unit. They are no longer two but one.

You know there was a friend of mine in seminary who couldn’t remember my wife’s name. So he always called her Mrs. Joe. You know what, it never bothered her a bit either. I just thought it was an interesting anecdote that’s all.

When two are joined together by God. It is up to the individuals involved to not let anyone separate that matrimony.

This is why it is so important to guard your hearts against anyone who would try to separate you from one another.

What does this look like? Well, you don’t talk about your spouse to other people. You don’t run them into the ground to others. This includes your family, friends, and acquaintances.

You don’t let others run your spouse into the ground either. You guard your heart, your perceptions of your spouse.

Is your spouse going to be perfect? No. Don’t expect them to be. Let your spouse be your spouse and let God be your all sufficient one.

Too often Christians enter into marriage thinking that it won’t take work. Why? Because they are both Christians right? Well no.

Christianity is the foundation and will take care of a lot of issues. As you build on the foundation you must remember that you are still two human beings with a sinful, selfish nature.

You must try to walk in the Spirit in all things. That mean’s walking with your spouse in such a way that empties your selfishness and puts them first.

This applies to both men and women.

Only in walking in the Love of God, which is walking in the Spirit can Ephesians 5:22-29 work in a relationship. Which reads:

Ephesians 5:22–29 BSB

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a glorious church, without stain or wrinkle or any such blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Indeed, no one ever hated his own body, but he nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.

Did you catch in this block of verses the selflessness that is required of both parties?

Life Point - The Breaking Of The Covenant Of Marriage

Exegetical -

Matthew 19:7–9 BSB

“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses order a man to give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because of your hardness of heart; but it was not this way from the beginning. Now I tell you that whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman, commits adultery.”

Homiletical -

During this time a man could divorce his wife for just about any reason. If she displeased him he could send her away back to her family or somewhere else. It reminds me of today a lot.

Did you know, by the way, there is a popular myth that divorce rates in the church are just as high as in the world. This is actually wrong.

For example a sociologist named Brad Wilcox narrowed down what defines a Christian couple to those that are evangelical protestants that attend services together. Amongst this group of people he states “And the State of Our Unions Survey shows us that evangelical Protestant husbands and wives who attend church together report greater martial stability than those Americans who rarely or never attend.”

Jesus can and does make the difference. He is the foundation of all of our lives, especially in marriage.

Where there is conflict, and trust me there will be. It is the power of God that pushes us to resolve it. Remember last week’s sermon on conflict resolution? It is amazing how Jesus talked about resolution before he talks about marriage, don’t you think?

There is nothing that a Christian couple can’t resolve if they both are wanting to resolve things under the power of the Holy Spirit.

99% of divorces would be done away with if everyone in the United States were true Christians.

What about that 1%?

Well that is where Jesus talks about infidelity. By the way there are two reasons for divorce found in the New Testament. 1) Infidelity 2) The other is abandonment.

Violence in a marriage, by the way, is abandonment. You have abandoned your responsibility before God to cherish and love the other to such an extreme that physical pain is now involved.

I know not everyone agrees with me on this one, though. While I know this point can cause some debate, I believe my stance is Biblical.

1 Corinthians 7:15 BSB

But if the unbeliever leaves, let him go. The believing brother or sister is not bound in such cases. God has called you to live in peace.

Does infidelity or abandonment require divorce?

It does not require it. Remember Jesus is in the reconciliation business. He can take a mess and make it right. However, that does not mean reconciliation in such cases is required.

Jesus tells us that divorce or what we call “no fault” divorce was not the standard from the beginning.

Illustration -

I know of several pastors and some of them closely that have experienced divorce. Mostly due to infidelity. I know of one or two that reconciled as well. I had a good friend in college I worked with who experienced spousal abuse and not on his part, but on hers. You know what, as Christians they sought counseling and worked it out. God is in the reconciliation business folks. If we let God, no matter what situation, circumstance or season we find our marriages in they can thrive under His mighty hand.

Life Point - The Foregoing Of The Covenant Of Marriage

Exegetical -

Matthew 19:10–15 BSB

His disciples said to Him, “If this is the case between a man and his wife, it is better not to marry.” “Not everyone can accept this word,” He replied, “but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way; others were made that way by men; and still others live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” Then the little children were brought to Jesus for Him to place His hands on them and pray for them. And the disciples rebuked those who brought them. But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them! For the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” And after He had placed His hands on them, He went on from there.

Homiletical -

His disciples say to Jesus that if this is the way marriage is, then perhaps it is better not to marry.

Jesus doesn’t rebuke them for their thought. Did you notice that?

He says not everyone can accept not marrying but only those to whom it has been given.

There are those out there that are eunuchs for the Lord. They have been called to stay single and celibate.

I had a professor in college who was an older man who knew since he was young that marriage wasn’t for him. He didn’t want to get married and knew God had called him to stay single so he could spread the Gospel and worry only about his calling.

To some this is what God has called them to do. To others, dare I say most, this is not a calling that God has placed on their lives.

Peter was married and took his believing wife with him on his journeys to spread the Gospel. Paul was not married and he spread the Gospel too.

There is no sin in marrying and these is no sin in remaining single. It is wherever God has called you.

Then as if an after thought, after all this teaching on marriage and divorce we have this verse about children thrown in:

Matthew 19:13–15 BSB

Then the little children were brought to Jesus for Him to place His hands on them and pray for them. And the disciples rebuked those who brought them. But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them! For the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” And after He had placed His hands on them, He went on from there.

Remember not too long ago in our reading we discussed how if we are to come to Jesus we must come to Him as little children. The disciples heard that they had to have faith as a child. Yet here they are rebuking people who brought children to Jesus to just ask for a blessing from God be placed on them.

Jesus is emphatic toward His disciples that they allow the children to come to Him for this purpose.

This spiritual blessing that can come upon a person seeking a blessing from God for no other reason than to just have God’s power and presence in their lives is nothing short of wonderful. Especially to those that would bring their children to Jesus and say, “God I want you to bless my children so that they may follow you and come to know you in an intimate way.”

There is a special blessing in that. I can’t be dogmatic about it but I believe Jesus has a special spiritual anointing, empowerment as it were for children.

This verse is placed where it is for us to remember that children are affected in marriage. They see a happy healthy marriage that is God honoring and they see when it is not, don’t forget the children in all of this and remember that God has a special blessing for children.

Life Principle– This was a lot of teaching pastor, how does this relate to me? 1) Are you guarding your heart in marriage? If not start doing that today 2) Is your heart hard like Jesus talked about in your marriage? Then perhaps you need to let God soften your heart toward your spouse. 3) Is your marriage something you would want emulated by your kids? If not, then it’s time start bringing it to God. While you’re at it bring your kids to God for blessing on a daily basis.

Call to Action – altar call….