What we say matters
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Let’s Talk: What we say matters
Words are powerful: Chuck D. Public Enemy — how much conflict did I cause by what I said.
“If you’ve ever said something you immediately wished you could reach out into the air and grab and pull back in, would you just raise your hand? Yeah, that’s all of us.
Because we’ve all felt that sinking feeling in our gut the moment the words left our lips. We saw the look on her face. We saw the shift in his eyes. And in that moment, we realized a profound truth that we usually try to ignore: What we say matters.
It matters because your words have the power to build a relational bridge or burn a relational forest.
And here’s the thing: most of us think our ‘big’ problems are our big problems—you know, the finances, the career, the marriage. But James suggests that the biggest problem in your life might actually be the three-inch muscle behind your teeth. He’s going to show us today that if you can’t manage your mouth, you can’t manage your life. So, for the sake of your relationships and your future, we need to talk about how we talk.
26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.
The litmus test of your faith is that thing behind your teeth. It’s an intellectual and spiritual disconnect to claim you know the Creator while using the tongue He gave you to destroy the people He made.
Stop for a second and look at that word worthless. Do you realize how terrifying that is? You can take communion, you can sing the songs, you can even preach the sermons, but if you go home and tear your spouse apart with your words, God says it’s all garbage.
1. Do the words that come out of your mouth reflect your belief in God?
2 We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.
Challenge the "it’s just words" excuse. We act like words are stumbles while other things are sins. But James says the man who doesn't stumble in word is perfect. Why?
Because speech is the overflow of the heart.
34 You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.
If you control the overflow, you’ve actually dealt with the source. It’s the ultimate discipline because it requires constant, millisecond-by-millisecond awareness.
2 We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.
He uses the word perfect which in the Greek word Teleios meaning maturity or complete.
2 We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.
If you can master the hardest part of your body—the tongue—the rest of your life will follow. If James was your doctor and says, “Stick out your tongue,” he's checking your spiritual heart.
Don't get discouraged that you aren't “perfect” yet. James says we all stumble. The goal is progress. If you're becoming more life-giving in your speech today than you were yesterday, you're heading toward the perfect, mature, or complete life God has for you.
What we say matters so....
2. Saying the wrong thing less is progress to the complete life God has for us.
3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal.
A horse is a powerful, beautiful animal, but without that tiny bit, it’s just a wild force. Your life is the same. You have potential, you have passion, but your tongue is the “bit” that determines if that power is used for God’s purposes or just runs wild and hurts people.
What direction is your tongue pulling you today?
Taken my girls horseback riding. Little bitty Sarah and 900 lb. horse. Amazing how she could control that huge horse because of the bit in its mouth.
4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.
Life is going to throw “strong winds” at you—crises, disappointments, people who annoy you. You can't control the wind, but you have a rudder.
Your response, your words in the middle of the storm, will determine if you stay on course or get dashed against the rocks. The pilot desires a destination, but the rudder determines it.
The tongue is only 3-4 inches and one of the smallest body parts.
It is the one muscle the never grows tired or weak. – Yikes
5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.
Relational arson. Some people are arsonists in their own lives. They set fires with their sarcasm and then wonder why they’re lonely. They don't realize that their small jokes are actually sparks that are destroying the forest of their relationships.
3. Your words have the potential to burn down your relationships.
Many of us have scorched our kids and loved ones with our sarcasm.
If you start a fire accidently you are still responsible for the fire you started.
The El Dorado Fire. September 5, 2020.
Cause: It was sparked by a smoke-generating pyrotechnic device used during a baby gender-reveal party at El Dorado Ranch Park in Yucaipa.
Fatalities: One firefighter, Charles Morton, was killed on September 17, 2020, during suppression efforts.
In February 2024, the father responsible for the pyrotechnic device pleaded guilty to involuntary manslaughter and was sentenced to one year in jail and ordered to pay nearly $1.8 million in restitution.
6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
James is being intentionally provocative here. He says the tongue is 'set on fire by hell.' That’s not a metaphor; it’s a spiritual diagnosis. When we use our tongues to slander, we are literally doing the devil’s work. We are speaking the language of the “Accuser”. We have to realize the demonic potential in our own mouths.
4. As your words go so goes your life.
7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
Taming animals. We can train whales to jump through hoops and tigers to sit still, but we can't make our tongues stay quiet when we're insulted.
Well I can’t tame what I say so it is not my fault. No excuses.
The only successful tongue-tamer is God. Remember, whatever is inside will come out. This is why you need to be filled with Scripture and the Holy Spirit.
8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
Think about deadly poison. It doesn't take much to kill. A small dose of sarcasm or a tiny bit of character assassination can kill a relationship. And because it's restless, it’s always looking for an opening. You can't just tame it once; it's a daily, hourly battle.
9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness.
The "gross" factor. It’s like using a toothbrush to clean the toilet and then putting it in your mouth to brush your teeth.
We sing 'Holy, Holy, Holy' on Sunday and then 'Curse, Curse, Curse' our neighbor on Monday? It’s disgusting! God is saying, Don't bring those praises to me if they’re coming from a mouth that just tore down my creation.
5. It is gross that the same tongue we can praise God and curse people.
10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.
The world sees this hypocrisy in the church and they walk away. They see Christians praising God and then being the meanest people on the internet. James is saying, If you want people to believe the Gospel, your tongue has to match your theology. Your words about people reveal your true words about God.
So what do we do?
Remember – We all stumble. But don’t us that as an excuse.
Surrender – Pray: Heavenly Father, remind me and help me to use my words to build up my relationships and not burn them down.
Confess – Say sorry to those you have offended. Confess it to God and ask for His help to battle not to say the things that don’t honor Him.
