From Dysfunctional to Dynamic

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When I was a project manager for a construction company I dealt with a situation where my boss wanted to buy a piece of property. The property was owned by three brothers. They were ready to sell but there was one problem. There was a cell tower on the property and one of the brothers, without the others permission, sold the right a way to the cell tower to AT&T. As a result whoever bought the land could not benefit from the land purchased.

There was deceit within the relationship of these brothers. I don’t know how all this played out but it is an example of how families are often dysfunctional.

Create Tension

Let me say this that some of you may disagree with but I will prove my point.

Every family is dysfunctional!

Merriam Webster defines dysfunctional as:

not functioning properly : marked by impaired or abnormal function.

Here is why I say every family is dysfunctional, we can look at a family and say, “they have it together” and believe they have a properly functioning family, and for the most part that may be true, but who gets to decide what functional is and is not.

One person might say that spanking you child in not a good parenting form o discipline, while others say it is needed to show kids right from wrong.

Both parent types can and do lead to healthy and unhealthy adults.

An over-protective mom can be seen as dysfunctional but so does a dad who doesn’t pay enough attention to what their kids are doing.

My view on dysfunctional is that only God gets to decide how a family should work, how it’s members relate to each other. When we do not relate to each other as God desires we are no longer functioning as God created us to and so from God’s view we are dysfunctional.

A dysfunctional family is a family in which it’s members are not relating to God and each other as they were originally created to!

Before sin entered the world man and woman hid nothing from each other, not did they try to hide anything from God. Not so anymore!

The question isn’t “IS” your family dysfunctional but “to what degree” is your family dysfunctional??

My goal today isn’t to determine how dysfunctional your family is, but to share with you how your family can move from dysfunctional to Dynamic!

Provide Solution

Believe it or not, almost every family we read about in the bible was not only dysfunctional. In fact, most of then were severely dysfunctional.

I think of

Moses’ family - raised by adopted parents, severe sibling rivalry

Abraham - two wives, whom grew jealous of each other, half brothers who were not treated the same, favoritism

Jacob and Esau - deceit, theft and manipulation

David - killed a man and took his wife, not to mention rape and murder amongst his children

Jesus - scandalous birth, brothers having bitterness and resentment

Even the first family, Adam and Eve, had dysfunction.

Adam and Eve could have lived in marital bliss, literally! They were living in actual paradise and not just for the honeymoon, that was their permanent residence. Guess what, they screwed it up.

I would like to look at what we could learn from the first family with it’s dysfunction and how we can change our family from dysfunctional to dynamic.

Genesis chapter 3 tells the story of how sin became part of our nature and dysfunction entered our lives.

Genesis 3:1–13

“1 The serpent was the shrewdest of all the wild animals the Lord God had made. One day he asked the woman, “Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?” 2 “Of course we may eat fruit from the trees in the garden,” the woman replied. 3 “It’s only the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God said, ‘You must not eat it or even touch it; if you do, you will die.’ ” 4 “You won’t die!” the serpent replied to the woman. 5 “God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil.” 6 The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it.

If you want a dynamic family, be careful who you listen to!

Note that sin had not entered the world yet, so listening to the serpent was not considered sin. Likewise, just listening to bad advice is not sinful behavior, but it can very well lead to it!

2 Chronicles 10:1–11

“1 Rehoboam went to Shechem, where all Israel had gathered to make him king. 2 When Jeroboam son of Nebat heard of this, he returned from Egypt, for he had fled to Egypt to escape from King Solomon. 3 The leaders of Israel summoned him, and Jeroboam and all Israel went to speak with Rehoboam. 4 “Your father was a hard master,” they said. “Lighten the harsh labor demands and heavy taxes that your father imposed on us. Then we will be your loyal subjects.” 5 Rehoboam replied, “Come back in three days for my answer.” So the people went away. 6 Then King Rehoboam discussed the matter with the older men who had counseled his father, Solomon. “What is your advice?” he asked. “How should I answer these people?” 7 The older counselors replied, “If you are good to these people and do your best to please them and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your loyal subjects.” 8 But Rehoboam rejected the advice of the older men and instead asked the opinion of the young men who had grown up with him and were now his advisers. 9 “What is your advice?” he asked them. “How should I answer these people who want me to lighten the burdens imposed by my father?” 10 The young men replied, “This is what you should tell those complainers who want a lighter burden: ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s waist! 11 Yes, my father laid heavy burdens on you, but I’m going to make them even heavier! My father beat you with whips, but I will beat you with scorpions!’ ””

If you are not aware, his folly was listening to bad council. It caused a split in the kingdom of Israel into the northern Kingdom and the southern Kingdom.

Because of bad council, families have been split apart and still feel the affects of that bad council.

Proverbs 11:14 “14 Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers.”

Proverbs 15:22 “22 Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success.”

Proverbs 24:6 “6 So don’t go to war without wise guidance; victory depends on having many advisers.”

I have heard horror stories of how Pastors abuse their power, just recently a AG pastor of a large church has been accused of sex abuse that lasted 20 years.

There was high levels of manipulation going on here, but this is an example of how you can’t just trust everything you hear.

Truth should come from a pastor, but know the truth doesn’t come from all pastors all the time, and truth doesn’t come from only pastors.

Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too.

If you want to have a dynamic family you must correct bad behavior, don’t participate in it!

A lot of time we don’t correct bad behavior because we want to participate in it!

Sometimes we don’t correct bad behavior because it is hard to.

When we don’t correct bad behavior, whether a spouse or a child, we encourage it.

1 Corinthians 15:33 “bad company corrupts good character.””

A dynamic family not only corrects bad behavior, it also corrects bad thinking!

So at school they are doing a reading challenge in association with the olympics. We figured out he needed to read 50 minutes a day to achieve a gold medal.

the other day he had thirty minutes done and asked if you could be done and Jeanette said yes. So he went to his sheet and wrote 50 minutes down on his sheet even though he only read for 30 minutes.

I noticed it and asked him about it and he said mommy said he could be done, but I told hem he could be done reading but he had to put down 30 min not 50! I also asked him how would he like it if someone owed him 50 dollars but just gave him 30 would he like that? I not only wanted to correct his behavior, I wanted to correct how he was thinking!

A dynamic family does not allow sin to reign in their lives but seeks for a renewing of the mind.

Romans 12:2 “2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”

7 At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves. 8 When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. 9 Then the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” 10 He replied, “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.”

Don’t hide your guilt, expose it and find forgiveness!

With the realization of a wrongdoing, like Adam and Eve we hide our sin!

King David did just that, when he had an affair with Bathsheba instead of making it right he tried to hide his wrongdoing!

When our sin is finally exposed what do we do next?

11 “Who told you that you were naked?” the Lord God asked. “Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat?” 12 The man replied, “It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it.” 13 Then the Lord God asked the woman, “What have you done?” “The serpent deceived me,” she replied. “That’s why I ate it.””

Do the next right thing!

Psalm 51 “For the choir director: A psalm of David, regarding the time Nathan the prophet came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.

1 Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. 2 Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. 3 For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night. 4 Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just. 5 For I was born a sinner— yes, from the moment my mother conceived me. 6 But you desire honesty from the womb, teaching me wisdom even there. 7 Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. 8 Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me— now let me rejoice. 9 Don’t keep looking at my sins. Remove the stain of my guilt. 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me. 11 Do not banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. 13 Then I will teach your ways to rebels, and they will return to you. 14 Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves; then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness. 15 Unseal my lips, O Lord, that my mouth may praise you. 16 You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering. 17 The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God. 18 Look with favor on Zion and help her; rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. 19 Then you will be pleased with sacrifices offered in the right spirit— with burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings. Then bulls will again be sacrificed on your altar.”

Ephesians 4:26–32 “26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil. 28 If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. 29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. 30 And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

Colossians 3:12–14 “12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.”

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